Chapter Four: Unexpected
Waking to the sun's rays shining through the windows, I was on my stomach, opening my eyes to see the blue of the sky. Feeling warmth next to me, I soon felt fingers against my bare skin, trailing from my shoulder to the base of my spine. Eric ran his hand along my rear, feeling his chest against me before his lips pressed between my shoulder blades.
Smiling, I shifted, turning my head toward him. He lowered himself, partially on top of me, his face so close to mine that all I could see were his eyes. His arm laid the length of my spine, his fingers moving back and forth across my skin. Staring into his eyes, I let out a contented sigh, smiling as I brushed my nose against his. He cracked a smile, kissing me softly. Shutting my eyes, my lips were still touching his. He shifted just enough so I could feel his lashes against my cheek. His breath was warm against my face, making me relax, feeling like I could fall asleep again.
Then he was whispering, "You're so beautiful."
Opening my eyes again, looking at him through my eyelashes. Smiling, I freed the arm that was underneath him. Running my fingers across the hair at his temple, I brushed the back of my fingers against his cheek, leaning in and kissed him slowly, his beard pleasantly scratching the flesh around my mouth.
"Thank you." I whispered, though it wasn't because of his compliment.
He kissed me again, rubbing his nose against mine, before he rested his forehead against mine, a sigh escaping him. "How are you feeling?"
"In this moment I am extremely content." I smiled as I nestled closer against him.
He laughed, gripping my side, making me squirm and roll away from him. As soon as I was apart from him, he rolled, pulling me against his chest. Laughing, I wrapping my arms around him, kissing him repeatedly.
"It's moments like this that I forget that there is a war going on around us. For a moment everything feels normal." I told him softly.
"If normal is being trapped in Erudite, the factions being dissolved, a world outside of the walls, and people dying all around us. Everything we have is just an illusion of normalcy." He replied and sat up, bending a knee as he picked at the sheets.
"Eric." I said softly, rising to my knees, moving behind him. "What's wrong?" I asked him, pressing my breasts against his back, leaning around him so I could meet his eyes. He turned his head and looked at me but didn't reply. "Baby, are you still mad at me? Did I do something? Can I make it better?" I asked as he just looked at me.
He took a deep breath, shaking his head as he looked away, "I'm not mad at you, Pen. I just don't like not knowing what's going on."
Falling forward, lying so I could face him, I furrowed my brows. "Because you knew everything that was going on when you were working for Jeanine?" He shot me a look. "What's the real problem here? The fact that you don't know or that you're no longer in a position of power?"
"You know that I don't care about that." He shot back at me.
"I'm just trying to figure out what your problem is." I shot back, rolling out of bed.
He did the same, following me as I walked toward the bathroom. "You're the one with the problem. I was perfectly happy when I woke up. Then you have to go and open your mouth. You still don't think before you speak."
Turning, wanting to stay angry with him, it disappeared as I took in his naked form. From his strong calves and thighs, his perfect penis making me wet, rubbing my thighs together as a tingle ran through me. My eyes still moving up to his perfectly formed ass, the lines of his body leading up to his sculpted abs, toned chest, the bulging muscles of his arms, his strong neck…he was…
"…perfect." I whispered.
"What?" He frowned at me, his hands on his hips.
"Utterly spectacular." I told him as I stepped toward him, a mischievous smile on my face.
His eyes followed the same path mine just had, taking me in. The frown was still on his face as he shook his head. "No." He told me but his tone was no longer hard. "No, Pen. I'm not done with this conversation." I was barely a foot in front of him. "You don't get to accuse me of…of…" I trailed my finger down his chest, "…of whatever you were accusing me of, and then expect me to just drop it just because I find you maddeningly irresistible."
Grinning at him, I ran my hands from his, up his arms, and to his neck. Leaning up, I gently bit his chin before I brushed my lips against his. His hands twitched toward me. "Alright then." I told him, swiftly letting him go, moving away from him.
I had barely gone two steps when he gripped my wrist. Turning to look at him, smiling, he yanked me to him, his hand finding my face. "I hate you."
Grinning, loving those words as much as the opposite, I wrapped my arm around him, gripping the back of his neck. "I hate you too." Kissing him passionately, I sighed, "I'm sorry."
"I don't want to be here, Pen." He told me with seriousness. "I chose Dauntless for a reason. Being back here makes me anxious."
Nodding, I trailed my fingers across his collarbone, "Do you want to talk about it? Would it help?"
