Alex nearly whimpered from the loss of contact when Maggie pulled back from the kiss, but when Maggie's arms wrapped themselves around her waist, she slid hers around the shorter woman's neck and hugged her close, for the second time in the last few minutes.
"You okay?" the detective asked.
"Okay? Am I okay?" Alex laughed, eyes still closed, still hugging the other woman. "I'm great." She pulled away a bit, looking down at Maggie, smiling. "You, on the other hand, are amazing."
She smiled back. "You're amazing, too, you know."
Alex smiled and leaned closer, stealing another kiss. "You're more amazing."
Maggie chuckled and pulled back. "You… are giddy as a schoolgirl, Danvers," she teased.
She laughed. "Well, you know, the girl that I like, I mean, you know, I LIKE her, like her? Well, she just kissed me, so yeah, I think I'm allowed to be giddy."
Maggie smiled tenderly. "Yeah, I think you're allowed to be giddy," she admitted. And then, clear as day, her stomach rumbled. Loudly.
"Crap," she said, hiding her face in Alex's shoulder.
Alex laughed heartily. "So the pizza wasn't just an excuse?"
"No," Maggie said, her reply muffled by Alex's shoulder.
"You're hungry?"
"Yes," she said, face still buried.
Alex giggled. "Come on, let's eat." She pulled away and headed to the kitchen area. "Want to put the pizza and our beers on the coffee table? I'll get plates and napkins."
"Sure," Maggie said, still blushing a little. She slid her jacket off, her right shoulder still giving her a little bit of trouble, but not too much. She placed the jacket on one of the bar stools and then brought the pizza, then the beer, over to the couch.
A moment or two later, they were both sitting on Alex's couch, pizza and beer in hand. Alex swigged from her beer and set it back on the coaster on the table and gazed pensively at Maggie as she chewed. So, now that they had kissed, what did that mean? They liked each other, but what did that entail? Alex had questions. Lots of them. At the same time, she didn't want to overwhelm the other woman.
"What?" Maggie asked, swallowing.
"What what?" Alex asked.
"You were staring at me," she replied before taking another bite.
"I wasn't, like, staring," Alex argued. "I was gazing," she said. "Contemplatively."
The detective snorted. "And what, pray tell, were you contemplating while gazing at me?"
Alex cleared her throat and looked down. "I, uh, you know, just, I…" She took a breath and turned back to Maggie. "What, uh… what does any of this mean?" she asked, quietly.
Maggie smiled and put her slice of pizza down. She reached out and took Alex's hands in her own. "I was kind of going to leave that up to you, really," she said.
"Me?" Alex laughed. "Why?"
"Because you're the one going through something new, maybe?" she said, tilting her head to the side. "Whatever you're comfortable with, then I'm probably cool with that. But talking about this is probably a good idea."
"Yeah? You think so?"
Maggie nodded. "Yeah, just so that we can be on the same page." She squeezed Alex's hands lightly. "So what do you want this," she pulled a hand free to mimic Alex's motion from earlier, indicating the both of them, "to mean?"
She smiled. "I mean… I like you."
"Mmm hmm," Maggie hummed, affirmatively.
"And you… you like me, right?" Alex asked, still shy.
She looked amused. "Yes, Danvers, I like you," she said, reassuringly.
That, of course, caused Alex to smile again. "So… dating? Whatever that means? What does that mean to you?"
"That means that I get to take you out to dinner tomorrow night, so yeah, I'm good with that," she answered, eyes twinkling, dimples showing.
Alex couldn't help herself, she just kept smiling. "So are we, like, girlfriends?" she asked. "God, I feel like I'm twelve," she muttered, rolling her eyes at herself.
Maggie laughed. "Well, I think I would like to be your girlfriend." She smiled at Alex. "We'll take this slow, okay? Let's see how this goes. Let's go out on a few dates and we'll have a chance to see how comfortable you are with all of this. With me. With us." She leaned over and stole a kiss. "With that."
Alex nodded, slowly. "Uh, yeah, so, like, down the road and stuff, I, uh, I… obviously, haven't ever, uh, you know…" She cleared her throat. "Been with a woman," she said, blushing.
The detective chuckled. "I kind of figured that one out on my own, Danvers," she said, gently, still smiling. "And, with regards to all of that… Your timetable. Whatever you're comfortable with, all right?"
She looked askance at Maggie. "Really?"
"What do you mean, really? Of course, really." She snorted. "What, you think I'm some dumb guy who just wants to get laid?"
"No, but… I mean… I can't imagine that there was a lot of… waiting… in your past relationships," she said, a bit of nervousness in her voice.
