So it took forever to finish this, but I think I like how it turned out.

Read, enjoy, and I'll see you at the bottom :)

Elena's POV

I never used to doubt my ability to make decisions that would prove overall better for my future.

I'd done so on multiple occasions, with college, career choices and, before Damon, men.

I wasn't one of those girls that let emotions get the better of me and affect my judgment.

Until now, apparently.

The number of bad decisions I'd made over the past few months of my life were astronomical, starting with ever falling for Damon Salvatore, but this one...this one topped them all.

I took a few breaths to steady myself as I dialed one of the contacts in my phone.

Three rings.

"Hello?" An accented voice answered.

"Enzo...I need your help."

It only took me a minute to explain my situation, and with assurance that he was on his way, I hung up the phone, leaving me to pace my motel room, hating myself in the silence.

I hadn't meant for this to happen, I really hadn't.

But when Damon had reached for my hand under the table at breakfast yesterday, that teasing smirk on his lips, something in me had snapped.

I was giving into him; to the pull between us, simply because I didn't have the restraint to argue with my wolf when she declared that Damon was what I wanted.

He wasn't. Isn't. Never would be again.

And knowing that I'd given him enough leadway that he felt completely at ease with the simple romantic gesture nailed me.

I was losing control, and I refused to let him win me over.

So I'd left the Manor.

A run through the woods, however, had only taken some of the edge off, not even in the way I needed it to, so I had decided that I needed to venture out further; leave Pack property.

I could control the Change well enough now that being around humans wouldn't be an issue, and the more distance I could put between myself and the Pack's Enforcer, the better.

I'd ended up at some dive bar with a shitty dance floor and music too old for the generation the place was trying to appeal to.

I'd had a beer, then another.

I wish I could blame everything that followed on my slight inebriation, but my new werewolf DNA made that impossible.

I didn't drink enough for my new supernatural body to be affected by the alcohol, so the bad decisions were completely my own.

A knock on the door brought a rush of relief, and I prayed that Enzo had kept his word and didn't tell Damon that he was coming to get me.

I opened the door, and sure enough, Enzo was alone.

"Are you alright?" he asked immediately, walking into the room.

I nodded, closing the door behind him, "For now. Thanks for coming."

"You had everyone worried," he said by way of acknowledgement, "Alaric's the only reason Damon didn't tear this town apart looking for you."

I sighed, dropping onto the edge of the mattress, "I know. I'm sorry."

It was the truth.

He had no idea how sorry I was.

"I can smell the human on you," Enzo sighed, "Damon will too. Hotel shower soap won't cover that scent."

"I know," I answered again, my arms crossing over my chest to hold my sides, "I fucked up, En."

He moved over so that he could sit beside me and frowned when he saw that there were tears forming in my eyes.

"Why?" he asked softly, "Why do this to yourself?"

I flinched, "Because I was stupid. I wanted to prove that being with Damon didn't mean anything. That I wasn't his and that I could be with anyone I wanted to be with...it just seemed like a good idea last night."

"And in hindsight?" he pressed gently.

I was sighing now, "In hindsight, I woke up in bed with a complete stranger who I then had to convince to leave before trying to figure out how I was ever going to explain this one."

I wiped the wetness off my cheek, "God, I feel like I'm betraying him, and I hate it."

And even worse, Enzo was right.

Damon would smell the human male on me and he would know what it meant.

He would know what I'd done.

Yesterday, I couldn't have cared less.

I wanted him to know that I could do whatever the hell I wanted and that he had no say so or influence over me whatsoever, and this would prove that.

But now...all I could see in my head is what his reaction would be.

In his twisted mind, in his twisted way, he loved me.

This was going to kill him and because of that, it killed me.

"What do I do?" I asked, my eyes flickering over to Enzo.

I'd called him because, of all the others, I trusted him to at least try and understand what I was feeling.

He was more human than the others, more in touch with him empathy.

George and Tyler were out of town, Mason would never let me live this down, and Stefan was just too close to Damon for me to feel comfortable asking his advice.

I could ask Alaric, but he pressed so vehemently for me to forgive Damon that I felt ashamed to do so.

Enzo, however, wouldn't care. He wasn't scared of the Enforcer, and he was a bit more mature than the others.

He was the only one I could think of that would know the right path to take now.

