Disclaimer: I do not own Newsies or Dear Evan Hansen.
Jack! Quit freakin' out! What you'se is doin' is right! Wuit tryin' to talk yourself out of this! Aggh! I can't keep this to myself! But they can't know! Uggh! Just tell them! They'll understand…. No they won't.
He was close to tearing his hair out while pacing back and forth in his penthouse. Debating whether or not he should tell the boys and Katherine what he was planning on doing. Katherine would probably take it better so he was less afraid of telling her. While the other newsies had a tendency of blowing everything out of proportion. Freaking out before thinking about how they really felt about something.
"Hey Jack, I thought you'd be up here" Katherine, who had silently climbed up to the roof, placed herself next to Jack. She looked over the city with him. "So, what's on your mind. You've been kind of out of it and everyone's wondering why." Now he had to tell her.
"There's something I wanted to tell you," Jack corrected himself, "Actual all of you guys."
"What is it?" Something was bothering him, she knew it.
"I'm leavin'," Katherine's facial expression was enough to make Jack panic enough to quickly add, "Not for forever, but for a year or two. Or maybe three. I don't know! But I'll be back. I promise."
"Why?" It was probably because Jack had finally cracked and decided to move to Santa Fe. But if that was the case, he wouldn't come back.
"It's really complicated," He ran his fingers through his dark hair, "Let's just say your father's havin' me travel around the country and draw a couple landmarks for him as I go. It shouldn't last more than three years and I promise Kath. I'll come back."
Katherine's face morphed from shock to utter disgust. Maybe she wouldn't take it so well.
"Jack Kelly, are you really such an idiot that you can't see what's happening!" Katherine brushed a reddish brown curl behind her ear, a tell tale sign that she was mad and would only get angrier. "The only reason my father is having you leave is so that you and I can't be together and he can marry me off to some other person."
"Yeah right, to who?" He scoffed, Joe hated the idea of Katherine and him together but hated the idea of her and some other boys even more.
"Oh, I don't know," The words came out with hints of sarcasm, "Darcy! He doesn't hate him!"
"Can't you say no," Now Jack was no genius, but he knew for a fact her father couldn't force her to marry anyone. She had to agree.
"Yes, technically. But…" Katherine thought over what she would say next, "He's actually here and I like him. And as a really good friend. I really wouldn't mind it as much as you might think!"
"What?" He was beginning to question how much Katherine really loved him. Was she just saying things to make him feel better while she'd rather be with Darcy? "You know what…" Jack didn't care what he was saying anymore. He just needed to say something, "If you'd rather be with Darcy then go ahead! I don't care!"
"That's not what I'm saying Jack," She shot back, "Listen!"
"I don't care Kath!" Under his breath he added, "Besides, I'm bound to meet someone better while I'm traveling."
"What did you say Jack?"
"I said," Raising his voice to the point he was nearly screaming, "I'm bound to meet someone better when I'm gone. Do I need to rephrase?"
"I can't believe you!" Katherine glared, "So you've found a place where the grass is greener. Traveling would be so much better as long as where you are is far away from me. And you're just going to jump the fence to the other side. You'll have to tell me if it's good. If you find someone who could bring happiness to your life I could never."
With a loud groan, Katherine turned her back to him and made quick work down the ladder to the fire escape. Jack Kelly, she thought, fearless strike leader. More like inconsiderate oaf. How could he just leave her? How could he have said those things? Why had she been dumb enough to really trust him?
The drop down to the sidewalk was less than five feet and by then Katherine had perfected landing on the sidewalk without falling over. Before she turned the corner to get away to somewhere like the library, she nearly got run over by Race. Who was for some reason racing (get it?) back to the lodging house.
Keeping her balance she growled, "What the hell?"
"Sorry Katherine, uh what's wrong?" It didn't take a genius to notice, she was typically a really sweet person but when she was mad, all hell broke loose.
"You'll see," She brushed past him muttering something, adding one thing before getting too far away, "Don't rely on him too much."
"Okay," Race wasn't exactly sure how he should have responded. Katherine was nearly never angry about anything. Not even when he had accidently knocked over a pot of ink onto some of Katherine's papers while at her office. Whatever had just happened must have been a big deal.
Race was never the first person back from selling, however that day he had gotten lucky, the headline was decently good so plenty of people were interested. Walking back, he was excited to have the lodging house to himself for an hour or so. As much as he loved talking, sometimes he just needed silence and it was very rare there. When he walked in the front door though, Race couldn't help but feel that something wasn't right. Suddenly, he wished he hadn't been the first back.
