Chapter Seventeen: Broken Secrets
Laying on our cots, Eric was on his stomach, already starting to drift off as I trailed my fingers up and down his arm. Turning onto my side, his arm moved around me as he sighed contentedly. Leaning forward, I brushed my lips against his cheek, enjoying the growing beard. Gently kissing his lips, I ran my hand down his face, getting a small noise in return. Grinning at him, I kissed him once more, whispering 'I love you' to him.
Having fallen into a blissful sleep, I woke as Eric shifted. Rolling over, I didn't open my eyes, not thinking much of it until I heard Four's voice. Now my eyes opened, rolling onto my side as I watched them talking in hushed voices. Then they moved toward the door. Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair before rolling over onto his cot. It was still warm and his smell clung to his pillow. Shutting my eyes, I was going to attempt to fall asleep again when I felt hands on my arms.
"I love you, baby." Eric whispered to me.
Turning my head toward him, I put my hand against his cheek, "I love you too."
"I'll tell you everything later." He told me.
"I know." I smiled and kissed him. He was looking at me like he didn't want to go. "Do you want me to go with?" I asked.
"No." He replied, running his fingers through my hair. "It's not a girlfriend friendly kind of thing."
Sighing, I wrapped my arm around his neck as I rolled onto my back, taking him with me. "Just be careful, Eric. You know how I get if anything happens to you." I smiled at him.
He chuckled and kissed me, "I love you, Pen. Get some sleep. I'll be back as soon as I can."
"If I have nightmares I'm gonna need a lot of attention tomorrow."
His nose brushed against mine, "You got it."
"Eric." Four said impatiently.
"Yeah." Eric replied over his shoulder before looking at me. "Sleep."
Then his lips were against mine, kissing me deeply and passionately. My head grew all foggy and then he was gone. Sighing, I rolled over, hating that he had so much control over me. And yet at the same time I loved him for it. Smiling, I hugged his pillow tighter as I curled up into a ball, happy and content, falling back asleep with ease.
I woke to the sound of Tris and Christina's voices. I was still on Eric's cot, telling me that he wasn't back. He may have come back but he hadn't woke me and I was still lying here alone. Sighing, I listened to Tris and Christina, they were talking about normal things at first, making me just want to doze and listen to them. Then they brought up sex and I opened my eyes, smiling, happy that my back was to them. Christina was funny. I liked her.
"Where have you been lately?" Christina asked her. "With Four? Doing a little…addition? Multiplication?"
"That was the worst joke I've ever heard."
Laughing into Eric's pillow, I wanted them to know I was awake and yet wanted to know the answer just as much Christina.
"Don't dodge the question."
"No 'addition' for us." Tris told her. "Not yet, anyway. He's been a little preoccupied with the whole 'genetic damage' thing."
"Ah. That thing." Christina replied.
Now I sighed, sitting up and rolled off of the cot. Running my fingers through my hair, I stepped up to Tris, sitting down in front of her, leaning against her legs. Her fingers found my hair, dragging them through it, snagging on the snarls from the night.
"What do you think about it?" She asked Christina.
"I don't know. I guess it makes me angry." She replied. I could hear the frown in her voice. "No one likes to be told there's something wrong with them, especially something like their genes, which they can't change."
"You think there's really something wrong with you?" Tris asked.
"I guess so. It's like a disease, right? They can see it in our genes. That's not really up for debate, is it?"
"There's nothing wrong with you." I told her with anger. Bringing my knees up, I rested my forehead against them, shutting my eyes as I enjoying Tris playing with my hair. "We're all the same."
"We are. And I'm not saying your genes aren't different." Tris told her. "I'm just saying that doesn't mean one set is damaged and one set isn't. The genes for blue eyes and brown eyes are different too, but are blue eyes 'damaged'? It's like they just arbitrarily decided that one kind of DNA was bad and the other was good."
I nodded, lifting my head again, "No one has the right."
"Based on the evidence that GD behavior was worse." Christina pointed out.