"That's true," Maggie admitted, "but there also weren't a lot of… well, feelings." She looked at Alex carefully. "I meant what I said the other night, you know."
"The other night?"
"At Kara's. I don't…" She took a breath to steady herself, perhaps even give herself a bit of courage, even now. "I don't want to imagine my life without you in it, Alex."
"Oh," she said, quietly, smiling, yet again.
"You have, somehow, managed to make me feel more for you than I have for the vast majority of my exes, even before we've started to date," she said, gazing into Alex's eyes. "There's chemistry, sure, but there's also tenderness. Fondness. Trust. Affection." Maggie gently cupped Alex's cheek in her left palm and lightly grazed her lips with her thumb. "Real emotions."
Alex kissed Maggie's thumb lightly. "Me too. All of that," she said.
The detective laughed, pulling her hand back. "So, we'll take our time. I can be patient. I just want to make sure you're okay at every single step. If you ever want to slow down or stop, just say so, okay?"
She nodded.
"That includes dinner tomorrow night. If that's too soon, you let me know and we'll make plans for next weekend."
"Maggie, I think I can deal with having dinner with you tomorrow night," she said. "We're basically doing that right now."
The smaller woman smirked. "Just you wait. I'm going to sweep you off your feet tomorrow night. I'll pick you up here at seven. And Danvers?"
"Yeah?"
"Wear something nice," Maggie teased. "I know you already have one nice dress. Do you have another?"
Alex narrowed her eyes and smacked the other woman lightly with a throw pillow. "Yes, I do have another nice dress, thank you very much!" she laughed.
"Good," she grinned. "So," she said, reaching back for her slice of pizza, "any other questions?"
She took a sip of her beer and considered. "Chemistry," she said.
"What about it?"
"We have it?"
Maggie laughed. "Uh, yes. In spades." She shook her head. "You have to ask?"
Alex shrugged. "I, uh, I guess I finally get that I'm attracted to you," she said, "but I didn't have the sense to know what it was when I felt it. I've… rarely felt that way before."
The other woman nodded, chewing thoughtfully. "Remember when we first met?"
"Oh God, I was so annoyed with you." Alex said, reminiscing. "You were messing with my crime scene."
She grinned. "And I was so annoyed with you and your arrogance," she chuckled. "But doesn't that kind of sound familiar?"
"Hm? What do you mean?" she asked.
"Like a bad romantic comedy," Maggie replied. "You know, the two leads hate each other at first sight and then get together?"
"Ugh, romantic comedies," Alex groaned. "That's Kara's favourite genre."
"Well, you know what I mean, right? Like Princess Leia and Han Solo. Like Beckett and Castle. Like Xander and Cordelia," she listed.
"The only people I recognized there were Princess Leia and Han Solo," she admitted.
"What the hell kind of nerd are you if you don't know Buffy the Vampire Slayer?" questioned Maggie.
"Shush," Alex grinned.
"But my point is, that first meeting? That back and forth we had? God, you were so hot!" Maggie chuckled. "Even if that condescending attitude of yours pissed me off."
Alex blushed. "You thought I was hot? Then?!"
"Danvers, have you seen you? You're hot. So yes, I thought you were hot back then." She laughed. "But I figured I didn't have a chance as soon as I saw your shoes."
She frowned. "My shoes? What do my shoes have to do with anything?"
Maggie looked at her. "Your shoes. They were definitely straight-girl shoes."
Alex frowned, confused. "Wait, are you telling me you can tell if someone is gay or not by their shoes?"
"Well, there are a lot of little possible signs," Maggie said. "Like, did you have any idea I was gay?"
"Not in the slightest," Alex admitted.
She scoffed. "Bad example. Of course you didn't know, because you're a Dana."
"A who?"
She looked at Alex through narrowed eyes. "You didn't watch those episodes of The L Word like I told you to, did you?" she accused.
"No…"
"Of course you didn't. And that's why you don't know who Dana is. God, you're such a Dana that you don't even know who Dana is," Maggie laughed, before finishing off her slice of pizza.
"What the hell is a Dana?" Alex asked, getting more confused by the moment.
"You got Netflix, Danvers?"
"Yeah…"
"Any objection to watching some of The L Word together?"
Alex smiled. "I warn you, I might fall asleep, but no, no objection. Especially if it'll help me understand what you're talking about."
"It will," Maggie promised. "Fire it up, we're going to start educating you."
They spent the first half of the pilot episode of The L Word eating their pizza and drinking their beers, but when the pizza had been finished, Maggie suggested they snuggle, if, of course, Alex was okay with it, which she was.