"No." He replied, kissing my forehead. "I don't want to talk about it. Or them. Or anything about this place."
"Okay." I replied gently. "But if you ever did want to talk about it, I'll listen. I won't even say anything if you don't want me to."
He chuckled, meeting my eyes, "You? Not say anything?"
"I may find it hard to hold my tongue, but you know I can't deny you." He raised a brow. "Fine, I can't deny you much."
His hands moved up and down my back, "You've made me soft."
"Is that so bad?" I smirked at him.
"I don't know yet." He replied.
"I've gone soft too."
"You have good reason." He stated.
"Not any better a reason than you." I told him with seriousness. "It's this place. We need to leave here."
"Is that what you think Four and Tris are planning?" He asked.
I nodded, "Tris is set to see what's outside. I can't blame her. Her history is on the outside of these walls."
"To get there we would have to go through Amity." He stated.
"If that's the route we have to take."
His brows furrowed. "It'd be this all over again, only for you."
"I don't say this to hurt you but…I love my parents. Though after seeing them after what happened to Maggie and to Hazel, it'll be hard."
"It's my fault."
"They will accept you or they will lose me." I told him matter-of-factly. "I love you. That's not changing any time soon. I'll do what I have to. So will you. Either way, we're partners and whatever decisions we make we'll make together."
He sighed and nodded, kissing me deeply, "I don't deserve you, Pen."
"But I deserve you." I smiled and kissed him again.
"No you don't." He told me. "I've given you very little reason to want to be with me."
Laughing lightly, I realized he was serious. "Eric." I frowned.
"What?" He replied. "I was horrible. I was an asshole. I have done things that should never be forgiven. I killed your sister and you forgave me for it."
"Yes, I did." I told him. "You've made your amends and you are a part of something bigger than you realize. Bigger than I realize. You deserve more than what you've been given. And I'm going to make sure you get everything when all this is over."
"Love you."
"I love you."
The smile fell from my face as I released him, taking his hands. "What is it?" He asked.
"Don't get mad or anything, but there something we need to talk about." I replied. His brows furrowed. "I know we've hinted around the topic but I need to ask you something." He sighed, nodding, seeming to realize what I was going to ask. "What do you want to do?"
"I don't want to do anything." He replied.
"Okay." I nodded.
"You saw what they were like." He frowned down at me. "My fear landscape wasn't holding back."
"Okay." I repeated.
"I don't want to see them. I don't want to know if they're dead or alive. I don't want anything to do with them!" He was yelling by the end.
"Okay." I repeated again.
He paced away from me, looking back at me with a hard expression, "Don't ever ask me about them again."
"Okay." I said yet again, wrapping my arms around myself as I averted my eyes from his.
He sighed, his tone turning gentle, "Baby, I'm sorry."
"Don't be." I smiled, turning and moving to the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
Taking a deep breath, I hated when he was angry, especially when it was about something that I didn't understand. More so because he was the only one angry. When we were yelling at each other, it was fine, but when it was one sided, it always seemed worse. Showering, I opened the door to find the room empty. Sighing, I got dressed and slowly moved toward the cafeteria. Breakfast would be over soon and I was starving.
Sitting next to Claude with my food, I nudged her, "Hey."
"Hey." She beamed. "Where the hell have you been?"
"Where do you think I've been?" I countered.
She just laughed and shook her head, "With Eric of course."
"I kind of like him." I smirked at her. "When he's not being an ass." I added.
"What happened?" Terra asked.
"Nothing really. I pissed him off unintentionally and he can still get a little scary."
"A little?" Terra frowned.
Sighing, I played with my food verses eating it. "When he even makes me nervous, I guess 'a little' is an understatement."
"You okay?" Claude asked.
"I'm fine." I told her. "I'm just not so sure about him."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, we're in his former faction. His parents are here somewhere and yet he won't talk about it. He doesn't have to if he doesn't want to but I had hoped he'd tell me something. If we run into them, I want to be prepared. I want him to be able to handle it. I tried to talk to him about it but he wouldn't talk to me other than to command me never to mention it again. I wasn't trying to pick a fight. I just want to understand and to help him."
"He doesn't need your help." Eric's voice said from behind us. He was angry.
"Eric, I –"
"No, Pen." He frowned. "It's a subject I don't want to talk about. Not even with you." He turned and started to walk away.
"Eric." I said following him. "Eric, stop."
"No." He said moving faster.
