It had been almost three months since Robin's death, and although I put on a brave face in public, I could barely hold it together when I was alone. This wasn't the first time Henry had caught me crying myself to sleep.
"Mom? Mom, are you okay?" It was however the first time he had stopped to check on me. I didn't respond, instead I held my breath and remained silent until he decided to leave; which he didn't. "Mom, you don't have to pretend with me." I could hear his footsteps getting closer to my bed. "You need to talk to me. If not me, then someone. But please, I need you to get better." My son was constantly worried about me, and he had been since that day. Not that I could blame him. I was a mess, and it was getting harder and harder for me to fight the darkness inside of me.
Everyday, I get ready, go out and face the world, but t's still there; trying to get out and obliterate any glimmer of hope and light that might be left. Henry knows me too well, so he was able to figure out just how big of a struggle this is for me.
"Henry, I'm fine. Go back to bed." I couldn't turn to face him. I was supposed to be the strong one; not my fifteen year old son. I couldn't let him see me like this.
"I'm not going anywhere. Not until you talk to me" He was stubborn, just like me. Just like Emma. He wasn't going to leave, and no false explanation I could give would convince him otherwise. That only left me with one option.
I wiped tears from my eyes and turned to face my son. "Okay. You really want to know?" I snapped and he nodded. "Fine." There was a slight pause before I launched into just how I was feeling. "He's dead! Robin's dead. I know he is, you know he is, and so does everyone else. That doesn't mean that the thought of never seeing him again doesn't break my heart all over again every time I hear or see something that reminds me of him. And do you know what? It's not fair that David got to come back; Hook too, but Robin... no. Robin has his soul ripped from his body and I have to stand by and watch as his life ends right before my eyes with no chance of saving him or ever bringing him back. That makes me angry and upset... so forgive me if I cry every now and again. The love of my life is gone. Forever." Henry seemed completely taken aback by my sudden outburst. I felt sorry for him. I was a wreck and taking it out on him. It wasn't fair, yet he stayed by my side allowing me to calm down.
"It's okay to cry Mom. You loved him and he was taken from you; just like Daniel." At the mere mention of my first love's name, tears began to fill my eyes again. "I understand that you're angry, but talking can really help. You bottles it all up last time and look where that got you." Henry was right. Last time, I let the pain eat away at me until I became the one person I swore I would never become. My mother.
"If I agree to talk to Archie, will you go back to bed?" He considered my proposition for a moment.
"Okay. But I'm holding you to that." I had no doubt that he would. "Night Mom." He flashed me a telling smile, and what it told me was that this matter was far from over.
"Goodnight Henry." I reached over and wrapped my arms around my son, holding him close as my tears soaked into his shirt. I pulled back, examining the damp patch on Henry's shoulder. I tugged at it, attempting to make it disappear. I could have used my magic of course, but I had sworn off of that for a while after all the trouble it had caused.
"Mom, stop. It's okay. I'll just change my shirt." My little prince, although not so little anymore, always there for me.
"I'm sorry." I squeezed his hand, not wanting to let go. "Anyway," I pulled myself together. "Time for you to go to bed." He winced at the thought, but retreated to the door.
"Night Mom. This time for real." That smile of his spread right across his face again as he closed the door behind him.
I curled up, drawing the duvet up to my chin and closed my eyes, dreaming of a better world. A world where Robin was still alive and we were a family again.
The sound of the alarm blaring through my sleepy haze woke me at seven sharp. I laid there, not wanting to move, but I had so many errands to run, and I had promised Henry I would go and see Dr. Hopper.
I dragged myself to the bathroom, somehow managing to make myself presentable before heading downstairs for breakfast. "Mom, Grandpa's here. He says he really needs to talk to you." Henry called up from the lobby, and my mind started running away with itself.
There were only two people that my son could possibly be referring to. David; the heroic prince, or Rumplestiltskin; The Dark One. I personally hoped it wasn't the latter.
