A/N: A lot of time has passed since the last chapter... almost two months. Well, hopefully the length of this chapter makes up for it. As always, thank you so very much to everyone who has read and/or reviewed this story. (bows) I am truly flattered that you all like it so much. Some of you had requests or questions for me but reviewed anonymously so I couldn't PM any sort of reply to you. Therefore; I'll do it here.
Epona021 - To answer your question. Yes. Sooner than you might think.
Guest (reviewed at 1/18/13) - Your request has been fulfilled. :) Seeing as this is an Evangelion fiction Shinji will probably end up crying in later chapters, too.
And an extra-special super-big thank-you-you're-awesome to Kendra. Without her, this story might very well not have been written. (bows)
Disclaimer: Evangelion was made shortly after I was born. There is no way I could possibly own, or have been involved in making, something that's almost the same age as I am.
Human Kindness
"I."
"'I'."
"Very good. What does it mean?"
"Umm, 'boku'."
"That's right." Kaworu smiled at the boy sitting across from him. It had become a daily practice to teach Shinji a few new words every night at supper or before they went to sleep. The Third Child may not have had the best gift for language but he was far from stupid so the progress was steady. "Good job."
Shinji himself was silently amazed by the silver – haired boy's skill with English. The more he knew about the other, the more perfect the angel appeared to be.
A small smile was present on the ex-pilot's lips. "It w-wasn't that much." He mumbled, looking away shyly. The Fifth Child was also probably the best teacher that Shinji had ever had; he didn't was upset over mistakes and complimented Shinji when he did well.
"It is." Kaworu insisted. "You're making plenty of progress." He reached across the table for the brunet's hand. The pad of his pale thumb ran over the back of Shinji's hand as he spoke to him.
Shinji's blue eyes went from looking at the hand in question to the empty dishes on the table. "It's my turn to wash them tonight."Ha said, mostly for a change of topic.
"I'll dry."
Everything was muddled. Shinji's mind felt sluggish, like he was sinking in this liquid that was inexplicably all around him.
Not water… LCL…
The smell of blood struck his senses and a wave of panic came crashing through him. This wasn't right! Was he in an Eva? How did he get there? And where was - ?
"Kaworu…" Shinji said feebly. There was no response. Nothing but the LCL fluid surrounding him. "KAWORU!" He shouted. "Kaworu! Where are you!?" There was still no reply.
Sobs were beginning to tear at Shinji's throat. Had it all been a dream?
Then the details began to clear. He wasn't drifting in endless space, he was in Unit 01's cockpit. His hands were griping the controls and Shinji could feel himself trembling.
There was an angel in front of him. But it wasn't his angel. It wasn't Kaworu. It was tall and horrible. One of its' eyes turned to look at him; then the body, slowly, until it was facing him.
He was choking. Choking on blood. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe.
The angel charged.
The Third Child screamed.
Screaming. Screaming. Death. Screaming. Silence.
Blue eyes looked frantically around the apartment bedroom. It was a nightmare, another nightmare.
Tears ran down the brunet's face and he tried to stay quiet so he wouldn't wake Kaworu.
Kaworu…
Shinji sat up slowly and looked at the space next to him. The silver-haired angel was laying still beside him, his chest rising and falling steadily.
A hiccup came out of the boy's throat and he pulled his knees up to his chest. The salty water droplets ran down his nose and chin, dripping onto the blanket.
"Shinji." The bed creaked. " Shinji, what's wrong?" Pale hands reached out and cupped the Third Child's face.
"Kaworu…" Shinji whispered, body shaking from sobs. "Kaworu…"
Kaworu felt the wetness on the ex-Eva pilot's cheeks and frowned lightly. "Come here." Carefully, he coaxed the boy into his arms.
The brunet clutched at the angel's shirt, burying his face into the other's shoulder. His body shook as a sob forced its' way out of his throat. Why did these horrible things keep finding him not matter where he hid? Why couldn't he drive them from his mind?
Kaworu rubbed and patted Shinji's back gently. "You're safe, Shinji." He soothed as he ran his pale fingers through the boy's sweaty brown locks. "It's going to be okay." The shaking and sobs persisted, prompting the Fifth Child to try another tactic. A slowly hummed rendition of Ode to Joy that sounded very like a lullaby. His hands never ceasing in their motions.
After a while the crying stopped and Shinji sat motionless against the humming angel. The sound filled up his mind and steadied his breathing.
Slowly, it faded off to be replaced by the other's heartbeat. Shinji kept listening to it for long minutes.
"Kaworu…" He said at last.
"Hm?"
"I'm sorry."
Kaworu looked at the boy, confused. "You don't have to apologize for anything."