"Eric, please!" I cried running to move in front of him. He stopped but refused to meet my eyes. "Baby, talk to me."
"I don't want to talk about this, Pen." He told me. "You shouldn't try and force me to."
"I'm not." I frowned. "I just don't want seeing them to come as a shock."
"It won't." He replied, finally meeting my eyes. "Because it's not going to happen."
Keeping his eyes, I took his hand. "I know what they did to you. I know that you don't want to face them. I'm fine with that. I simply want to know enough so that I can take care of you if it should happen. So I can keep you out of it and so I can handle it."
"You don't have to handle anything." He frowned and moved around me.
Rushing after him, I had to practically jog to keep up with him, "Stop walking away from me."
"Why?" He shot. "What do you want me to say, Pen? Tell me so I can say it and shut you up."
"Stop it." I shot back at him. "You're being an asshole."
"So?" He shot over his shoulder at me. "This is about me and my life. My past. This has nothing to do with you so I get to be an asshole about it."
"Not to me." I said gripping his arm in an attempt to stop him.
"Yes I can!" He yelled, spinning and meeting my eyes.
I leapt back to avoid running into him. Those passing by were starting to stare. Waiting for the hall we were in to clear, I sighed and looked up at him. His chest was heaving with the breaths he was taking. He was still pissed. He wanted to yell. Wanted to hit something. But there was no release here.
"Hey." Four said appearing. "Everyone's starting to gather in the lobby to hear what Evelyn has to say."
"What's going on?" Tris asked us from his side. One of the few times I'd seen them together since he had supposedly broken up with her.
"Nothing." Eric said and walked away.
We all watched him walk away before both their eyes were on me. "It's nothing." I told them without meeting their eyes.
"What's going on, Opie?" Four asked.
Meeting his eyes, I shrugged, "It's nothing I can't handle."
"Pen." He frowned.
"It's none of your business." I frowned and started to follow Eric.
They were close behind me as we reached the lobby. Evelyn was standing amongst the remains of Jeanine's portrait. She was about to announce the new set of rules. I'm sure it was going to make our lives so much easier. Stepping next to Eric, both of us with arms crossed and frowns on our faces. Tori stepped next to me, seeming as excited about this as we were.
Looking around, there were former faction members and factionless alike gathered in the space and then spilling out into the street. I'm sure not all were here but most wanted to know what our leader had to say. Seeing the factionless soldiers line the walls, ready for something to happen, I felt anxious waiting for her speak.
"Yesterday's events made it clear that we are no longer able to trust each other." She told us.
She looks like hell. Like she'd been up all night. I hated to feel sorry for her but she did just lose someone she cared about. Her replacement son. It was only natural for her to look a bit rough. It would probably bring people to her side.
"We will be introducing more structure into everyone's lives until our situation is more stable. The first of these measures is a curfew: Everyone is required to return to their assigned living spaces at nine o'clock at night. They will not leave those spaces until eight o'clock the next morning. Guards will be patrolling the streets at all hours to keep us safe."
Safe.
What is safe anymore?
Looking up at Eric, we both raised a brow before looking back at Evelyn. Seeing Tori sneer out of the corner of my eye, I looked at her and nodded. She should still be a leader, only Evelyn was quick to take the title away from her.
And she's not done yet.
"It's also time to prepare for our new, factionless way of life. Starting today, everyone will begin to learn the jobs the factionless have done for as long as we can remember. We will then all do those jobs on a rotation schedule, in addition to the other duties that have traditionally been performed by the factions." Evelyn's forcing a smile. I would have thought she'd be happier about getting her way. "We will all contribute equally to our new city, as it should be. The factions have divided us, but now we will be united. Now, and forever."
My stomach turned as the factionless started to cheer. I wasn't sure I agreed with her. Each faction had their own responsibilities. I didn't know if forcing them to mingle was the best idea. I loved being Dauntless. Without factions, what was I supposed to do? Would I still be able to tattoo people in this factionless society? Would they force me to stay here in Erudite and learn to be a doctor? Would she finally get her way and make me her right hand like she seemed to want so badly? I suddenly realized what Eric meant by not liking not knowing what was going on.
Slipping my hand into his, I looked up at him, offering him a small smile. He sighed and brought his other hand to my face, putting his forehead against mine before kissing me deeply. His tongue parted my lips and all anger was lost by the mere taste of him.
"Can we please talk?" I asked him.
