Chapter Thirteen: New Places
The sun was still down when I woke. Attempting to go back to sleep, the uneasy sleep of those around me made it impossible. Looking at Eric, he was sleeping, a small crease between his brows. Leaning toward him, I pressed a long kiss against his forehead, watching the crease slowly smooth out. Smiling, I pressed my forehead against his, my hand resting against his face. Taking a deep breath, I slowly got up, making sure I didn't move him.
Leaving my feet bare, I left the ballroom, picking a random hallway to walk down. My mind kept moving through everything that had happened. Not able to latch on to one thought long enough to process anything. Henry and Tori were dead. My parents had lied to me for years, especially when it counted most. My traitor sister was here and I didn't know what to think about it. We made it to the outside only to be told that the Divergent were healed and everyone else was damaged. How were any of us supposed to process anything that had happened?
My surroundings fell away and I was walking aimlessly throughout the compound. When I finally blinked and looked around, I had no idea where I was. Taking a deep breath, my brows furrowed, smelling water and earth and trees. Moving toward the scent of it, I found myself in an atrium. Smiling, I took in the room of plants and trees, suspended in water just like they were back home in our greenhouses. Moving to the center of the room, I couldn't help my lips parting, in awe of the tree in the giant water tank. It was lifted high off the ground, allowing me to see the tangle of roots beneath it.
Shutting my eyes I took I deep breath, letting the comforting scent of earth fill my senses. Lowering myself to my knees, I looked up at the maze of roots. It reminded me of the tattoos on Eric's arm, smiling as I thought of the man I loved. Sighing, I sat on my heels, my hands resting in my lap.
"God?" I said softly to the room. "I know I've given you little to no thought for many years. But I need you now. Watch over Eric and keep him safe from harm. If one good thing comes out of all of this than it needs to be him surviving. He needs to live." Pausing, I took another deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Please watch over Henry and Tori. Please watch over Natalie and Andrew. Please watch over Maggie. She is by far the brightest angel you've got. Let her sing again. Let her fill everyone with peace and joy. She's good at that." Pausing again. I hadn't heard the steps until someone knelt next to me. "What do you want?"
"I just want to talk." Hazel told me. "I want you to listen."
Tears filled my eyes, my brows furrowing as I turned my head to look at her. "What is there left to say?"
"Everything. There is everything to say." She replied softly. "I heard Tris talking to you. I heard what she said about Mom and Dad."
"And?" I asked softly, failing to keep the hardness out of my tone.
"I'm just as surprised as you are." She stated. "I had no idea. And I feel like I should have known. I was there every day for years and they never said anything. How could they keep a secret like that from us?"
"Maybe you weren't listening." I frowned back at her. "Maybe they tried to tell you but you were too wrapped up with yourself to notice it. How long have you been wanting to leave them?"
"It wasn't a decision made lightly, Penelope." She told me with annoyance.
"Wasn't it?" I frowned. "Abnegation is attached, Dauntless made into murderers, and Erudite is left as the conquering hero. But they weren't heroes, Hazel. Jeanine was no hero. She was a murderer and she made you her accomplice."
"I didn't know exactly what she had planned." She told me. "I didn't know you were there or that she was even looking for you."
"She wasn't looking for me. She was looking for everyone like me. She nearly killed Tris and would have killed me if it weren't for Eric. Did you even think about what you were doing? Did you even think about the consequences of your actions?"
"Is this one of them?" She asked even softer. "Losing my sister?"
Scoffing, I laughed lightly, "Losing me is the least of your worries, Hazel. We're here with questions that need to be answered and no idea if this place is actually better than life in the city."
"To me it's the most." She replied.
Meeting her eyes, I didn't know what to think, just adding to my already full mind. "I don't know you anymore, Hazel. I wish you'd realize that and leave me alone."
"I can't. You're my sister." She replied with a smile.
"But you're not mine anymore." I frowned. "How can I trust you, let alone love you, after everything you've done?"
"I don't know." She told me and sighed. "I guess I'm hoping we've both held on to a little bit of home."
I nodded, "Forgiveness."
"Do you think you can?" She asked.
"I don't know." I told her, shaking my head. "But I know for a fact that Eric will never forgive you."
"What does he have to do with it?" She frowned.
