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STRANGE TIMES FOR SAMCRO: Secrets Can Kill
Chapter 3 Super Freaks & Theme Songs
Author's Note
I made a couple of mistakes with uploading some content and as a result, I deleted the story and then put it back. That erased any reviews and any follows or anything else that was attached to the story. Sorry about that.
"How can sex with dead girls go so wrong?" Clay demanded again.
"What the hell happened to you guys?" Jax asked.
Clay glared at Jax. He didn't need to ask any questions. He had everything under control which was more than he could say about Jax.
Jax had smeared a thick layer of peanut butter over his beard in a futile effort to loosen the bubble gum. He dug a finger into the peanut butter and licked it off his finger.
The last time Clay saw something that disgusting, he'd caught Juice doing naked jumping jacks in the club's gym. Maybe that's why he wanted to shoot Juice. No. That wasn't it.
Hell, he didn't need a reason to shoot Juice. He was always doing something stupid or he was about to do something stupid. And that haircut was rubbing his nerves raw.
"Well . . .?" Clay raised his voice. "You two going to just stand there. Explain. Now."
"I'll go first," Tig said. "Mine's not that bad."
"You just smell bad," Chibs said.
"At least I'm all man and I don't have low T."
"That isn't my fault," Chibs whined. "And at least, I'm not covered in shit."
"I'll take a shower and be OK. You still won't be a complete man," Tig shot back.
"At least, I'm not a freak."
"He's not just a freak. He's a super freak," Bobby said.
Suddenly, he launched into a very good version of the late Rick James' song "Super Freak". His beads clicked along keeping perfect time. He finished the song by doing three Olympic caliber back flips.
Everyone clapped except Juice who was clutching the black garbage bag around his waist. His bottom lip quivered and he looked like he was on the verge of tears.
"We should all have theme songs," Bobby said.
"Bring it up at church next week. And everyone think of a theme song," Clay said. "Tig's is going to be "Super Freak".
"I can't even pick out my own song?" Tig protested.
"Can you think of a better song?" Jax asked.
Tig thought briefly before shaking his head. "No. A couple of the words could be changed so the "Super Freak" is male instead of female, but it's pretty much perfect for me."
Clay had a grudging admiration for Tig and his lack of embarrassment over his sexual perversions.
He thought about the songs that would best suit the club and himself when the answer revealed itself hiding behind a big gold door.
"The club's theme song is Queen's "We Are the Champions", Clay said.
"We should take a vote,' Jax said.
"Fine. We'll do it at next Church," Clay said between gritted teeth. He really wanted to bounce his fist off Jax's face even more than he wanted to shoot Juice.
"We don't need to wait for Church for me to pick out a theme song," Clay said. "Mine is going to be Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust."
Clay silently praised himself for finding the perfect theme song. It was angry and violent—in other words the perfect song for life.
"Mine's going to be that "I'm Too Sexy" song by the one hit wonder group Right Said Fred," Jax said.
"Flawless choice," Bobby said.
"Bobby, if you sing "Super Freak", we would be sure to win the SOA's annual club wide talent show," Chibs said.
"None of the acts were very good last year," Bobby said.
"Juice's magic act was a disaster," Chibs said.
"It was a comic magic act. The tricks weren't supposed to work," Juice said.
"Rogue River shouldn't have won last year. Juggling loaded hand guns doesn't take that much talent," Bobby said.
"Danger was the only cool part of the act, but they had the safeties on," Chibs said.
"Remember, the year those guys from Tacoma juggled. One juggled knives and the other juggled meat cleavers," Bobby said.
"Yeah, it was great. It ended with blood and paramedics," Happy said.
"I'll do the "Super Freak" song and the back flips if there's enough room on stage," Bobby said.
"We've got the competition won," Chibs said.
"Damned right. SAMCRO kicks ass," Happy said, displaying an unusual amount of enthusiasm for something that didn't involve killing.
"If nobody wants to hear what happened, I'd like to take a shower," Tig said.
"I don't mind not explaining," Juice put in quickly.
"Tig, tell us what happened," Clay ordered. "And no interruptions."
Clay didn't hide is annoyance. He hated all the conversational tangents. It made it hard to concentrate.
"We decided to get something to eat at Rudy's before our cold dates. We finished eating when I saw a livestock transport truck park in that dark section of the lot where the lights don't work. Driver comes in and sits down and starts to look at the menu. Juice decides he wants cherry pie with ice cream. I don't want to just sit there and watch him eat, so I decided to visit the livestock. Juice was going to call me if the driver got up to leave. It was a perfect plan.
"I just wanted a quickie before the main event. I got to the transport and there's a door, but it doesn't go all the way to the top. I climb over the door and I kind of fell into the compartment.
"When I hit the floor of the transport, it scared the chickens. I'm trying to get to my feet, but the chicken shit is slick and I fell. Those damned chickens are flapping their wings, pooping and pecking. There must have been at least a hundred of them. I'm down on the floor when I made a big mistake," Tig paused.
"Going over the door was your first mistake. What the hell were you going to do with chickens?" Bobby asked.
"I'd like to know that too," Happy said.
It sounded to Clay like Happy was into chickens and not in a healthy eating sort of way. Happy might be the real Super Freak of the club. Maybe, he and Tig could share theme songs.
"I didn't know they were chickens. Usually, chickens are transported in metal boxes with big air holes. These chickens were all loose."
"They were probably free range chickens," Jax said, before picking more peanut butter off his face and eating it.
"Continue!" Clay yelled.
