Authors Note:
Sorry for taking so long. I love you.
X
Bella's POV: The First Time She Realized She Was In Trouble
"All I know is a simple name,
Everything has changed."
I am unsure, yet not. I have no idea where he's taking me but at the same time, I don't care. I know that whether or not he tells me where we're going, there won't be any way that I'm going with him. A part of me, a voice in the back of my head drips like water - drip, drip, drip, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.
But I ignore this voice, not being able to take my eyes off the man driving beside me. Edward, his name. Edward Cullen. The man I had been making eye contact with from across the street finally had a name, and somehow control over me even though we had barely said 2 words to each other.
He takes me to an abandoned parking lot in La Push in front of the sea, but it doesn't seem sinister to me. In fact, it seems comforting, like he's taking me to a secret place. I can tell that he knows this place well by his ease at parking directly in front of the view - the ocean.
At first, we sit in silence, while I look at my hands. Then he says, "Tell me about you."
My eyes snap to his face, and he's staring straight ahead, smiling softly. Traitorously, my heart speeds up. Trying to ignore it, I talk.
"I'm Bella Swan... Well, actually, I'm technically Isabella Marie Swan. I'm from Phoenix, Arizona... Um, my parents are divorced. And..." I almost mention Jacob out of instinct, but stop myself for some reason. He raises an eyebrow at me. "And?" He prompts. I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to figure out what I'm not saying. Because if I say it, it'll make it more real, that I'm here with someone else, betraying the person who is my soulmate. Because that's sure. That's solid. Jacob is my soulmate.
"And I'm in a relationship with Jacob Black." I finish, but it doesn't make me feel any better or less guilty. I'm still here, and still not putting an end to this.
"Black." He nods, his smile turning into something more sarcastic. "He always hated me." My curiosity spikes, and I know that this is my chance to figure him out, to put an end to to this intriguing mystery - maybe I'll stop thinking about him.
"Do you know... why?" I ask, hoping so hard that he'll answer. He smirks, and leans towards me, getting dangerously close. Like in the grocery store, his lips almost touch mine, and his eyes are so green. "Wouldn't you like to know?" I hear, and feel him say. Without thinking, I place my hand on his arm, feeling his muscles flex at my touch. For a split second, I want it. I want him to kiss me. To touch me. To figure him out, and to let him figure me out. His eyes don't leave mine for a second, and I see it - lust.
Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.
I pull away suddenly, remembering. Remembering who I'm supposed to be, who I'm supposed to love, and blurt out, "Can you please take me home?"
He looks at me for a while, but pulls away. Wordlessly, with so much tension that makes my skin spark and sparkle in the best, and worst way, he drives back to our neighborhood. When he stops the car, he immediately gets out and a part of me feels rejected, but that feeling quickly disappears when he opens my door. I can't help but think Jake never does that but shake it off as quick as I can. He helps me step out of the car, and pushes me against his car, and he moves me in such a way that I am trapped between his arms - his hands at the sides of my head. He presses his hand against my chest, and says, "I'm Edward Cullen." A hand on my neck. "I went to school to be a surgeon," on my chin. My eyes flutter. "Sometimes I sing." And finally, on my cheek.
"And I want you, Isabella."
x
When I finally get to my house, my heart is racing and my cheeks are pink - I can feel it. I lean against the front door, and breathe for what feels like the first time. My eyes flutter close when I trail my hand against my own cheek, trying to recreate the feeling, his hand, his hand, his hand. When I open my eyes again, the house is almost completely dark and I know I should get up to make dinner.
When I hear Jacob's car in the driveway, I start on dinner. He kisses my cheek, and takes a shower. By the time we're both eating dinner, he's noticed something is up.
"Bella?" I lock eyes with him. He's looking at me with concern in his eyes, and my heart sinks into guilt. "I'm fine," I say, trying to smile my biggest smile. He looks at me weirdly, but continues to stuff his mouth anyways. I can't help but look out my window for a flash of my newfound secret. I don't see him, but for some reason that just heightens my want to see him even more.
After putting the dishes in the dishwasher, I kiss his cheek and say, "I'm going to take a shower." I turn on the hot water, and watch myself disappear in the fog in the mirror. I step in, and lean my head against the wall. I let myself whisper it.
"I want you too."
That night, when I lay next to the supposed love of my life, I am more scared than I have ever been in my life.
X
Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift.
Thank you for reading.