I've been here before in real life, but I know this isn't real, yet why does it feel like this could have happened. I sit on the bed in the middle of his apartment, being under the covers 'just to keep warm'. He was the perfect gentlemen turning away when I changed my top, blushing scarlet I scoot further down the bed.
"Angel I'm cold. Could you help warm me up?" I gaze up at him through my lashes hoping I looked innocent.
He turns around and picks up a towel sitting on the bottom of his bed, "For your hair." He said passing me the towel.
"Thanks, but could you help me I only have two hands and they are both being used… to… you know." I end with a laugh.
"Uh sure no worries." He ends with an awkward smile.
He leans over the bed sitting behind me with his back against the wall placing me between his legs. I can't help but feel a shivering sensation as he starts to caress my head, I'm starting to heat up, but not because of my hair drying. Relaxing against his chest I realize his shirt and clothes are still wet. Dropping my hands to my sides, letting the sheet droop around my waist I reach my hands up to his, stilling his movements.
"... Everything okay Buffy?" His voice comes out husky and coarse.
Becoming bolder in my movements I pull the towel out of his hands.
"I thought maybe I could dry you off? Um I mean unless you don't want me to?" Shifting my head to look at his face I see him blushing…. Who knew vampires could blush when they have no blood.
"Ah no no I would love to get dry, but don't you think you should change into something… warmer?" Looking further down at his lap I can tell that he is feeling awkward around me. Doesn't he want me? No that can't be it, whenever we kiss I know I affect him. Why does it bother him so much right now? We were always going to end up here! Turning around fully sitting on my knees putting my hand on his chest and lifting his chin to meet my eyes, "No I'm perfectly fine drying you off in this sheet. Why won't you look at me?"
Spreading his palms down my cheeks, "Because if I look at you I won't stop myself from doing what I've always thought about doing ever since I meet you."
"And what is that exactly?" I tentatively ask, hoping it's the answer I was hoping for.
He stares into my eyes with an intensity I've never seen before, dropping his hands, down to my hips he thumbs my waist.
"You know what it is, it's the thought of holding you until I can no longer hold you. It's showing you how much I love you by making you mine for all eternity, and I want to make you mine so I know you will love me and only me. You've thought the same thing I do, when we have our nightly sessions in the graveyard, I can smell your want and need for me. I've always had enough self-control to stop, but if you keep trying my patience now I won't be able to stop. …..And you may not love me afterwards." Gasping for words I can't say anything, yet what I feel for him.
"Then make me yours, I want it. Every time I'm not with you I feel so lonely and empty yet when I'm in your arms I feel warm and hot and not so cold." Sliding my hands around his neck and flushing my body against his I kiss him softly on the lips hoping he knows that's my consent. I feel tears coming down my cheeks as I see no reaction from him.
"So please make me yours I can't stand it anymore! I can't stand not knowing what it will be like to be with the person I love!"
Pulling me close to him he kisses me on the top of the head, and slips out of the bed sitting in his armchair, staring out at the rain.
"Buffy you have no idea how bad I want you. I love you more than anything, every time I think of you I know I should stake myself so you don't have to suffer anymore. … So I have to go, so you won't hate me and eventually fall in love with what I'll be." Heading for the door, I run after him clutching the sheet as I hug his back from behind taking in his smell.
"Angel don't leave me! We can work this out. I love you, I've always loved you and will always love you, why are you leaving me?! I could never hate you! If we weren't to make love and just stay together would that make you stay?" My sobbing wouldn't stop even when he grabbed my hands around his stomach.
"It would if we could resist our urges, but we can't. The reason why I'm leaving is because I love you."
Sliding to the floor I star at his back trying to see into his soul with my eyes but I was too sad.
"Why are you saying this? I can hear the pain and sadness in your voice." His shoulders started to sag as he turned around to me folding me into his arms and just letting me cry into his shirt. My sobs eventually became hiccups and after a reasonable awkward silence.
"I thought if we could meet in your dreams you would change your mind about this and be stronger to resist me, as I tried, but it seems we are both weak."
What dream? No this was real… wasn't it? No it's different.
"I love you, Buffy," he says, his voice breaks a little. "I try not to, but I can't stop." Helplessly, I tell him I feel the same way, passionately kissing me through the tears. Uneasy, Angel pulls back long enough to murmur "Buffy, maybe we shouldn't..." but putting my finger to his lips and tells him "Don't. Just kiss me."
Then everything came back to me in a rush. "Angel? Is it really you? How are you here? What's going on? I miss you I love you, please come back to me!"
Kissing the top of my head he chuckles. Staring into my eyes, I see his love for me.
"My dearest love this is a dream, I'll always be with you in your mind when you need to escape. Your subconscious wanted you to have this dream to see if you could really hold back your love for me, Either result would end up leaving you upset and losing a piece of yourself. I wanted to tell you, that I don't blame you for doing this to me I should have had more self-restraint. Stake Angelus if you want and kill him ridding yourself of him. But both of us know you like having him around because he reminds you of me, and only wants to keep you close so you don't feel lonely." Stroking the hair out of my eyes lovingly.
"WHAT?! No no no I should hate myself for what I did to you, I did this, I made you go away. Don't be so sweet to me!" Wiping a tear away from my cheek he opens his lips to speak, "Just be quiet for a second and listen. I understand why I dreamt this, but don't you ever think that I would like having him around. I want you and only you." Kissing him fully on the lips I taste my on tears in my mouth. Breaking away from him, I look at the clock on the wall. WHAT IT WAS ALREADY 7 AM?!
"How much time do we have left?" I stare at him with tears in my eyes. Kissing the tears off my cheeks he strokes my neck gingerly.
"No time left, lover. Until next time." Throwing me a wistful glance as he closes the door behind him.
"NO DON'T GO DON'T LEAVE ME ALL ALONE!" Running after him flinging the door open I see the face of an Angel but the soul of the devil.
"Why lover you're not alone, you have me your sweet dark prince." Smirking at my appearance he pulls me into an intimate embrace kissing me on the lips.
"NNNNOOOOO!" Panting and gasping as I fling back the covers of my bed I run my fingers through my tousled hair sighing with relief that it was just a dream.
"Sleep well did we lover?"
Crap.