BPOV

Maybe i should start at the beginning and explain how it all came to be, but if i'm honest there was a lot of pain involved to get to where i am.

Best Friends thinking that they know best and boyfriends that were more interested in being with someone else then spending time with me. Most of the time i like blanking it out, it makes life easier just ignore what happened before. Most people would say that it's helped to shape who i am.

I just don't see how, how has it made me strong when i still cry at night thinking about it. Yes i'm not a completely bitter person that lives every day hiding away, but it can be just as bad dealing with the everyday. Putting on a smile that everyone expects, and answering yes i'm fine whenever someone asks if you are ok.

That's what's expected not what i feel.

I think that's the difficult part in life trying to please as many people as you can, but soon realising that it's not possible. I tried for most of my life hoping that i would be the lucky one. That's the problem with luck it never lasts.

I think one of the best examples of this is the fact that i used to hang out with a large group of friends and overtime it slowly got smaller and smaller, i knew that my best friend was acting strangely and when asked said that she was seeing someone. Doing the normal thing that girls do, i wanted to know all the details.

That was my first mistake.

I shouldn't have asked maybe that would have made it easier. Ignorance can be bliss right.

It was too late i had let the cat of the bag.

You could read it on her face, the guilt and she said nothing. She just looked at me.

I could feel the fury growing, wondering how this could possibly have come to be. My own best friend decides it's ok to sleep with my ex boyfriend. Like i don't matter, like what he did to me doesn't matter. I couldn't look at her.

Is it wrong that i still felt like i deserved it, as though i wasn't good enough anyway.

Its funny though ever since my new love came into my life, he doesn't let me feel that way. He doesn't give me the chance to.

It took so long for me to even think of trusting someone else that when Edward came along we just fit and it felt right. I'm not sure if anyone else has felt it but it's the breath you take when you can just relax with someone. Knowing that they understand you on a completely different level to others. That they are your better half.

It's scary over such a short amount of time how much i've come to care for him. He knows things about me, it's almost like he has a book that tells him the signs when i'm sad. He always knows what to say, but the doubts are still there. Will i mess this up, will he walk away. If i'm honest it would break me, but i would let him go.