There was a loud crashing noise from upstairs and Race jumped a little. It was followed by a loud, "Aggh!" And in the next minute Jack came down the stairs in a rush, looking like he was ready to get the hell out of there.
"Where are you going?" Race asked. Jack stopped and turned to him.
"Somewhere that's not here, that's where," Jack mumbled. He started towards the door again but stopped in his tracks.
"Why?" Thinking back to what Katherine had said earlier Race questioned, "Does it have something to do with what happened between you and Katherine?"
"How do you know that?" In seconds Jack was nose to nose with his friend.
"Katherine told me," Race replied, shoving Jack away from him, "She said that we shouldn't rely on you. Why's that?"
"Of course she'd tell you that," A loud swear followed what Jack had said. "Well guess what Race? She's bein' over dramatic and you shouldn't listen to her."
"Why not?" Either Race really liked getting on Jack's nerves or he was generally intrigued with what was going on.
"Because she's blowin' everything out of proportion!" He threw his arms into the air, "Is it really that big of a deal that I'm leavin'?"
"You're leavin'?" A small voice from the doorway asked.
Jack turned and saw his best friend in the door. His face softened, "Crutchie. Um. I am leavin', but I'm comin' back. I promise."
Race hit Jack on the arm he faced his blonde friend again. "What the hell Jack? What the hell?"
"Aww, quit actin' like such a baby," Jack growled, "I turned eighteen a month ago. You guys have known that I would be leavin' soon for a while. Grow up."
"Yeah, of course we've known," He remembered Katherine again, "But why was Katherine so mad? Why are ya leavin'? And where to? We always thought you would move into your own place in the city."
"I'm not going to a specific place," Jack explained, "I'm travelin' around the country."
"Why?"
"It's for work. Pulitzer's havin' me draw different places in the country."
At that point half of the newsies that stayed at the lodging house had returned and were silently watching from the corners of the room. The older ones looked either shocked or mad. While the younger ones looked rather frightened.
"But why Jack?" Over the years Jack had made it apparently clear that they were a family and would stick together. "Why would you want to leave? When the strike ended you promised you weren't going anywhere. We were all there, we all heard you say that. What's the rest of the country got that isn't here?"
"For one, I'll be out of this stinkin' place and I'll have the opportunity to have a decent life. It's not like my life will get any better if I stay here."
"Oh, so that's why you want to leave," Race continued, "It's so bad here and we just seem to be holding you back."
"Race you don't get it," Jack was beginning to regret saying what he did.
"Oh, I completely get it," He cut him off. "But guess what? I hope you're happy with the decision you made. I hope it's all that you want and then some." Sarcasm, something Race had much practice with, "And the greatest part is, you'll be free. From the agonizing life you've been living. The life you've been living with us."
"Shut up," Jack shoved Race to the floor and stormed out of the front door, knocking Les and Romeo out of the way.
On his way out, Jack brushed past Specs who was just coming in. The tall blonde haired boy took one look at the group and the absolutely furious faces and a million questions popped into his head.
"What was that about?"
"Why don't you ask him and find out," Race muttered, pushing himself up off the ground.
The look on his face gave Specs the impression that he wouldn't be telling him what had just happened no matter how many times he asked. There wasn't much else he could have done except go after Jack and ask him himself. Slightly annoyed, he traveled back outside.
The city streets were busy as people were hurrying home as fast as possible. Each and everyone of them had a different reason to be in a rush. It was actually really entertaining to watch the citizens of the city as they came and went and sometimes when he finished selling would make up stories about someone that passes him by.
But there was no time to stare at people. Not at that moment. At that moment he had one thing to do, and that was track down Jack and talk to him.
How the hell am I supposed to find him in this mess? Specs thought. There were so many people, it would be nearly impossible to find his friend.
Luckily out of the corner of his eye, he saw the back of Jack's blue shirt and grey vest turning a corner at the end of the block. To catch up to him, Spec ran (or did the closest thing to running he could do without knocking over every other rich lady) to the end of the block and looked in the direction Jack went. Jack didn't appear to be going anywhere specific because the street he was walking down didn't lead to the Sun, the World, or anywhere Jack would sometimes go to.
He seemed to be slowing down. "Jack! Jack! Jack! Wait up!"
"What now?" Jack growled, he took a step back. Jack had never looked so pissed since the strike the previous summer.
"What's with you?" Specs had to grab Jack by the arm to make sure he didn't try to leave, "Everyone back at the lodging house is completely pissed and none of them will tell me why! The only thing I know is that you left right as I came in and Race told me to ask you about it. So spill."
"This is the last time I'm sayin' it," He paused between each word, "I'm. Leaving. And. There's. Nothing. You. Can. Do. About. It."
"What?"
