Sorry the chapters are so short! Once I get
dialogue, there'll be more meat in them.
Hope you like, though!

Review and follow! (:

chapter two: i fell

As I watched her classmates pass uneasy glances between each other when her back was turned, my heart slowly broke. The promise I made to never let harm befall her had already fallen. I watched them roll their eyes when she approached and laugh to themselves as she walked away. Perpetually unaccepted by those she was told to converse with. It was how I felt among my father's friends, if you could call them such. Forever a stranger in a group of allies. I felt so alone all the time, and it took everything in me to tell her she wasn't alone.

If she knew the real me…

No doubt Potter had told her everything there was to know about me, but I made an effort to never approach them when she was near. So all she heard were stories. She never saw the real me, and that way perhaps she could differentiate between the villain and the man that kissed her hand that one beautiful night.

I'll never tell Potter this, but I'm in eternally indebted to him. Because of him, she found someone who cared about her. People who made no ill-intended comments towards her or judged her odd mannerisms that I'd come to enjoy so much. Even as I worked for the Inquisitorial Squad, my heart filled with warmth when she skipped to the DA among the many dozens of friends she'd managed to acquire. It was more than I could have ever done for her. I could only provide her with the acquaintances of murderers and thieves at best.

Over time, it was harder to hide from her who I was. After Umbridge fully discovered their hiding place and how to access it, I had no choice but to go along with her orders to destroy them. When the hole was blasted, I saw her eyes find her way to mine, and my gaze lowered. She knew exactly who I was. It was the most shamed I'd ever felt. The impression she had of me shattered in that one look, and a little part of me did, too.

I sat on a bench in the Great Hall, waiting for their punishment to cease, feeling extremely guilty for everything that had come to her. Once again, I broke my promise to protect her. Some guardian angel I had become.

Her hand bled red, a scar that was a symbol of my failure, and as she passed me, her gaze lingered. For a moment, she stopped walking long enough to sigh; then proceeded to follow her friends – her real friends.

I fell. I fell into rage. Into depression. Into Pansy Parkinson.

After my failure, I hastily walked to the Slytherin common room with a deliberate path to Pansy's room. It didn't matter that two other girls were already in the room at the moment. It didn't matter that up until now, I'd rejected any of Pansy's advances. It didn't matter to Pansy, either. I grasped her waist tight, with no intention of letting her escape, and pinned her up against the brick wall, angrily forcing my lips upon hers.

The two other ladies left, leaving just me and her in the dormitory and she remained submissive to me. I felt masculine and powerful, traits that my father surely sought for in his youth. Traits that I had up until now despised and only upon the exposure of my true identity to the love of my life decided to indulge in.

My teeth bit hard on her lower lip as she released a groan of protest and pleasure. It was just the vice I needed. My hands shoved her onto the bed with aggressive force as I proceeded to do unspeakable things, things in which I never would have done to her. It was salt in an open wound, but it was delightfully painful.

I left hours later, abruptly leaving Pansy out of breath in her dormitory. When she asked where I was going, I said nothing. I had gotten what I desired and nothing more. Of course, these visits carried on longer than I'd care to say, and the emotions involved in the relationship were always unrequited. I doubt she ever had any idea that I was only using her for unethical reasons. The conversation was limited in class and inexistent during my weekly visits.

In class, Pansy would sit herself next to me. She'd grab her hand in mine and I wouldn't deny her. I'd pull her into my dormitory, angrily slamming her against the concrete wall which she perceived as heated intimacy. It was a spiral. Apathetic emotions to the public and in private I took her like the toxic, desperate whore she so desired to be.

She was nothing to me. I was everything to her.

I tried to forget about her. Luna. Pansy would surely be a woman my dad would be proud of. He'd welcome her into his family with open arms. She could continue the healthy, untainted pureblood line. But every time I got intimate with Pansy, there was someone else I was thinking of. A girl that would ruin my reputation with my family and my house.

But I couldn't have her…because I was a monster.