The Third Child kept his gaze fixed on one of his own hands, which was still gripping Kaworu's shirt. "I've been such a bother to you." He said. "Even though I asked to come with you, I'm such a mess. It can't be worth all the trouble when I can barely get through one night without waking you like this."
Pale lips pulled into another faint frown. "Shinji, I love you. You asking to come with me made me so happy." Kaworu smiled again and pressed a kiss to the crown of the boy's head. "You aren't any trouble at all and these nightmares are not your fault." It was SEELE's fault, Gendo Ikari's fault, that Shinji had to suffer like this but Kaworu didn't say that.
It would be better for Shinji if he didn't know right now that Kaworu was capable of being upset, much less angry, with someone. It wasn't an emotion that the angel felt very often. He had managed to keep his feelings for most of the people who had hurt the Third Child at a strong dislike and severe dissapointment in them. Tabris did not become angry or hate people easily, but someone who incurred such an emotion from him would not get off lightly.
He brought a hand to Shinji's face and urged the brunet to look at him. "I love you." Kaworu repeated with his warm smile and kissed Shinji sweetly.
Blue eyes closed and the Third Child gave in to the kiss. He could feel the other boy starting to lay them both back down and brought a hand out to stop him.
The silver-haired angel paused mid-motion and waited for further explanation.
"...I don't want to go back to sleep yet." Shinji admitted hesitantly.
"Do you want to take a bath? You woke up sweaty." Kaworu offered.
The brunet nodded and made an agreeing hum in his throat. He knew that the other boy meant together and felt a blush rise on his cheeks.
The bathroom was actually fairly big, but just as plain and unfurnished as the rest of the apartment, with the exception of the towels in the cabinate.
Shinji stood by the doorway as he watched the hot water fill the tub. It was a nice, clean bathtub. Plain white, and just big enough for two people to share with relative comfort. When the tub had filled, Kaworu reached out with a pale hand to shut of the faucet. His free hand had already begun to take the tear-soaked sleep shirt off.
The brunet followed suit, resolutely trying not to look over at the other as a flush of embarassment spread over his skin. Just as he finished undressing the sight of Kaworu's bare shoulders caught Shinji's attention.
The skin there was just as pale and smoothe-looking as it was on the rest of Kaworu's body. But a sudden thought popped into Shinji's head at the sight of them.
When he was very little, the Third Child remembered seeing a picture book full of watercolor paintings. In one of them, there were people with pure white wings and robes flying around in the sky. The people were angels, like Kaworu. It made Shinji wonder what Kaworu would look like with a pair of large white wings sprouting from his back.
The silver-haired boy turned and pressed a hand to Shinji's face, thumb stroking his cheek fondly. "Shinji?" He asked.
The ex-Eva pilot was pulled from his imagining and stared into the curious red eyes that were so close to his. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, his gaze flickering over to the water for a moment. "I was thinking about something."
Kaworu smiled, "Come on." he said. "Or the water will get cold."
Shinji nodded and followed after Kaworu into the tub, his back resting against the Fifth Child's front. The water was pleasantly hot against the brunet's skin. Kaworu's pale arms wound around Shinji's waist, holding him close.
Bad things usually found Shinji in the bath. Thoughts he didn't want to have... memories he would rather forget... But with the angel so close to him it felt like none of that could reach him. He was safe.
The Fifth Child cupped some water in his hands and poured it over the brunet's chest. He repeated the action several more times, feeling the boy in his arms relax. "I'll help you wash." He said softly.
"Y-you don't have to!" Shinji protested feebly. Living so closely with Kaworu was wearing down his resistance to this sort of thing. Still, he didn't think that he would be okay with it if it were anyone else... Kaworu just sort of had a way of slipping past Shinji's barriers and making the things he was normally afraid of as easy as breathing.
"It's okay." The angel replied, going about his task gently and carefully. "This is just another way for me to express my feelings to you." Pale hands continued to wash the boy, by now the silveret had gone back to humming.
The Third Child stared at the faucet as he resigned himself to the other's kindness. "Um..." He began hesitantly, a faint flush rising on his skin again.
The humming stopped. "Hm?"
"...can I help you wash, too?"
Kaworu smiled, though Shinji couldn't see it as he wsa still looking the other way. "Yes. Thank you."
Once they had finished their bath, they got out of the tub. Kaworu wrapped a towel around Shinji and kissed his forehead before pulling the plug so the bath water could drain.
The Fifth Child reached out to help dry the brunet off. His hands worked in a very certain manner to get all the stray droplets off of the boy in front of him.
The ex-Eva pilot was more hesitant but, once there was an opening in the angel's movements, he grabbed the other towel and started to return the favor.