"Which could be caused by a lot of things." Tris retorted.
"I don't know why I'm arguing with you when I'd really like for you to be right." Christina told her, laughing. "But don't you think a bunch of smart people like these Bureau scientists could figure out the cause of bad behavior?"
"No." I replied softly. "They only know what the generations before them have told them. We don't really know how any of this came about. We're simply the result of whatever happened before the Purity War. That was so long ago that whatever they were fighting about isn't even relevant anymore. What they think they know may not even be true anymore. It's one word against another's. The GD versus the GP. But maybe that doesn't even mean anything anymore. We just…we don't know."
"Does she ever not ramble?" Christina smiled before nudging my shoulder.
Grinning, I nudged her back. "I'm just saying…"
"We know." Tris said running both hands down my hair before she started to run her fingers through it again. "And I'm sure they are smart enough to figure things out. But I think that no matter how smart, people usually see what they're already looking for, that's all."
"Maybe you're biased too." Christina told her. "Because you have friends – and a boyfriend – with this genetic issue."
"I'm biased." I said raising my hand.
"Maybe." Tris told her. She was clearly having trouble finding an explanation, especially when she still didn't know what to believe. Kinda like me. "I guess I don't see a reason to believe in genetic damage. Will it make me treat other people better? No. The opposite, maybe."
"You don't believe things because they make your life better, you believe them because they're true." Christina stated.
"That's not how belief works." I frowned, looking up at her. "I believe that we are all the same and that our genes don't make us better or worse than each other. The science says that I'm wrong. But it's something I believe. It has nothing to do with facts or what they've told us. And if believing something makes us feel better, then how bad can believing be?"
"There you go again." Christina smiled.
Then Tris spoke, slowly, "But isn't looking at the result of a belief a good way of evaluating if it's true?"
"What she said." I smiled over my shoulder.
"Sounds like a Stiff way of thinking." Christina told her before she paused. "I guess my way is very Candor, though. God, we really can't escape factions no matter where we go, can we?"
Tris shrugged. "Maybe it's not so important to escape them."
"I love being Dauntless." I told them. "I wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for our faction."
Hearing the door, we all looked toward it, seeing Eric and Four walk in. Eric looked troubled and tired but not so worse for wear. Four, on the other hand, looked pale and exhausted. He had bed head and was wearing the same clothes as he was yesterday. He'd been doing that since we got here. At least Eric had been showering and changing. I knew Four was having trouble but he still wasn't taking as good a care of himself as I thought he would. Or should.
Christina got up, smiling at us. "Okay, I'm going to go. And leave you four…to all this space. Alone." She gestured at all the empty beds, and then winked conspicuously at Tris as she walked out of the dormitory.
Tilting my head back, I looked at Tris, "She made that sound really dirty."
"Like we'd do anything with each other in the same room."
"I'm game." Eric smirked.
We both frowned at him. "I don't think so, baby." I told him, offering him my hands.
He took them, hoisting me onto my feet and into his arms, "I can block them out."
"I can't." I laughed and kissed him.
He just smiled and kissed me, his tongue slipping into my mouth. Leaning against him, I took his face in my hands, never wanting my lips to be apart from his. He ran his fingers through my hair before he slid one arm around my shoulders and the other around my waist.
"Eric." Four's voice interrupted, but it didn't stop us. "Opie."
Eric turned me away from them, slowly moving us toward the door, then Eric was jerked away from me. The old Eric would have turned and punched him for interrupting. Now he simply sighed and cemented my back against his chest, turning us back to Four.
"Sorry." Eric smiled at him.
"I know you two aren't afraid of showing your affection. However, we need to talk to them."
"I know."
"What's going on?" I asked looking up at Eric.
"Tobias?" Tris asked.
"There's something I want to talk to you about." He told her.
"Okay." Tris told him.