His brown eyes searched my face steadily, before he spoke.

"You slept with the human male to get back at Damon?"

"No," I tried to find the right explanation, "Not to get back at him...I just wanted to sever whatever this mental tie is between us. I wanted my control back. This was never about hurting him."

Enzo nodded, "Then you come home and you stand your ground."

I swallowed, staring up at him.

"Damon is used to having his way," Enzo admitted, "But you're allowed to make your own choices as well. He's going to have to accept that if you're going to stay with the Pack."

My head dropped into my hands, "This is going to tear him apart."

A hand touched my back, but did very little to relax me, "He'll recover."

"It shouldn't have happened like this," I said, lifting up to wipe my eyes, "He doesn't deserve…"

My sentence trailed off because I wasn't even sure how to finish it.

Damon did deserve to hurt.

He deserved all the pain I could possibly lash out.

But I didn't want to see it.

I took a settling breath and sat up straighter, forcing a calm through my body as my lungs expanded.

Enzo's hand moved to the top of my knee.

"Elena," he started, but paused until I looked at him.

There was no harsh judgment on his face, no accusation...just worry and familial love.

"It's okay to still care. You know that right? I mean Damon can be an ass but it's alright for you not to want him to suffer. You loved him for a long time."

"I still do," I whispered.

The words hurt, and it was the first time I'd admitted it out loud, but I trusted Enzo and it needed to be said.

"I still love him," I repeated, my gaze dropping to my hand, where my ring used to be, "I hate that I do, but I have to accept that it's true. It doesn't seem to matter how pissed I get or that I can't be with him after what he did...I'm still in love with him," I grazed my left ring finger, "For better or for worse."

The words were a little bitter, but Enzo only nodded.

"Well, knowing Damon," he sighed, "more often than not, it'll be for the worse."

"Yeah," A sad smile lifted the corner of my lips, "But I knew that from the day I met him."

"Good," Damon's voice was dripping with pride, "Very good. Now Daniel, I want you to pull his leg to the right so that your arm can- there you go."

Daniel and Michael were in a tumbled mess on the ground, but even from the distance I was standing I could tell their movements were choreographed; calculated.

Daniel was following his father's instructions to a tee and had managed to pin Michael in the first five minutes of their sparring match.

Caroline was beside me on the porch, her computer in her lap as she updated whatever article she was working on right now.

She'd made Damon swear that this was just for fun before allowing Michael to join in on the lessons, and it seemed that Daniel relaxed a little, getting to go against his best friend, instead of one of the other Pack sons.

Skylar patiently waited her turn from her perch on top of Damon's shoulders, anxiously watching the match.

Damon gave a few more instructions before then declaring Daniel the winner.

"You're both doing good," he praised, letting Skylar down, "Michael, you held your own well."

The blond took the Alpha's compliment with a smile as Skylar readied herself to face off with her brother.

"Don't let them hurt each other," I called over to my mate, who shot me a wink in response.

"We won't," Daniel promised me, "We've been practicing!"

Be that as it may, all it would take is an emotional surge on one of their parts for the bond to trigger and them to be at each other with their powers.

Competition was good and all, but maybe not so much when your children could literally set each other on fire.

I sighed and turned to Caroline instead to distract myself.

"Where's William?"

"Still napping," she answered, then lifted the baby monitor that was beside her in the chair to show me.

"Ah."

She sighed and peered over the laptop, out at the children, "Do you ever wish they'd just stop growing?"

I laughed at that, "All the damn time. At least you still have a baby."

Her smirk was a knowing one as her gaze found mine, "You ever thought about having another?"

I shook my head, "I doubt it's even possible. Giuseppe had to put a spell on me before I conceived the twins, and it wasn't exactly like Damon and I had been playing it safe...but even if it were, I wouldn't. Last time was too close of a call and we have enough drama with the twins to last us a lifetime."

Caroline nodded, "Yeah, I get that."

Then she hesitated before saying, "I think Klaus wants another baby."

My brows lifted without permission, "Yeah?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. I mean, he seems like he hints at it, but he never actually says so. I don't think I want another one though. At least not for a while."

