This chapter is told through Uhura's persective. I want to clarify Uhura's and Spock's relationship in this fanfiction. I always assumed that the main reason Spock and Uhura assumed a relationship in the Beta universe (or the 2009 cinematic universe) was because the young and cocky Kirk we all came to love pushed Uhura's buttons and made her want to rebel in her own way. The end result was her engaging in a relationship with a superior who, in another circumstance, she would never have attempted such a relationship with. It seems Spocks and Uhuras of all universes share a close bond. Much like in the Alpha universe, Uhura and the Spock of this universe are close friends.

Sorry I have not written in a while. Life is very involving and I want to make these chapters just right before I post them, so each chapter is often reworked until it feels right.

Chapter Thirteen

Forgive not Forget

Uhura felt more lost than she ever had in her life.

More than half of her classmates were dead. Of those who had not been to the Enterprise, the majority died within two minutes of arriving in orbit over Vulcan.

The people who had died were people she had known for almost four years. They had entered the academy together, with dreams a life of discovery and adventure as officers and leaders of Starfleet. They were going to be doctors and nurses, anthropologist and historians, engineers and scientists, and pilots and more.

Graduation had been so close. Just a week before they had submitted their requests for post-graduation assignments. Uhura had been at the top of her class and she had requested the Enterprise, a ship which at the time yet to even leave spacedock for more than a test flight. She had planned out everything so carefully, down to how she would decorate her quarters.

Everything changed when the Narada attacked.

Now Uhura sat in half empty class rooms listening to replacement civilian professors who were just replacements for the ones who were lost. After she would go back to her half empty dorm. When she couldn't stand being in there anymore she would go to the bar, but many of the familiar faces she was used to seeing were missing, and after a time she could not stand to be there as well.

She felt so alone. She missed everyone.

She missed Gaila.

Gaila, her late roommate, was Orion, one of the few in Starfleet. Gaila had been an escapee of the Orion syndicate. Her family had a certain position within the organization (exactly what they did she never specified) but Gaila had not wanted that life for herself and left for a live of uncertainty, but a life that was her own.

The story of how she got out was murky in the details, but Uhura managed to get a few things out of her over the course of their friendship. She had befriended a retired Starfleet officer on the freighter that had transported her to Earth (though with Gaila when she has someone she calls a 'friend', that could mean anything) who had inspired her to join and went on to sponsor her application to the Academy.

Being Orion, she definitely had… a certain way about her. She tended to drive the men wild and always carried herself in a flirtatious and bombastic way, but when it came to classes and Academy business, she kept herself in check… for the most part. Naturally, other females tended to get somewhat annoyed and intimidated by her. Uhura made the bold choice to decide to befriend her and ever since they made a ferocious pair, but being roommates made Uhura all too familiar with her promiscuous ways, and more than once she had walked in on Gaila and other cadets in compromising positions. But despite all that she was an amazing person. She brought life into every room she walked into. She was an amazing computer programmer and would have been a formidable opponent if had they been fighting for class placement.

Gaila was placed on the USS Odyssey, which was attacked the moment it dropped out of warp.

She was declared dead, along with the rest of the crew.

The first night back on Earth she came home to the empty room and cried on Gaila's bed until she fell asleep. The joy of victory had all dried up and now seemed hollow. Later it was up to her to pack Gaila's things.

Gaila no longer had a family to send them to, so Uhura had to sort it into what she would give away, what she would put in storage, and what she would keep for herself. From who was left, Uhura chose what items they might like to remember her by. For herself, she kept a scarf and a few trinkets Gaila had taken with her from the Orion home world. The scarf she had tied around the branch of a tree which had become a memorial to those who were lost.

In the dark of the night she wondered if Gaila had died instantly or if she had been trapped in a sealed off compartment of one of the giant chunks of starship debris floating aimlessly in Vulcan's orbit, only to be sucked into the pull of the black hole that consumed it.

But could she let herself be consumed by her grief? No. She had to persevere.

The younger cadets who were left behind may have not lost as many of their classmates but they lost many of their teachers and saw their brave upperclassmen come back in limited number licking their wounds. They had to remain strong as examples to the younger cadets that, in the face of adversity, you had to go on.

Uhura knew she would encounter losses as a member of Starfleet… she just did not expect this much so soon.

Perhaps the most horrifying loss of all was the loss of Vulcan. She mourned the loss of her classmates the most because she had known them and loved them, but their numbers were nowhere near the number of Vulcan who had died. What happened was almost unbelievable. Seeing it with her own eyes made the sight be something she would never forget.

In all the chaotic and distressing emotions which plagued her, she could only guess at what Spock was feeling.

And that was what made her angry. She could only GUESS at what Spock was feeling.

Since they docked, she could not find him anywhere. Spock had chosen to withdraw and in the process shut her out.

Spock was her friend. She had been his friend since she met him her freshmen year. Back then he had been a teacher's aid. She had been working on her Vulcan and struggled with pronunciations and found her first Vulcan xenolinguistics tutor to be a complete disaster. She had turned to Spock for help and they formed a friendship over textbooks and tea.

Uhura would be lying if she didn't admit she was attracted to Spock. He had a mysterious intelligence to him that caused more than one cadets to go head over heels, but for most his Vulcan mannerisms drove them offer, but Uhura understood them. She was fascinated by them. After long enough she felt she knew Spock better than anyone else she knew.

She almost considered trying initiate something more to their relationship, beyond the realm of friendship, but she decided against it. They may have ended up together or Spock may have ended it all together and withdrawn. She valued their relationship too much to risk it over a silly crush.

He must be going through a lot of pain right now and there was nothing she could do. When she tried to go to his lodgings he never answered the door. Either he ignored her or he was always out. It sank in her heart that it was probably a mixture of both.

She wanted to be there for him. She wanted him to be there for her. She wanted him to hold her as she cried for Gaila and she wanted to laying on his couch in thought and smell incense as he mediated to center himself.

She wanted so much from him and would have been happy with anything and all she got was silence. And loneliness. For that first time since the Narada incident she felt the sadness and loneliness inside her, and it made her feel bitter, and the bitterness made her feel angry.

What overwhelmed these feelings was her relief.

She had been so worried that seeing him how he was now was a great weight lifted off her shoulders.

But he had shut her out. And she had needed him.

….

She had heard that he had been on campus that morning and she was ready to track him down and confront him. Instead she sent him one last message, inviting him to meet her at a coffee shop. It was the one where they would meet for tutoring sessions.

Spock answered her message and agreed to meet her.

He was sitting at a table waiting for her when she arrived, a pot of her favorite tea waiting in front of him.

He apologized for his behavior. He confirmed her suspicions that he was actively trying to avoid her. He explained he was afraid of how she would react when he finally tried to approach her.

Spock was not very experienced in matters of this nature.

Uhura knew he had joined Starfleet against his father's wishes and thus created a feud between them. This feud has caused him to limit his contact with his mother and for him to refrain from visiting Vulcan entirely.

He had always been a lonely figure. He was always so reserved. More than just his Vulcan blood held him back. She was one of the few people Spock seemed to be able to consider a friend.

She was his friend. She understood him. So she forgave him.

He told her he was remaining in Starfleet. The news made her happier than she had been in what felt like years.

It would take time to sort all her feelings out but she needed him once and would need him again, and he just might need her.

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over." –Octavia Butler