Chapter 18: Rose
Looking at her new baby, Lindsay thought it was possible to start over and begin a new life. Danny thought it was remarkable, and recalled all the times he said that he didn't want kids. Now, as he looked at his daughter sleeping, he wondered why he would ever say such a thing.
Rose was so beautiful, she looked like an angel, and while Lindsay fed her, she was. Danny never thought it possible for a baby not to cry every minute. But, now he knew that it truly was a miracle of life. Lindsay and the baby were allowed to come home that afternoon, and Danny was excited. Since the baby was early, they were only lucky to have the painting done a few months ahead of time.
Danny looked at his wife, who was so overjoyed. He just hoped that wherever Nikki was, she would hear about the birth and come around to see Rose. Rosemarie was Lindsay's idea. She had a thing about the Titanic movie, and had wanted to name her daughter after the character that Kate Winslet had played.
Personally, Danny thought the name had suited her. Danny never really watched Titanic until he told Lindsay and then she forced him to. He loved it. He packed up his wife and daughter into the car and they left the hospital.
Nick looked at his wife, Danielle, and asked, " Honey, what's the matter?"
" It's nothing. It's just Nikki. She seems so quiet and out of reach. Which is just unlike her. I hate seeing her the way I do. She just seems so lonely. Almost as if she feels she's an outsider", Danielle answered. She looked over at her husband, who reminded her so much of Danny. Especially when she thought back to when they first met.
" Oh, yeah. I hadn't noticed. She's probably just really affected by what happened. According to what the doctor had said that she went through, I'm amazed that she's still saying something", Nick replied. Danielle had picked him out of so many guys that had wanted her, it amazed him that she had wanted him. She could've picked almost any guy she wanted. Which was what surprised him about Nikki, she had her mother's features, and her frame.
" Nick, how could you say something like that?", Danielle asked.
" Well, it's true. At least she's saying something. She has your strength, Danielle. I'll give her that. I'm very proud of her for getting up and moving on", Nick replied. It was true, at least in some ways, Nikki was moving on, right?
Nikki laid in her bed and cried and cried. She couldn't recall the last time she had cried so much. Danny and Lindsay had their baby. It was a girl, Nikki had a niece. And, she was very beautiful. Nikki wanted to see her, but didn't want to cause another rift between Danny and Lindsay.
She would ask for pictures after she left. Then, a solid tear slid down her cheek and hit the pillow. Crying was seen as weak and not ladylike. Her parents hadn't taught her that, but Jeremy did. Jeremy. A man that had ruined her life forever. Nikki tossed and turned restlessly for the rest of the night.
Don sat on the couch in his two-bedroom apartment, sipping a beer that he needed very much. Emotions that he couldn't describe flowed through him as a steady reminder of the crappiest life ever. He loved Nikki, but he didn't know exactly how much he could trust her, seeing as she hadn't trusted him enough to tell him where she would be going after she got out of the hospital.
Perhaps, she had moved on. Found someone. She said that she had needed to. But, how did she not know that he loved her? He hadn't told her yet, but maybe he should have. It was too late for that now. Although, she didn't even tell Danny where she had went. Maybe he should ask Mac, or Stella. Maybe they knew. He would do that in the morning though.
Stella was always cheery in the morning. Especially since it meant that it was a new day. She knew there would be crimes to solve. Her case right now, was not being very helpful. Mindy Gordon died on a corner that three quarters of New Yorkers walked on everyday.
It didn't fit how no one saw anything, or no one heard anything. It was impossible, but Mac would say otherwise. Almost anything is possible. But not this. Not a 16 year old girl dying on one of the most used corners of New York, and not a person seen it.
Stella walked into the lab wearing a grim expression, and ran straight into Flack. " Hey", Stella said, " I'm really sorry." She had never seen Don looking so vulnerable. It had been four months since Don had revealed his feelings for Nikki to Danny, and ever since Nikki had said that she was going to be staying at her parents until she could leave New York, Stella had been trying her very best to stay away from him.
" Hey, Stell", Don greeted.
" What's new?", Stella asked, kindly.
" Not too much, actually. Just the usual: scumbags, serial killers, rapists, not knowing where Nikki is, that sort of thing. Can I ask you something?", Don asked.