I was sure she was feeling the same sudden spike of anxiousness that I was. Four was lingering at the foot of her bed, playing with the hem of his shirt. Eric pressed his face into my neck, his beard tickling my neck as it scratched against my skin. Smiling, I pressed a kiss against his temple. His lips were soft as they found my pulse point, laughing lightly, feeling like he was drooling all over my neck.
"Stop it." I whispered to him.
"Then don't worry so much." He whispered back.
"You're such a child." I told him. Then I shrieked as his teeth found my skin. Leaning away from him, he only gripped me tighter.
"You love me anyway." He told me as I turned in his arms.
Laughing, I ran my hand across his hair, sliding my fingers down the side of his face to his beard. Gripping it gently, I pulled his face closer to me, kissing him. "Very much so." I told him. "And this needs trimming."
"Guys." Four said with annoyance.
We both looked at him. "Sorry." I told him sheepishly.
"You act like you never see each other." Four went on. "We have something we need to say and if you two don't knock it off –"
"Hey." Eric interrupted, letting me go and stepped toward him. "I'm sorry, Tobias. We're done."
"And for the record you two have been very busy lately." I told my brother with a raised brow.
He just raised one back as I sat next to Tris with my leg against hers. We both looked up at our men, waiting for them to tell us what the hell was going on.
Four took a deep breath, looking between us, "Okay, I want to ask you to promise not to get mad." He told us. "But…"
"But you know I don't make stupid promises." Tris finished for him. Putting my hand against her back, I took a deep breath, already hearing the emotion in her voice.
"Right." He replied, sitting on his bed.
He was avoiding her eyes and mine. Eric sat next to him, resting his elbows on his knees, holding his hands out to me. Smiling, I took my hand from Tris, sliding both of them into his. They were calloused and warm and big. They were Eric's and I loved everything about him.
"Nita left a note under my pillow, for me and Eric, telling us to meet her last night. And we did."
"Eric." I frowned at him, my good feelings gone.
I didn't want to be jealous but at the same time he was going off with another girl. And Four. I couldn't help but picture the adorable Nita smiling and swooning over my man and it made my anger spike.
"A pretty girl asks you to meet her late at night, and you go?" Tris demanded of her boyfriend. "And then you want me not to get mad about it?"
I pulled my hands from Eric's, still frowning, "I'm with her."
"It's not about that with Nita and me. Or with Eric and her. At all." He replied quickly, finally looking at Tris.
"Yeah, baby. Don't be mad." Eric said softly.
Scoffing, I shook my head at him. He had told me he would fill me in, but I didn't think it had anything to do with another woman. He reached for my hand, making me lean away from him. "No."
"Pen."
"She just wanted to show us something." Four went on. "She doesn't believe in genetic damage, like she led me to believe. She has a plan to take away some of the Bureau's power, to make GDs more equal. We went to the fringe."
"The fringe? Eric." I shot at my boyfriend. "What the hell?"
"Baby, just listen." Eric said holding out his hand.
Meeting Tris's eyes, we both shut our mouths, glaring at our men. Both Four and Eric sighed before Four started to talk again. He told us about the underground tunnel that leads outside, and the broken down town in the fringe. He went on to the conversation with some Rafi and Mary. They were meeting people and being told things and they just left us here asleep as if it was no big deal. But we listened intently as they both explained the war that the government kept hidden so that no one would know that "genetically pure" people are capable of incredible violence, and the way GDs live in the metropolitan areas where the government still has real power.
The more they talked the more I thought Nita had ulterior motives. Like she was reeling them in for some reason that she just hadn't shown yet. She wanted them alone and didn't want us involved. They said it was all about the genes, but it couldn't be that simple. Something else was going on. She had asked that they keep watch while she talked to Rafi and Mary. Why? There were more questions than answers and neither man had thought to seek the answers out.
"How do you know she's telling you the truth?" Tris asked after they were done.
"I don't." Four replied. "She promised to show us evidence. Tonight." He told her, taking her hand. "I'd like you to come."
"Pen." Eric said softly, attempting to meet my eyes. I kept them on Four, trying to push the maddening jealousy back where it belonged.