He sighed and nodded. "Let's take a walk."
Moving through the crowd and out into the street, he held my hand tightly as he led me away from headquarters. Walking the main road until he turned down a side road, than another, crossing a different main street, and then moved down an alley; he was quiet, making me anxious and yet it was better than him yelling. Stopping, he peered around a corner before stepping forward.
"Do you see that apartment building?" He asked me, pointing at the tallest on the block. I nodded. "Seventh floor, apartment 106, you can see it from here."
Following his line of sight, I didn't know which one it was but I knew what he was telling me. "Where you grew up."
He nodded. "I walked these streets every day. I know the ins and outs of Erudite, needing to know to either escape after a beating, right before it could happen, or to make it home in time so I wouldn't get one. Timing everything down to the second to just try and make it through the day."
Wrapping my arms around him, he did the same, sighing as he rested his chin against the top of my head, still looking at the building. "You didn't have to bring me here."
"I know." He replied, his hand moving up and down my back. "But I don't want to fight with you. I don't want to keep things from you. But this part of my life is something I'm not proud of. I hated my childhood. I left to escape them and still found myself becoming them."
"No, Eric." I frowned up at him as I let him go. "You are nothing like them."
"No?" He frowned. "What about Neely? What about the others I've hurt? What about the things I've done to you?"
Smirking, I slid my arms around him, "I love everything you do to me."
He finally smirked, kissing me sweetly, "You know what I mean."
"I do." I nodded. "But where I'm concerned, you've only done what you've been forced to do."
"Not every time." He replied. "Some of it was done by choice."
"Did you hit me by choice?" I asked with furrowed brows.
"No." He replied quickly. "God no."
"Not even when you discovered I was Divergent?" I asked next.
He shook his head, "Never."
"Did you ever hate me for being Divergent?" I asked. Something we'd never talked about. It hadn't mattered.
"No." He said shaking his head. "I was a little surprised but I had suspected for a while. The way you defended Tris. The way you acted sometimes. The things you said."
"You never asked or accused me of it."
"Of course not. I've loved you for a long time, Pen. And that day in Abnegation, with all eyes on us, I didn't know what to do. I was shocked and yet terrified. I thought I could protect you. But…" He said and trailed off.
"You hit me to protect me." I nodded. I'd known that since the moment it happened. "When we were with Jeanine…you didn't say much when she ordered my death."
"I know." He nodded. Something else we'd never talked about. "I regret that more than I can say. But there was only one thing I thought I could do to protect you."
Nodding, I sighed, "Play along with Jeanine."
He nodded back. "But that will never happen again."
"I know." I smiled. "I'm sorry if you think I cornered you or forced you to do this."
"I don't." He said shaking his head. "And don't be sorry. It's easier than I thought it would be."
"Is it?"
"It's you." He told me. "Everything is easier with you."
Laughing lightly, I once again embraced him, "You have gone soft."
He smirked and nodded, "Or I've just become the man I'm supposed to be. Not the hard killing machine that Jeanine tried to make me into."
"We'll go with that one."
He laughed, enveloping me in his arms, his breath warm against my face as he pressed his forehead against mine. He placed a kiss against it while I did the same to his chest. Wanting to go back to our room, he suddenly tensed. He tensed to the point where his grip on me was almost painful. Instinctively gripping him tighter, I met his eyes.
"You need to go." He said as he turned and pushed me away from him.
"Eric, what is it?" I asked gripping his arms.
"Baby, I need you to go. Go back to headquarters. Go to our room and I'll come as soon as I can."
"Eric." I said gripping him tighter.
"Eric." Another voice said and he straightened, his grip on me tightening, though distance entered his eyes.
I recognized the voice. His mother. Swiftly moving closer to him, I took his head in my hands. "It's okay." I told him. "It's okay, Eric. I'm right here." He was staring at me and I could see the fear in his eyes. "Baby, I'm right here. I won't let anything happen to you."
"I haven't talked to them or laid eyes on them since I defected." He told me.
"Eric!" A male voice now yelled. His father.
His hands were shaking as he gripped my forearms, shutting his eyes tightly. I was sure he was hoping this was some sort of dream. That they couldn't really be here. But this was their home. It had been a miracle that we hadn't had a run in with them yet. Only now Erudite was destroyed and I was sure they knew that Eric had helped.
"You go back to the room and let me handle this." I told him. "You don't have to talk to them."
"I'm not a coward." He whispered.
