Chapter 28: Overthinking

It's a funny thing to witness, this bit of melding of minds. I mean, it's really funny, in a haha kind of way. She's over there by some monkey bars and a swing, just looking entirely too happy playing with a couple of strange children. I couldn't possibly expect anyone to understand the feelings that rip through me as she plays peek-a-boo with small children or pushes the bigger ones on the swings. It tears my heart apart that I can never truly give her that kind of happiness, with true, biological children.

I can feel the tear running down my cheek as I let the scene play out right in front of me. This is what I feel we'll be missing our entire lives. I can't just walk up to her and say 'hey, let's have one of these' because that's not how the world works. This isn't some IMPOSSIBLE fanfiction where there's a mad scientist and a syringe filled with potentially stupid baby juice. I can't just go to someone and ask for them to inject either of us with something that will spontaneously produce a baby for us. Neither can I go to a complete stranger just for their sperm. How do I know what they'll be like? They could be a potential psychopath or sociopath just from conception. That kind of shit likely may only be one in a million, but that one will be ours, most likely, especially with our luck.

Plus, we haven't even gotten married yet! We just got the whole Faunus equality shit sorted out. It's not exactly what The Fang wanted, but it's damn near close enough that they can establish their own grounds now. I just hope that we're not called back for some asinine agenda for the greater good or some shit.

I feel a pull of my sleeve. "Why are you crying?"

I look down to see Glynda staring up at me. "It's nothing. Just some thoughts." I wipe my eyes rather quickly, making sure that Summer hadn't seen.

Glynda snorts, half in amusement and half in exasperation. "Right." She shakes her head. "Come on, what is it?"

You know, this girl, especially for a, what, twelve year old, can be quite insightful. It's scary, really. "I'm just thinking, kid."

"About? It's not gonna help, keeping all of it in, you know? I have read some books on psychology." This kid, though.

I sigh. "I don't think that it's something you'd understand. Heck, I don't even really understand it. I really shouldn't even be thinking about it. It's something that should be so far in the future that it should never cross my mind, not even for a second." It's true, too. I shouldn't be thinking of these things. I suppose that's the crux of it, though. Because I shouldn't be thinking about it, I am. It's just the natural order of the mind. We worry about things that never should cross our mind, and we think about seemingly unnatural things or dwell on the future when we can barely get past the present. It could drive a person mad under the right circumstances.

She narrows her eyes. "Maybe you should just tell me what you're talking about instead of blathering on like an idiot, trying to make me guess what's in that head of yours."

Closing my eyes, I try to just let it all come forth. How can I explain something like this to a twelve year old? "I was thinking about kids, blondie."

She taps her chin. "Isn't it way too early for that, Ray?"

Oh, you have no idea. I shrug. "Probably, but just watching her play with those little ones makes me think how amazing a mother she could be." She would definitely be an amazing mother. The kindness and attention she pays to every child she meets would be projected toward one of her own ten fold. To watch that kind of interaction would melt my heart right there.

Glynda smiles and chuckles as Summer picks up a random kid and spins him around rather gently. "I can see that, but why are you thinking about it now?"

I shrug. "To tell you the truth, I can't really figure that part out. It makes my heart hurt every time I do think about it. I'll never be able to give her that, not naturally at least." I sag as this realization runs across my mind yet again. A child, two women cannot make, at least not by themselves.

Glynda hugs me fiercely, and I return it, just not with as much enthusiasm. "Just calm down about, it, okay? You have plenty of time to think about it later. You guys aren't even married yet, and I would very much like to be at the wedding, instead of having you die at such a young age."

I snort. "Is that all you care about? That you won't get to go to the wedding?"

"Of course not. I don't want to go to your funeral, either. That'd be a mess to explain to Summer, you know. She would probably so distraught and stuff. I'd have to explain why you died to your brother, and I don't want him to die from laughter. That's a double funeral, now. Then, Tai would would have to learn, and he'd make a roast of your funeral, which would upset Summer. She'd kill him, and that'd be a triple funeral. I'd be left all alone with a sad Summer, and have you seen that woman cry? It's tear inducing, that's what it is. I wouldn't be able to look at her without crying myself. So, no dying."

I blink at her rationalizing and overactive imagination. "What?"

She chuckles a bit under her breath and pats me on the arm. "I am not repeating all of that."

"Repeating all of what?" Summer comes up behind us, and just her presence makes me smile.

"The potential deaths of all of your teammates." Glynda lets go of me and brushes off the question rather well without giving away anything of what we were actually talking about. How does a little girl get so good at being vague? Damn, I think I need to take lessons from her just to keep Summer's birthday and Christmas presents a secret.

Summer rolls her eyes. "Right, well, I think we can go. I am dog tired after that last game of tag. Anyone up for Mistralian beef and rice?"

Success! Thank you, Glynda. I ruffle the girl's hair a bit, much to her dismay and disgruntlement. Although, really, it only delayed the inevitable. It's going to be on my mind until I talk to Summer about it, but the kid's right. It should wait until after the wedding. One stressor at a time, Raven. I can't just overwhelm Summer with the problems and worries that build up. She'd be burnt out far before me if that were to happen. One step at a time.

A/N: Phew. Let me tell you. i've been sitting on half of this chapter for so long because i couldn't figure out if I wanted to even put it in here. I was actually at my family's last weekend, and my younger sister is pregnant. That got me thinking about kids. I mean, come on. I know that there's this feeling in most people, that after they get into a steady relationship, they think about this kind of stuff. I really wouldn't know, personally, but most of you will get the idea. She's having these feelings, and it seems like Summer is too, if playing with random children is any indication. Anyway, it was a psychological nightmare for me to write a little of this, but otherwise it was really fun. I love writing young sage Glynda. She's so cool. She kind of reminds me of my six year old cousin, who seemingly has the answer for everything. Children are like that sometimes, and I love to show that potential in Glynda so much. This is not the end, by any means. There are a few more things I want to write, including the wedding and some little things and big decisions that need to be made. Fun, confrontations, and a wedding is coming soon, I promise.

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