Chapter Sixteen: Frustrations

Waking to a quiet room, I was still happily on top of Eric. His heartbeat and breathing still the loudest thing in my ear. Sighing, I smiled, once again running my thumbs along his sides. Slowly sitting up, straddling him, I gently laid myself across my own bed, finding the camera on the floor. Returning to straddling him, I turned it on and took his picture. Actually I took several pictures, moving off of him so I could take more at different angles. He was such a beautiful man. Sitting cross-legged on my cot, I went through the pictures.

Grinning, I felt his hand on my knee, "Morning, baby."

"You made me cold." He complained.

Laughing, I moved over him, lying on top of him again. "So sorry, baby."

He smiled, brushing my hair over my shoulders, "You sound better this morning."

"I feel better this morning." I smiled back, leaning down and kissing him passionately. "I'm always better when you're here."

"You're too attached to me." He teased.

"I know." I replied and rolled off of him again.

Making sure the room was empty; I took off my tank and sweats, reaching for normal clothes. Putting on a pair of dark jeans, I was about to put a lacey black bra on when my wrist was grabbed. Smiling up at Eric, he wasn't looking at my face. His eyes were on my breasts, cupping one, his thumb running along the top of it. Slipping my fingers into the top of his pants, I pulled him closer to me.

"I'm sick of sharing a room." He told me softly, putting his forehead against mine, still staring at my boobs.

"Me too." I replied, sliding my hand lower, feeling his hair, my fingers sliding against his penis.

Then the door opened and I swiftly took my hand back, hiding in front of him as I put my bra on, reaching for the dark green shirt that was on my pile of things. He sighed, slipping his hand into mine. Smiling up at him, I slid my arm around his neck, kissing him deeply.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." Ainsley said from the door.

"Is it just me or is she stalking you?" Eric said softly, raising a brow.

"She's a good person." I told him. "It's fine." I smiled at her, moving around Eric.

"I've been around too much, haven't I?" She smiled.

"Again, it's okay." I told her.

Seeing her swiftly avert her eyes, I turned around to see Eric changing. He was only in his boxer-briefs, nothing I was going to get too alarmed about. And she obviously had never seen a mostly naked man before since her cheeks looked like they were going to start on fire.

"We were just looking for one moment alone." He told her as he stepped next to me. "Something that appears to be impossible here."

"Sorry." She told him with a small voice.

"Is there anywhere here where two people can go and not be disturbed?" He frowned.

Taking his hand, I rubbed his arm, "Eric, it's okay."

"No, it's not." He frowned. "Even before we at least had a room where we could be together. We come out here and are being watched so closely I'm surprised they don't watch us piss and shit."

"Hey, that's enough, baby. She's on our side." I told him.

"Yeah, whatever." He said letting my hand go and moved toward the door. "I'm going to get some breakfast. Are you coming or are you going to stay here with your little pet?"

Sighing, I saw the hurt on her face. Meeting his eyes, I smiled, "I'll catch up in just a couple minutes."

"Pen." He said firmly.

"Two minutes, babe. That's all I'm asking for."

"Fine." He said and left.

Hearing his steps fade, I sighed again, "I'm sorry about that."

"He's right." She said without meeting my eyes. "You guys shouldn't be doing anything in here either. Every room has a camera."

"Even the bathrooms?"

"Not the stalls." She replied.

Scoffing, I nodded, "I'm sure you can imagine how frustrating that is. Especially after knowing that you've been watching us our entire lives on the inside as well."

"I can. But it's not me. I was just coming to see if you wanted breakfast before they stopped serving it."

"I know it's not you. And I better catch up with Eric." I told her. "I appreciate everything you've done. I really, really do. But I'll stand by Eric in everything. Even when he's being an ass."

"Like right now?" She frowned at me.

"Exactly like right now." I smiled and nodded. "I'll see you later, okay?"

She nodded, "I'm not stalking you."

"I know." I replied. "But you have been right around every corner."

"Again, sorry." She stated only now sounded annoyed. "I just wanted to be your friend."

"And that sounds a little creepy. Especially with how much you say you've watched me. I don't want to sound paranoid, but those are the facts." I told her as gently as possible. "You have become a friend. I just don't have time for a clingy one."

"I get it." She said and turned to leave.