"Tired of changing diapers?" I teased and she smiled, "Maybe a little, but it's more than that. I mean, we had Michael so fast…" she blushed a little, but continued, "We never really got to just enjoy time together, you know? And then Michael was old enough that he didn't demand as much attention so I thought we'd finally get to have, you know, a bit of a honeymoon phase I guess, but then Klaus wanted another baby, and we had William."

"Of course," she added, "I wouldn't trade him for the world, but I miss my husband. We're going to have a very small window between William being old enough not to need us as much, and Michael going through the Change. I want to be able to enjoy it."

I smiled at her, "Then tell him that. I'm sure he'll understand."

"I know he would," she said, "I just feel kind of bad. I think part of wanting a big family comes from the fact that Giuseppe stole his first one from him. It's like there's something he's trying to make up for."

Her voice was a little sad and I reached over to touch her hand, "Care, Klaus loves you. I don't think he's trying to replace his almost family with yours. He might just like the idea of a lot of young with you. Talk to him."

She began to respond, but a shrill yell of pain caught my attention.

Skylar.

I whirled around, half on my feet before I realized that I had over reacted a bit.

Skylar was fine, but on her stomach, face pressed into the ground, as Daniel pulled her arms behind her, having successfully pinned her.

"Good," Damon was saying, "Now, let her go."

Daniel did so immediately, and looked guiltily over at his sister.

Skylar pulled herself to her feet, and the moment her balanced returned, she lunged at her twin.

"Ah ah," Damon caught her before she could collide with Daniel, and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Sky, no. He won that round. The fight is over."

She bared her teeth, hissing slightly and a low warning growl reverberated from Damon's chest.

The response was immediate; she backed down.

"You've gotten better," Damon assured her, "But you follow your instincts too much. You have to learn to think when you fight, otherwise you'll be predictable to your opponent."

He went on, calling Daniel and Michael's attention as well, and I couldn't help but smile at the eager looks on their faces.

As if they understood the value of these moves they were learning.

My smile faded and I sent up a tiny prayer that they'd have to actually use them.

"I'll be right back," I told Caroline, before making my way off the porch and down to where my family was.

Daniel saw me first, "Mom, did you see me? I beat Sky!"

"Only barely," my daughter snapped, and I chuckled, "I think you all did very good."

"Why don't you go over there and keep practicing," Damon suggested, pointing to the clearing between his car and Caroline's, "Just remember, no Changing."

They nodded and took off, Michael going with them, and Damon shook his head.

"I was hoping this would let them burn off some energy."

I laughed, "I'm pretty sure that's impossible at their age, but I appreciate you keeping the hope alive."

He smirked, "Anytime...though I have to admit, Daniel did do better than I was expecting. I thought for sure Skylar was going to have him there a few times."

"You've been working with him longer," I pointed out, "And he does actually pay attention to what you teach him."

Damon nodded, "That's a good thing. If he's ever going to be Alpha-"

"If," I cut him off, "And we have plenty of time to worry about that."

He shrugged, but didn't comment further.

"Besides," I looked over to our young, "You don't think you should also be considering Skylar in that possibility?"

"For Alpha?" he asked, lifting a brow.

I nodded, "Seems to reason, doesn't it? I mean, I know Daniel's older, but Skylar actually likes the turning...and there's no denying that her...natural talent is slightly better."

Damon considered that, then simply said, "Perhaps. But that isn't the law."

"You are the law," I reminded him, and he smiled a little.

"Oh come on, Damon," I lightly punched his arm, "Don't be sexist."

He laughed, "It's not that, Kitten. It really isn't."

"Then what?" I pressed.

He sighed, and his gaze flickered over to the young as well.

"It's just...different," he said finally, "Skylar's different. She doesn't like the rules, barely follows them, acts impulsively, is stubborn as hell when she wants to be, and follows every reckless whim she gets. Does that sound like good Alpha material?"

I couldn't help but smirk as I lifted my arms to wrap them around his neck.

"No," I agreed, "It sounds like you."

Damon narrowed his eyes, "That's different and you know it."

"Maybe," I allowed, "But you can't deny that her bright personality comes right out of the Damon playbook. That girl is yours, through and through."

A tiny smile tugged at his lips, "God help us."

My heart was trying to escape from my chest by the time we pulled into the Manor's driveway.

The dryness of my throat appeared to be here to stay and the tips of my fingers were shaking.