When they were both dry, they dressed. This time Shinji managed not to end up staring at Kaworu's bare back. He saw the silver-haired boy leave his wey sleep shirt to dry before turning to face him.
Shinji felt a pang of guilt at it. "I'm sorry." He apologized.
Kaworu cocked his head to the side slightly, not understanding the brunet's reason for giving an apology. After a second, a light of realization dawned in his red eyes. "It's fine. I don't mind it at all, and a little water won't hurt it." He said. He reached out with both hands and rested them on the other boy's shoulders.
The pale, long-fingered hands were a warm and comforting weight on Shinji's shoulders. The look in Kaworu's eyes stated clearly that he considered making the Third Child feel better far more important.
"Ready to go back to bed?" Kaworu asked softly.
Shinji nodded and let the angel switch off the light before going back to the bedroom.
The Fifth Child got in first and the brunet followed shortly after, snuggling into the angel's arms and pillowing his head on the bare chest.
Shinji tried to ignore his nervousness and embarassment at the feeling if Kaworu's bare skin and instead focus on the pleasantness of it. One of his hands acted on it's own and slid over the silveret's bare skin until it was resting on one of his shoulder blades. Fingers brush gently over the pale back. The action isn't absent-minded. Shinji's mind was intently fixed on the softness and warmth that belonged to Kaworu.
The brunet's mind had gone back to pondering on wings and what they would feel like. Surely they would make something like this difficult. Just laying down would take a lot of time and care. But Shinji was certain that they would be just as soft and warm as the rest of Kaworu was. White wings were what angels typically had, but they wouldn't give much contrast against the Fifth Child's pale complexion. Still, the ex-pilot was sure they would suit him.
The fact that he was thinking about this so much was probably a sign that he was close to falling back to sleep. Shinji breathed in the angel's clean scent deeply and let the breath out in a contented sigh. "Kaworu?" He murmured dorwzily as his blue eyes began to droop.
The silveret ran his fingers through the short brown hair of the boy in his arms. "Yes, Shinji?" He asked, he hadn't gone to sleep yet. He wanted to make sure that Shinji fell asleep and was content before he went to sleep, himself.
"I love you."
Kaworu looked down with a surprised expression before smiling. "I love you, too."
Shinji closed his eyes and made a soft hum in his throat. Seconds later he was asleep.
"This is ridiculous." Misato muttered to herself as she looked over the piles of paperwork in front of her. She really should be sleeping, but so far everything was in utter chaos. Shinji and the Fifth Child had disapeared so suddenly, yet nothing was aparantly being done about it.
There might have been a time when Misato was willing to take a 'he'll come back when he gets hungry' approach to Shinji running away. But that was before she knew the boy well enough to realize that he didn't do that sort of thing just because something wasn't going how he wanted it to.
He had been through some truly traumatic experiances the last time she had seen him. Even Asuka, who seemed to have the will to bounce back from anything, was just starting to recover. And that was only with Rei's help.
The long-haired woman bit back a sigh. Shinji had been missing for very nearly two weeks and she had no idea where he was. The there was the fact that he wasn't alone, he couldn't be. Kaworu Nagisa must have gone with him. Honestly, Misato wished she could say that that knowlage made her feel a little relieved. But there was something about Nagisa that was... off. Something not quite human...
And then there was SEELE, just that were they up to? The angels appeared to have gone silent. If only her sense of foreboding would go away Misato might be able to consider that good news.
The sounds of a mug being set down beside her bed startled the woman from her thoughts. She rolled over on her futon and came face-to-face with Rei.
"Drink it before it gets cold." The First Child said softly.
Misato sat up, shoving her paperwork the rest of the way off the futon, and picked up the mug of steaming cocoa. Recently, Rei had taken to coming over for Asuka's sake as her presense seemed to help the girl. She had even started to share a room with the other girl.
They had all silently agreed to leave Shinji's room untouched. Perhaps it was silly, but if they left it as it was the hope remained that he would come homw soon. And as soon as they were done being relieved that Shinji was alive and well Misato was going to ground him for the rest of his life.
Misato blinked as something suddenly occured to her. "Rei." She called to the girl who was on her way out the door.
Rei stopped mid-step and turned to look back at Misato. "Yes? What is it?" She asked.
Misato looked over the girl again; confirming that she was, in fact, in her day clothes and that exhaustion wasn't making the woman haluciante. "Why are you awake?" The 'at this hour' was heavily implied.
Rei blinked at the question, a note of confusion evident on her eyes. "It's morning." With that statement still in the air, she left. Asuka was sure to be waiting for her at the breakfast table.