"Ainsley." I said following her from the room. "I'm not saying this to hurt you. But things aren't settled yet. We just got here. There's still a lot of adjusting that needs to be done."

"I know." She replied without looking at me. "And I get it, Pen. I'll take a step back."

"I'm not saying that either. I just…I don't know what I'm trying to say." I told her as I thought a moment. "I just don't want to be anyone's hero. I'm not a hero. I'm not something to be admired."

"Liar." She smirked.

"See, that's what I'm talking about. You don't know me well enough to call me a liar."

"I've been –"

"Don't finish that. That's also what I'm talking about. It's creepy being watched and you've done a lot of it. Just be normal. Don't talk about what you've seen or pretend to know us because you don't know us. Not really. That's…what I'm trying to say…sort of…"

"Okay." She told me, veering off from the opposite direction of the cafeteria.

Sighing, I skipped into a jog, seeing Eric ahead of me. Running faster, I launched myself onto his back, leaning my head over his shoulder and gently bit his earlobe. I knew he was annoyed with the situation but I still got a laugh out of him.

Walking into the cafeteria, he bounced me higher on his back before making our way toward Four and Tris. He stepped over the bench, my feet finding the floor as he sat down. Sitting sideways next to me, I grabbed a muffin, eating it as I trailed my nails up and down his back. He looked at me, kissing me quickly.

"So, what did you say to Ainsley?" He asked me.

"I basically shot her down and told her she was being creepy." I replied.

He nodded, "Good."

"Eric, she's a good person. She's not used to us just as much as we're not used to them."

"She thinks she knows you because she's been watching you for years." He frowned at me. "She doesn't know you, Pen."

"I know. I told her that." I said picking at another muffin. "And I get what you're saying, but you don't have to act like such an ass about it." I added with annoyance, tossing a piece of muffin at him.

"I am an ass." He retorted, painfully gripping my hip and pulling me closer to him.

Sighing, I hugged his arm to my chest, "Eric."

"You know I am." He told me with a raised brow.

"I do." I replied kissing his arm.

Then he was smirking at me, "And you know you can be a stubborn bitch."

Smiling, I nodded, "I can." He pressed a kiss against my forehead. "But more often than not I'm a pretty sweet girl who is easy to get along with."

"Tell that to the soldiers you beat." Peter said sitting across from us.

"What?" Eric frowned at me.

Shrugging a shoulder, I leaned away from him. "They have a nice training room. A few of the soldiers wanted to go at it so…we went at it."

"You make it sound sexual." Eric frowned at me.

"It wasn't." I told him.

"We need another dance night like last night." Hazel said sitting next to Peter with Caleb. "It was the first time we've had any fun together since before."

"You and George seemed to hit it off." Caleb commented.

I watched as every one of Eric's muscles tensed. "Baby, nothing happened. You know that."

"I leave for a few hours and you're changing your friends and dancing with other guys." He told me with annoyance.

"Don't be jealous." I told him sternly. "And please do not make a scene." His jaw clenched and he stood and walked away from me. Looking at the others, I sighed, "Thanks, guys."

Then there was a beeping over the intercom, telling us that there is to be an attack drill. It's a crisp, female voice, instructing us to lock the door to whatever room we are in from the inside, cover the windows, and sit quietly until the alarms stop.

"It will take place at the top of the hour." She told us.

Looking around, I stood and jogged from the room. Rushing down the halls, I finally saw Eric, slowly walking down the hall. Rushing after him, he heard, turning his head, his brow lifting as he looked at me. Watching his shoulders move as he sighed, he stopped and turned toward me, opening his arms as I didn't slow, throwing myself into them.

"You're not allowed to rush off from me like that." I told him.

He let me go, starting to walk again, but my hand was now firmly in his. Walking to the atrium, he sat on a bench. Doing the same, bending my knee flush against his, I looked at him, running my hand across his hair. He sighed again, his brows furrowed. Leaning forward, I kissed his temple, pressing my forehead against it as I gently gripped the back of his neck.

"You know nothing happened." I stated softly.

He nodded, "I do."

"Then what's with the jealousy? You haven't acted that jealous for a while." He looked at me with a raised brow. Smiling, I leaned around him, kissing him slowly, my tongue trailing across his bottom lip. "Are you sexually frustrated, my love?" I grinned at him.

"It's not funny." He told me.