"Everything." I frowned at her. "He is everything to me and I would chose him over you any day. And I'm pretty sure he loves me more than I love him. You were going to let me die at a time when I was all he had. He will never forgive you, Hazel. And I'm not sure I can either. I don't think you understand."
"Then help me understand." She told me pleadingly.
"I can't, Hazel." I told her on the verge of tears. "I can't help you when right now I am barely holding it together. I can't help you and I don't want to. You have a lot to answer for and I don't want to deal with you right now. I want to figure out what's going on here and then we have to decide what move to make next. I don't need a sister to do that. Not right now."
"Opie?"
My head jerked behind me, "Four."
"Everything okay?" He frowned, his eyes on my sister.
Getting to my feet, I swiftly moved to him, "Sure."
He put his arm around me. "Hazel." She just nodded at him and swiftly left the room. "You okay?"
Keeping my eyes on the floor, I didn't want to talk about me. "Your shoes are untied."
He sighed, "Opie."
"Four." I said meeting his eyes. "I'm as fine now as I was the last time you asked me."
"Then tell me what's wrong. Tell me what you're thinking." He told me with furrowed brows.
Scoffing, I shook my head, "What am I supposed to say, Tobias? I'm confused and starting to feel that my first instinct that this was a bad idea was right."
"We just got here." He told me gently.
"And I know it's scary." Another voice interjected. Four and I both looked to see Amar. His hair was down, touching his shoulders. "I remember how scary it was."
"How did you get past it?" I asked him, tears once again in my eyes.
"By taking one day at a time." He smiled, putting his hand gently on my arm. The tears started to flow and before I knew it, Amar had pulled me into his arms. "I understand what you're feeling. I wish there was a way to make this easier."
Gripping fistfuls of the back of his shirt, I buried my face into his shoulder. "So many have paid with their lives." I muttered into his shirt. "So many have been lost and now I feel like it's all been for nothing."
"No, Pen." He said squeezing me tighter, his hand running down the back of my head. "You'll see. You just have to give us a little time."
Letting him go, I wrapped my arms around myself. Looking at Four, more tears fell down my cheeks. He nodded, pulling me against his chest. Resting my head against it, I took a calming breath.
"What are you doing here?" Four asked his friend.
My head was pounding and for a few long moments all I could hear was the rumble of Four's voice through his chest. I was starting to finally feel the fatigue setting in. Shutting my eyes, the warmth of Four made me long for the warmth of Eric. I wanted to go to him, yet Four's arms around me were as tight as ever.
Opening my eyes, I watched Amar pull his hair back, tying it with a rubber band. "They faked my death because I was Divergent, and Jeanine had started killing the Divergent. They tried to save as many as they could before she got to them, but it was tricky, you know, because she was always a step ahead."
"Are there others?" Four asked.
Amar nodded, "A few."
"Any named Prior?"
My stomach dropped and for a moment there was a spark of hope. Only Amar quickly shattered it.
"No, Natalie Prior is actually dead, unfortunately. She was the one who helped me get out. She also helped this other guy too…George Wu. Know him? He's on a patrol right now, or he would have come with me to get you. His sister is still inside the city."
"Wu?" I said looking at him. Then the tears flowed faster and I buried my face in Four's chest. "Georgie is alive." I sobbed. "He's alive and Tori's…" Then I was covering my mouth, sobbing into Four.
"Tori is his sister." Four explained. "She tried to leave the city with us."
"Tried to…" Amar repeated, realizing what he meant. "Ah. Wow. That's…"
They grew quiet while I continued to cry. There hadn't been the right time to grieve and now knowing that her brother was alive…it was too much. I needed to grieve those who were dead. The family that I had lost. And now George would have to be told that the hope of being reunited with his sister was robbed from him. She died thinking that Jeanine killed him but he was here. He was here and he was alive. Now she was dead.
Moving from Four's side, I started to move through the room. Taking in the flowers around me, the tears were continuously streaming, but the sobs had stopped. I can hear Four and Amar talking, but I don't care what they're saying. Looking at the colored flowers, the ivy, clusters of purple or red leaves. Touching them, I felt the softness of the petals. Starting to pull them off, I didn't stop until my hands were full of them.