"And I'm tired of telling people over and over again."
"But Jack," He stuttered, "When you leave, who takes over? Huh? I sure don't want to and I'm not entirely sure anyone else does either."
"Well, that's not my problem is it?" Jack snapped back.
"I know it isn't," At a lost for words, he paused. "But you can't expect us to bounce back instantly."
"All of you are smart, you'll survive," Then Jack added, "Besides when I was gone that week and a few of you took charge everything was fine."
"No it wasn't!" A few months after the strike, Katherine and Jack had decided to travel to Jersey so Katherine could write about the aftermath of a fire while Jack tagged along. Initially Mush, Race, Specs, and Henry had agreed to try out leading two days each just to see what it was like. But that was abandoned half way through when they agreed to share leadership because the first four days didn't go too well. "You didn't know what really happened because we didn't want you to loose trust in us. We were going to take turns leading but a few days in we were completely stressed out and all of us had been busted up by someone. So no, we won't be okay. We were a complete mess then and we still are now."
"I'm not sure if you are aware that you just insulted yourself but you need to relax. You'll be fine. I have faith in you."
"You can say what you need to say if it will make you feel better about yourself and then just walk away like nothing has happened." Now Specs wasn't one to get mad for no reason. But this time he had a reason. "Would it kill you to stay trapped when something new and bad happens."
"I'm not running away from anything."
"That's complete and utter bull. You wouldn't just decide to randomly leave. You have Katherine here and Crutchie, I don't get why you would want to leave them behind. And that's because you wouldn't. So what is it? Sure you'd love to get to get paid for drawing but there's so much keeping you here. What happened?"
"You're right," Not the answer that he was expecting, "There is a lot keeping me here. And that's the problem. But if you're wondering, nothing is driving me away from here."
With that Jack was gone, disappearing into the crowd.
The cool spring breeze ruffled Crutchie's brown hair. As terrible as the city had been to him it was absolutely a beautiful sight. Especially from how he saw everything from the roof of the lodging house. However something was off that night. Being up there by himself didn't feel right. (Hey that rhymed.)
Ever since Jack had stormed out in a fiery rage he had worried that Jack wouldn't come back. He seemed pretty mad and Jack could easily get his things when all the boys were out selling and leave. The very thought of his older brother leaving without saying good bye greatly saddened him. Crutchie would just have to wait it out until Jack came back. He had to come back.
The brown haired boy found himself slowly drifting to sleep. It had been a long day of selling and in reality he should have been trying to get as much sleep as possible. Whenever he didn't sleep enough Jack would flip out. Oh right, Jack probably wouldn't be there to flip out.
A loud crash awoke him with a start. From across the roof he saw the tall figure of someone who appeared to have just tripped on the way up. That person muttered some sort of swear and Crutchie immediately connected the dots. Jack must have thought he'd be asleep and not notice him come up.
"Jack," Crutchie squeaked. Slowly, he sat himself up and positioned his crutch as he stood up. Limping over to his best friend, "Watchya doin'?"
"Crutch, shouldn't you be asleep." There it was.
"Shouldn't you too?" He couldn't see Jack's face. But if he could, he would have seen a mixture of anger and sadness. "Do you remember what you told me five years ago."
Five years ago, the time where Crutchie was eleven and Jack was thirteen. It was the time before Jack was the leader. Before he had everything to worry about.
"You'll have to be more specific, I told you a lot of things that year," Of course Jack would come up with something smart like that even when tensions were high.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Or maybe Jack genuinely didn't remember, "It was early fall. You remember right? It was before you were in charge. I had come back after some newsies from a different borough went after me and you weren't happy. I told you to calm down and you did. Then you were being really hard on yourself and I told you not to be. But you still told me you'd always be there to protect me. And after that you told me about Santa Fe. How you saw an article about it in the paper and how you wanted to go there."
In all the craziness of what had recently happened, Jack had completely forgotten about the promise he had made. He had said time and time again that one day he and Crutchie would go to Santa Fe and life would turn around. As unrealistic as it was Jack was slowly getting more and more guilty about breaking his promise. It wasn't like it was ever going to happen and both of them knew it. Crutchie just thought that maybe they would stay together in the city instead of having one of them leave.
"Come on Crutch," Jack reasoned, "We both knew that it would never happen. It just gave a little hope when things were really bad. Grow up, the world is tough and everything won't be peaches and sunshine. We'll always have it bad no matter where we are."
"Yes, but you promised you would never let me down," Jack had also repeatedly told him that, "And leavin'. You'd be lettin' me down. All of us."
