Hey, Dark Gothic Lolita here!
I am just on a constant roll with this story, like dayum! I'll tell you why really. This story sort of speaks for itself and either way, it's just one shot drabbles, so once the theme ends, I don't really need to continue it! I think this story will finish before all the other serious stories are updated more frequently. Doesn't mean I'm not already writing for them!
We all know the disclaimers and I actually uploaded this using my phone, so if there's spelling mistakes or grammatical errors, I really do apologize!
ENJOY!
I love you in 26 different ways
O is for opium
Natsu leaned back in his seat, panting with happiness and delirium as he let the syringe fall from his hands. He could feel the drug slipping through his veins and it was probably the best feeling ever. His eyes dilated, his muscles relaxed and he just felt like laughing for no apparent reason. He let the tourniquet loosen from his bicep and he let out a wonderful and lazy sigh.
Nothing had been going right for him. He lost his girlfriend, his dad, his best friend - all in the same week. How much did that suck? It sucked pretty hard, that's for sure. He just didn't know why the world hated him so much, why it was just him that he had such bad experiences with the one bitch he called life.
"I'm...I'm sorry Natsu, I don't think this can work between us. You're telling me that you can change, that you can stop, but it hurts for me to watch you destroy yourself like this. You won't ever listen to me when I tell you that drugs are bad! No, I won't put myself through this pain of watching you slip away. Goodbye."
Natsu felt a sharp pain in his heart when he watched the one girl who he had come to love walked away from him. It was Sunday and Lucy had broken up with him. She was his first girlfriend, the first girl he had ever loved in that way. Back in his early days of being a brooding teenager, he had found his way into the group of school nitties, courtesy of a friend he called Gray. He hadn't wanted to at first but he gave in eventually, which was weird for him. Natsu never gave into pressure.
He lay down on the sofa in his room as he thought about what else happened that week.
"Lisanna? Why have you got that look on your face? What's going on?"
The girl looked guilty, like she couldn't even bring herself to tell her best friend what was going on in her life. She gave him a soft smile and shrugged her shoulders. She was going to have to tell him somehow anyway.
"Well as you know, Sting and I have been dating for like AGES now, right? Well, we're moving to Hargeon. He just got a job out there and I said that I'll come with him because I love him, and that's when he proposed to me! I couldn't turn that down! The thought of living five hours away from my fiance isn't going to work for me!"
Natsu's face fell when she told him that news and she knew that it would crush him. He had gotten out of a five year relationship with Lucy and now she was leaving him. She felt so bad, but at the same time, she loved her boyfriend. Actually, fiance now.
"Natsu, I can stay if you want..."
He shook his head at her, a huge grin on his face. Lisanna can always tell when his grins were real and when they were fake. Right now, it was a mixture between the two of them, like he was happy for her to finally take another big step in life with her boyfriend, but he was gutted that she was leaving him. They had known each other since they were seven. She was the new and crazy girl, but they worked.
"Why would I make you stay? Lisanna, we're 22, you do what you want with your life and I do what I want with mine. You can't keep looking after me 24/7, you need to live your life too. Tell Sting if he hurts you or cancels on you, I'll be there to end his life."
Lisanna laughed gently, still feeling sorry for her best friend. "I'll add that to Elfman's list of threats too.
And like that, she was gone too. The last person who left his life was just the breaking point of it all. His father, the man who he had drifted away from, the man who he had endless arguments with despite him only trying to look out for his only child, died. The man had had an asthma attack and it wasn't treated on time, making him suffocate and he died.
Natsu swallowed the lump that was stuck in his throat. It hurt. He had always heard the saying, 'don't got to sleep on an argument' and he never paid any attention to it. While he hadn't gone to sleep, the last time Natsu actually spoke to his dad was the two of them having an argument. Igneel had tried to force his son into rehab after finding out how long he had been abusing drugs. While he had been clean for at least six months, he would slip back into bad habits here and there. Whenever there was a traumatic fight, he was right back onto the hard stuff, not even things like weed.
A tear rolled down his face as he tried to get rid of those three people from his mind. It was hard, considering they played a big part in his life. An ex-girlfriend, a best friend and a father. His mother had died when he was too young to remember her, so it was just him and his dad up against the world. He felt like the worst son and that it was him who deserved to die.