"Can we go to the river?" I asked, interrupting them. Though as I say it, I catch the word "serum". Frowning, I stepped toward them. "What?"
"Memory serum." Amar repeated.
Nodding, I laughed, "Of course." They both looked at me sadly. "I'm tired. I'm gonna head back to the room." I frowned at them, moving toward the door.
"Opie." Four said stopping me.
"What, Four?" I said on the verge of tears, turning toward him.
He looked at me for a long moment. It was obvious that he changed his mind about what he was going to say. "Can you make it back on your own?"
Smiling, I nodded, "Yeah."
After a few wrong turns, I found myself finally slipping back into the ballroom. Slowly walking, my eyes on the ground, when I looked up Eric was pacing the edge of the beds. When he saw me, he took a deep breath of relief. Smiling, I stepped up to him, the petals still cupped in my hands. He noticed, grabbing one of the tank tops from his bag and making a small pouch out of it. Letting them fall from my hands into it, he tied it off and set it aside.
Taking my head in his hands, he looked at me with a worried expression, "You know I don't sleep well without you."
The tears returned and I swiftly wrapped my arms around him, hugging his shoulder blades as I cried into him. His arms were tight around me as he swept me from the room. I was still crying against him, blindly walking alongside him. When he finally stopped, he sunk us both to the floor, cradling me in his arms as I sobbed into him. Not knowing how long I cried, when the tears finally slowed, I relaxed against him, falling asleep quickly.
When I woke up, my eyes were heavy, puffy, and sore. My head was lying on his bicep, both of us now lying on our cots. Fingers were caressing my cheek, Eric's breath wafting over me. Opening my eyes, I met the blueness of his, a smile on his perfect lips. For a moment I thought I was going to cry again, feeling the need to, and yet my eyes remained dry. He smoothed my brow with his thumb, leaning forward and pressing a kiss against my forehead.
"You're so beautiful." He whispered.
Laughing, I shook my head, wiping the crustiness from my eyes. "I'm sure I look like crap."
"You could look like anything and still be beautiful to me." He replied, leaning in and kissing me deeply.
"You're sweet." I smiled and kissed him again.
"I kinda love you, you know." He smirked.
Rolling so I was laying on top of him, I pressed my lips against his again, running my hand through his growing hair. "I love you more. Especially with this facial hair."
He laughed and kissed me. "Get up, we're going somewhere."
"Where?" I asked him unmoving.
He sat up, taking me with him, keeping my arms around his neck as he brought us to his feet. He set me down, grabbing our jackets, handing me mine.
Frowning at him, I didn't put it on, "Can we shower first?" I smiled at him.
He seemed to think about it first, then nodded, "We'll be faster if we just do it together."
Laughing, he looked so serious about it, "You are a smart man."
Grabbing clean clothes, we rushed off to the bathroom. Getting into it together, we cleaned each other, laughing and talking as we had a rousing game of foreplay. Afterward, we were starting to get dressed when Eric gently gripped my wrist.
"What is it?" I asked him, smiling softly.
"When was the last time you treated your arm?" He asked softly.
Putting my hand over it, I shrugged, "I don't know. A lot's been going on."
"Come on." He said pressing a kiss against my forehead, rubbing my arms.
Going back to the room, he rustled through our things, taking out the salve that Simmy had packed for us. Holding out my arm to him, he gently ran the salve over the cuts. The redness had all but gone away and there was no pain anymore. His touch was gentle and made warmth run through me, filling all of me. Smiling up at him, I ran my hand up and down his arm, wanting to touch him.
"All better." He smirked at me.
Grinning like a school girl, I moved closer to him, wrapping my arm around him, "Thank you, baby."
"You'll thank me again soon enough." He smirked.
Stepping away from him, I ran my fingers through my damp hair before putting my jacket on, "Alright then, where are we going?"
He smiled, picked up his shirt with the petals in it, and offered me his hand. Swiftly taking it, he led me from the room. We walked toward the checkpoint, showing the badges we'd been given the previous night by Zoe. Going through the lobby, we exited the building, he steered me left to where someone was standing, waiting for us. It's the girl that I'd seen when we were first arrived.
"Ainsley." Eric smiled at her. "This is Pen."
"I know who she is." She beamed holding her hand out to me. "I never thought I'd actually meet you."