"Oh my god." I said still smiling at him. "You are." Then I was laughing.

"No." He frowned.

Straddling his lap, I kissed him deeply. "The drill is going to start any second." I told him, swiftly followed by the sound of alarms. They were loud and obnoxious, but they didn't faze me. Putting my lips next to his ear, I whispered, "Lock the door."

He practically threw me off of him, running to the door and slamming it shut, locking it securely. Then he pulled the curtains on the several windows. All the while I was taking my clothes off. When he finally turned around, I was already naked before him. He tore the clothes from his body as he rushed back toward me, tripping over his pants and literally getting stuck in his underwear. Laughing, by the time he made it to me he was still on his knees. His hands found my sides, his lips against my stomach. He pulled me down to my knees, ravaging my mouth like never before. Freeing him from the clothes around his ankles, I gripped his neck, pulling him with me as I laid back, the tile cool against my skin, and I was loving it.

Moving over me, the heat of his body making the tile almost sting against my back. Wrapping my arms around him, he put his arm underneath me, lifting me against his chest. Arching against him, I whispered his name, his lips meeting mine before he thrust up inside of me. Moaning with pleasure, I dug my nails into his shoulder blades, gently biting his shoulder before kissing his neck. Rocking against me vigorously, my head was already swimming.

A large part of our relationship had been based on sex. I knew that, but our relationship had grown so much more than just sex. We'd give our lives for each other. We'd do anything for each other. That was something I never saw coming. Something I never thought possible. Now it wasn't just sex or even love making. It was a connection that I couldn't even begin to explain. It went deeper than anything I've ever felt before. Deeper than an addiction. Deeper than a need or a want. Deeper than anything even humanly describable.

"Pen." He whispered after we'd both climaxed.

"I know." I breathed as I kissed him.

He furrowed his brows at me, "Do you?"

"If you're gonna say anything that I'm thinking than yeah. I do."

He smiled, "You're everything."

Slowly pressing my lips to his, I ran my fingers through his hair, my nails of the other trailing up and down his back. "You're more."

"I love you." He told me kissing me deeply.

"I love you, Eric." I told him. "You're everything and more to me."

Then the alarms stopped. Staring at each other, he smiled sweetly, "Times up."

Sighing sadly as he moved off of me, I watched him as he started to get dressed. "I think it's my turn to be frustrated.

"Why?" He asked me with a smile.

Sitting up, my eyes traced the lines of his body, "Because I'm not done with you yet." He grinned and shook his head. "Not even remotely." I added as I watched his muscles move. "I will hate you if you put that shirt on." I told him unblinkingly.

He pulled it over his head, making me sigh. Getting up, I started to put my clothes back on. I thought I had been perfectly content but now that I couldn't spend as much time as I wanted with him alone, I suddenly felt a wave of depression.

"Baby?" I said softly as I pulled on my shirt.

"Yeah?" He said turning back toward me.

I didn't know what I wanted to say to him. What was there to say? It didn't matter. This was one small moment that would have to last us until who knew when. I didn't think I cared. It wasn't just about the sex. But I found that I missed it. He got what he wanted and seemed better for it. Typical male.

"Nothing." I finally told him.

"Pen?" He asked with furrowed brows.

Stepping up to him, I ran my hands up and down his chest, "It's nothing, Eric. I just missed this a little more than I thought I did."

He wrapped his arms around me, his hands sliding under my shirt, his calloused hands warm against my skin. Leaning into him, he kissed me slowly, one hand moving to my face, his touch gentle.

"I miss the small moments together." I told him. "I miss our own room. I miss…"

"I miss everything too." He smiled softly.

"Do you think we'll ever get it back?"

He sighed and looked at my hands as he took them in his. "I don't know. I hope so." Wrapping my arms around his neck, I buried my face into it. He did the same, one arm around my waist as the other slid up my back to my neck. "I love you, Pen. Everything will work out."

"You don't know that." I replied softly.

"I know. But together we can figure it out."

Sighing, I ran both my hands across his hair, pressing my lips against his shoulder, trailing them to his neck. "I love you too."

Unlocking the door, we slowly made our way back to the dormitory. We didn't pass any of our people. The others milled around like nothing had happened, like there was nothing to fear and no threat of attack. But there was something turning inside of me that told me we weren't safe. Safety was an illusion. A luxury that none of us could afford.