He heard a knock on his door and his eyes rolled over to it lazily. He kept silent. He didn't want his flatmate, Gajeel to just burst in and see him like this. He would freak out, or worse yet, join in with him and that was the last thing they both needed right now. Gajeel was on his path to recovery and Natsu would feel awful if he just mucked up his progress now. He didn't want to feel bad anymore, he just wanted to feel good.
There was a knock again and he still didn't move an inch, but he didn't have to because his door opened slowly. Instead of seeing Gajeel, he saw his twin sister instead. She looked over at him and saw the needle, as well as the other instruments and supplies that he had gone and used. There was a lighter just lying around and the powdery substance must have dropped from the table and onto the carpet.
Juvia pressed her lips together in a tight line and made her way straight over to him, closing the door behind her. She helped him sit up and removed the tourniquet from his arm completely. She picked up the syringe, throwing it into any plastic bag that she could find so that could get rid of it. She scooped the rest of the heroin that was on the table into the bag as well, muttering under her breath that she will hoover up the ones that got on the floor.
Natsu stared at her, his eyes wide and she looked at him. She looked at his arm where he had injected himself and she winced before letting out a shaky breath. This wasn't how she wanted to see him. He looked so weak, so pathetic, like he had given up all hope. He wasn't the same guy that she had fallen in love with all those years ago. She knew she wasn't like Lucy, bubbly and cheerful and being the girl all the guys wanted. She was a depressed little teen who hid behind her curtain of hair.
She still didn't say anything, and Natsu was grateful for that. There was no yelling like Lucy had done when she found out about his drug use. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him hard. He didn't even skip a beat as his arms shot around her frame as well, shuddering into her neck when he felt how warm she was.
"Why?"
It was a weird question for him to ask, seeing as she should be the one asking why he was resorting to drugs. She held him even tighter, tears rolling silently down her face. She hated seeing him like this. She hated Lucy for leaving him when he needed someone the most. She also hated herself because she had been too scared to tell him how she felt. Maybe, just maybe, that would have changed things.
"Because..."
Natsu pulled away harshly from her hold and glared at her. He was about to scream at her, tell her to get away from him so that he can enjoy his high by himself, but something within him cracked when he saw Juvia's tears. She tried to hide it by turning her head away from him, but she was too late. She hadn't expected for him to pull away from her so harshly.
"Juvia-"
"Let's sort you out shall we? Juvia wants Natsu-san to take a shower and Juvia will make a nice breakfast. Natsu-san will also need to drink a lot of water."
She looked into his dilated eyes and it was almost as though he was trying to fight the feeling of getting high and stay sober for her. She wanted to say something but she shook her head instead. Natsu looked at her curiously.
"Juvia will be downstairs, okay?"
She gave him a sad smile as though it hurt to see him that way before she was gone. Natsu couldn't move. Her tears had shocked him and to think that he was the one that made her cry! He could never forgive himself.
He decided he was going to do what she wanted of him. Maybe she was only helping him because she knew how to deal with it because of Gajeel.
He let the hot beads of water run down his body as he absent mindedly cleaned himself. He was staring up at the ceiling thinking about Juvia. She had always been there, hadn't she? She was his flat mate's (Gajeel was probably his best friend, not that he would like to admit that) twin sister. He had never even thought about her much. She was a cool friend, that sort of female friend who knows how to deal with aggressive guys, but because he always had Lisanna, he never bothered to even think of Juvia as a friend.
He got dressed and felt the effects of the heroin fall away from his system little by little. He frowned and when he checked his container, he had realised that he was in such a rush to get it done, that he hadn't put his usual hit. He had become so accustomed to the dosage he had that the one he did now was incredibly weak.
He walked downstairs slowly so that he wouldn't have to meet with Juvia just this second, but realised how stupid that was because he would end up seeing her anyway. He sighed before smelling the amazing breakfast that she had made.
He got to the kitchen to see her making the last set of pancakes. He decided to watch her in silence. He noticed that she had straightened her hair instead of leaving it in her usual and natural curls. She was at least a good 2 or 3 inches taller than Lucy and he had to peel his eyes away when he took a note of her figure.
She turned her head around and noticed him in the doorway as she gave him a bright smile. Grabbing the pan from the stove, she poured its contents onto a plate and placed it on the table. The cutlery was already out and she urged for Natsu to sit down with her.
