Funny. It feels like a long time for me to feel like this.

Cara could feel her own voice in her head as her mind went blank and she slacked at the touch of the man before her. She suddenly felt herself be drained of her happiness, her strength, and her hope. It took her one year to build herself up and now the reason for her downfall stood before here. She looked down, averting her gaze at the man's face. She wanted to look at everywhere but him. She chose to look at her phone.

She have been in this black pit before.

She could feel herself feel weaker by the minute and she could feel her frustration bubble up in her chest, causing her to cry. She is an emotional wreck with the fire and all. She was trying to be brave but meeting him here, during her most vulnerable state, and all alone, was her last straw. She didn't want fate to ruin her progress, yet still she welcomed the beckoning of the darkness she resided in for a year. She felt herself feel numb as she felt tears slide down her cheeks.

Why?

She continued to stare at her phone.

Why, why, why, why?

She could hear her name be called by him, yet another was from somebody far.

"Cara? Cara!" It was Saeyoung and Zen.

Like a cold water being splashed on her face, she rememebered she had them She ahd the RFA. His grip tightened on her arm.

"You have men with you?" he asked. This sparked the hatred Cara felt taht she wasn't able to convey. She looked at his eyes as she brushed off his arm and pushed him.

"That's none of your business." she said flatly. She took a step back and she picked up her phone and paved her way back as she screamed, "I'm here!"

"Cara." he said and she stopped walking, but she didn't look back.

"I-I've missed you." he said. his voice contained a lot of emotions. But then again, Cara fell for it a lot of times before. However, she isn't falling back this time.

"I didn't." she said and she walked away. She didn't look back for she doesn't like him seeing her shake or even seeing her shed tears for him.

She wasn't supposed to be feeling pain anymore, it has been a year. However, when she saw his face, she remembered every single painful thing she had suffered. She knew she didn't need closure, yet the wound of the past hasn't completely healed. She staggered forward, one foot after the other, nothing but the crushing of autumn leaves and her heavy breathing could be heard.

She wanted to hide. She wanted to feel nothing anymore.

She didn't miss him, nor did she still love him. Those emotions were long dead when he made his choice. She felt herself get wrapped around the blanket of anger and pain and fear. She was mad and she was hurt still. She was afraid for she made so much progress and she didn't want him ruining her again.

"Cara!" Zen's voice sounded so loudly now, he must be in front of her.

"I'm here." she said as she looked up and saw the boys frantically looking for her. Saeyoung's hair was disheveled by the wind just like hers and Zen was still as lovely as ever. She was crying she knew it, and another moment she was in Saeyoung's arms.

Funny, she wanted Zen to hold her. But he stood where she found him.

"It's okay. I know he's here." Saeyoung said.

Of all the RFA, the only person who knew about him and her was Saeyoung. He was the one who did intensive research about her upon meeting her. He knew she has been fighting anxiety for a long time so she knew he noticed how much it took over her especially when she had the encounter.

"I heard on the phone. His voice." He continued to soothe her as he whispered in her ear. She just stood there and feel new tears come up in her eyes. She suddenly grasped Saeyoung's back as emotions engulfed her senses and she couldn't stop crying.

"Saeyoung... Zen... I'm sorry." she blurted out between her sobs on Saeyoung's chest. Zen remained rooted on the spot, he didn't understand why, he didn't know what to do. Saeyoung held her, whispering comforting words she couldn't even understand.

"Shhh. I know, Cara."

"I-I-I don't want to feel this pain anymore, Saeyoung. H-he came back i-in m-my life a-and I-I-I'm s-so s-sc-scared."Cara was muttering like a little child but she didn't care. She has been trying to be strong for too long she didn't know she was still so fragile. She had to cry everything out. She wanted to be free of the pain.

She could feel it. The thing she fears the most happened.

She's now back into the bottomless pit of darkness.

This time, it's a lot worse.

"Are we still switching the keys to a higher pitch, or is this enough?" One of Zen's co-star asked the music producer as they practiced. It was cold outside, but inside the theater, it was hot as hell. He glanced at the audience seats where Cara sat, busily fumbling on her laptop while she was talking on the phone through headphones. She had her work mode on and she looked so strict and stressed out. It has been days since the fire and she finally settled in his apartment. They go together to hsi rehearsals and she works with the other crew if needed, but today she was busy making some arrangements for the next RFA party. He continued to look at her as she somehow cracked a smile as she answered another phone call. Must be one of the members of the RFA.

He knew something happened during that time she asked to go out and go to the park. She hasn't told him about it yet. Actually, she acted as if nothing happened at all, but he could notice that her eyes were always so gloomy; they were always thinking. She locked herself up in Saeyoung's room when they got back and she only went out when Jumin and Jaehee went to check on her. He wanted to break through her barrier but he knew it'd be no use to force her at this moment to open up if she didn't want to.

She was so near to him, yet she was still so far.

