A/N: YES I KNOW IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE I LAST UPDATED DON'T ATTACK ME PLS BLAME SCHOOLWORK OKAY

ANYWAY, this one should be fun to write :) also i'm listening to Death of a Bachelor by Panic! right now and fuUUuuuuUCUuuuCK it's SO GOOD it's one of those songs that would be good banging to i mEAN ,,,, but it's super hot and i love it so much oh ym god goodbye — ALSO VICTORIOUS BY PANIC! IS SO AHHHHH OH MY GO F IT'S AMAZING GO LISTEN TO IT R i GHT noW

summary: Dan Howell had just started college, and he's roommates with someone named Phil Lester, who's quiet and moody. They're similar in a lot of ways, they like the same things, listen to the same music, and they even have matching fringes. They're also basically polar opposites, but that's what makes them attracted to each other, even if they don't know it themselves yet. College AU. Phan, with kickthestickz.

tw: mentions of being drunk? idk

enjoY

VI.

kaleidoscope eyes

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The next morning, Dan's awakened by a loud thud.

As he opens his eyes slowly, he's met with the image of Chris sprawled out on the floor underneath him. He's completely confused on why Chris is there in the first place — but when Dan looks up and around at his surroundings, fuzzy memories are coming back to him. Derek's party. Getting drunk. Kissing Phi — oh. He feels his cheeks burning up instantly at the thought, but judging by him sleeping on the other boy's shoulder, he's pretty sure that wasn't a dream.

Dan groans as he removes his head from Phil's shoulder, shifting into a more comfortable sitting position. His neck aches, and his head is pounding. Each time he tries to focus on something, the image looks like it's multiplying by itself. He sighs as he places his head in between his hands and stares at the coffee table in front of him, trying his best not to pass out again. He doesn't feel like he needs to throw up, which is good because he doesn't want to ruin Derek's furniture. On the contrary, he just feels extremely exhausted. It's better than his previous hangovers, anyway.

He licks his lips since they feel dry, and blushes when he tastes a hint of vanilla. All of the memories from last night come rushing back into his mind, and he finds himself stupidly grinning at the bunch of empty beer bottles on top of the small table. His eyes dart from there to Chris, who's still sleeping on the floor — and PJ, who's head is tilted back as he snores quietly, his arm hanging limply from his side, in the space where Chris used to be. Dan chuckles to himself as he messes with his hair in the meantime, it's returned to it's Hobbit-ness because of the previous humid air, but he doesn't really care.

Carefully, he gets up from the couch and slowly makes his way to the nearest restroom (while doubling over and nearly stumbling into objects during the way), opening the door and locking it. Dan places both of his hands against the sides of the sink and takes a deep breath — looking into his reflection in the mirror as he does so. He doesn't look that bad, just mainly sweaty. His hair is a mess, all over the place, and his expression looks unfocused and sleep-deprived.

He realizes that the top button of his dress shirt is unbuttoned, and as he reaches to re-button it (momentarily forgetting how it happened in the first place), with a jolt he remembers Phil being the cause of it. Dan jumps as soon as he goes through that memory again, and as he lifted his head to look at himself in the mirror — his reflection is blushing intensely this time.

Dan turns the sink on and exhales once more as he splashes water on his face, although it doesn't really make his red face go away. Sighing, he wipes his hands on the towel and leaves the bathroom — he can see slightly clearer this time, and he doesn't stumble as much when he's walking back to where his friends were positioned. As he takes a seat next to the black haired teen, who is still passed out — Chris twitches from the floor, and Dan nearly has a heart attack.

He continues on watching as Chris moves around a little bit more, before letting out a loud groan. In slight awe and worry, Dan looks on as he watches the other teenager lift his head quite difficultly from the floor, his green eyes looking dull and alert at the same time. He rubs his eyes before swiveling around to look straight at Dan, squinting slightly. Dan doesn't really know what to do; so he just stares back at Chris, who doesn't move for a while.

"Fuck." Chris grumbles, as he struggles to sit up. Dan fights back a giggle as he watches Chris adjust to his surroundings, and smiles as the other teen knocks down the unfinished beer he was holding in his hand, making it spill all over the carpet. As soon as his back was to the couch, he glares at the carpet, his mouth set in a grimace. He rubs his eyes once more as he looks at Dan, his gaze still quite unfocused. "Daaaan. Where the hell are you? You're multiplying."