In the next second there was a hand on his shoulder, jerking him around. Reaching for him, his mother stepped forward and before I could react, slapped him across his face. His eyes grew wide and he brought his fingers to his cheek. In the matter of five seconds Eric went from a strong former leader of Dauntless to the child who had been beaten by his parents. Rushing around him, I pushed him backward, putting my other hand out in front of me, ready for anything.
"Back off." I told them.
"Who the fuck are you?" His father shot at me, stepping toward me.
For being Erudite, both of them looked like they belonged in the slums with the factionless. There was the stench of alcohol on his breath. I suddenly realized why Eric barely drank and never once had gotten drunk. He didn't want to become his father. My respect for him grew and I wanted nothing more than to protect him from them. They would never touch him again.
"I told you to back off." I glared up at him.
I hadn't gotten a good look at him before and now he was so close to me I could see the pores on his face. His hair was the same brown that Eric's was. Their brows were the same. He had the same blue eyes as the man I loved. But there was no love in them. There was no kindness. He towered over me just as Eric had in the past. It was intimidating but something I was used to. And his build wasn't nearly as impressive as Eric's.
"Kent." His mother said with a short tone.
The man backed up and I looked at her. She was shorter than I remembered her being from Eric's fear landscape. Her hair was darker, pulled back in a tight bun at the back of her head. She was thin and was wearing horn rimmed glasses that made her look uglier than she really was. They nearly covered the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes. One would think from smiling but I had a feeling her story was far darker. Her eyes were a deep brown and menacing as they bored into me.
"Who do you think you are?" She asked me.
"I'm the person who is going to stop you from ever touching him again." I replied with venom.
"That's my boy." She replied. "I can touch him if I want."
"Faction before blood." I told her. "He stopped being your boy when he chose Dauntless. Now you're just the animals that beat him."
In the next second a fist was flying toward my face. Leaning out of reach, his father stumbled forward. Eric hadn't moved, but he moved now, lunging for his father. Spinning, I put my hands against his chest, gently pushing him back.
"It's okay." I told him.
"You little whore!" His father yelled at me.
Eric pushed against me again. "Don't." I told him. He met my eyes, calming, and stepped back. "You don't know me." I said turning back to his parents. "And you sure as hell don't know him."
"He's a traitor to his faction."
"No he's not." I stated.
"He's worthless." His mother shot at him.
Moving past defensive and straight to pissed off, I stepped forward and punched her hard in the mouth. She stumbled backward, falling to the ground. I took pleasure in the red that coated her teeth. The drop that slowly spilled over her lip and ran the length of her chin. Smiling, I was ready for more. It'd been a long time since I'd had a decent fight. This wasn't a fair fight but I could feel my adrenaline start to kick in, wanting to hurt her, wanting to cause her pain. Taking a step forward, I froze, being interrupted.
"Pen!" Tori yelled again, breaking through the red I was seeing. Looking at her, I stepped back, breathing hard as I made sure I was in front of Eric. "What's going on?"
"Nothing." I said, standing unmoving with my eyes still on the couple in front of me.
"This Dauntless bitch just hit my wife!" Kent yelled.
"Was it provoked?" Tori asked and looked at me.
I nodded at her, rubbing my knuckles, "Damn straight it was."
Tori took in me and Eric and then the assholes across from us. I could see her tense before nodding, "Pen, get him out of here." Her voice was demanding. Nodding, I took Eric's hand pulling him with me as I walked away. "I'll handle this." She added, sounding like she was just as ready for a fight as I was.
Not waiting to watch, I kept Eric's hand tightly in mine as we walked back toward headquarters. Once we reached it, I swiftly moved him through the halls until we were in the room we'd been given. Moving him through the door first, I closed and locked it behind us. All my anger had disappeared, being replaced with worry. Turning to him, I watched him closely. He was still tense and I could see the fast, deep breaths he was taking by the rise and fall of his shoulders. After everything I honestly didn't think I'd ever meet his parents. I didn't want to meet them. They were a source of pain I'd never seen in him. I saw it in his landscape and immediately following it, but for some reason seeing him right now was so much worse. Before it was just a bad memory. A part of his past that he was more than willing to forget. Only now it was staring him in the face, alive and tangible. He wasn't ready for this.
"What do you need?" I asked him softly, moving toward him.
"I'm not a coward." He replied softly, his back still to me.