"I saw you when we first got here." I smiled at her. Her hair was now braided over her shoulder and she looked far too excited about what was going on. Running my fingers through my hair again, I looked up at Eric, "So, where are we going?"
"Out of the compound." Ainsley replied.
"Are we allowed to do that?" I frowned at her.
She opened her arms with a big grin, "With an escort." I frowned at her, looking back up at Eric. "Come on." She said and moved away, leading us toward a truck.
Getting in, I was stuck in the middle between her and Eric. He seemed perfectly relaxed as he watched the scenery as it passed us by. Ainsley looked to be genuinely enjoying herself. I didn't want to feel watched but she was constantly stealing glances and it was starting to make me feel anxious. Scooting as close to Eric as possible, he smirked at me, putting his arm around me as he pressed a kiss against my temple.
"I'm making you uncomfortable, aren't I?" Ainsley asked softly but was still smiling.
"A little." I admitted. "I'm not used to people knowing me without…you know…meeting them."
"I'm sorry." She replied. "I work in the control room and have been watching you for longer than I care to admit."
My stomach turned and frowned at her, "What exactly have you seen?"
She burst with laughter, making me jump. Eric's other hand found mine, putting it in his lap. "I haven't seen anything I shouldn't."
"I'm pretty sure my entire life is something that you shouldn't be seeing." I shot back at her.
"Sorry." She said, her smile faltering. "This isn't going as well as I had imagined it would."
"What did you expect?" I shot at her. "We came out here only to find out that all of you have been watching us since before we were born. You've all been sitting here, monitoring some experiment, and yet what you don't seem to grasp is that you're playing with people's lives. I don't give a shit about the experiment or what you all were hoping to gain. You've been using living human beings to meet your own ends. You've been watching us live and die and all for what? To wait for the Divergent population to grow? What about all those who have been killed? Did you watch them die like some sick game you all liked to play? Did you realize who was Divergent and watch Jeanine hunt them down, taking bets on who would survive? So again, tell me what you were expecting!" I yelled at her.
Breathing hard, the truck was quiet, with only the sound of the tires and the air filling the silence I had created. I felt tears in my eyes, shaking as I gripped Eric's thigh. He put his arm around my neck, pulling me closer against his side, kissing my temple. I hadn't expected to freak out. But I didn't know what meeting me would change. What she had hoped I'd be like or what she expected me to say. This whole thing didn't make sense and all I had been looking for was a little peace. But it would seem that that was few and far between.
"I'm sorry." Ainsley finally told me. "I didn't mean to upset you."
"I know." I shot at her before lowering my voice. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to freak out like that."
"Not that I blame you." She replied. "I'd be freaking out too if I were you. I just get a little carried away sometimes."
"It's okay." I told her. "Really. I've just…"
"You've been through a lot." She nodded. "I don't want you to react in any way that isn't genuine."
"Thanks." I nodded back. It was a few long minutes of silence when my curiosity started to spike. "So, why did you want to meet me anyway?"
"Because you're awesome." She replied, her energy already back, making me jump again. "Sorry."
"She has a point." Eric replied with a smile, still looking out the window.
"Stop." I told him. "Don't encourage her."
"It's true!" She practically yelled, making me jump yet again.
"Jesus!" I yelled back. "Stop doing that!"
"Sorry." She said and it was obvious she was having trouble reigning herself in. "I just get –"
"Excited, I know." I interrupted her. She just grinned at me. I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. "Stop it."
"Anyway, I've been watching you since a little after your initiation."
"Why would you want to? I wasn't all that exciting back then." I replied.
"Are you kidding me? You and Claude and Henry are all phenomenal. Watching you spar with them was always exciting. And your work in the Med Area and the Tattoo Parlor are too amazing to put into words. I watched you tattoo his back." She smiled. Looking at Eric, I smiled and kissed him. "I've watched him watch you."
"That's not creepy or anything." I smirked at her.
"To you it probably is. But in my world it's normal."
"I get it." I nodded at her.
"Anyway, I think you are amazing. All the work you've done, added with how hard you fought, you're my hero."
"I don't want to be your hero." I told her with a hard tone. "Okay? I do not want to be anyone's hero."
"You're my hero." Eric whispered in my ear.
