Clarisse turned around when she heard gravel crunching behind her. "Joseph," she greeted him.

His lips quirked into a smile. "Good morning, Clarisse."

"Are you all right?" she wanted to know. "I haven't seen you for two days."

"I came down with a bad cold and was stuck in bed with a fever. I'm afraid no one has seen me for two days."

"Well, that's a relief. Not that you were ill, of course! I'm sorry about your cold. I'm just glad-"

"That you didn't catch it from me?" Joseph suggested.

Clarisse shook her head. "I was worried that you might be avoiding me," she admitted quietly.

"Ah."

"I am glad you're back and feeling better."

"Thank you."

"And I hope you won't avoid me."

"I couldn't if I wanted to," he replied.

"But I know it takes a bit of effort to arrange these meetings." She gestured between them. "Surely it wouldn't be much more difficult to arrange being away from me than being with me."

He shrugged. "I won't pester you, Clarisse. But I didn't plan to avoid you, either."

She smiled. "I'm glad."

"And I'm happy to be back on my feet and here with you."

"I wish I had known you were ill. I could have visited you."

Joseph chuckled. "Then I'm glad you did not know! I was a sorry sight."

"Even so."

He paused before speaking softly. "Thank you, my dear."

#####

Joseph wandered the palace grounds in the dim light of a crescent moon. Mia's wedding was in a few days and everyone was on edge, including Clarisse. He had tried to give her a little space without really avoiding her, and it wasn't difficult. She was so busy she was almost frantic and the usual anxieties preyed upon her mind, although most people would never know it by looking at her. Her absolute composure through the most challenging moments was remarkable.

He heard music coming from inside through an open door and went closer to investigate. He saw Clarisse through lace curtains and he moved silently into the room. She was alone; he watched her. She was facing away from him, swaying to the music. He approached quietly and was delighted when she raised her arms into position and began to waltz. Joseph stepped in smoothly and took the place of her invisible partner. Her sincere smile was beautiful to him and he felt content when she rested her head on his shoulder as they continued to dance. He didn't plan it, but he couldn't help bringing it up. Her demeanor was so warm and welcoming he could hardly imagine a negative answer.

"Have you been thinking about us?" he asked.

Her expression when she raised her head to look at him was like a bucket of cold water splashed all over him. This was the end.

"Yes, I have."

"I see." He released her and started to walk away. "If you'll excuse me."

Clarisse surprised him by running after him. She took his arm and pulled him to a stop.

"No, Joseph, you had to know what I was going to say! Mia needs me now more than ever before, and it's the monarchy and as Queen, it's my responsibility, you know how it is." She was almost babbling. Her distress was obvious, but Joseph couldn't stay. He turned back to her.

"You were never just my Queen, Clarisse. You were the someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with." She tried to interrupt, but he continued. "But if you prefer that I think of you first and foremost as my Queen, I shall oblige."

"No, Joseph." She reached out for him, trying to caress his face with her palm, but he pulled away.

"Your Majesty." He left the room quickly, hurrying away from the palace. He tried to put as much distance as possible between himself and Clarisse. This was it - the death of his dream. He had hoped that one day it might come true, especially after she had admitted she loved him. That was what made this final rejection even more painful. He mourned for what might have been, and wondered how in the world he would move on from this. He knew he would find a way, but in this moment it was difficult to imagine what he might do next. He certainly could not stay. He would hate to leave Mia behind, but Clarisse and Shades would take care of her.

It was after midnight when Joseph finally returned to the palace and to his rooms. He changed into his nightclothes and immediately fell into a troubled sleep.

#####

Clarisse was still awake. She had tossed and turned for quite some time, before finally getting out of bed and pacing the room. She was distressed by her conversation with Joseph, but she was also shocked by something he had said and his words rolled around in her mind. You were never just my Queen, Clarisse. You were always the someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She now wondered just how long he had been in love with her. He had worked for the Renaldis for ten years before Rupert's death and she had never detected any sign of love in him. Of course, she had not been looking for it at the time, but she could say with assurance that he had never behaved with the slightest hint of impropriety. He was always a friend to her, but nothing more. Now, however, the words never and always made her consider the possibility that he had loved her even before she was widowed. She wasn't sure why this made a difference now, but somehow it made her feel worse. The only thing that gave her the feeling of certainty that she had done the right thing was reminding herself that she was doing her duty. It was something that she was good at, something that made her feel sure when she started to doubt. She had done some difficult and unpleasant things over the years in the name of duty, but none had made her as miserable as she was now. She wanted to cry, but her eyes were dry and she couldn't. Nothing could comfort her, except perhaps the oblivion of sleep, and even that eluded her. She knew she wouldn't always feel as wretched as she did now, but that was little consolation. At last, around three in the morning, her pacing exhausted her and she climbed back into bed and fell asleep.

#####

Mia knew that something was wrong. Most of her attention was on her own life's problems, which were pretty overwhelming, but some small part of her mind registered that her grandmother wasn't quite herself. She looked the same as always, spoke and acted just as she usually did, but something was missing. Mia wasn't sure what it was until she stopped in to see Clarisse one morning before her maids had prepared her for the day ahead. She wasn't wearing any makeup yet and the shadows under her eyes were quite pronounced. She hadn't been sleeping. Mia also noticed that Joseph was unusually taciturn. She didn't immediately connect that to her grandmother's malaise, but when Brigitte told her that he was retiring, she knew that something had gone dreadfully wrong. It was hard to imagine life without Joseph and now he was leaving. She wondered if there were any way for her grandmother and Joseph to be reconciled. Surely things could still be salvaged. Mia had avoided interfering, lest she do more harm than good, but she was ready to start interfering, since it seemed that the pair couldn't resolve things satisfactorily on their own. She just needed the right opportunity. Before this opportunity could present itself, however, she had foolishly allowed herself to be duped by Nicholas and was knee deep in trouble herself, trying to patch up her engagement to Andrew. She hoped that she could do something, but with the wedding less than twenty-four hours away, things were all but hopeless.

To be continued…

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