"And Nita will be okay with that?" Tris asked.
"I don't really care." Four told her as he laced their fingers. "If she really needs my help, she'll have to figure out how to be okay with it."
"Pen." Eric said again.
Finally meeting his eyes, he looked anxious, giving me a small smirk. It was meant to disarm me, and he usually got what he wanted. Sighing, I nodded, taking his hand in mine, playing with his fingers as he rested the other against my cheek.
"Okay." Tris finally told him. "I'll go. But don't for a second think that I actually believe she's not interested in you for more than your genetic code."
"Well, don't for a second think I'm interested in anyone but you." He replied.
Watching him put his hand on the back of her neck, he drew her closer to him, their lips meeting. Running my hand down Eric's forearm, I stood and took his hand, moving both of us away from the pair who had grown ever more comfortable to show affection around us.
"How mad are you?" Eric asked as we sat on his cot.
Sighing, I crossed my legs, picking at my thumbnail as I stared at it, "I'm not mad."
He chuckled, making me look up at him. He was smiling at me fondly, making me want to take him then and there, not caring that Four and Tris were still in the room.
"I'm not mad." I repeated.
"Then what are you?"
"Jealous as hell!" I yelled, glancing at the pair behind me who weren't paying any attention. "Is that what you want to hear?" I asked him, lowering my voice. "I don't like the idea that some girl wants you to meet her and you do it without telling me. You say you'll tell me and you did tell me, however it was after the fact that you've been running off in the middle of the night with another girl."
"I love you." He said putting his hand against my neck, pulling me to him so his lips could meet mine.
"Not helping." I told him, but kissed him again.
"I'll keep trying." He smiled and kissed me again, pulling me closer to him.
Giving in, I moved into his lap, taking his face in my hands as I kissed him passionately. He slid his hands under my shirt as I did the same. Grinning at him, I moved my hand to the back of his head, gripping his hair as we continued to kiss.
"God I love you." He said, the words muffled against my lips.
Beaming at him, I kissed him slowly, "And I love you."
"We need to find a private room." He stated, heat just rolling off of him.
Sliding my hands down to his waist, I tucked my fingers into the top of his pants, putting my face against the side of his, my lips just barely brushing his ear. "Just think of all the things I could do to you if we were alone."
"Pen." He said with wanting, his face against my neck as his arms wrapped around me. "I'll never want anyone other than you."
"I know." I told him, kissing him again.
"But I love that you're jealous."
Smiling, I shook my head, "I don't like the feeling."
"It means you have something to lose."
"Don't even." I frowned, brushing my lips against his. Now the thought of losing him entered my mind. I leaned away from him, letting my arms drop into his lap. "The moment is officially dead."
"What?" He frowned, rubbing my back.
"Not that it matters." I went on. "We can't do anything anyway."
His grip around me tightened, "Just a little bit longer."
Feeling him beneath me, I just grinned at him, "You're hard enough."
Getting off of him, he gripped my hand, "And now you're just going to leave me?"
The sad moment passed and I gently pulled on him, "I think I need a shower."
He was off the cot and against me in the blink of an eye, making me laugh loudly. Rushing out of the dormitory, we made our way to the locker rooms. Pushing through the door closest to us, our lips were still moving against each other's, only then there was a shriek and he swiftly moved me behind him, facing who made the noise.
"Ainsley." He said with annoyance.
"Sorry." She said, shifting back and forth, clearly not sure what she should be doing.
"Interrupted again." Eric said and laughed, his hands on his hips as he looked at me.
Stepping in front of Eric, I gripped his hand as I smiled at Ainsley. "Hey. We didn't mean to startle you."
"I was just getting ready for the day." She replied. "I wasn't lurking, waiting for you to show up or anything."
"I wasn't thinking anything like that." I frowned at her. "I haven't seen you since…"
"Since you blew me off to make your boyfriend happy?" She shot at me.
It was harsh but completely true. "Basically. Yeah."