He hesitantly took the seat opposite her and watched as she poured out her own food as well and began to eat with him. They sat there in silence, Juvia not once bringing up what she had seen and it made Natsu feel on edge. She will ask him eventually.
"So, um, where's Gajeel? I didn't know you were in the house."
"He went to go and see Levy. They're kind of dating now. He hasn't made it official yet." With that, that conversation ended. Natsu swore lightly under his breath. He really didn't know that much about her, but he was curious as to why she was crying for him.
"Juvia...about just now..."
She grinned this time, but it held warmth behind it, not like a mocking or sinister grin. "It's okay Natsu, Juvia gets it. Natsu wants an outlet and Juvia can't judge you for that. It's just...heartbreaking to see you, a person who was once so strong fall back to the drugs. Anyway, we don't have to talk about this."
"Yes, yes we do!" His hand slammed down on the table as he stared into her eyes, his breathing so uneven.
Juvia's grin dropped as she looked at him, a scared expression on her face. Had she come off a little too strong? Natsu mistook that face for her fearing him and he sighed, running his hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry for yelling. I just wanted to know why you were crying. Did someone hurt you? Have you told Gajeel? He's your brother, you know he'll happily beat up whoever hurt you."
Juvia looked at him as he was ranting on about what he would do to the person who made her cry before she burst into tears once more. He stopped, feeling very shocked as he just sat there and watched her. She was so ashamed of her tears, so she covered her face with her hands. She didn't want him looking at her while she was at her weakest.
"Natsu! Juvia loves Natsu so much, she always has and she always will, but he always had Lucy. Juvia knows that she is nothing but Natsu's best friend's sister and that is how it will remain, but Juvia hates seeing Natsu like this! Oh gosh, Juvia has embarrassed herself now."
She giggled through her tears and started clearing up the plates and wiping her tears on her sleeve. She sniffed as she moved everything over to the sink. She was avoiding Natsu's stare.
Natsu on the other hand, couldn't help but stare at her. Here was a girl who has had a crush on him before he even met Lucy and loved him for everything that he was. She was crying for him, not leaving him by himself. He didn't know what to make of that.
As soon as Juvia reached out for his empty plate, without even thinking about it, his hand shot out to her wrist. Juvia jumped before finally looking at him. Natsu stood up, still holding her wrist before he hugged her. He held her so close to his body as he finally released her wrist and wrapped his arms around her so securely. Juvia who was still in shock, did the same thing, but slowly.
"Thank you, Juvia. Thank you for loving me, but you can't. I'm a mess, a fuck up! I'm not worth the love you want to give me."
Juvia literally squeezed him, hating him put himself down like that. She took in a deep breath, deciding to be strong and tell him what she was supposed to tell him all those years ago, before Lucy came into his life. "Shut up, Natsu. You're my everything, even if you didn't know it. There are so many people out there on drugs too, they're not fuck ups! I love you and you can't stop me. I'm going to be your opium. Whenever you feel like you can't take it, come to me. I'll be your drug."
She pulled away to look him in the eye. "If you need someone to listen to you, I'm here. If you feel the urge to relapse, I'm here again. Don't you EVER feel like you're bothering me, because I love you and I'm willing to kill for you."
She gave him a bright grin and he couldn't help but grin back. He remembered when his dad told him that Lucy was too toxic for him. She was there for the money, all because her dad's business had failed. She wasn't ready for the baggage that was Natsu and his dad had seen that. He always wondered why Juvia's name popped up into conversation more often than not.
She turned around to start washing the plates and Natsu kept staring. "I get why my dad liked you so much."
Juvia was surprised as she paused to look over at him over her shoulder. She saw him looking at her with intense eyes and she felt herself going red. She well and truly did love the guy behind her, ever since Gray introduced her to his group of friends all those years ago.
"You and your dad spoke about me?"
He nodded his head. "He didn't like Lucy, he could tell that she was after our money, but I didn't listen. She was the first girl to show interest in me and I loved her too. My old man wasn't buying it. He said I needed someone like you in my life. Someone who was always there, but no one really ever properly noticed. He said girls like you are the cool ones."
By now, Juvia had finished the washing up and hid her face behind her curtain of hair. Natsu frowned and tilted his head before coming forward and brushing her hair out of her face.
