Chapter 4: Little Lion Man
For this chapter to really works, it helps tremendously if you actually listen to "Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons while you read it. There's not a lot to this chapter, since to me, the song speaks for itself. This took place maybe like a day after the kiss from Never Been Kissed, 2x06, but before the confrontation with Blaine.
I don't own Glee.
It was completely still in the auditorium as Kurt and I walked onto the stage with our stools in hand. This was a conversation we needed to have obviously; I just kissed him, for crying out loud, after months of torment.
But it's a conversation I didn't know how to have. And maybe it was one that he didn't know how to have either, seeing as how he brought along his speakers. I guess on both sides it's something that neither of us saw coming.
We met in the middle of the stage and looked at each other before setting down our stools side by side, about five feet away from each other, and he sat the speakers down in the middle. I sat down on my stool as he removed his iPod from his pocket and looked for a song and finally placed the phone in the dock. He turned and sat on his stool, and at this point we were face to face.
It was quiet for a moment. I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could, Kurt had raised his hand to silence me. He looked me dead in the eyes for another moment before taking a deep and shaky breath.
"I have a lot of feelings right now, David; feelings that I can't accurately put into words. Which is why I brought this," he said, motioning to the speakers. Before I could even respond, he pulled a remote out of his pocket and pressed play.
As I heard the opening chords to the song, I let out a deep sigh and watched him as he got into his groove.
Kurt: Weep for yourself my man
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep little lion man
You're not as brave as you are at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left.
And waste it on fixing all the problems
That you've made in your own head.
The way he sang was biting and while I'll never call myself an expert, by any means, on music and the way it allows you to express your feelings, I could very plainly see his: hurt, confusion, and worst of all, anger. But, what he didn't understand is that I was feeling those things too, and probably at a much higher level than he was. So, I proceeded to cut him off at the chorus and sang with as much ironic contempt as possible.
Dave: But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear? Didn't I, my…
During the music breakdown, we just glowered at each other. We certainly did have a lot to work out, didn't we.
Dave: Tremble for yourself my man
You know that you have seen this all before
Kurt: Tremble little lion man
You'll never settle any of your score
Dave: Your grace is wasted in your face
Kurt: Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Both: Now learn from your mother
Or else spend your days biting your own neck
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear? Didn't I, my dear.
As the music softened, something within me did too, and even with Kurt. It's almost as if we were coming to some sort of understanding; or at least, we both knew where the other was coming from. But what would that change? I can't just change my entire life just because someone knows something that I've been trying to push down for as long as I can remember.
*alternating ah's*
No, this doesn't change anything.
Both: But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Kurt started walking off the stage. Still singing, but still walking at the same time. We both have a lot to think.
And it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line.
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
With that last line, he turned and walked off the stage. My last line came out as a whisper.
Dave: Didn't I, my dear.
So, I hope I don't get anyone's hopes up with this. This particular ficlet is something that I think about A LOT, and while I could see my vision for it, I'm not sure I did it justice in describing it. However, a lot has changed in the 6 years since I wrote this; Glee's not the air anymore and I've gone through so many ships that it's not even funny, and Kurtofsky just kind of fell off my radar, so more than likely, I won't be adding anything else to this.
However, if anyone has any requests, say a certain song that they associate with Kurtofsky or with any other Glee related ship, I'd be happy to write a little something for you. Just send me a prompt and I'll do it!