"I'm over here, Juliet." Dan smirks, as the other teen shakes his head painfully.

He glares at the spilled beer on the carpet, and then breaks into a grin. Chris holds two thumbs up as he tries to stand — doubling over as he does so. Dan stands up as well, to help him, but Chris waves him off. "Agh. Well, that was certainly something." He smirked, his green eyes glancing at Dan. "Did you love seeing me act like a demented creature?" He mused, spreading his arms out.

"I enjoyed your wonderful Romeo and Juliet reciting, actually." Dan replies, as he sits down once more. "I didn't know you were into Shakespeare."

"Kind of." Chris says, as he sways a bit. "We're doing some analysis of it in English, and I've already done it once back in high school. It's interesting. All of his stories are interesting. I don't know, man. I'm just hella tired right now, and my throat hurts. But that was fun. Although I feel like I need to puke. Also my head is pounding, and I can't see straight." He says, then pauses before continuing. "I mean, I'm not straight. Get it? Haha."

This doesn't really come as a shock to Dan, but he's still a bit surprised. He finds himself smiling as he looks back up at his friend, who looks a bit smug even though he's still swaying from side to side. There's a stupid grin on Chris's face, and his eyes are glittering. "Ah, I see." Dan just says, as he stares at his hands on his lap. As he looks back up at Chris, he tilts his head. "So... are you bi, then?"

Chris grins widely. "Yes, in a matter of speaking." He shrugs and sits himself back down on the couch, and looks at the sleeping PJ next to him. "I mean I still find girls attractive, but I lean towards guys more." He glances back at Dan, who raises his eyebrows. "So I'm not completely a straightedge, and I'm not completely a circle." He chuckles at the last bit, but then raises an eyebrow back at Dan. So he wasn't kidding in the moments he's flirting with PJ, Dan thought, slightly amused.

He gives Chris a small smile in return, and chews his bottom lip apprehensively as the other teen then gets up to go to the restroom ("You know what, Dan, I feel sick. I'll be right back."). His head is spinning with the things Chris had newly informed him of — he's been sure that Chris hasn't been 100% straight, from some of his actions, but it still makes him think. Dan's kissed Phil. Well, he's kissed him drunk. But it still counted, didn't it? Some people say that "drunk actions are sober thoughts," and Dan knew that he's wanted to kiss Phil in the past. So what does that make him?

He doesn't want to label himself right now, but he knows that he's felt something when he and Phil's lips collided. It was some sort of spark; and it felt good. He won't lie about it, the feeling was quite amazing. A small part of his brain was smug and slightly satisfied that he had made out with Phil, like that other person who Phil had kissed in the past also. Dan was plenty sure that what he had for Phil was something possibly more than just friendly. But he wasn't completely sure if the feelings were strong. Maybe he'd just wait and see what'll happen.

He's brought out of his thoughts when he feels the couch move. Slightly surprised, he looks around — seeing Phil shift around and rub his eyes. Dan freezes instantly, and feels his face starting to heat up again. His roommate's blue eyes look kind of hazy, and also tired. Phil sighs slightly as he looks to his left, where Dan is awkwardly positioned next to him.

Dan looks on as Phil shakes his head, rubbing his eyes. He blinks a couple of times, before focusing on Dan once more — his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Once he realizes that Dan is next to him, he relaxes, and his mouth forms into a small smile. "Hey." He says simply, as he ran a hand through his tousled hair. On the other hand, the brown haired teen bites his lip before giving him a shy smile back.

"Mornin'," another voice calls, from the other couch. PJ sits up, his hair even curlier than normal, his light green eyes tired and slightly red. Since he was slouched all the way into the couch, it seemed like his back was aching. "Oh, geez. I remember now. This is why I don't drink all the time. The fucking hangovers the next day." PJ mumbles slightly, burying his face into his hands. "Where's Chris, by the way?"

"Bathroom." The brown haired teen replied, folding his arms. "He said he was feeling sick."

PJ scoffed. "Wow. What did he say when he woke up?"

"'Fuck'." Dan grins, using air quotes as the curly haired teen laughs lightly.