"Don't hide."
Juvia bit her lip as she looked up and smiled at him. "You really loved her. I'm sorry for just blurting out my feelings like that, that was selfish of me, I mean you just broke up with Lu-"
"Hey, it's okay, don't sweat it! I mean, it must have taken you a lot of courage to finally tell me. And thank you, for being here with me now. For believing in me even though I'm going to screw up."
She threw him a hard glare and put her hands on her hips. Her hidden bossy side that only her family knew about was coming out. Usually, Juvia was quite shy in public, but to her long term friends and her family, they knew otherwise.
"How many times do I have to tell you that you're not a screw up? Where's the crazy and strong Natsu that I know?"
Natsu looked at the ground. "He's gone."
Juvia shook her head and stepped forward towards him. "No, he's just buried deep in here." She touched his chest where his heart was and then tapped lightly on his head. Then she blushed.
"He's also here." He looked at her to see her tapping where her own heart was. "I haven't given up on you, you shouldn't give up on yourself. Besides, if Gajeel can do it, you can definitely do it. Don't tell him I said that though."
She giggled and somehow, it made Natsu laugh as well. He felt weird, but weird in a good way. He hadn't laughed like this in a while. He looked down at the girl in front of him and he smiled. While the break up with Lucy was still fresh in his mind, along with his dad dying, he knew he could get through this. He just needed to have Juvia by his side.
He grabbed for Juvia's hand and she watched him silently. Their bodies were so close to one another's. He stared into her eyes and he realised how blue they were, almost like crystals. She was actually beautiful. He blushed slightly before speaking up.
"Thank you, for believing in me. I don't know how I can repay you."
"Just tell me you'll try. Try to live, try to quit the drugs, that's all I want. Your dad wouldn't want this, you might set Lisanna off in a panic if she heard and Lucy well, who gives a fuck about her?"
That made Natsu roar in laughter as he threw his head back at that one. That actually made him laugh, the way she dismissed Lucy like that. He didn't know Juvia could be so funny.
Juvia smiled, happy that she got Natsu out of his funk.
"Hey Juvia? If you're not doing anything, do you want to maybe hang out? We can play video games."
That was probably the only thing Natsu knew about her. Gajeel was always complaining that once his sister jumped onto a console, it would take a lot to get her off of it. Lucy was the complete opposite. She made sure that Natsu never got to play the latest games, knowing that his attention would be divided from her.
Juvia's eyes sparkled. "Sure, let's go!" She tried to pull her hand back from him as she remembered that they were still holding hands, but Natsu didn't seem to mind. He clasped onto her hands fast for the security that he realised she brought. Juvia paused to turn to look at him, and Natsu felt himself panic. He thought that maybe Juvia might find it weird seeing as he just recently broke up with his girlfriend and his dad died, she might think he was moving on too fast.
But he forgot that this was Juvia he was dealing with and she understood very well. She had told him that she was going to be there for him, be the opium that he needs. She was his drug, his friendly shrink. Holding her hand, he felt safe, like he could come back to his usual bubbly self. He didn't need drugs, he didn't need to cry or hold any negative thoughts.
Like Juvia said, fuck Lucy, she didn't want him anymore, so why would he want her? Looking back at her qualities, they started going downhill after about a year into their relationship, he no longer felt the spark. Now his dad had left him a business that he had been sort of neglecting, he just had to pick himself up, do it for his dad and do it for Juvia.
He looked up at the smile on her face and realised that he could do this. He could keep on living, because Juvia was his opium.
So how was that for you? Was it good?
As someone who has never taken illegal drugs, I don't know how heroin hits people. I don't know how it affects people and what they do when they're on heroin, but I do understand that if you're used to high dosages, then small ones won't affect you at all, which is what Natsu did.
I never thought I would make an A/U based on such a thing! I'm really curious to get your thoughts on this chapter though, because as heartbreaking as it was, I did really like my idea on it.
What is opium? Opium is the flower form of heroin. Like marijuana is the flower form of weed.
Please don't forget to rate or hate, flames or floods! Reviews on this chapter will be extremely appreciated! Don't forget that if you love Navia stories but can't seem to find them, they're all in a community called spread the navia which was made by my good friend Lanvia! Check it out!
Lolita-chan