Smiling at him, my hardness melted away. "And you're mine."
"You two are amazing together. And when you finally noticed him it was one of the happiest days of my life."
"I'd always noticed him. I just didn't like him."
"And now look at you. No one has ever loved a man more."
"It's that obvious?"
"To me it is." She smiled softly.
Just looking at her a moment, I sighed, "Fine. You might not be so bad."
"Yes!" She said bouncing in her seat.
"Stop." I told her.
She instantly stopped, "Sorry."
Laughing lightly, I shook my head, "So, what do you think about all this genetic stuff?"
"I think that they think they're right." She replied.
"But you don't agree with it?"
"If they're right then Eric is damaged. Claude and Henry would be damaged. And after watching you guys for years, I cannot with a good conscious call any of them damaged. They've all grown and adapted to what's going on around them. They haven't turned violent or damaging to their surroundings. If anything they've simply shown the emotional range of a normal human being."
"And me?"
"You're not damaged, Pen." She replied as if I were being ridiculous.
"So you believe that I'm genetically healed?"
"I think you're just you and are amazing just the way you are."
Eric rubbed my arm, looking at Ainsley, "I like her."
"And despite your douchiness, you're not bad yourself."
Laughing, I put my hand against his face, "I don't think you're a douche."
"That's because I've officially turned you to the dark side."
"I love you."
"I love you more."
"Not possible." I whispered, laughing lightly, and then was kissing him.
"He's definitely come a long way." Ainsley said softly.
We both looked at her, making her show the first sign of uncomfortableness. Then we both laughed, making her relax. "He really has." I agreed.
"Still a little more to go." He added.
"No." I told him. "You're good."
"You're bias." He stated with a raised brow.
Putting my hand against his face, I kissed him deeply, "Damn right I am."
"You two are adorable." Ainsley smiled.
The conversation died down and I rested my head against Eric's shoulder, watching the world pass us by. The trees came into sight and then she took a side road that took us to the river. We all got out and I just looked at it. Then I looked up at Eric who simply smiled and kissed me, pulling me against his chest. Ainsley was smiling at us, shouldering her pack before leading us down a beaten path along the river. It went from rushing to calm, just sliding by us. There were large rocks protruding from the surface.
"Here." Eric said handing me the shirt of petals.
"How did you know?" I asked him.
"I know you, Pen." He smiled.
Putting my hand against his chest, I met his eyes, smiling at him fondly, "Sometimes you still surprise me."
"The last time someone who was close to you died, I found you at the Chasm, setting her picture on fire, and dropping it into the water. When you came back with the petals, I assumed it was something similar."
"Thank you."
He nodded, "Go do what you gotta do."
I slipped my hand into his, "Will you come with me?"
"If you want me to." He nodded.
Smirking at him, I cocked my head, "I don't want to do anything without you. We're a team, remember?"
He smiled, gently taking my head in his hands, "I remember."
Pulling him toward the water, I let him go, keeping balance on the rocks. Going in as far as I could, standing on one that was big enough for the both of us, I looked at him. He put his hands on my hips, sitting down and pulling me in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. Opening up the shirt, I looked at the various petal colors. Taking a handful of them, I looked at Eric. He cupped my hand in his, keeping it as I brought my hand over the water, slowly dropping them into the water, watching them move away from us.
"For Tori." I said repeating the process.
"For Henry." Eric said as we did it again.
Taking a sharp intake of air, it came out in a shudder, tears once again filling my eyes. The tears slid down my cheeks as we continued to drop the petals into the water. As soon as they were gone, Eric wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. Putting my hand against the back of his head, I cried for our fallen family members. Before long I felt wetness against my neck, feeling him shudder every so often. Crying together, we were finally able to grieve. Finally able to release all those emotions we'd been holding inside. Mine had been leaking out but Eric hadn't shed a tear yet. He had been strong. For me. Everything he did was for me. I suddenly felt guilty for that. I would do anything for him but he needed me, and I felt like I hadn't been there.
"I'm sorry." I told him as the tears slowed.
"For what, baby?" He asked softly.
"I've been a complete mess and I feel like I've been letting you carry everything for me. You've been carrying everything for the both of us and that's not fair."
He chuckled softly, pressing a kiss against my cheek, "You have given me everything, Pen. If you need me to carry everything for the both of us, I'd gladly do it for the rest of my life."