At that exact moment, Chris waltzes in, holding a hand against his stomach. "I feel incredibly sorry for the next person who uses the restroom." He says, sighing as he crashes back on the couch next to PJ, placing his head on the other boy's lap. Dan raises his eyebrows, remembering what Chris had said earlier, before disregarding it once more. PJ doesn't look like he minds it anyway.

From besides him, Phil shifts slightly, so that his head falls on Dan's shoulder.

And honestly — as Dan feels the black haired teen's soft breath on his neck, he doesn't mind this at all.

They come back from Derek's house about an hour or two later.

Chris and PJ head to their room immediately, having being "too tired to do anything else the rest of the day". At this, Dan and Phil really have no other choice than to go back to their room as well, both of the boys crashing on to both of their mattresses at once. After Phil locks the door to their room, the brown haired teen groans — placing his head in his hands.

"Do you want to shower first?" Phil asks him, his eyes still quite unfocused.

Dan nods slightly, swiping a towel, shirt, boxers, and sweatpants from his drawer. "Sure. Thanks." He mumbles, as he enters the small bathroom in their room. After he locks the door to the bathroom, he sighs and looks at himself in the mirror. Dan's tired reflection is looking back at him through hazy brown eyes, his neutral expression looking exactly the same. He throws his clothes off quickly and steps into the shower, greeting the cold water gratefully.

He finishes about fifteen minutes later, shutting off the water and stepping out of the shower. Dan throws the shirt he brought from his drawer on and concludes his dressing, draping his towel around his shoulders as he steps out and looked at his roommate, who appeared to be doodling something on what seems to be a sketchbook. As soon as Dan emerged from the bathroom, Phil gave him a small smile as he placed the notebook facedown and stood up. He grabbed his things to take to the bathroom with him, and brushed a hand through his hair.

"Done?" He asks, quite politely.

"Yep. Bathroom's all yours." Dan says, smiling encouragingly. As Phil shuts the door behind him, the brown haired teen crashes onto his bed and sighs as he makes a weak attempt in drying his wet hair. He doesn't really know what to do now, aside from the homework that he knows he does have to finish. But that can wait, right? It's still early in the day. Surely he has time later anyway, and the good thing is that he doesn't really have much to do.

His eyes wander around the room for a bit, trailing from the posters to his side of the room to Phil's things on the other half. As he does so, Dan's interest seems to peak at the still-facedown sketchbook on top of Phil's mattress. He hesitates for a little bit, his gaze drifting from there to the bathroom where Phil still was. Surely they were close enough to look through each other's things, right?

Dan soon gives into the temptation, and sits himself on Phil's bed. He takes the book and flips it over, and as he does so — his eyes widen. There are beautiful, intricate patterns where Phil had left off sketching, each one blending in with the next. Although it seems to just be a doodle, to Dan it's a wonderful thing. He turns the page back, and finds himself smiling at the page; there is a drawing of the park where Phil had taken him a few days ago. It's a sketch, too — all of the drawings are sketches, but they're completely breathtaking.

He wasn't aware that Phil was such a good artist. From his first impression of the black haired teen, he was a bit rude, distant, and moody — and used a lot of vulgar language. But ever since he's known him, he was constantly feeling like there was still more to find out about his roommate. Phil did sort of have a mysterious aura around him, and didn't really talk about his personal life much. He doesn't realize on how long he's looking at his roommate's sketchbook until the door swings open, and he nearly jumps.

The black haired teen exits the bathroom, a towel draped over his shoulders as well. He's wearing a dark blue t-shirt with gray sweatpants, and his blue eyes widen slightly when he notices that Dan's perched on his bed, looking through his sketchbook. Slightly afraid to find out what was going to happen next, the brown haired teen awkwardly places Phil's sketchbook back facedown and grins nervously — waiting for Phil to start shouting at him.

Instead, Phil blinks at him through his messy black hair. He walks slowly over to Dan's bed, and sits on it. "Were you looking through that?"

"Er..." Dan mumbles. There's not really an escape out of it. "Yeah, sorry. I was... interested."

The other teen looks amused. "What were you expecting?"

"Huh?"

"What were you expecting, Dan?" Phil repeats, as he dries his hair. A hint of a smile is on his face.