"Breathe," Enzo instructed calmly, "It'll be alright."

I nodded, knowing damn well that it wouldn't be, but wanting to hope so anyway.

He killed the ignition and I knew that it was time to face the music.

With a final drag of air into my lungs, I opened the car door and got out.

Enzo followed behind me; up the porch and through the front door.

My feet felt heavy as I entered the foyer, and a mental clock went off in my head.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

"Elena."

And there he was.

Damon, with Alaric just behind him, came burling into the open space around me, as if I had been gone for weeks, and not just the night.

His arms pulled me against his body roughly, squeezing me like he thought I would disappear if he didn't.

"You can not just disappear without saying a fucking word," he chided me, pulling back as he gripped my face in his hands, "What the hell were you thinking, staying ou-"

His words suddenly died as every inch of his body froze.

His nostrils flared, and I knew that my scent was registering with him.

His lips pulled back, barely, but enough that the tips of his teeth showed and his breathing deepened with slow exhales.

A animalistic hum started in his chest, and I flinched as his eyes bore into mine.

Emotions turmoiled through those blue orbs faster than I could keep up with them, but guilt clotted my veins as surely as if he'd spelled them out for me.

His hands fell from my body, turning to fists at his side.

But his eyes never left mine.

With every breath Damon took, his wolf glared back at me, thinly controlled rage lacing the stare.

There was a long stretch of silence, in which everyone in the room remained still, until Alaric stepped hesitantly forward.

"Elena," he called my attention calmly, though his eyes were wary and on Damon, "Go into the study and wait for me."

There was a hint of the Alpha in his voice, and the only thing that kept me from immediately obeying was the way Damon's head shot to him at the suggestion.

"No," he argued, his voice strained.

That single word from him cut into my will, stronger than the Alpha command, and as certain as my own thoughts.

I wanted to obey him, still; wanted to please him.

"Damon-," I started, but Alaric cut me off.

"You are a second away from ripping into something, son. And you don't want it to be her."

Damon hesitated, his gaze flickering back to me, and the sudden scent of his building agony scorched me.

His pain was real and raw and was about to find an outlet.

"Go," Alaric told me firmly, taking a step to move between us.

Damon's canines elongated and a growl slipped from his throat.

"Don't," Enzo warned the Alpha, before moving in front of him to hinder Damon's path.

Mason and Stefan appeared from hall, as Enzo looked Damon in the eyes "Don't do anything stupid. She doesn't need this."

"You should be concerned with what you need," Damon hissed at him, teeth bared, "Which is to back the hell down before I lock my jaw around your throat and rip it out with my teeth."

"Damon," Alaric chided, stepping forward, but Enzo was already responding.

"You don't have to like this, but Elena's a big girl; she can make her own decisions, including who she sleeps with."

A quiet "Oh shit" came from Mason, which I almost missed because Damon moved in that moment, pushing Enzo back and baring his teeth.

"Damon!" I yelled, moving forward to grab his arm as he started toward his Pack brother.

He threw off my grip easily, eyes still trained on Enzo.

Alaric stepped between them, shoulders squared, "Damon, stop."

His voice dripped with Alpha and Damon's body immediately halted.

His gaze, however, didn't stray from his target.

"Get out of my way," he growled.

"Like hell I am," Alaric spat, his voice raising, "Go down to the basement. NOW! And Elena, wait for me in the study, like I said."

There was no more argument.

Damon pulled away from him and stalked out of the room, disappearing into the hallway, and Alaric followed him.

In their absence, Mason walked over to Enzo, "You alright?"

The other male rolled his shoulder experimentally, "I'll be fine. You?"

He was looking at me.

I gave a small nod, even though fine was far away from what I was feeling at the moment.

"What the hell was that all about?" Stefan asked.

Enzo began explaining, but I didn't stick around to listen.

Instead, I did what my Alpha told me and went to the study, where, coincidentally, I could hear Damon pacing beneath me.

With a frown, I sat on the edge of the sofa and closed my eyes.

I forced my ears to block out the sound of anything else, until I could make out the words that Alaric was saying.

"-was going to happen."

"Not like this," Damon's voice was still barely controlled, "I can't...Ric, she…"

His words trailed off into an inhuman noise, and the pacing stopped.