Stella gulped, knowing what he was going to ask, and replied shakily, " Sure."
" Do you happen to know where Nikki was planning to go after she was released from the hospital?", Don asked.
" Nope, sorry, Don. Actually, I haven't heard from her in a couple of weeks. I have no idea where she's gone", Stella replied, carefully.
" Okay, thanks, Stell", Don answered, squeezing her upper arm, and looking at her with complete trust. Then, he left. Stella let go of breath, he had looked at her so trustingly, and he squeezed her arm, trustingly. Damn, she hated lying to friends.
She walked into her office and almost felt like crying. Almost. Not quite. Flack had been such a good friend to her, especially what happened with Frankie. Frankie. She'd been thinking a lot about him since what happened to Nikki. A lot in her life had changed, especially the way she looked at men.
Flack, Danny, Mac, Sheldon, Sid, and Adam were all good men. Danny was married, and Flack was in love. Mac had fallen in love with Peyton. Those were the only men she actually trusted, and even with them, she still felt a little uneasy. Frankie had screwed a lot of things up in her life. She was helping Nikki with these things, and she would eventually find the right guy, maybe.
Nikki had shed a certain amount of tears in her life, always when she was alone. With Jeremy, life had changed as she knew it. Her world was spun around and turned upside down. Nikki had never cried so much in her life. She felt like crying all the time.
She, Julie, and Rebecca had started a real friendship. Rebecca didn't blame Nikki anymore for what happened. They had an understanding, and it was something that couldn't be broken.
Julie was now showing seeing as she was in her sixth month of pregnancy. She was beautiful. Rebecca had gotten married, and was planning to have a baby. Lindsay had a baby, Julie would have a baby, Rebecca was going to have a baby, and Nikki wasn't married, no kids. Somehow, she felt like she was missing some part of her life.
Maybe she should contact Don. They could get together for lunch, or dinner. Discuss some things. Don was the man she actually loved, yet couldn't bring herself to admit to him, like somehow it was making a commitment. She would try. Something in her life had to give.
Danny stood at the side of his daughter's crib and watched shift ever so slightly. Rose was so tiny, weighing in at 6lbs. 5ozs. She was a beautiful baby. Being four days old had brought more of her actual colour to the surface. Her eyes were a shade of brown, much like her mother's, Danny decided.
He thought about what he was going to do about Lindsay. She was holding a grudge against Nikki ever since she disappeared. It wasn't fair, the way Lindsay was treating her. Nikki deserved better. She was his sister, and maybe she wanted to get away, but Danny wasn't going to let her get away without a goodbye, at least. Danny approved of Don, who was his best friend, and was going to freely let him go after Nikki.
He didn't know if Nikki wanted Flack, though. Clearly, it was a delicate matter. Don would make her happy though, and Danny knew it. So, why was Nikki running?
Lindsay had never felt so alone. Danny had been sleeping on the couch because of what happened before the baby was born. He had chosen the spot himself. She knew she was being ridiculous about Nikki, and knew that's why the only person who hadn't seen the baby yet, was the baby's own aunt.
It was all because of her. Lindsay felt like an idiot. She was being ridiculous, she knew it. Life had become so much difficult since Lindsay had gotten pregnant, and Nikki had come home. Worst of all, nobody knew where she had gone after she was released from the hospital.
To be honest with herself, she was quite worried, she loved Nikki. Nikki had been the best. She treated her with love and she kept her distance. Lindsay now regretted anything bad that she had thought about Nikki. And, then there was Danny. She would apologize, but right now, she wanted to sleep.
" Lindsay?", Danny called, awaking her from her sleep.
She groaned, and didn't want to get up, but then she heard Rose's cry. She dragged herself up off the bed and headed for the nursery. Danny stood there beside Rose's crib, holding her small form as she cried. Lindsay walked up to him and gently picked up Rose from his arms. Their eyes met over Rose and she gave him a small smile.
He didn't return the smile, but handed Rose off, and then left the nursery. Lindsay sighed and then went to sit down and breastfeed her four-day old daughter.
She would have to apologize to Nikki someday, and she would. Right now, all she wanted to do was watch her daughter sleep, in hopes of soon getting to have the same luxury of sleeping peacefully.