"Listen, I think you're great and all, but… You're not enough to keep me here. Nothing is. I've been waiting all my life to leave. And now's my chance and you bet your sweet ass I'm gonna get the hell out of here while I have the chance."
"Oh, if that's what you want. Then I can't stop you," A defeated look washed over his face, "Well, I'm sorry you've had it rough. And I'm sorry I'm not enough. Thank goodness someone has come and rescued you."
Crutchie didn't sound sarcastic in anyway like Race, Katherine, and Specs had be. He sounded generally hurt.
"If you don't mind Jack, could you leave me alone? I just need some time to think."
"Sure thing," Before leaving the roof, Jack gathered his old drawings and extra clothes.
Jack didn't necessarily have a place to stay before heading out so he was stuck at the lodging house. His friend (neither of them would consider each other best friends or brothers anymore) wanted to be alone which landed him inside. In the dark he found the first empty bunk and fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.
The next morning the sun rose early and the bell was yet to ring. Each boy would sleep until then but Jack found himself wide awake. In a way it was a good thing so he could get out of there before they woke up and attacked him.
On his way out of the room he tripped over something and hit the floor hard, making more noise than he had planned on. Finch shifted in his sleep and Kenny rolled over. He believed he was in the clear until he looked over his shoulder and saw Albert glaring at him. Then he looked up and saw that Jojo, he had the top bunk and Albert had the bottom, looked equally pissed.
"Damnit."
"Where do you think you're going?" Albert asked bitterly, his red hair stuck to his forehead.
"Not here," He snapped.
"Well aren't you in a good mood."
"Shut up Jo," He was about to walk out of the room when he paused, "If you'll excuse me, I have someplace I need to be. Unlike some people, I actually have a future ahead of me."
"Excuse me," The red head and light brown haired boys said in unison. Jojo hopped down and landed with a small thud and Albert stood up. Both of them placed themselves nose to nose to him. (Not literally but you know.)
"You heard me, I actually am going to be successful."
"By workin' for the devil himself Pulitzer," Albert snarked.
"Like you wouldn't."
"I wouldn't! Do you know how much effort we put into the strike? Why would we turn around and work for the person we spent so much time trying to bring to the ground."
"Guess what genius," He replied, "You technically work for him too."
"No, we don't." Jojo said, "We can sell for any paper if we buy from them."
"Whatever."
"It's not whatever! Something possessed you to want to travel around all fancy for someone like him!" Accused Albert.
"Nothing possessed me."
"Maybe not but I have a feelin' that Pulitzer may have showed you what your life could be like. How perfect it could be." Knowing how manipulative Pulitzer could be, Jojo thought that accusation was logical.
"Not a bad theory," Albert inquired, "You got a taste of a life so perfect. So you went and did what you had to do. And you know what I have to say about that?" A pause. "Good for you. The only thing I can say is good for you. Good for you."
"You finally got what you always wanted," Jojo continued for his friend, "It's your dream come true. Gettin' paid to draw. Good for you." (I know I mixed up the order of those lyrics but let's go with it.)
Whatever. Let them think what they wanted to think. Jack didn't care. He scoffed and left the two boys to get ready for their day while he went somewhere. At that point he wasn't sure where he'd go. He wasn't wanted anywhere.
While watching the street vendors set up for the day and walking aimlessly up and down streets he concluded that the park would be the best place for him to go to.
The only way he knew how to get there was by weaving in and out through different streets. Jack didn't remember one of the streets he would have to go down was the one Davey lived on until:
"Jack, where are you going?" A few months ago Davey and Les had went back to school. They were glad to be back in school but missed the newsies and visited them often. It was a Wednesday and roughly 6:30 in the morning. Jack couldn't help but wonder why Davey was awake and dressed at that time. He was pretty sure school didn't start till 8:30.
"None of your business."
"I heard you're leaving." That stopped Jack in his tracks.
"Now who told you that?"
"Katherine, she came over yesterday. She seemed pretty mad."
"Did she tell you I was an idiot? And that I was only thinking about myself?" Katherine hadn't told Davey anything like that. She had come over and told him Jack was leaving soon and that was it.
"No, she didn't but Romeo did come over right after Katherine, actually." That was news.
"Who?"
"Romeo, he wasn't happy either. But he looked genuinely afraid. They rely on you a lot you know."
"Oh you don't say," He had been told that for the past day.
"Does it cross your mind to be a little bit sorry?" Davey wondered.
"Sorry?" Jack scoffed, "About what?"
"You're leaving them in the dust, do you not feel anything?"
"Maybe….. Eh, no. They just need to learn to deal with disappointment."
"They've been dealing with disappointment their entire lives!" Davey knew for a fact that every single one of the boys were at the lodging house because something terrible had happened in their lives. Something that would scar anyone for life. "Do you even care that you might be wrong?"