Gripping Eric's hand tighter, he pressed a kiss into my hair, playfully biting my neck just as we reached the door. Laughing, we let ourselves in, seeing Four talking with Tris. There was still tension in the air between them. Sighing, I turned myself against Eric's side, happy that we weren't at odds with each other. We had our moments, but at the end of the day, we were far happier than a lot of us around here. Though it would appear that something was budding between Christina and Uriah, and after what happened to Will, I couldn't be happier for her.

"What's going on?" I asked Four and Tris.

"Nothing." Tris replied quickly. "I'm just reading my mom's files."

Four scoffed, getting a look from me. "Nothing." He replied.

"Guys." I frowned at them.

There was a long moment of silence before Four broke it, "Can I kiss you?" He asked Tris.

"Yes." She replied.

I can hear the relief in her voice. Finally feeling a little relief myself. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him bend down, touching her cheek before kissing her softly. I liked a soft kiss every now and again, but my god man, kiss the girl. They needed to work on their intimacy. Smirking to myself I looked up at Eric, seeing him averting his eyes. Though the smile on Tris's face just made me want to beam at them.

"I didn't think about Marcus. I should have." Tris told Four softly, her smile gone.

He just shrugged, "It's over now."

My smile disappeared as I looked between them, "What happened to Marcus?"

Four sighed and looked at me, "He was put on trial."

"Did they kill him?" Eric asked quickly.

He shook his head, "No. She's sending him out here. Never to return to the city again."

"What?" I frowned with shock. "But…we just…there are reasons we left him behind."

He smiled, putting his hand on my arms, gently rubbing them. "It's okay, Pen."

"Tobias." Eric frowned at him.

"Eric." He replied. "It's over. Done. I'm okay."

Sighing, I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my head against his chest. "I'm sorry."

"About anything specific?" He asked, making light of it.

"About all of it." I replied looking up at him. "You jerk."

He laughed, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "Yeah, but you're stuck with me."

Smiling, I gently gripped his chin, "And I'm proud of that."

He pulled out of my grip, gently shoving me into Eric's chest, who swiftly wrapped his arms around me, pressing his face into my neck. Then he looked at Tris, "More journal entries?"

"Yes." She replied. "Just some memories of the compound so far. But it's getting interesting."

"Good." He told her. "I'll leave you with it." He smiled and stepped away.

"Wait a minute." I told him, gripping his wrist. Rushing to my cot, I grabbed my new camera, turning it on as I walked back to them. "Tris, stand up."

"Pen." She frowned.

"Stand. Up." I commanded.

She did, rolling her eyes but was smirking at me. Pointing at Four, she stepped up to him. They wrapped an arm around each other, looking at me awkwardly.

"Smile." I told them. "Look like you actually like each other." I quickly snapped a photo as they smiled at each other, taking another when they looked at me. "Eric." I told him as I pulled Tris away.

"Opie, seriously." Four frowned.

"For me. Please." I pouted.

They both sighed, but Eric put his arm across Four's shoulders. They smiled and I took the picture, very pleased.

"One more." I told them.

Turning it, I moved in front of Eric, pulling Tris in front of Four. We all moved closer together, smiling. Looking at it, I couldn't help but beam at it. Showing the others, Tris smiled, Four scoffed, and Eric kissed me. Tris took the camera from me, not that I cared; my lips were still against Eric's, everything else falling away. Finally stopping, I ran both my hands across his hair, my forehead pressed against his as his hand slid up my back to my neck, the hand of the other against my face.

"You two are disgusting." Four's voice interrupted.

Quickly letting Eric go, I shoved Four, smirking at him with furrowed brows. "And you two should be."

"Stand together." Tris told us.

Obeying, yet another picture was taken before Four had had enough, snatching the camera from Tris's hands.

"Tobias." I said worriedly. "Please don't be mean to it."

"I'm not." He told me softly, turning it off. "Just enough for now."

He handed it back to me, making me quickly take it, holding it against me as if it were the most fragile thing in the world. Then he moved toward the door. "Where are you going?"

"For a walk." He replied.

"I'll go with." Eric told him.

"Baby." I frowned, getting a raised brow from him. "You still haven't told me about –"

I didn't get a chance to finish my sentence before his lips were against mine, then he moved them to my ear, whispering, "Later. I promise."