"Fuck...the...Change," Damon hissed, as if he were fighting for control of his body.

"Breathe," Alaric told him, "Stop and breathe, or the wolf will take over."

Damon did as instructed, then sighed.

"I want to hunt him," were his next words, "Whoever the fuck he was. I want to hunt him down and rip him into pieces for touching her."

"Which is precisely why you are going to stay right here until that urge passes," Alaric told him, quieter now, "You have to fight through that instinct."

A moment of silence, and I swallowed thickly.

Whatever reasons that had made this seem like a good idea last night were long gone, and my stomach was hollow with regret and guilt for doing this.

"I'm losing her," Damon's voice choked in his throat, and tears were slipping from my eyes at the sound, "I thought that when I came back...that I could convince her...how could she do this, Ric? She loves me, I know she does. How could she let a human…"

Something like a sob ended his words and I let out one of my own.

I did love him.

But love had nothing to do with this.

Didn't he understand? He wasn't the one losing me.

I was losing myself.

To him.

That human had simply been a sad attempt at trying to prove to myself that my body was my own; not Damon's.

But I was wrong.

With the pain we were both wallowing in now, it was clear that part of me did belong to him, and always would.

Alaric was murmuring words that I didn't follow, and I decided that I'd waited in this room long enough.

I couldn't stay and hear anymore, and it wasn't as if anyone was going to stop me from going up to my room.

So to my room I went, throwing myself on the bed until broken sobs and a mess of tears stole my breath.

I cried until there was nothing left in me, and even then the tears kept coming.

I cried for what I'd done, for how I'd hurt the only man I'd ever loved.

I cried for how he'd hurt me.

For how I'd loved a man that didn't even exist, and how this demanding, complicated male in his place still had my heart anyway.

I cried for what we had lost, and for what we would never have.

The ceiling loomed over me in it's unimpressive white blandness, blurred by the wet of my eyes, until I closed them.

Enzo was wrong.

This wasn't about having the freedom to make choices or stand my ground...it was about figuring out where I stood on it.

I loved Damon, but I couldn't be with him.

I hated him, but I couldn't be with anyone else.

I was stuck in some middle ground of misery where desire and rationality refused to coincide and this was the result.

Was this to be my future then?

Damon and I repeatedly hurting each other until one of us eventually went to far?

I couldn't leave him, or the Pack, but I couldn't give him what he wanted either.

So we were here.

Damned and in love, slowly destroying each other.

I knew the moment he left the basement; and I could feel the moment he touched the top of the stairs, starting down the hallway where he would stop in front of my door.

I could hear his breathing on the other side of the wood, and I forced myself to get up.

To open it before he could.

The surprise didn't even register on his face, meaning he knew that I would let him inside the room.

But he didn't move.

His face was empty, but looked as bad as I'm sure mine did, with cold, red rimmed eyes and aged beyond its years.

Blue eyes ate up my appearance as well, and finally, he moved toward me, pulling the door shut behind him.

I broke the silence first, "I'm sorry."

It was barely a whisper, but I needed it to be said.

Damon inhaled again, and flinched before shaking his head, "Just...make me understand."

I swallowed, taking a step back so I could sit on the bed, "I don't want to belong to you."

His gaze locked with mine at the words, and I sighed, "I didn't even know his name, the entire thing lasted barely half an hour, and I was on top the whole time. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could be with someone who wasn't you."

I watched as Damon's jaw flexed once, then twice, before he slowly moved his feet toward me.

I closed my eyes as he stopped in front of me and reached down to take my face into his palms.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, lifting me to my feet, "If I could change the past, I would."

"But you can't," I said, looking up at him, "Just like I can't change the way I feel."

"Or the fact that you are mine," Damon whispered, "And your wolf always will be."

My wolf.

Because he knew that everything in me that was human would never allow us to be together...but that raging beast...she wanted him, still.

And she wasn't going to let go of her mate, as surely as his wolf would never fully release me.

"You broke my heart," I told him, as our bodies gravitated closer together, like magnets, "I can't forgive you."

"I know," his breath was washing over my face now, warm and doused with everything that was him.

"I don't want to love you."

Our noses were almost touching, but his eyes stayed on mine.

"That's okay," he said, "Just let me love you."