"Oh, what would you know?" What was Davey doing telling him that he was wrong about his boys. They had known each other for less than a year.
"I know enough, I learned a lot during the strike you know."
"I'm not saying you didn't but you should know that there's plenty you don't know about them. It's been nice having you occasionally hanging around, tagging along with us. But don't act like you fit in with us because you don't!"
"It's nice to hear you enjoyed it so much. You must have had a blast as you dragged me along with you."
The two of them glared at each other for a minute. Contemplating what they had just said to each other. Without thinking twice, Jack swung and nailed Davey in the face with his fist. Davey jumped back and yelped. It was the first time he had actually heard him swear.
Not even a minute later, Les appeared from the front door of what seemed to be the Jacobs home. He looked mad, mad at Jack.
"What was that for?" Little Les tried to shove Jack but nothing happened.
"What?"
"Why'd ya gotta punch him? My brother didn't do anything. You guys were just talking. I saw you through my bedroom window," He pointed up to a window that looked over the street.
"Les, your brother was running his mouth. And talking when you shouldn't be is just as bad as anything else. He deserved it." Jack explained.
"No he didn't! And why are ya being so mean?" The now ten year old asked innocently.
"Why are you being so annoying," With a hard push, Les found himself sprawled on the ground while Jack walked away with an evil smirk on his face. Surprised, Les pushed himself up and screamed after him.
"You're being a jerk! You're just going around saying what you need to and playing who you need to! And when your done with them crushing them then leaving them behind in the dust!"
"Don't waste your breath kid!"
"I'm sorry Les, I don't know what's up with him." Davey hugged his little brother tightly, "Whatever it is, we aren't of any use to him anymore. He's cutting us loose, and I really don't care. Do you?"
"Not at all."
Something about pushing that kid to the ground made Jack happy. It was extremely twisted that doing that brought him joy and quite frankly, he didn't care.
He occupied a bench in the park. On the back of one of his drawings it was blank so he started drawing what he saw on it. It was really just a quick sketch of the park. The small pond, the few people and the multiple trees. For a city that park sure had some trees.
And just like magic, a wave of guilt came over him. He felt bad about accusing Katherine of liking Darcy better. About shoving Race. About running away from Specs. About breaking his promise to Crutchie. About saying those things to Albert and Jojo. About snapping at Davey. And especially at pushing Les, who really did nothing.
Why had he been like this? The entire would just seemed to be against him and that had clouded his judgment. And perhaps ruined his relationship with all of them. He had to apologize, to all of them. Even if he decided to go on the trip they had to know he was truly sorry.
He'd start with Katherine.
From memory, he recalled that Katherine went to work at the Sun at 9 o'clock nearly everyday. It was 8:45. He could catch her before she got there.
At the gate to the Sun, Jack waited. She'd have to come sooner or later. A little after nine she approached the Sun and nearly turned around when she saw Jack.
"What are you doing here?" Katherine asked bitterly.
"I am so sorry about what I said yesterday, I didn't mean it. And I'm really rethinking leaving. I swear." Jack rambled.
"No, no, it's okay," He was about to continue but she cut him off, "I'll just shut my mouth and let you go. It's what's best for you. Know if you don't mind. I have a job I'd like to keep." Katherine brushed past Jack.
What had he done?
The only other thing he could do was return to the lodging house and hope they were apologetic. But knowing the boys, they were going to be harder to get them back on his side than Katherine.
None of the boys would be back at the lodging house until four. With nothing else to do, Jack wandered aimlessly around the streets. What sucked the life out of him also gave him a bit of energy.
That evening Jack returned to the lodging house and tried to talk to them. None of them would say anything to him. They gave deadly stares. It was possible they would never accept him again?
All he needed was some time to think. But the boat was about to sink completely. Jack had to find a way to erase what he said. He needed to change the story somehow. He just had to find a way to make it all stop. All the hate he was getting. But how?
So it got a little rushed at the end but tell me how I did. Was it repetitive? I'm worried it is. But anyway I currently feel like I'm going to throw up. Fun. And I still have a headache from the kids in my math class who refers to the two kids in our class on crutches as "cripples". I'm just like you have no idea. Anyway, I've been obsessed with Dear Evan Hansen and if you haven't listened to it you're crazy. This was inspired by the song Good For You. Hence the title. So I don't really like song fics where the lyrics are written separately and italicized or something so I tried something new. I worked the lyrics into things the characters are thinking. And because one thing must lead to another, I realize that it sort of changes perspectives a lot. But I feel it was necessary for this story. Have a nice life.