The purple-haired woman looked at her window distressed. True to word, rays of sunlight were shining through the curtain. "Really?" She asked to no one dejectedly. Her eyes went back to the mug in her hands, this time fully processing that Rei hadn't made her coffee. Misato's expression softened. "She's a good girl. Worrying that I've been up all night." Closing her eyes, she took a sip. Once she was done she'd go to sleep.
It wouldn't do for the kids to be worrying about the adults, after all.
Kaworu grasped Shinji's hand with a smile and turned to look at Sally. "We'll see you on Monday." He said.
They were on their way to the door when the elderly woman called out to stop them. "One minute, boys. I have something for you."
Shinji looked from Kaworu to Sally confused when the angel stopped walking and their boss pulled two shopping bags out from behind the counter.
"Here." She said, handing one to each of them. "See if they fit."
Both boys looked into the bags and had similar expressions of surprise on their faces. In each bag was a warm winter coat. They looked at Sally before following through on her instructions and putting them on.
Kaworu recovered from his shock first and moved to help Shinji zip his coat up.
The brunet just watched the other boy silently, still feeling very overwhelmed.
The grey-haired woman smiled approvingly at the ex-pilots. "They were my sons coats but they still have a lot of wear left. It's been cold out lately and they were just taking up space in out closet." She said.
The silver-haired angel turned to look at Sally again with a smile of his own. "Thank you so much." His voice voice was completely sincere. It would have been bad if they had gotten sick from the recent coldness of the weather.
The blue-eyed boy felt his face warm, he opened his mouth to thank Sally as well but he couldn't get his voice to work. He was simply too stunned to speak.
Mrs. White seemed to understand, though. Walking over to him, she put a hand on his shoulder. "You're very welcome. Both of you." She gave a light squeeze. "Now you boys had better get going before it gets too much later."
Kaworu nodded and took Shinji's hand once more. "Thank you again, Mrs. White." The bells on the shop door tinkled sweetly as they left.
Smiling still, the old woman shook her head. "Goodness gracious, I've said before to call me Sally." She said to herself.
Shinji clung tightly to Kaworu's hand as they walked. The coat was warm and it still smelled like Sally and the bakery. "Kaworu..."
The Fifth Child turned his head to look at the younger boy. "Yes Shinji, what i-" He was cut off by the brunet launching himself into the angel's arms. "Shinji?" He asked in a mix of confusion and concern, red eyes wide.
Shinji's arms were sound around the silveret's neck and his face was buried against his shoulder, muffling the words that came out. "I don't understand." His body trembled as he spoke. "Why are they so kind? Why is everyone so kind to me?"
Kaworu's arms found their way around the ex-Eva pilot's waist and held him tightly but gently. "It's in the nature of living creatures to be kind. Kindness is as vital to living as oxygen. Without it, it's impossible to get by alright." He was speaking softly into the other's ear.
The warm breath floated over the Third Child's skin and made him shiver but it couldn't be noticed over the rest of his shaking. "I'm scared. I don't want it to hurt."
The angel's eyes softened and he could feel his heart breaking for the boy in his arms. "You poor thing," He said with sadness in his voice. "you've been hurt so many times by people you love that you're afraid to accept kindness from other lilim anymore." Pale hands ran over the trembling back, patting and rubbing to try to calm the other down. "It isn't going to hurt, Shinji. I won't let it hurt ever again."
Kaworu pressed a light kiss to the crown of Shinji's head. "It's alright. Shinji, it's alright." Once the brunet had calmed a little, the Fifth Child laced their fingers together and led him home. Rest would do them both good, Shinji especially. Part of healing the mental and physchological damage done to the ex-pilot was working on his ability to trust. He was still scared, and overwhelmed, and was resorting to using old methods of emotional defense. The angel knew that part of the process was simply going to be repeated exposure to a safe enviroment and letting the boy become comfortable in it. Slowly, but surely, the person he loved was healing.
Shinji continued to hang onto the silver-haired boy's hand as his lifeline. He was safe. He knew that as long as he was with the angel, he would be safe, regardless of where they were. Kaworu wasn't going to let anyone hurt him again. So why did he still have moments where the kindess of another person made him feel so scared?
End
A/N: I know this ended kind of sad. Believe me - I didn't want it to. It was just the reaction that Shinji had to Sally's kindness. So wish me luck with the next chapter being a little bit happier. Also, I would like to make a small announcment for those of you who were unaware, I have written some other oneshots for Evangelion that are Kaworu/Shinji stories. You can find them on my profile if you are interested.
Sorry that this update took so long. Writing a bath scene took more effort than I thought. .
(Bows) Thank you all again. I hope you enjoyed it, and I look forward to seeing you at the next chapter. Take care of yourselves until we meet again.