As if I had a choice of stopping that...or this, as his body pressed into mine and I was suddenly falling back, molding into the mattress as his weight came down on top of me.

"Just let me love you," he repeated, then our lips found each other.

Before, our touches were uncontainable.

Explosions of fireworks and passion that lit every nerve of my body with desire until I was screaming Damon's name.

But this...this was even more dangerous.

Damon kissed me.

Slowly, agonizingly, reverently.

He kissed me like my mouth was a holy tavern for him to explore, my body his religion.

The tears were back in my eyes before our clothes were even removed, though that part was done slowly too.

Damon's mouth trailed all over me, his lips pressing against my skin with all the gentleness he held in his being, his tongue following them.

I realized, after a moment, that he was scenting me; making sure every single inch of me smelled like him.

Erasing my transgressions until any touch that wasn't his was eradicated from memory.

But he didn't bite until he settled back into the swell of my hips, and his teeth sank into my neck with his first thrust into my body.

I clung to him, holding him, hating him, as he made love to me.

Slow.

A word I wasn't sure existed in Damon's vocabulary until today.

He kissed his bite, then added several others, always following with the same treatment.

I wanted to scream at him to get on with it.

To fuck me so we could both get off and be done, but Damon refused to be hurried.

He just marked me while sliding against me, building and teasing, though I could feel the strain of his muscles.

His body, especially the wolf, liked the sex we usually had.

The dominance display and the devouring each other, but something was different in Damon's resolve now.

This wasn't his wolf with me, instinct driven with demands of fighting that rivaled the fucking...it was Damon; his humanity, breaking through to prove to me that the love he felt was more than our animalistic cravings.

This was a connection of emotions, not just physical pleasure, and God, I wanted to fight it.

But being loved like this, by a male like this...my mate…

"Damon," I exhaled, closing my eyes as an orgasm stole my thoughts and had my nails piercing his skin.

He didn't even flinch and didn't stop moving as the waves crashed over me.

He was forcing me to feel everything there was between us.

The hate, the anger, the love, the pain...him.

I thought of my human lover and how I had felt absolutely nothing during our time together, and the entire time I'd been on top of him (because my wolf absolutely refused to let anyone else dominate me) I'd had my eyes closed, trying to see anything but Damon.

But I saw him now, and saw the devotion in his eyes and felt it encompass me.

I didn't want to be his...but he would always be mine.

I pulled his head down to me and kissed him.

His approving growl had me turning our bodies until I was on top and his hands were running over my ribcage.

His hips continued thrusting, even as I rode him, and my mouth found his neck.

When I bit him, we both came.

I collapsed into his chest, his blood still on my lips, and his arms wrapped around me in a death grip, as if silently begging me not to leave him.

"Will you answer a question for me?" he asked quietly.

I tilted my head up to look at him, "What?"

"Did you...the human...did you enjoy it?"

I sighed, but answered honestly, "No...I hated it."

"So you didn't…" his voice trailed, but I got the point.

"I didn't get off," I promised, "It wasn't about that."

Damon nodded, and then he was turning us again, so that he was above me, looking down.

"You said you were on top," he recalled.

"I was."

"You didn't submit to him," he stated the obvious.

I reached up slowly, touching my bite on Damon's neck, "I couldn't."

He leaned down, pressing our foreheads together, "Then will you do it for me, now?"

The intensity of his gaze had me swallowing, but I was unable to refuse him.

I turned my head and barred my neck to him, opening up the most vulnerable part of me for him to take.

There was an exhaled rush of his breath, then his lips touched the skin of my throat.

However, he didn't bite down.

He just placed a short kiss there, and nuzzled the area.

"Alpha," he breathed next to my ear, "Say it."

The request was new, and strange, but the word fell easily from my lips.

The control he had over me was so similar, giving him the title felt almost natural.

"Alpha."

A growl that was more erotic than animal escaped him and then he was kissing me again.

"I love you," he said against my mouth, "I always will."

My smile was forced as he pulled away to look at me, "You're underestimating always."

His response was certain, "You're underestimating me."

Maybe. It wouldn't be the first time.

But then his lips were back on mine and the distraction stole the thought.

Nothing else mattered, and wouldn't for the next several hours.

Let me know what you thought :)

Also, shout out to Kim for all the help and late night rambles lol, you're the best!