Draping my legs over his, I turned against his chest, wrapping my arm around his waist, sliding it up to his shoulder. Putting the other against his face, I met his eyes, "I don't deserve you."
"But I deserve you." He smirked.
Laughing, I kissed him before burying my face in his neck, my eyelashes brushing against his jawline, "I love you."
"I love you." He replied, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "How you doing in there?"
"You know…" I said and paused, leaning away so I could look at him. "I feel better."
"Really?" He asked with slightly furrowed brows.
"Really, really." I smiled. Wrapping my arm around his neck, I kissed him passionately, "Thank you."
"Anytime."
"How about you?" I asked running my fingers through his hair. "How are you doing in there?"
He sighed, "Honestly, I'm still extremely confused about all of this."
"I know." I said running my fingers through his hair again. "Me too. But we'll figure it out. And no matter what happens, we'll do it together."
"Always." He nodded.
"Good."
Getting to his feet, he offered me his hands. Taking them, he pulled me to my feet, leading us back toward the shore. He slipped his foot into the water, making me burst with laughter. In turn he playfully attempted to shove me into the water, making me squirm and fight against him, landing myself ass first into the water. For a moment the cold water was a shock while Eric laughed from above me. Gripping his wrist, I yanked him into the water next to me. It was my turn to laugh as he took in the initial shock of the water. I only stopped when a splash of water hit my face, practically choking me. Then I was on my feet, racing after him as he booked it down the bank. Jumping onto his back, I clung onto him, only to have him dump me into a deeper part of the water. Breaking the surface, he was charging me, making me turn and flee from him. Shrieking, he gripped me round my waist, spinning me, rings of water surrounding us. Then his arm was underneath my legs, holding me tightly, still spinning me as I opened my arms and leaned back, letting the warmth of the sun hit me. Leaning up, I wrapped my arm around his neck, my hand against his face as I kissed him slow and deep. Only in the next second we were both in the water, laughter once against bursting from us. He moved over me, his lips meeting mine as he snaked his arm around my waist, lifting me closer to him.
Finally moving from the water, still laughing lightly, I looked up to see Ainsley watching us. Feeling a blush rise in my cheeks, I put my arm across her shoulders. Eric was in the lead as we started back, Ainsley was talking a mile a minute, telling me about how she grew up and more about what she had seen us do during the attack and everything. I had asked her about the Bureau but she wouldn't tell me much, saying that she wasn't the best person to explain it. When the talking died down, I took in the nice scenery, loving the silence. Then my eyes fell on Eric, his perfectly formed ass, the muscles of his back…perfect.
Running forward, I launched myself onto his back. He immediately caught me, grinning as I kissed him quickly. Bouncing me into a better position, I playfully bit at his neck, squirming as he retaliated by gripping the back of my knee.
When we finally made it back to the truck, we took our respective places. I couldn't help but feel happy. I think that was the most fun we'd had in a while, especially without feeling like we were being watched. Ainsley had been there, but she seemed different somehow. Trustworthy.
"Can I ask you something?" She asked sadly.
Hearing her more serious voice was weird. "Sure." I replied.
"Eric said 'For Henry'." She replied. "Does that mean…?"
Sighing, I nodded, "He was shot during our escape. I didn't officially see it happen, but you could hear the shots, the gun barrels lighting up." There was a long pause before I cleared my throat. "I'd like to believe that he survived, but…it's very unlikely. Unless he magically appears on the monitors…Henry's dead."
She nodded, resting her head in her hand as she propped her elbow on the windowsill. Watching her, her brows furrowed and then tears started to fall down her cheeks. It broke my heart. She didn't know Henry. She didn't know his temper. She didn't know his jealous tendencies. She didn't know his fierce loyalty and loving personality. She didn't know him, and yet here she was, grieving his death as if she had. I didn't understand how they worked in the Bureau, but she had watched us, forming an emotional attachment to us, without us even knowing about it. If she was capable of doing that, I couldn't deny that I felt better about these people on the outside. They cared about us. Even if those in charge didn't fight for us, there were still those who cared about us.
"Thank you." I told her.
She took a deep steadying breath, though her voice still shuddered slightly, "You're welcome."