He was tired. All he wanted to do was take Chuckie for a walk and then go home, drink some beers and go to sleep.
"My signature fight move is biting. I'm on the ground and not thinking. I just grabbed a couple of chickens and bit them. That really freaked out the chickens. They started pecking at me hard like they were drilling holes in me. I think they were trying to kill me, the bastards. There are feathers, chicken shit and bits of eggs everywhere. The air is so think with the smell of chickens and chicken shit that I could hardly breathe. I finally manage to get to my feet again and the floor is as slick as snot. I slide on the chicken shit and finally get to the door and climb back over it. I hid by the dumpsters at Rudy's. I called Juice. I can't ride my bike looking like this."
"That's about the only decision you've make today that was good," Clay said.
"The feathers, the flutter of the chicken wings, the chicken shit, the stench," Tig said with a shudder. "I hate chickens."
"OK, Juice. Your turn. I'm warning you that you better have a damned good reason for being naked. And it better not involve naked exercising."
"Naked exercising?" Chibs asked.
"In the club's exercise room?" Happy asked.
"You work out?" Jax asked.
Clay looked at Happy sharply. He was talking a lot today. There must be something wrong with him.
"That really happened!" Bobby exclaimed. "I was drunk so I thought I was seeing things," Bobby paused, his eyebrows knitted in thought. "You didn't wipe down the equipment after you used it."
Everyone looked at Juice with disgust.
"I don't exercise naked anymore and it doesn't have anything to do with what happened to me." Juice began crying.
"Juice knock off the crying or I'm gonna shoot you and give you something to cry about," Clay said.
Juice sniffed and took several deep breaths trying to calm himself.
"Tig called me. I went outside to find Tig and I got jumped."
"How many guys?" Clay asked.
Juice looked down at the floor and whispered his answer.
Clay watched as tears well down Juice's face and onto the floor, a silent indictment of Juice's failure as a man and as a member of SAMCRO.
"I didn't hear you," Jax said. He had frosted his teeth with the peanut butter from his face and he flashed the club a brown toothed smile.
"Aye, you look like you've been eating shit, brother," Chibs said.
"Tig knows a lot about that," Bobby said.
Everyone laughed except Tig and Juice.
"How many guys jumped you?" Happy asked.
Juice whispered his answer again.
Clay went over and slapped Juice on the side of the head.
"I'm not going to tell you again. Speak up," Clay said. He returned to his spot in the half circle of men.
"One. It was only one," Juice said
Clay shook his head in disgust. Sons don't get their asses kicked by one guy. He should have shot Juice earlier. This whole humiliating stain on the club would have been prevented.
"Some guy jump you when you weren't looking?" Piney asked, surprising everyone because he was awake and standing up.
"Juice suck it up and tell us the entire story or I will beat it out of you," Clay said.
"OK. I got Tig's call and I was trying to find him. This guy rides up on a Vespa."
At the mention of the word "Vespa", everyone laughed.
"I know that if anyone in an outlaw MC sees a guy on a Vespa, we are honor bound to make fun of him. I told him that only a pussy would ride a Vespa. The next thing I know, the guy throws me to the ground, sits on my chest and beats me. I passed out and when I woke up, I was naked."
"Tell him the worst part," Tig prompted Juice.
"You got raped?" Happy asked.
Juice shook his head.
"What?" Clay shouted. "There's something worse than getting stripped of your clothes and . . ." Clay paused, so he could build up volume in his voice, "losing your cut to a guy on a Vespa?"
Juice started crying yet again.
"The guy wasn't just any Vespa riding guy. He was a Purple Unicorn," Tig said. "I saw his cut."
The purple unicorns were the most vicious of all the Vespa scooter clubs (VCs) which wouldn't have made them much of a threat to any outlaw club except the sole purpose of the Purple Unicorns was to humiliate, taunt, terrorize and mess with all outlaw biker clubs whenever and wherever possible. They were sort of like the special forces of biker clubs. Even the outlaw clubs feared them, but they would never admit it.
They move in like mist and vanish like smoke. No one knew where their club house was, how many members they had or who was a member. There was a rumor that one member was a high ranking member of an outlaw biker club who was a spy for the VPUs.
Clay looked around wondering where the hell the voice that was providing the Purple Unicorn explanation was coming from. Was it inside his head or outside his head? It was so confusing.
"We've got to get that cut back. If it gets out, all the other SOA chapters will pull out charter and we're the mother chapter. This is my legacy," Jax said.
To prove how serious he was, he took the knife he wore strapped to his waist and began scraping the peanut butter off his teeth and eating it.
"You didn't seem all that concerned about your club and your legacy when you wanted to be a chick," Clay said.
"What do you think they're going to do with my cut?" Juice asked.
"They are going to use it to take us down," Jax said. "We've got to find them, destroy them and above all else, we have to get that cut back."
"Or we could kill Juice and say they took the cut off his dead body," Clay said.
"Let's go back to the table," Clay said.
"And take a vote," Jax said, flashing a white toothed smile.
Yet another Author's Note I haven't decided if I'm going to continue this. It's fun to write. I had one review and the reader said it was a fun read. That's my goal. Something fun and light. If you want to read more, let me know.
UP NEXT If there is a next
Juice avoids a meeting with Mr. Mayhem. The club scrabbles to get Juice's cut back before the Vespa Purple Unicorns can use it to humiliate them—just one problem—Clay's cigars have been laced with PCP and LSD thanks to Zobelle. It's another crazy time as Clay tries to lead SAMCRO while being out of his mind.