Sighing, I nodded, running my hand down his arm, gently gripping his fingers as he walked away from me. Turning the camera back on, I looked through the pictures as I moved to my cot. Sitting down, Tris dropped next to me, looking through them with me.

"I want one." She told me with slight awe.

Nodding, guilt filled me. "Ainsley gave me it and I completely dismissed her earlier today. I should be more grateful."

"She'll be okay." She told me matter-of-factly.

"I know." I replied. "I just feel bad since we wouldn't have these memories without her."

"Don't worry so much, Pen. She'll be okay. I'm just hoping we don't need to use them to remember any of us by. I'm still hoping we're all going to get out of this alive."

Looking at her, she spoke with such nonchalance that I was instantly anxious. "We will, Tris." I told her gently. "We will."

She picked up her tablet again, starting to read while I took out my sketchbook and started to work on a few sketches that I'd already started. It was quiet and yet nice. Especially when there had been a time when we could hardly stand being in the same room for more than a few minutes, let alone it being just the two of us.

Pausing, I watched Tris attempting to turn the page on the tablet. It was obviously the end of the files. When she finally decided that nothing was going to happen, she put it down, looking almost frantic.

"You okay?" I asked her.

"I need to know more." She told me.

Nodding, I put down my sketchbook, "What are you thinking?"

"How can you not want to read your parents files? Even if they're still alive, why don't you want to know more? I mean, they kept in touch a lot longer than my mom did. There are far more recent files and it's like you don't care."

"I care, Tris." I told her softly. "But I'm not in a good place with my parents right now. Eric has read them and that's enough for me. At least for right now."

"Can I read them?" She blurted out.

"What?" I frowned at her.

"Sorry." She said but I knew she didn't mean it. "I just want to know more about – well – everything."

"I get that. But I don't think I'm ready for anyone else to see them. I haven't even let Hazel look."

"Why not?"

"Because she doesn't deserve it."

She sighed and nodded, "I know."

"Are you going to let Caleb?"

"Eventually."

There was another long moment of silence before she stood up.

"Where are we going?" I asked doing the same.

"We?" She frowned.

"What? Our men enjoy each other's company. Is it so wrong to try and do the same?"

She smiled at me, "No."

"Okay then."

Leaving the room, we ran into Zoe, following her to the control room. We stood there as she talked to the manager about a meeting with David. Tris was staring, avoiding looking at the monitors. I on the other hand couldn't keep my eyes off of them. My eyes searching for anyone I recognized.

Feeling my stomach turn, I stepped toward the screen that's hanging over the desks. Evelyn is sitting on her bed, running her hands over something on her bedside table. Moving closer, Tris is suddenly at my side, both of us staring at her.

"This is the Evelyn cam. We track her 24-7." The woman at the desk in front of us spoke.

"Can you hear her?" Tris asked.

"Only if we turn the volume up." She replied. "We mostly keep the sound off, though. Hard to listen to that much chatter all day."

Tris nodded, "What is that she's touching?"

"Some kind of sculpture, I don't know." She shrugged. "She stares at it a lot, though."

"It's Tobias's." I told her and turned away. I didn't want to dwell on Evelyn. Moving through the room, I didn't stop until I saw Amity. "Can you see all of Amity?" I asked the man sitting in front of me.

He looked over his shoulder at me, "I can."

"Can you find someone for me?"

He just smiled and hit a few buttons, enlarging a screen, and then looked back at me again. My nose stung with sudden emotion as I took in my parents. They were standing in the orchard, my father's hand against my mother's face; both were smiling at each other. I was lucky. My parents loved each other and despite where they'd come from or what had happened since. It was nice to see them again. Even if it was just on a screen.

"So you know who I am." I stated, swallowing my emotion.

"I do." He replied with a nod. "I'm Kyle."

"Pen." I smiled, holding out my hand.

"Pleasure." He smiled.

"Do you watch Amity often?" I asked.

He gave a small laugh, "In other words, what do I know about your parents?"

"You would so be a Candor." I told him with a raised brow.

He laughed and nodded, "That's not the first time I've heard that."

"So, Kyle, what do you know?"

He immediately turned all business, "They have been working closely with Johanna. They spend a lot of time in meetings with her and the Allegiant."

