Clarisse considered avoiding the subject of everything she and Joseph had said and done in London, but she knew he deserved better than that. She wasn't sure how to broach the topic, but she trusted him to help her navigate these uncharted waters. They weren't alone together until they had been back in Genovia for several days, but one evening after dinner Clarisse went for a walk in the garden, knowing that Joseph was on duty and that he would follow her. It was very late spring and the night was warm, but not oppressively so. She had left her cardigan behind and was enjoying the slight breeze when he caught up to her.

"I'm glad you've chosen a walk in the garden tonight, Clarisse," he said quietly.

"Why is that?" she wanted to know.

"Because I wanted a walk, too. Now I get to enjoy both the evening and your company."

She smiled and took his arm. "That sounds perfectly delightful."

"I'm glad you agree."

"Because we need to talk?" she suggested uncertainly.

Joseph was taken aback. "We do, but I didn't think you'd be the one to point it out."

"I'm glad to know I can still surprise you."

"As your head of security, I'm not entirely sure that's a good thing," he smirked. "But your friend Joseph doesn't mind at all."

"Well, I'm afraid I'm all out of surprises now," she admitted quietly. "I need your help to continue."

"Of course."

"I'm not sure where we should pick up the conversation or what I should say."

"Then how about I get things started?"

Clarisse nodded. "Go on."

"Well, my dear, I kissed you."

"Twice."

"Yes, twice. And I can't help feeling quite happy and pleased with that fact, but I know that it complicates your life."

"You make me sound rather calculating."

"I beg your pardon if I did. I do not think you calculating, though said kisses do complicate your life more than mine."

"They do, you see," Clarisse tried to explain. "I'm responsible for so many things and so many people, not least of whom is my own granddaughter."

"And these things and people don't allow you any freedom to find your own happiness?"

"That's it exactly, Joseph. I have a duty to my country greater than anyone else in Genovia. Even you."

"I would give my life for Genovia."

"You mean you'd give your life for mine."

"The two are one and the same, in my world."

"Well, I give my life to Genovia every day."

"And how will that change when Mia is Queen in a few years?"

"A great deal will change, Joseph. For both of us, I think. I will no longer carry the weight of a nation on my shoulders and you will be responsible for the safety of a much younger woman. Your skills may have atrophied in being in charge of this old, predictable monarch. I warn you: Mia will keep you on your toes."

Joseph laughed out loud. "You, predictable? Hardly!"

She chuckled. "Perhaps not entirely."

He was suddenly serious. "Please let that be the last time you refer to yourself as old, Clarisse. It's nonsense and I won't have it."

She nodded, a little startled by his outburst. "As you wish."

"Now let's go back to Mia. When she is crowned Queen, you may be free to do many things that you seem unable to do now."

"Yes, that's correct."

"Is it premature to discuss those things now?"

Clarisse suddenly felt a little nervous. "I'm not sure. I've never tried before."

"Let's try it then. Just suppose that you have some unacknowledged feelings about… something. Could you tell someone? Could you tell me, for argument's sake?"

"I can't answer that. It's too hypothetical a situation."

"Clarisse!"

"I'm sorry, Joseph! But what do you need me to say that you don't already know? You've told me that you know, that I don't have to tell you for it to be obvious."

"Obvious feelings can still be unspoken and if you refuse to speak them, they can only mean so much."

"Please don't use the word 'refuse,' Joseph. I've told you I have no choice. That what I feel doesn't matter."

"And I've told you that it matters to me," he said with conviction.

"What are you asking of me, in this very moment? Not when Mia is Queen or next year or even next month. Now."

He was silent for a long time, formulating his answer. "I want you to tell me, once and for all, what your feelings are for me."

She nodded slowly. "And if I agree, will you answer a few questions, too?"

"Anything."

"Are you happy, Joseph?" she asked.

"What?" He was confused by her question.

"Just answer me. Are you happy?"

"Well, of course I am."

"But you could be happier?"

He looked her gravely in the eye and was silent at first, but then he nodded.

Clarisse took one of his hands and kissed it. Joseph held his breath, surprised at her actions and not wanting to break the magic of the moment. She let his hand drop and caressed his face with her fingertips. "So could I," she whispered.

"Clarisse," he murmured, unable to keep quiet. "Clarisse, my darling." He took her hand from his face and kissed her palm lightly. When he let go of it, she allowed it to rest on his shoulder. He took her other hand and rested it on his other shoulder, before pulling her slowly into a tight embrace. Her hands met behind his neck and he held her around the waist. Their cheeks touched and he whispered in her ear. "I love you."

Clarisse froze, but she didn't pull away. There it was. She had known it for some time, but he had never said it until now. She didn't say anything, uncertain what she wanted to say. The silence continued and then Joseph was pulling away from her, but she stopped him, holding him tightly. "Joseph." He didn't fight her, but he didn't speak. It was her turn. "Joseph, I…"

"You don't have to say it," he interrupted tightly.

"But I do. I love you," she confessed tearfully.

"Oh, my dearest darling." He pulled back so he could see her face. "You're beautiful."

She blushed, something she only ever did in Joseph's presence.

"Now I have another question, which might prove more difficult to answer."

"Very well, continue."

"May I kiss you again?"

"I have some conditions, but if you meet them then yes, you may."

"Conditions?"

"This kiss… It will be because I love you, but it does not mean that we will continue in any sort of romantic relationship. I can't do it, Joseph, for all of the reasons I've given you before, and I don't think I could manage the sort of press such a thing would undoubtedly create, but neither will I sneak around, meeting you in dark corners for clandestine assignations. You deserve better than that."

"And so do you. Are there any other conditions?"

"No, that is all."

Joseph didn't wait for any further permission, but simply pulled her close and kissed her, pouring all of his love into it, knowing that it could be years - or God forbid, never - before he had such a chance again. Clarisse allowed herself to enjoy every last second of this mad kiss that might never be repeated.

When they paused for breath, their foreheads touching, their eyes closed, the moment of perfection stretched on.

"Clarisse," he whispered.

"Joseph," she returned.

"Thank you, my dear. You can't know what this means to me."

"Can't I?"

"Well, perhaps you can."

"Joseph, my darling, once more before the spell is broken," she implored.

He wasted no time, kissing her ardently, and when he ran out of breath, pulling her close to his heart. Clarisse was in tears by now. Joseph's combined passion and tenderness pierced her heart. Not for the first time, she realized how precious was the love of this man. She hoped she was worthy of it, though somehow she felt that might not even be possible. She could only be her best and be eternally grateful that she was so blessed.

To be continued…

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