Dan thinks for a bit — but the truth was, he wasn't really expecting anything. "Nothing," he answers truthfully. He messes with his hair for a bit, before looking back up to glance at Phil. His roommate's head is tilted slightly, sort of like a curious puppy. He had an excellent poker face, although he was smiling. His eyes are glancing into Dan's, they're soft, blue, and like the waves on the beach, calming and soothing.

When Dan first met Phil, his blue eyes were dull. They were lacking life, interest, excitement. He didn't seem curious about anything at all. Gradually, Dan's noticed, they've gotten back their light. Well, he feels like they did anyway. Dan likes Phil's eyes, they're multicolored, beautiful and mesmerizing. Dan thinks that his are plain and boring. He only has dull, uninteresting brown eyes — it's not anything special.

"Really?" Phil then says, after a while. He removes the towel from his head and places it back around his shoulders, his black hair now a little tousled. "I mean, I'm not mad at you or anything, if that's what you were worrying about." He pauses and places his head between his hands. "I just didn't know what you were expecting when you went through whatever crap that has in it."

Dan looks back at the sketchbook for a while — before looking back at Phil, who's still glancing at him. "It's not crap."

"You're funny."

"No," the brown haired teen insists, folding his arms. "it's really not. I like your drawings."

Phil lets out a long sigh at that point, placing a hand on his chin in deep thought. He doesn't say anything for a while, his eyes fixated on Dan's brown ones. "No one's really said that to me before." he then mumbles, a few moments later. To Dan's embarrassment, Phil's cheeks are slightly tinged with a pink color, his mouth forming into a small smile mixed with modesty and satisfaction. Dan knows that it's not the first time that Phil's said that, either.

They don't say anything for a while.

"You know, Phil." Dan then says. "Not a lot of people tell you these things, don't they?"

The black haired teen shrugs, after thinking about it for a bit. "I guess not. I don't really know a lot of people that are nice to me."

"Oh, man... I'm really sorry."

"Don't be." Phil then smiles, glancing back up at him. He removes his head from his hands and plays around with his fingers. "You're probably one of the few people that's been so... what, nice to me? I'm a jerk. I know that I am, but I'm not really doing anything about it because I can't. It's my personality, and I can't really change that by myself. I thought I'd just be all negative throughout my life — there's so many bad things that have happened to me in the past, I didn't see the positive outcome of it anymore. But then I met you. You, Dan Howell, with your weirdness and our matching haircuts, and just you. We've just met a few months back, but we've had some great times together; both of us know that."

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me. It'd make me feel more sorry for myself, because I don't want anyone, especially you, to feel bad for me. I'm honestly not okay, but I'd like to thank you for making me feel slightly better throughout the time we've known each other. I appreciate your compliments, and I've begun to start appreciating you and your existence as a whole." He finished. "Thank you, Dan. It means a lot."

After that, Dan feels himself blushing at once, under the intensity of Phil's stare, and the seriousness of his tone. "There's really no need to thank me, Phil. I'm just another ordinary human being that's managed to work my way into your life somehow." He muttered, glancing away from him.

It's silent once more, and all Dan's thoughts is right now is the fact that they've actually kissed last night.

What are they even now? He's never really gave it much thought right after they've arrived back at the dorm, but they've actually made out. Drunk. And even before they were slightly tipsy, they've had some specific moments that stood out in the past. Dan knows they're friends, obviously. He also knows that he's felt at least something for Phil at one point, too. It's weird, all of this stuff. He's never been into these kinds of things, love was something always at the back of his mind. This was all so confusing.

"Phil?" Dan then says, hesitantly. He might regret this.

His facial expression doesn't change, he only raises his eyebrows. "Yep?"

"About yesterday, or, last night..." The brown haired teen continues. "When we... uh." He coughed, and hoped Phil got the message. So when the black haired teen started giggling, he was relieved that he didn't have to make the situation incredibly awkward. Dan found himself grinning as well, as he glanced back into Phil's eyes. His roommate was smirking slightly — his cheeks rosy.

"What about it?" Phil laughed. He winks jokingly at Dan, grinning. "Did you enjoy it?"

Dan's face has definitely turned ten shades of red darker now. So he does remember. He can't really speak at the moment, for he's furiously blushing. After a painful minute of silence, he finds himself blurt out, "Did you mean it when you said you wanted to kiss me when we aren't drunk?" After he'd said the last word of that sentence, it was Phil's turn to turn red. It was funny, because it totally stood out against his pale skin.