They watched the rest of the episode with Alex's back to the arm of the couch furthest from the television, with Maggie curled up on her left side, between Alex and the back of the couch, her head resting on Alex's right shoulder, her left arm in the space between Alex's lower back and the arm of the couch, her right arm casually flung over Alex's midsection. Alex's right arm curled around Maggie's body, careful not to jostle her still-injured shoulder.
Alex decided she enjoyed the experience. Watching the show, well, it almost could have been anything and she would have enjoyed it. Having Maggie's warm body cuddled up to hers, so close, so soft… More than once, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, getting a whiff of Maggie's scent. Alex truly thought she would never tire of it. This was, she decided, perfection.
The episode ended and Maggie nuzzled into Alex's neck gently. "One more?"
Alex smiled. "How can I say no to that?"
Maggie sat up a bit. "You can say no, if you want. Kick me out whenever. It's fine," she said, seriously.
Alex leaned down and kissed her forehead. "If the earth opened up at my feet," she said, "I still wouldn't want to move."
The smaller woman smiled. "Okay. But I mean it. Kick me out when you're tired. I know it's been a rough couple of days."
She laughed. "I was tired before you got here. Now I'm just comfortable."
"You're sure?"
"Maggie."
"Just checking," she said, before laying her head back down on Alex's shoulder.
They watched comfortably together for a few minutes.
"Now do you see why you're a Dana?" Maggie asked.
Alex nodded. "I have no gaydar," she nodded. "It's true. Not a clue."
The kept watching and it was during the scene in the second episode where the gang tries to ascertain Lara's sexual orientation that Maggie made a bunch of comments.
"Kitchen shoes, neutral," Alice was saying.
Maggie hit pause. "See? Shoes. Neutral."
"Why are they neutral?"
"Because they're tied to her job," Maggie explained. "If she were outdoors and off-duty and wearing, like, sneakers or Birkenstocks, that would be points in the gay column, while strappy sandals or heels would be points in the straight column."
Alex looked at Maggie. "For real?"
"Absolutely."
She hit play again.
"Hoops. Hard to read," Bette said.
Again, Maggie hit pause. "Another ambiguous sign," she pointed out. "Whereas studs might lean a little more gay and certainly danglies in this work environment would indicate straight, because they wouldn't be at all practical."
"What, lesbians are practical?"
Maggie looked at her. "In a word? Usually."
She laughed and Maggie hit play again.
"Oh my God, they're like… devouring one another," Alex said, somewhat aghast as Bette and Tina started making out.
She chuckled. "They're trying to get Lara's reaction."
Alex looked at Maggie. "That's not supposed to be, like, hot, right?"
"No, they're playing it up," she assured her.
"Good…"
They kept watching and Alex laughed out loud at Alice's claim that there was a margin of error. "Okay, that's pretty funny."
"It's so true, too!" Maggie exclaimed, sitting up. "Like, I've got the long hair, but my shoes are generally more utilitarian. Short fingernails, but that could be seen as due to my job. Which, by the way, is a huge check in the gay column. Being a cop, a federal agent," she nudged Alex in the ribs, lightly, "being in a male-dominated field can also be a big clue, but as more and more women take on jobs in tech, engineering and law enforcement, that's becoming less of a sure thing." She smiled. "Of course, I'm as gay as they come, so apart from the hair, I'm afraid I'm pretty much a walking lesbian stereotype. I even have plaid flannel shirts."
Alex laughed. "That's not a sign, come on. Who doesn't have plaid flannel shirts? They're comfy!"
Maggie looked at her. "Wow, how did you not know you were gay?" she teased.
"Maybe because no one like you ever really made me question it," she countered.
"No one?" she asked.
Alex bit her lip and considered.
"We, uh, we don't have to talk about it," Maggie said, quickly.
"No, no, it's okay," Alex said, quietly.
Maggie paused the show and curled back up next to Alex. "I'm here. It's okay to talk about it and it's okay not to talk about it."
She took a deep breath. "So. In high school. There was this girl."
The smaller woman curled up closer. "What was her name?"
"Victoria Donahue. Vicky."
"Was she cute?"
Alex laughed. "I thought she was beautiful," she confessed. "We were best friends for a while."
There was a pause before Maggie chimed in. "What happened?"
She sighed. "I picked a fight with her. We fought. It was ugly… and that was the end of our friendship," she said.
"Oh, Alex. I'm sorry," she replied.
"I just… I started it. Because…" She exhaled. "Because I was scared." She swallowed. "Maggie, I was so scared of what I was feeling."
"Mmm hmmm," Maggie hummed in understanding.