Moving around him, I took his hands, "No, baby, you're not." He wouldn't meet my eyes, a distance in them I hadn't seen in a long time. "Eric, look at me." He kept staring. Remembering. "Eric." I said taking his head in my hands. "Look at me."
His eyes slowly moved to mine. For a moment he held them, then a deep frown crossed his face. "She hit me." He stated. "I swore I'd never let her hit me again."
"She never will." I told him, pulling him to me so our foreheads were touching. "She will never touch you again. Not while I'm here."
"I'm Dauntless. I shouldn't have let her hit me." He said with a small voice.
I could picture him as a teenager, vowing to himself that he would never let it happen again. He left them to get away from them and now he was back in his old faction, his parents appearing out of nowhere, treating him like no time had passed. His expression and the sound of his voice was breaking my heart. I just wanted to hold him and let him scream or cry or do whatever he had to do to deal with this.
In the next second he'd pulled away from me, gripping the lamp and launched it across the room. It hit the window, making it spider, before crashing to the ground. The nightstands followed, then he gripped the bed and with one fluid movement he flipped it, letting out a cry that made me shudder. Then he turned to the desk, the small lamp hitting the same window as the other, sending more cracks along its surface. He swiped everything off of it before picking it up and tossing it over the bed. I could feel the wind from it as it moved past me.
With nothing else to break or throw he stood in the middle of the room, breathing hard, as he looked at what he'd done. Then he met my eyes, a desperation in them I'd never seen before. Swiftly moving to him, he fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around my center as he cried into me. I could feel each one move through me, making me grip him tighter, whispering soft words to him.
When he was calmer, I got him to his feet, seeing red smear across my arm. Without saying anything, I led him to the bathroom, sitting him on the lid of the toilet. Going out into the main room, I ripped a piece of the sheet off. Cleaning the cut along the palm of his hand, I wrapped the fabric around it, tying it tightly. Pressing a kiss against his forehead, I told him to wait there, returning to the main room and started to clean up. Only a few minutes passed when there was knocking on the door. Sighing, I slowly walked to it, opening it to see Four, Tris, Claude and Terra.
"Is he okay?" Claude asked.
Tears filled my eyes and I didn't trust my voice so I simply shook my head. Four wrapped me in his arms, pressing a kiss against my forehead before going toward the bathroom. This was familiar territory for both of them. I listened for his voice but everyone was quiet. Claude wrapped her arms around me, letting me cry into her. Tris and Terra didn't pause long before they started to clean up the room. Taking a deep breath, I pushed all my emotions aside. This wasn't about me. It was about him. About what he needed.
"Are you okay?" Claude asked as we flipped the bed back up.
Shaking my head, I put my hands on my hips as soon as it was righted. "She hit him, Claude." I told her. Even Tris and Terra stopped and turned their heads toward me. Claude looked like she was going to break down at any moment. "She hasn't seen her son in eight years and the first thing she does is hit him."
"I knew they were abusive but..." She said trailing off.
"Me too." I nodded. "But it's been eight years. Despite how they treated him before, you'd think they might be a little happy to see their son."
"Apparently not." Claude replied sadly.
Then we heard Eric yelling, making me cringe at the sound. I couldn't make out a lot of it and I honestly didn't want to. For a long moment I stared at the bathroom door, wanting to be there for him but knowing that I couldn't fully understand what he was feeling. But Four could. He'd been through this before and he knew exactly what Eric was feeling and thinking. He'd be able to help Eric more than me.
"He's reverting." I told her, finally turning away from the door, bending down over the broken lamp so I could pick up the pieces. "And I'm terrified for him. It sent him back to when he was a kid and they hit him all the time."
"He'll be okay." Tris told me gently.
Looking at her, I attempted to nod. "But he's Eric, Tris." I told her. "He's strong and capable. He can be cold and manipulative and used to be the most hated in Dauntless but now he's –" I stopped taking a slow deep breath. "He's kind and gentle. He's not that little boy anymore. I've never seen him like this before."
Tris stepped up to me, meeting my eyes with a sure look, "He'll be okay."
There was a long moment of silence before Claude broke it, "How do they compare to his fear landscape?"
"They're exactly the same. And that just makes it worse." I felt the tears returning, biting the side of my bottom lip to try and keep them at bay. "His mom told me that he was worthless. She said the same in his landscape. His mind didn't have to make them worse in his landscape, because they -" I started but paused, my throat constricting. "They are exactly the way I saw them and it's just..." I started but stopped, not knowing exactly what I wanted to say.