"W-Well — " the black haired teen stammered. He pursed his lips and looked down at his hands again. "I... I'd be lying if I said I didn't."

holy shit holy shit holy shit was basically the only phrase running through Dan's mind, when Phil had admitted that he did mean it. He wanted to kiss him again. Phil wanted to kiss him again. And as Dan absentmindedly tugged the ends of his towel, he found himself thinking the exact same thing. He wanted to kiss Phil once more, this time — when they aren't tipsy. When they're not in someone else's house, and when they're not surrounded by other drunk college students. Maybe he does like Phil, after all.

"I," Dan then spoke up. He raised his head, and looked back at his roommate, who had a hand on his lips. "I do too. Actually."

The two of them don't really say anything after that. Dan's blushing furiously; he's pretty sure his neck is also red at this point. On the other hand, Phil is slightly surprised, his blue eyes are widened, but his mouth has formed into a small grin. He smiles as he gets up from Dan's bed, and swipes some of the hair out of his eyes. Dan finds himself quickly scooting a little bit back to the wall as Phil sits himself back on his bed, grinning widely.

The brown haired teen feels his back collide with the wall, and gulps — his face burning. Phil is leaning forward slightly, he's close enough for Dan to be able to see all the different colors in his roommate's eyes — how has he not noticed them before? They look so beautiful, like a flurry of stars. He lets out a weird, strangled noise as Phil giggles one more time, placing a hand on Dan's chin. "Are you sure?" Phil asks, and smiles when the other teen nods.

"You're cute when you're flustered," the black haired teen whispers in his ear, and Dan feels himself dying on the inside.

Dan's pulse is quickening, and his heart is beating incredibly fast. He knows he wants to kiss Phil — hell, he was the one that brought the subject up in the first place. The thing was, he wasn't prepared for this. He didn't realize Phil could be so... flirtatious. It was a side that he hasn't really seen from him before. But then again, he would be lying if he said if he didn't like it.

Although, he did nearly jump when Phil kissed the spot just below his ear, letting out a squeal and hiding his flushed face behind his hands. He started laughing as Phil let out a string of apologies, grinning as he did so. "I'm sorry, I — I just wasn't expecting that," Dan gasped between bouts of laughter, as Phil smirked in response. He planted another surprise peck on Dan's cheek, before looking back into his eyes.

"It's fine." Phil smiles softly, as he brushed a stray curl away from Dan's face. "Your hair's curly again, did you know?"

Dan groans, earning another snort from Phil. "It seems like it's always curly now. I did just get out of the shower a while ago, though — I usually have to straighten it once it finally dries." He looks at Phil's black hair, which is slightly tousled and messy. "I wish I had your hair. I've never liked my hair that much."

"Maybe we should switch hairstyles, then." The other teen answers. After he speaks, he leans forwards slightly and kisses Dan's nose. The brown haired teen finds himself grinning afterwards, unable to look at him straight in the eyes. "I like your curly hair. It makes me feel like I can see you as yourself, truly." Phil mutters, as he kisses Dan's collarbone quickly.

"Why are you teasing me?" Dan mutters, pouting. Phil raises his head from Dan's neck, smiling. He raises an eyebrow, and leans back into a sitting position. Dan rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, his face still flushed. Phil then laughs at his reaction, his tongue poking through his teeth, and the corners of his eyes crinkling. It's a really beautiful sight to see — he likes it when he makes Phil grin like this.

Phil then brushes his fringe out of his eyes before responding. "It's a lot of fun, you know. I didn't know you'd be that impatient." He said, his blue eyes sparkling. He leaned in again, and this time Dan wrapped his hands around the other's neck. He smirks as Phil sighs, and snuggles his head against the crook of Dan's neck once more. "You're a weirdo." The black haired teen mumbles against his skin.

"Shut up and kiss me." Dan then demands, as he tugs against the towel wrapped around Phil's neck, flinging it all the way across the room. He closes his eyes, leaning forward quickly as Phil does the same, their lips connecting at once. It feels like a spark, a jolt of electricity. Dan tilts his face at a slight angle as Phil does it in the opposite direction — their mouths moving in sync. It's absolutely wonderful, kissing Phil again. He feels completely worry-free, and he doesn't want this to stop.