Sitting down, I scooted closer to him, staring at the screen, "Go on."

"They have been loyal to their faction so far, not giving anything away to anyone else." He told me leaning back in his chair, minimizing how much of me was in his bubble. "Though your father does a lot of secret meetings with Johanna and Marcus. He's become, more or less, Johanna's right hand man. He's gained a lot of respect and power within Amity and the Allegiant."

Nodding, I sighed, "Do you listen to them?"

"We did for a while but a lot of it has remained the same." He replied.

"They're planning on taking over their storehouses, arming themselves and overthrowing Evelyn and the loyal factionless."

We both looked up to see a raven haired girl. She was tall and lanky; her hair falling to the center of her back, reminding me of Claude, and her hazel eyes almost looked purple. Her skin was darker than ours with large, slightly slanted eyes. She was beautiful. And was also looking at me with a possessive glare as her hand found Kyle's shoulder.

"Hey, hon." He smiled up at her.

"Hey." She smiled.

"Tessa, this is Pen. Pen, this is my girlfriend Tessa."

She smiled at me, offering her hand, "Hi."

"Hi." I grinned at her. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

She sat on my other side, scooting closer to me, "What has he told you so far?"

"Not a lot." I replied.

"I know more than he does." She smirked at him, getting an eye roll from him. "I've been assigned to Amity for years now. Kyle has only been assigned for the past few months."

"That doesn't mean you know more." He retorted with a smile.

"Shut up." She said gently smacking him. "Anyway, what do you want to know?"

"Were any of you watching when we met with Johanna and Cara right before we came out here?" I asked.

She smiled at me sadly, "I was here that night."

"Were you the only one who saw?" I asked, getting a nod. "And?"

She looked at me for a long moment before she sighed, "I think you were right to react the way you did. But after watching your parents for years now, everything they've done has been for you and your family. Even after you defected, they wanted to protect you for fear of what you were and what would happen when Jeanine started to implement her plan. They deserve your forgiveness." I sighed and nodded, averting my eyes from hers. "I know it's hard. Especially with everything that you've been through. But the next time you see them you should give them the benefit of the doubt."

"Have you always been here?" I asked her.

"No. I came from one of the other experiments. I wanted to help those that were still involved with the others that were still active. I knew what they would go through and I wanted to help them."

"So you don't know that they came from here?"

"Oh, I knew that. But they were unique. Just like Natalie. They are all pretty much legends here. They fell to human nature, ending their involvement with this facility. All those choices were made for the love they had found and the family that they wanted. Both you and Tris come from strong lines of love. Both your parents loved each other and have sacrificed everything for their families."

"Mine has shrunk." I stated sadly.

"Not really." She smiled. "Maggie dying touched many here. For those of us who had been watching knew how amazing she was. She was an amazing person. But her death was accidental and you should have seen the pain and guilt Eric expressed after it happened. I can't tell you how happy I am that you two are stronger because of it and not estranged."

"Me too." I told her with furrowed brows.

"Where is he anyway?" Kyle asked.

Sighing, I shrugged, "All the fun GD versus GP shit has made both him and Four spend a lot of time away from their girlfriends."

"Pen." Tris's voice drifted over to me.

Looking up, her and Zoe were standing by the door. "Guess we're leaving. Thank you. Maybe I'll see you guys later." I told Kyle and Tessa.

"Come back any time." She smiled at me. "I'm free whenever you are."

"Thank you." I smiled at her and quickly jogged after Zoe and Tris.

Going out into the hall, they were already moving down it, making me jog a little faster. Only before I reach them, I slammed into a hard chest, ricocheting off of it and landed hard on the floor. Looking up, Heath was smiling down at me.

"Pen!" Tris said jogging back to me. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I said getting to my feet.

"Who are you?" Tris frowned at him.

"Heath." He smiled holding out his hand.

"He's one of the soldiers that I sparred with." I explained.

She nodded, "Okay. Pen, come on."

"Where are we going?" I asked her.

"Zoe has business in the lab."

"I remember the way." I told her and nodded. "I'll be right behind you."

"Pen." She frowned.

Smiling, I crossed my arms, "Don't worry, Tris."

"Fine." She nodded and walked away.

Watching her and Zoe walk away, I looked at Heath, "So, what can I do for you?"

