Gabirel knew that Dean was at Castiel's apartment because his car was here. He knew that he should not walk in, because Lord knows what he'd walk in on. Buuuuuut, he was nosy and loved a good surprise, so he went on up anyway. He open the door quietly. He stopped and listened, but he only heard soft snoring. It was still in the early morning, so he wasn't too surprised. Gabe tip toed to the living and stopped at the sight before him.

His little brother was cushioned on top of Dean's chest with his hands resting right above the guy's heart. Like he'd been feeling his heart beat as he slept. Dean was smiling in his sleep. He had one arm slung loosly around Cas. It was a lovely sight to behold. Gabriel had never seen his little brother so content. So naturally he whipped out his phone and took multiple pictures from different angles. Gabe then decided that he could do a nap. He had been up all night fighting with his other brother. Michael was again trying to get him to return home and be the good son to a father who was long gone. He laid down on Cas' big bed. The black duvet was the most comfortable thing Gabriel could think of.

/

Dean woke up first. He had never felt so well rested. He looked down at Cas. The way the sunlight was playing across his face made him look magical. Dean froze. Why was he taking the time to notice? Why did he enjoy that so much? NO. Fuck off, Brain. Dean thought to himself.

He'd never been in love, but he knew it didn't happen this God damned fast. He shook his head and closed his eyes again. Cas shifted his knee and was now crushing Dean's left nut. Trying to hold back his whining, he tried to move Cas without shifting too much. Cas was obviously not satisfied because he then began mumbling in his sleep. His face scrunched up and he clung to Dean's shoulders. Dean let out a breath of relief and pain. Thankfully in the midst of mumbling Cas had straightened his legs back out.

Dean was just laying there, ready to wait as long as necessary for Cas to wake up. He started thinking about the night before. It didn't take long before he was hot and bothered.

"Calm the fuck down." He whispered to himself. Cas' eyes flew open. He didn't move but he stiffened. Dean started to rub his back, but Cas moved away and stood up.

"Ahem, sorry. I don't know why I feel the need to use you as my personal pillow." Dean felt a prick of hurt at his words. Cas must have seen that becasue he cursed and leaned down to kiss him. Dean took him and pulled him down on top of him again.

"Stop thinking about it. I like being your pillow." Cas sighed in frustration. He was so conflicted and he had no idea as to what he was fighting with himself about. He knew that Dean had formed an emotional attachment. That's not what bothered him. He had this funny feeling in his gut that he couldn't name. It irritated him. He's never felt it before and he didn't like it. The only time it happened was when he was with Dean.

"Dean... I..." Dean's hand had begun sliding up and down his back. It was really nice.

"Cas. You mean something to me. I want to show you that."

"You showed me last night. When you obeyed me."

"I want to show it to you without being turned on. It's what people do. The sex stuff is great, but you need other things, little things, to show you too."

"I don't know how to show you with little things Dean. So I don't expect you to."

"What do you mean?" Dean's voice was taking on a wary tone.

"Dean... I don't want you to get your hopes up." Dean shifted Cas off of him and sat up to look at him.

"About what. You are my... boyfriend. I'm supposed to care about you. I'm supposed to want to make you happy. And you're supposed to return that. It's a two way street Cas."

Cas stared at Dean with a sadness in his eyes. He knew what Dean was saying was true, but he also knew he wasn't capable of returning the level of feelings being given.

"Stop looking at me like I'm some god damn lost puppy!" Dean shot up off the couch. "Are you telling me you don't feel anything for me? Are you saying that I'm just some sex toy for you to play with?"

Cas was silent for a minute, "I care what happens to you Dean. You matter, but what you're asking is impossible. I haven't had an emotional attachment since my father left."

"What do you mean? What did he do?"

Castiel stood up and started walking toward the kitchen, "I don't talk about this."

"The hell you say. I want to know why you say you can't feel anything for me."

"He was an awful parent. That's all you need to know." Cas' voice was short and curt.

Dean's feelings were hurt, but he'd never say so. Why would Cas involve him if he knew he wouldn't love him? Was it because Dean isn't good enough? Did he think that he was too low on the social bar to be able to recieve his feelings? Woud his father think him too beneath them for them to be together?

"You're really something else Castiel. Once you decide whether I'm worth your time or not, let me know." Dean turned and stormed out of the apartment. The slam of the door rang on after silence had fallen. Cas let his head fall. He didn't know why he wanted to vomit, but the urge wa there. He was all of a sudden really angry, not with Dean, but with himself. Why did he have to be the cold hearted bastard Dean had just made him feel like? Dean was important to him. Why couldn't he just say that?

"Because, it's not the same. It's not equal." He answered himself out loud.

"That's a load of bullshit, lil bro." Cas jumped and whirled around.

"Gabriel? Where the hell did you come from?"

"Same place you did, but that hole is not the one you need to be worrying about. You need to worry about the one you just dug with a quickness. I'm actually impressed. I've never seen somone steam roll themselves so fast."

"He wants me to love him, Gabriel."

"I don't see the problem, Cas" Gabe leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms. Cas shot him a hard look. "Cas, you need to get this chip off your shoulder. I saw you two. You really care about him. You trust him too. Otherwise you would not be where you are right now. You're angry with yourself for hurting his feelings. Which is what you did by the way. Did you see the look in his eye when you wouldn't open up to him?"

"Of course I did, Gabriel. Why did Father choose me? Why was I the one he had to cripple like this?" Tears were forming in Cas' eyes.

"You were the most defiant. You had to be made an example of." Gabirel walked up to his little brother and took him by the shoulders, "This is not a cripple. This is emotinal constipation; just like normal constipation, it will pass. The blockage will break free and you will have so many emotions you won't know how to handle yourself. You already feel something. I saw it on your face, right before you woke up." Cas was just staring at his brother. He knew Gabriel was right, but he had no intentions of letting go of his block, because who wants to feel all the pain you've kept at bay? Cas knew it would end his relationship with Dean eventually, but he could'nt risk losing his composer. It was too important to him. It was the one thing his father couldn't strip him of.

Castiel really took a good look at his brother for the first time since the beginning of the arguement, "Gabiel, you look like someone hit you with a truck."

"You've always had a way with words. Michael was badgering me all night last night. I'm just tired. Which is why I came here. I wanted to talk and sleep." Gabe walked back to the bedroom. Cas followed so he could shower.

"Feel free to sleep as long as you like."

"Thanks, Bro." Gabe flopped down and was asleep before Cas was done undressing. He didn't know what he was going to say to Dean.

Lord help them both if he chose to keep Dean.