"I guess that was the first time I really felt… something." She smiled, sadly. "It wasn't like it is with you, not really, but it was something so different from what I'd experienced with guys." She paused. "I just… I wanted to be closer to her. And we were already completely inseparable. I slept over at her place all the time." She closed her eyes, remembering. "In her room. In her bed. And it was… I was just so happy around her, you know? And I didn't have any idea why."
"I get it," Maggie murmured.
"And then," she continued, "one morning, I woke up and we were curled up together." She shook her head gently. "She was… she was spooning me. And waking up like that was the happiest I'd ever been." She sighed. "And, once I was really awake, I was terrified about what that meant. About what it meant to want my best friend to hold me like that."
Maggie's arm tightened around Alex's waist and she nuzzled closer. "I bet."
Alex swallowed. "So, I, I, I made up some stupid reason to leave early that morning, and, and, then, I, just, I didn't…" She sighed. "I picked a fight with her over something stupid and it escalated. I escalated it… and that was the end."
Maggie pushed herself up and kissed Alex's cheek. "I'm so sorry, Alex."
"I basically just never thought about it again, after that," she said. "Forced it down. Until you," she smiled, kissing Maggie's lips, lightly. "Until you said that you didn't know I was into girls." She chuckled. "At that point, my head kind of exploded and all these memories started coming back to me. I'd almost forgotten the Vicky thing had happened."
"I'm sorry that I made you think about these things again," Maggie said, seriously. "I know how hard it can be."
Alex quirked a grin. "I may have gone through a lot of whiskey over the last few weeks."
She laughed. "Well, that is totally fair." She looked at her carefully. "You okay?"
She smiled. "Well, I have a beautiful woman who's amazing who likes me. She wants to take me out on dates. She's trying to educate me on lesbian culture. She's a Barenaked Ladies fan. And did I mention she's beautiful? And amazing? And a great kisser?"
Maggie smiled. "A great kisser, huh? You can tell that after, what, the five minutes of experience you've had kissing me?"
"I knew before I kissed you," Alex responded, reaching out and pulling Maggie to her, kissing her lips softly, her stomach flipping like crazy. She delighted in the softness of Maggie's lips, the gentle swipes of her tongue, the feel of her body against her own.
When Maggie pulled away a few minutes later, Alex sighed in satisfaction. "So am I okay?" she asked. "Yeah. I'm okay." She considered. She was torn between wanting to kiss Maggie for the rest of forever and falling asleep right there, but she really didn't want to be alone after having talked about Vicky. "Want to finish watching the show?" she suggested.
"Sure," she replied. "You'll get to find out if Lara's gay or straight."
"Awesome," Alex said, pulling Maggie back to her spot, getting comfortable again.
Alex awoke with a jerk, sitting bolt upright. She looked around. Her apartment was dark. The embers from the fireplace were just barely glowing. She blinked. "Maggie?" she called out. There was no response. There was, however, a blanket tucked around her. Alex frowned and reached out for her phone she'd left on the coffee table. She winced at the brightness of the screen. It was just past three in the morning.
And, Alex noted, she had two new text messages.
"Hey Danvers. :) You drifted off pretty quickly and I didn't have the heart to wake you. I tidied up a bit before I left just after midnight. I hope you don't mind that I went home. I just think that if we're going to spend a night together, it would probably be best if we're both awake or asleep at the same time, right? ;) And, well, you didn't actually invite me to spend the night, so I thought it would be a little presumptuous if I did. If you want that next time, just say so, all right? Anyway, looking forward to our date tonight, especially talking to you and sharing more stories. I'll be there at seven to get you. Wear a nice dress. Or a nice pair of slacks. Or jeans. Hell, you look amazing in your pajamas. You'll look great in anything, so I'll leave that up to you. See you soon! xoxoxo"
She smiled and read the second.
"PS: I have never in my life used xoxoxo. What have you done to me, Danvers?"
Alex laughed. "Got your text. Thank you for cleaning up — you didn't have to do that. The blanket was really appreciated, too, thanks." She paused, rereading the first text before continuing. "Thanks for listening about Vicky. I'm looking forward to hearing all about you and your childhood. And can't wait for our date." She paused before sending it. "As to what I've done to you, nothing you haven't done to me. xoxoxo."
She hit send and then headed up the stairs to her bed. She plugged in her phone and crawled under the covers. She was just drifting off to sleep when she woke herself back up with a thought. Her mother. Her mother had known! She grabbed her phone and sent her mom a quick text. "She came to her senses," she wrote. "How did you do that?"
She put the phone back down and rolled over on to her side, hugging a pillow closely, pretending it was Maggie. She was asleep moments later, a smile on her face.