"Just wondering if you wanted to spar again. Can't say I've found a more equal match."

"You should meet Eric." I smiled at him.

"Maybe I should." He told me. "Though something tells me that it wouldn't go very well."

"No, it would not." I agreed. "He'd beat the shit out of you. He can be pretty jealous."

"I'm sure he can. Though I did see him talking to Nita the other day. She was all smiles afterward." He told me.

"Excuse me?" I frowned.

"I'm sure it was nothing." He told me quickly. "I'm sure he's the loyal type."

"We both are." I shot at him. "He would never cheat on me. Not ever."

"I'm sorry." He said holding up his hands. "I didn't mean to start anything."

"You didn't." I told him attempting to sound calm but he was seeing right through it.

His smile broadened, "I guess he's not the only jealous one."

Watching him walk away, I headed toward the labs. I had never thought myself the jealous type but he simply mentioned another girl smiling at Eric and I was immediately jealous. Now that I was thinking about it, I hadn't seen him with another girl since before we were together. He'd talked to other girls but it was always business. If Nita was all smiles…he wouldn't.

"What is it?" Tris asked when I walked in still frowning.

"Nothing." I told her attempting to smooth my brows.

"Did he do something?" She frowned.

I shook my head, "No. He just put an idea in my head that had never occurred to me before."

"And what was that?"

"Another girl looking at Eric." I frowned harder, crossing my arms.

She smiled, putting her hand on my arm, "You know he only has eyes for you."

"I do. I do know that. But the idea is still growing. He said he saw Eric talking to Nita and I quote "she was all smiles" afterward."

"I've had a similar feeling toward her." She replied with a raised brow.

"Let's kill her." I smirked at her. We laughed together until we realized Matthew's eyes were on us. Clearing my throat, I looked at Tris. "Where is Zoe?"

"She had something to do." Tris replied.

"Did she quench some of your need to know more?"

"Yeah." She replied but I didn't really believe her.

"What did you learn?" I asked her.

"Marcus is genetically pure."

"What?" I frowned at her. "How is that possible when he's done the things he's done?"

"That is an excellent question." She replied.

"Her argument has a few holes in it, doesn't it?" Matthew interjected. He was watching us from behind his desk, tapping his fingers on the arm of his chair.

"Yeah." She replied.

"Some of the people here want to blame genetic damage for everything." He went on. "It's easier for them to accept than the truth, which is that they can't know everything about people and why they act the way they do."

"Everyone has to blame something for the way the world is." Tris told him. "For my father it was the Erudite."

Putting my hand on her arm, I offered her a small smile, "Mine too."

"I probably shouldn't tell you guys that the Erudite were always my favorite, then," Matthew told us with a small smile.

"Really?" Tris said straightening. "Why?"

"I don't know, I guess I agree with them. That if everyone would just keep learning about the world around them, they would have far fewer problems."

"You wouldn't think that if you really knew them." I frowned at him.

"I've been wary of them my whole life." Tris told him, sitting down, hunching in the chair as she rested her chin on her hand. "My father hated the Erudite, so I learned to hate them too, and everything they did with their time. Only now I'm thinking he was wrong. Or just…biased."

"About the Erudite or about learning?"

She shrugged. "Both. So many of the Erudite helped me when I didn't ask them to." I can see them all flashing in her brain. All those who had helped us through this fight. Many who had died because of it. "They were so focused on making the world a better place." She went on, shaking her head. "What Jeanine did has nothing to do with a thirst for knowledge leading to a thirst for power, like my father told me, and everything to do with her being terrified of how big the world is and how powerless that made her. Maybe it was the Dauntless who had it right."

"I'll go with that one." I smiled at her.

"There's an old phrase." Matthew told us. "Knowledge is power. Power to do evil, like Jeanine…or power to do good, like what we're doing. Power itself is not evil. So knowledge itself is not evil."

"I guess I grew up suspicious of both. Power and knowledge." Tris told him. "To the Abnegation, power should only be given to people who don't want it."

"There's something to that. But maybe it's time to grow out of that suspicion."

Frowning, I wasn't sure I enjoyed where this conversation was going. "You can't simply grow out of something that has been in your brain since the very beginning. Aren't the pathways we make in the first years of life the strongest? To form a whole new opinion of things we already believe isn't about growing out of it. It has to be learned and it sure as hell doesn't happen overnight."

