8

STRANGE TIMES FOR SAMCRO

Chapter 5 Big Trouble

A New Kind of War

Clay scowled at Chibs. He hated it when the guys brought him bad news. They were such a bunch of drama queens just about every minor problem was turned into a big problem.

"OK, Chibs, why don't you share your big trouble with everyone? We can hardly wait," Clay said with withering sarcasm.

"You all know that business across the street?"

"The one that's been closed since before TM was here?" Clay asked with thinly veiled impatience.

"That's the one. They are putting a new business in there."

Clay took his gun out of the inside left pocket of his cut and laid it on the table.

"Give us the damned information and quit drawing it out or I'm going to use you for target practice."

"There were these girls. Well, they were legal age so I guess they couldn't really be called girls," Chibs said.

Clay reached for his gun.

"The business they are opening up in one week or maybe they said two weeks . . . Was it one week or two?"

The stress was breaking Chibs causing him to ramble on and on and his Scots accent got thicker and thicker. Sweat broke out on his forehead.

Clay aimed the gun at Chibs.

"Now, talk so I can understand you."

"Uh . . . the . . . business. . . across . . . " Chibs said.

Clay shot at Chibs.

"Son of a bitch!" Chibs yelled.

The rest of the men at the table laughed.

"It's just a toy gun. I got it for Abel. It's time he started weapons training. See the orange cap at the end. That's so cops know it's a toy. You should have known it wasn't real. It didn't even make a sound when I pulled the trigger," Clay scolded Chibs.

"I've never seen you with a fake gun," Chibs complained.

"Everyone else knew the gun wasn't real."

"Yeah, it's easy to know that when the gun isn't being pointed at you."

"That was a great joke," Tig said. "I've never seen anyone as scared as Chibs. Maybe when you get your low T fixed you won't be such a pussy."

Chibs lunged across the table trying to grab Tig by his cut.

Clay banged the gavel.

"You two want to fight, do it when we're not at the table. Tell us what this new big trouble is."

"The new business is going to be a cupcake and fancy coffee place," Chibs said.

A hush fell over the chapel as they all waited for Clay's reaction. His eyes widened and his face turned crimson. He pounded both fists on the table in his fury.

"I hate cupcake places and I really hate fancy coffee places," Clay shouted.

"Combining them into one business. It's diabolical," Tig said.

"It's despicable," Piney said.

"It's really really bad," Juice said.

Even Jax was on board. He shook his head in disgust.

"You know what that means? Soccer moms," Jax spit the last two words out packed with venom.

Clay knew that Jax would screw just about any female when he was on the outs with Tara, but even he drew the line at soccer moms.

"There goes the neighborhood," Bobby said.

"Son of a bitch," Clay said. "We've got to do something to stop it. Those damned cupcakes are always causing wars. We can't have that kind of blood shed around here."

"Maybe the fancy coffee will lure the Vespa Purple Unicorns to come out of hiding and I can get my cut back," Juice said.

"Please Mr. VPU will you give me back my cut? Pretty please," Tig said in a lisping child's voice mocking Juice.

"Maybe it's some kind of VPU trap. They'll have their old ladies run the cupcake and fancy coffee place. They'll watch us and wait for just the right moment and they'll try to destroy us," Jax said.

"They've taken down a couple of outlaw clubs. Maybe we're next," Tig said.

Another hush fell over the table as the enormity of this potential disaster left them dazed, confused and scared.

"We get rid of this crapcake and coffee business. Best defense against the VPUs. I'm seeing a gas leak and an explosion in their future," Clay said.

"I don't know. We've got the ATF and Zobelle. We're going to have to be careful about taking on a new enemy," Piney said.

"We're SAMCRO. We are invincible. We will destroy them all," Clay said sounding a bit like North Korea.

"We could challenge them to a cupcake war. The loser has to leave the neighborhood," Juice suggested.

"You're an idiot," Clay pointed out. "Can you imagine what would happen to our reputation if it got out that we got into a cupcake war? Who the hell sponsored you for membership?"

"Uh, you did," Jax said, his voice dripping in smug satisfaction.

"Shit! I don't know what the hell I was thinking," Clay lied.

Clay knew exactly what he was thinking. He needed to bring in SAMCRO members who would vote his way. Juice was easy to manipulate. It was that simple.

"I like the idea that we blow them up using a gas leak," Bobby said. "I can make it look like an accident."

"I think it will bring ATF heat," Jax said.

"We could kill them," Clay suggested.

"The ATF or the cupcake/coffee people?" Bobby asked.

"The cupcake people."

"I'm there," Happy said.

Clay loved Happy in a brotherly sort of way because he could always count on him. He was always the first to volunteer to kill someone and he was efficient.

"Even with Unser on the payroll, that's going to bring too much heat," Jax said.

"Well, you're so smart, you think of something," Clay said.

"We don't have to come up with something right now. I think we should all think about it and discuss the plan at church next week."

"So, now you want to think about something? You didn't do a lot of thinking about becoming a woman and getting your dick whacked off. How can we trust your judgement?" Clay leaned back in his chair. He scored a million points over Jax. He saw the lights flashing the word score above his head.

"You have a point," Tig said. "Getting your dick whacked off is extreme. We should take a vote. If you don't have a dick, you can't be a member of SAMCRO."

"What if you are in an accident—like a botched circumcision and lose your dick?" Juice asked, his voice quivering.

"Don't worry, Juice. I got you bro. Tara will start practicing her circumcision skills tonight. There will be no circumcision accidents."

"I've got to get my cut back," Juice wailed.

There was a scratching at the door.

"Come in Chuckie," Clay called.

Chuckie came in, his dark eyes bright and his body wriggling with excitement.

"There's big trouble," Chuckie barked out the words.

"Not again," all the men said in unison.

"Woof, Woof," Chuckie said.

Next Up: The new big trouble is discussed, the effects of the mushrooms wear off leaving Clay scrambling to figure out what really happened when he was under the influence and someone on the inside launches a secret passive aggressive war on Clay. And Juice doesn't get his cut back!