"Regina." And with the utterance of a single word as I descended the stairs; my hopes were shattered
"Gold. What do you want?" I really didn't feel like chatting to him, but as I reached the bottom of the stairs I realise that I had no where to run.
"I thought you'd like to know than an old acquaintance of ours has returned." I was confused and he must have read the look on my face, because he carried straight on explaining. "Ursula is back and she has a particular interest in talking to you." The sea witch? What could she possibly want to talk to me about?
"Okay, so what do you want me do?" I shrugged past him towards the kitchen and switched the kettle on. I was in dire need of a coffee before taking the boys to school.
"I want you to talk to her; find out why she's really here." Gold followed me into the kitchen. Talking to Ursula was the last thing I wanted to do. I poured the hot water from the kettle in to the mug of coffee, keeping myself busy.
I didn't say anything. Instead I grabbed a wipe from the packet on the counter and cleaned up Roland's face. The kid had been through a lot; losing his mother, and his father at such a young age. It was suggested that he go with Little John and the rest of the Merry Men back to Sherwood Forest, but Zelena and I insisted he should not be separated from his sister which led to me taking him in.
"Regina, come on. This is important. What if she has information about a possible threat to us; to Storybrooke?" He was persistent, I would give him that, but he also had a point. I threw the wipe out and took a sip of my coffee, supposing that I could spare a half an hour to go see Ursula.
"Fine. I'll talk to her. Tell her to be at Granny's at four." I didn't have anything else to say, and Gold knew that this conversation was over.
"I will." That's all he said, and moments later he was gone. It was just me and my boys again.
"Regina, I lost my shoe." Roland was so sweet and definitely a little cutie, but he was constantly losing things. At first, I thought maybe it was his unfamiliarity with the house, but now I'm not so sure.
I knelt down to his level, wiping hair from his eyes. "Okay little man. Henry is going to help you look for your shoe while I finish getting ready for work." I pressed my lips to the boy's forehead before Henry took his hand and led him into the hallway.
The two of them had become rather close since Robin had died and it warmed my heart seeing the way Roland looked up to Henry. I watched them for a moment as they disappeared from view.
Twenty minutes later and I was ushering Henry and Roland out of the house. The youngest of the two had found his missing shoe behind the couch, and now it was time for school. We all clambered into the car, Henry helping Roland to fasten his seat belt.
"Mom, what did Grandpa want?" Henry asked as Roland played with his toy dinosaur in he back seat. My instincts told me that he'd most likely listened in on the entire conversation, but wanted my confirmation.
I started the engine and pulled out of the drive before answering. "Do you remember Ursula?" He nodded. "Well, she's back and she wants to talk to me about something. I said I would meet with her at Granny's later, so do you mind taking Roland to Emma's for tea?" Henry shook his head, pausing before responding this time.
"That's fine; but what do you think she wants?" He finally enquired. Turning the car right, towards the school, I thought about how to answer that question. The truth was that I had absolutely no clue, but it couldn't hurt to find out.
"I don't know, but I guess I want to, or rather I need to; for the sake of the town." Henry knew I was right, that I had an obligation as mayor to meet with Ursula. She had once been an enemy to the people here, so if she was back, I had to be cautious and ensure her intentions were all good.
The rest of the journey was silent, except for the occasional RAWR! from Roland. He looked so happy caught up in his little imaginary dinosaur adventure; completely oblivious to the fact that danger could be lurking around every corner.
I pulled up outside of the school. "Here we are boys." Climbing out of the car, I left the engine running. Henry was already making his way inside as I helped Roland out of his car seat. "Have a good day." I said, kneeling down and ruffling the five year old's hair.
"I will." He straightened his coat then set off to his classroom. A moment later, he stopped and turned back. "I love you Regina." He called.
I felt the tears filling my eyes and I couldn't stop them. I always got so emotional when things reminded me of Robin, and nothing did that more than the sight of his son's smile. "Love you too, little man. " I managed to call back. Roland smiled again before running inside, leaving me standing alone next to my car drying my tears.