"And what suspicions do you have?" Matthew smiled.

"None." I shot back at him. "I don't know. It doesn't really matter."

He just looked at me for a moment and then focused on Tris again. He reached under the desk and took out a book. It's thick, with a worn cover and frayed edges. Human Biology is printed on the front of it.

"It's a little rudimentary, but this book helped to teach me what it is to be human." He told me. "To be such a complicated, mysterious piece of biological machinery, and more amazing still, to have the capacity to analyze that machinery! That is a special thing, unprecedented in all of evolutionary history. Our ability to know about ourselves and the world is what makes us human."

He handed her the book and she looks like it holds on the answers. Frowning, I was ready to leave. Maybe spending time with her was not my brightest plan. She was completely enthralled with learning more and I just wanted to forget it all. None of it mattered. We are who we are and no matter how much we knew about human genetics or biology or anything else, who we are wasn't going to change. I was liking it here less and less.

"I'm gonna go." I told Tris, unable to hide my annoyance in my tone.

Tris nodded at me, "Me too." We left, swiftly moving down the hall. "Pen, slow down."

"I don't know why I go around them. I hate listening to them. To David, to Matthew, to even Zoe and Amar. They all have these warped ideas about all this GD and GP shit and it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't make a difference. We're still us and that is never going to change."

"Wow." She said softly.

"Do you believe all this shit?" I frowned at her.

"I feel like there is more to learn."

"What difference is it going to make?" I asked her.

"To understand us all better."

"Again, what difference is it going to make? Will it make your life easier or harder? Will it change the person you've become?"

She was quiet for a moment before she replied, "I guess not."

"You guess not?" I frowned. "I need to hit something."

"See you later?" She asked as I veered off toward the training room.

I didn't reply. Rushing off, I went into the locker room, grabbing sweats and a tank from the stack. I'd only been at it for barely a half hour when the door opened and Heath came in. He wasn't the person I wanted to see right now. I felt so annoyed with this world. We weren't needed here. We would do better just going back into the city.

"Want to spar?" He asked.

"No." I said and moved toward the women's locker room.

"Pen." He said stopping me. "Listen, if I said the wrong thing earlier…"

"You didn't." I replied quickly.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked.

I couldn't help but laugh before I looked at him. "No, Heath, I really don't want to talk about it."

"What's got you all fired up?" He asked anyway.

"Do you believe in all this genetic crap?" I asked.

For a long moment he just looked at me, "I guess."

"You guess?" I shot at him. "It's not something you can just guess about. It's a pretty straightforward yes or no answer."

"Then yes." He replied.

"So if I told you that I was a GD, would you look at me differently?" I asked him.

"You're not." He smiled at me.

"Wow." I frowned and walked away from him.

Changing, I rushed back to the dormitory, bumping into Tris again along the way. We fell into step next to each other, not saying anything. She looked about as happy as I was and I didn't think either of us was in the mood for an argument.

"You okay?" I finally asked her.

"No." She replied.

"What happened?"

"I found out some interesting things about my ancestors."

"That bad huh?" I asked as she was practically hyperventilating.

She just nodded. Rounding the corner, we both stopped, seeing both Eric and Four standing in the hallway outside the dormitory. Tris is breathless, whatever she found out was starting to crash down on her. Putting my hand against her back, she rushed forward, passing Eric as he stepped toward me.

"Is she okay?" He asked.

"I don't think so." I told him.

"What's wrong?"

"She found some stuff out about her ancestors. I didn't get anything other than that."

He smiled, taking my face in his hands, "I meant with you."

Sighing, I brought my hands to his wrists, my thumbs running back and forth across his hands, "I'm just sick of all this genetic talk."

"What was said?"

"Nothing important." I told him. "It just frustrates me how much stock they put into all of this. I feel like we should have stayed in the city."

His brows furrowed and he nodded at me, "I've had similar thoughts."

"And?"

"And we already made our choice. We're here and we need to see it through."

Sighing, I nodded, then I see Tris with Tobias against the wall. They're kissing with more passion than I'd ever seen. Seeing them made warmth run through me, sighing with happiness. Something positive came out of this day.

Smiling, I wrapped my arms around Eric, pressing tight against his chest, "It's about damn time."