"Are you hurt?" Terra asked picking up my arm.
"No." I told her. "It's Eric's. He cut his palm."
Terra nodded, gently playing with my hair as I touched his blood, suddenly mesmerized with it. Then there was movement as Eric and Four came out of the bathroom. "Hey." I smiled at him, hoping I looked put together.
"I'm going to borrow him for a while." Four told me.
Eric was just standing there staring at the floor. Stepping up to him, I took his hand. He immediately squeezed it, meeting my eyes. "Can we have a minute?" I asked while keeping Eric's eyes.
"Of course." Four said and stepped out of the room with Tris while Claude and Terra disappeared into the bathroom.
Taking a deep breath, I offered him a smile, "You go and do whatever it is that you need to do." He nodded at me. "Just remember that I'm here for you. No matter what you need. You can yell at me, you can cry, you can sit in silence, you can do whatever you want just -" I said and paused, my voice getting louder than what I wanted. "Just come home to me so I can hold you." I added with a soft tone. "Don't disappear."
He took my head in his hands, kissing me deeply. "I love you, Pen. All I need is you."
"And all I need is you." I smiled. "I love you, so much, Eric. And I am so sorry."
"Don't be." He told me. "I know who they are and what they're like. I'm the one who's sorry for letting you see it."
"No, Eric." I frowned at him. "Don't ever apologize. I am yours. I want to know everything about you. The good and the bad. The past and the present."
"And you're my future." He told me. "I want that more than anything. The good, the bad, and everything that comes with it." Smiling again, I kissed him. "I don't even want to go with Four. I'd rather stay here and do that whole hold me thing." He said finally cracking a smirk.
"Then why are you?" I asked. "Because I am all for the holding you part too."
He looked toward the door. "It's more for him."
"In this moment it's not about him though. It's about you and facing your parents after eight years and them being exactly the same." I told him, suddenly annoyed with Four.
He met my eyes, running his hand down my hair. "It's okay, Pen. I'm okay."
"You should have seen you ten minutes ago when I thought you were going to disappear inside your own head."
"No." He said running his hand down my hair again, still smirking. "I just needed to get some of that pent up shit off my chest."
"You can do that with me you know." I stated with a raised brow.
He nodded, "I know."
"So tell Four you'd like to stay here."
"No." He said and kissed me deeply. Whenever his lips touched mine I melted and was willing to give him whatever he wanted. "I won't be gone long."
"You say that but for all you know he'll just go get you drunk, get into a bunch of antics, and then drop you off here a sputtering mess." I told him still feeling annoyed.
He snaked his arm around me, pulling me against him. "Evelyn won't let that happen. She has her eye on everything and everyone."
"And if Four told her that you and him were going to get drunk and talk about your abusive parents, do you really think she'll stop you?"
"No, probably not." He said with his lips against my jawline.
Shuddering, I leaned into him, my arm wrapped around his while the other found his neck. "I want you here." I whispered. "All I'm going to do is worry about you."
"I'll be with Four. How much trouble can I get into?"
"A lot." I stated.
He chuckled softly, pressing his lips to mine. "I love you, woman."
"I love you." I replied. He let me go, much to my displeasure, smiling as he went to the door. "Please don't do anything stupid." He just winked and opened the door. "Eric." I said sternly. He was already gone. Sighing, rubbing between my brows with my fingertips, Tris stepped up to me. "If Four gets him into trouble I swear to god I'm going to hurt him."
"Eric will be fine." She said and put her arm around me.
"I know." I nodded.
"He's already fine." Tris stated. "He didn't even look upset anymore."
I nodded again, "He's tough. But he doesn't have to be."
"He's Eric, Pen. It's in his nature to be tough. Even when he doesn't have to be."
"Claude!" I called out to her. There was a bang and she and Terra came out looking guilty. "Seriously?" I said with a raised brow.
"Sorry." Claude replied bashfully.
Shaking my head, I went to the bed, starting to remake it. She swiftly helped while Tris and Terra finished straightening everything else out. As soon as it was done, Claude and Terra put it upon themselves to go get food to bring back, leaving me alone with Tris. We weren't alone together often.
"Do you really think he's okay?" Tris asked.
I was standing in front of the broken window, one arm wrapped around myself, my elbow of the other sitting on top of it. Biting my thumbnail, I didn't even turn to look at her. It had been over an hour since Claude and Terra left and the room was too quiet.