She was the same Cara he knew, but he also felt that something was missing. Somehting was incredibly amiss and he couldn't point a finger on what happened. He continued to look at her as she grabbed a notebook from inside her purse. She had her hair messily braided and her curls were lain on her right shoulder. She looked so pristine and beautiful that his heart yearned to hold her and never let go. Her smile was a genuine smile so probably she was talking to the RFA members. She was wearing a black long sleeved sweater which was topped with a wine red jumper. Dark colors suited her a lot. She was still wearing stockings and she was also a newly bought boots from Jumin. She lost a lot during the fire, but Jumin and Jaehee made sure she had new set of clothes to use. Even Saeyoung and Saeran tipped in, giving her house clothes and some sweat pants. Groceries were also given by Jumin so that Zen didn't have to spend a lot on making her feel comfortable.

They actually had a routine at home.

If she didn't come with him to work, she was at home, cleaning and arranging everything she pleased. He always came home to her either watching tv, reading, or sketching something. He felt at peace seeing somebody waiting for him at home, but he knew the person who he was living with him isn't his. No matter how much he tried to stop it, there are instances where he wanted to touch her. He had self control and he had respect for her. She was the sweetest person at times, but he needed to keep his distance or he will definitely lose control. She cannot imagine how many time she wished to sleep beside her because he wanted her warmth and he really wanted to keep her close. For now, he will settle with the mere fact that she is living with him. Even is she wasn't hers.

"She is bound to notice you staring at her, you know." one of his crew whsipered to him. This made him jump out of reverie and looked at his friend smirking at him.

"Oooh you got it bad." he teased. "Shut up." Zen said and he walked away.

"Ah Zen. We're all for you both, ya know." he yelled after him.

It's a cold day but she knew it is a lot worse for Zen since the stage is too hot and when they both went out it was dead cold. She needed to find him a good set of dry cltohes before they left. She was walking down in the hallways to where Zen's dressing room was so that she could leave the clothes there as he changed.

She felt like she was a wife, but she knew as his manager she is responsible of taking care of him. So she did. She's living with Zen now, and sometimes it was difficult because of her urges to touch him, but she still refused to give in. She wasn't ready for this, and she thought that she will ever be. She grasped Zen's clothes tightly as she felt another surge of anxiety rush over her. The small hallway was not helping her either. She felt suffocated. She needed to go out. She hasitly made her way through the dressing rooms when she heard footsteps follwoing her.

She stopped.

She slowly looked behind her and she could almost swear that her heart almost dropped.

Standing a few feet away from her was her demon. She could feel her grasp on Zen's clothes fall and she was scared as his eyes scoured over her. She felt naked under his gaze, as if he was forcing in a message to her.

He started to walk towards her.

"What are you doing here?" he asked silently.

She took a step back felt the wall behind her.

She closed her eyes shut.

No. Zen. Don't come near me!

She couldn't say anything for the pain and the memories of her past came rushing back to her, shwoing images she never wanted to see; she never wnated to remember.

She held Zen's clothes near to her, hoping that even if it's just his scent, she would be comforted by it.

"Whose clothes are those?" he asked as he placed a hand beside her head on the wall. Their faces were inches with each other now. Cara foudn it hard to breathe.

"Please, leave me alone." she whispered as she placed Zen's clothes on her face, hoping to gain some distance between this demon. She wasn't afraid because he wasn't dangerous. She was afraid because his mere presence brings back the pain she tried so hard to bury. She was sinking in deeper and she knew she will never get out if she allowed her pain to swallow her whole.

She felt his head rest on her shoulders and that made her jump.

"That. is a problem." he chuckled. He took a deep breath as he sucked in her scent, as if he wanted to selfishly take her then and there.

Cara was afraid.

"Don't touch me!" she gasped as she tried to push him away.

"Nobody's gonna hear you." he said.

"I don't care." She pushed him as strongly as she could but he wouldn't budge. She wanted to be away from him. He's bringing her anxiety back. She wanted somebody to help her.

She wanted Zen to help her.

"I've been meaning to talk to you." He raised his head up and looked at her. He positioned his head on level with hers and brought his face closer to her. As he went closer, Cara inched hers away.

"W-we have nothing to talk about. We were over a long time ago." She said. She could feel anger rise up in her and she wanted to slap him.

"Oh? A year isn't that long." he mocked. "What if it was over for you, but it wasn't over for me, hmm?" he cooed. Cara froze.

"What?" She asked. She could feel blood pumping in her ears, she couldn;t breathe, she couldn't think. All she knew is that she was afraid.

He was here. He's gonna ruin her life again.

She was so caught up in the moment that she didn't even hear Zen's footsteps appraoch them. They bothd din't hear sicne they were both challenging each other to say something that would either hurt one or the another.

Cara suddenly jumped at the cold lash of a voice from the other side of the hallway and her demon stood away from her and looked at where the voice came from. Cara's eyes glanced as to where the voice came from and her hear tfelt it was being torn in two.

"What the hell is going on?"

On the other side of the hallway was Zen looking at them both, his eyes filled with fury.

Zen saw them together. He saw how close her demon was to her. She hoped that he also saw the fear in her face and in her eyes.

Zen saw everything.