Phil's hands move from his mattress to Dan's hair, managing to make it even messier and curlier than normal. He opens his mouth slightly as Phil deepens the kiss, sending Dan into a flurry of many emotions — all of them definitely happiness and complete bliss. He almost smiles when he feels their noses bump lightly against each other. To him, kissing Phil is like the best feeling in the world. He's stated it before, but it's truly amazing.

He feels Phil's hands move slowly down to his waist, and a small moan escapes his lips as Phil continues to move his lips expertly against Dan's — it's no surprise that he's had lots of experience in the past. Phil then separates from Dan, and the brown haired teen grumbles slightly at the lack of Phil's touch. He grins when Phil plants a small kiss onto his lips, moving on from there. He places short, small pecks all over the other teen's face, kissing him lightly and tracing them down to Dan's chest.

As Phil raises his head again, his mouth open as if he's about to speak — Dan leans forward quickly and interrupts him with another kiss — this one shorter than their previous exchange, but still as wonderful. After he leans back, he winces as his head collides with the wall, laughter escaping from both of their lips. "You're so stupid." Phil laughs, as he places his head against Dan's chest — both of them still giggling.

Dan's about to kiss him again, when at that exact moment, the door slams open immediately.

His eyes widen in panic as Phil removes his head from Dan's chest at once — choosing to roll across the mattress, falling ungracefully onto the floor with a loud thud. Dan turns around to face the doorway and groans as he sees Chris and PJ standing there, gaping at the two of them. Chris is looking both surprised and enraged at the same time, his green eyes widened. PJ on the other hand, is grinning from ear-to-ear, his light green eyes seemed to be smiling as well.

"Chris! Peej!" Dan then says, laughing nervously. "Um, what are you two doing here?"

"Don't try to change the subject, Dan!" Chris then yells, pointing a finger at him. "I know what you both were up to!"

On the floor, Phil shouts, "What are you talking about?"

"Why the fuck you lyin'?" Chris interrupts, his loud voice drowning out both Dan and Phil's protests. "Stop fuckin' lyin'!" He shouted, as he continued to dance in the hallway. He placed his hands on his hips, and cackled. "I knew you guys were going to let your gay control you eventually. That's what I did, and look at me now." PJ snorts, clutching his sides as he doubled over and burst out in laughter.

To his surprise, Dan finds himself laughing as well. He runs a hand through his hair and shook his head, grinning. "You guys are absolutely ridiculous." He giggled, as he glanced at Phil, who was beaming. He stood up and sat next to Dan on his mattress, placing his head on Dan's shoulder. The two of them grinned at both Chris and PJ, who both applauded the two of them, clapping loudly.

"I'm not going to even ask." Dan mumbles into Phil's ear, as he makes a noise of agreement.

"I am disappointed that this didn't happen sooner." Chris huffed, as he shook his head. "I am truly disappointed. But well, at least it did happen. I can die in peace, now. Peej, you owe me fifteen pounds. Cough up, dear. This is why you shouldn't make bets with me. I always win." He sang, as PJ rolled his eyes.

Afterwards, PJ sighed, dug into his pocket, and slammed the money onto Chris's open palm. "I fucking hate you." He grumbled, as he cast an apologetic glance towards both Dan and Phil, who grinned back. Chris laughed as he stuck the fifteen pounds into his back pocket, and nodded. "Well, I think that we should leave those two alone for a while, eh PJ?" He said, winking suggestively at Dan.

As Dan began to feel his face flush again, PJ groaned. "You don't mean — oh my goodness."

"Have fun, boys! Don't forget to use protection!" Chris then said, wiggling his eyebrows as the two of them closed the door shut behind them. For a while, Dan heard their muffled voices outside the door before they both took off at last.

As soon as they left, Dan looked at Phil.

"Should we continue where we left off, then?" He giggled, as the other teen laughed.

His question was answered when Phil tackled him, both of them landing straight on his mattress.

"Of course." He whispered, as he closed the gap between their lips.

A/N: WOOHOO I AM DONE AND YES ANOTHER KISS FOR YOU HAHAHAHA this is too much fun to write bYE

alright well, see you pals later! i'm going to a concert rn and the mac is at like 7% yikES

loVE YOU GUYS HOPE YOU ENJOYED!

-choco