"You don't have to stay here you know." I replied, finally turning toward her.
"I know." She replied.
"And I don't know." I told her sitting on the bed next to her. "He seems okay, but I didn't have a lot of time with him to figure out where his head was at."
For a long moment we just stared at the white wall in front of us. "That's a very blank wall." She stated.
"Yeah, I hate it."
"Here." She said holding out a marker. "It was on the desk."
Smiling, I took it, getting off the bed and moving to the wall. Turning to the desk, I grabbed another marker, tossing it at her. "Join me."
"I'm not an artist." She smiled at me, shaking her head.
"How do you know?" I asked. "Have you ever drawn anything before?"
"No." She admitted.
"Then get your ass off that bed and come draw something." I told her authoritatively.
She just looked at me a moment before getting up and stepping up to the wall. "Where do you start?"
Uncapping the marker, I put the side of my hand against the wall, thinking a moment. "I don't know. When it comes to this you just start and see what happens."
She nodded, mimicking me, and stared at the wall. Then her hand moved and she put the first marks against it. Smiling, laughing lightly, I nodded at the heart she had made. She smiled back and before I knew it she was filling up more of the wall than I was. Simplifying my own art, we started to fill up the wall. Drawing was a de-stressor and we both could use a little less stress.
"What does Four do to help with what his father did to him?" I asked after a while.
"He doesn't talk about his father." She replied.
"But now that they've been forced to be around each other, he doesn't need to release any pent up emotion or anything?"
"Not really." She replied. "He came to terms with that a long time ago."
"I know that." I frowned, pausing. "But he never says anything or does anything? He simply goes about his business?"
"Yeah." She nodded, pausing as well. "But Marcus didn't re-enter Tobias's life by yelling his name and hitting him. If that happened I think he would have reacted a lot differently. Eric is a lot like Four and I think he deals with it in a similar way. Out of sight out of mind." I nodded my agreement. "But Eric's parents are worse than Marcus. They are horrible people who treat him like a stray dog that keeps eating their garbage. I don't envy him. Or you."
"Why me?" I frowned.
"Because they'll be your in-laws." She smirked.
Laughing, it was the first time the subject had even come up since I'd asked Eric to marry me. I'd honestly forgotten about it. Then, for some reason, my laughing turned to crying and I slouched to the floor, my back against the wall.
"What did I say?" Tris frowned, kneeling next to me.
"Nothing." I told her. "I don't know why I'm crying." She got an odd look on her face. Frowning, she raised her brows and sighed. "No." I told her, finally catching on. "Not a chance."
"Really?" She asked.
The crying was already over and now I was just glaring at her. "No."
"Okay." She smiled. "Then get up, dust yourself off, and lets finish this wall."
Doing as I was told, I stood and faced the wall again. "It's kind of fun, isn't it?"
"You know, it really kind of is." She smiled.
"I am so sorry!" Claude yelled as she burst through the door. Then she froze, taking us in. "What are you doing?"
"Drawing." Tris stated. "And we're starving. What the hell took you so long?"
Claude shrugged with a big grin on her face. I just shook my head at her, "I don't think you want the answer to that."
Taking a break to eat, Claude didn't linger long. I wasn't alone and I was doing just fine. It was good for her to spend time with Terra. The next step in all of this was unknown and we needed to enjoy the moments we had now. Which I would have loved to do with Eric but he was currently more than likely getting into trouble.
When the sun had set, the wall was nearly fully covered, and Tris and I were sitting on the bed feeling anxious. I had a pad of paper in my lap, doodling on it with a pencil, the side of my hand and fingertips smeared with silver.
"Should we be worried?" Tris finally asked. "It's been hours."
"Yes." I replied, getting a look from her. "Hey, I'm just as worried, if not more so, than you are." Then I tossed the pad and pencil on the bed in front of me as hard as I could. "I'm freaking out, Tris!" I yelled putting my head in my hands.
"Hey, I'm sorry." She said calmly.
"No." I said shaking my head. "I'm sorry. But I really am freaking out. What are they doing?"
"Do you think Eric will want to confront his parents?" She asked gently. My stomach dropped and I suddenly felt nauseous. "We should go look for them."
I was off the bed before she'd finished speaking. Both of us rushing toward the door, my hand shaking as I reached for the handle. Opening it, we both stopped, looking at Tori who had been about to knock. "Pen. Tris."
"What did they do?" I asked her.
"Nothing you're gonna like." She stated.