"Don't worry about it, Pen." She said putting all her things back into her bag. "I'm not diluting myself to thinking we can be friends. Apparently you have enough of those."
"Okay, enough." Eric shot at her. "You're right, she blew you off because of me. But you have to realize how creepy you were being."
"Eric." I frowned at him.
"No, he's right. I got too excited about you being here. I didn't mean to make you feel awkward." She told me gently. "But as much as I don't understand your lives, you don't understand mine. Living here for my entire life watching people and connecting with them more than anyone else in my life. I feel like I know you and I get that I came off a little strong, but I've looked to you and your friends for comfort and an escape from my life here."
"And why is your life here so bad?" Eric frowned at her. She just glared at him. "And now you have nothing to say?"
"Eric, please." I told him. "She's never done anything to hurt us."
"Just probably watched us sleep." He retorted.
Frowning at him, it occurred to me that I hadn't done Ainsley any justice. I hadn't even remembered to show him the pictures she took of us. I got too wrapped up in the camera and capturing the memories since, but Ainsley had been the reason I got the chance. She had been there and helped both of us move on from the death of our family members. She had been nothing but supportive. A little creepy, yes. But still supportive. I hated that she had watched all of us so much but it was just the way things were here. Had I not just been watching my parents, learning what they knew about them here, and wanting to watch knowing that they didn't know that I was? There was a freedom in watching people without them knowing. Suddenly I felt no better than her.
"Let's just go." I frowned.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Can we just go?" I countered.
"No." Ainsley told us. "I'll go."
"I'm sorry." I told her as she moved toward the door.
She stopped and turned to me, "It's okay, Pen. I get it. I'm not going to hold it against you."
"See you later?" I asked.
She looked at Eric before nodding, "Sure."
As soon as she was gone, I could feel Eric frowning at me. "Don't."
"Don't what?" He replied.
"Don't get all annoyed with me because you don't like her. She's a good person." I stated as I moved toward the showers. "And I was watching my parents the same as she's been watching us. I liked that they didn't know I was watching them."
"It's different." He replied as we both started to undress. "She has been watching us our whole lives without us knowing. Your parents know what this place is all about. I'm sure they've already wondered if you were checking up on them."
"Not the point." I stated as I stepped into the shower.
"I know, baby, and I get it. But I don't like how around she's been." He replied as he followed me in.
"But she's hasn't been, and she has captured some amazing moments for us."
"What?" He frowned.
"I'll show you when we get back to the dormitory."
Starting to wash, I felt his hands against my back, his fingers occasionally tracing the scars that littered my body. Turning, I brought the soap to his chest, rubbing circles against his skin. He put shampoo in his hands and started to rub it into my hair, massaging my scalp as he worked it through. Stepping closer to him, I moved the soap to his sides, moving to his hips and then around his perfectly formed ass. Moving to the front of him, I washed him, taking his penis in my hand. Gently massaging him, I felt the shudder of pleasure move through him, making me grin.
"Should we?" He asked.
"No." I replied. "Just let me take care of you."
"No?" He frowned, taking both my hands in his. "What's going on?"
"Nothing." I told him.
"I haven't reignited the mood?" He smirked.
Smiling, I nodded at him, "You definitely have, baby. But sometimes I just want to take care of you."
He smiled before he shoved me against the wall, "After everything that's about to go down because of me, I think it's my turn to take care of you."
In the end all we did was shower, make out, and get dressed again. He was sweet enough to give me a nice long shoulder, neck, and scalp massage. Returning the favor, we finally left the locker room, grabbing food before going back to the dormitory. Eating, I reached underneath my cot, pulling out the envelope that contained the pictures that Ainsley had taken of us. Handing them to Eric, I ate while he looked through them, seeing the change in his expression, wondering if he was actually going to admit to being too harsh and even broach the possibility of apologizing to her.
When he finally set them aside, I raised a brow at him, getting a sigh in return. "Fine. I may have judged her too harshly."
"And?"
"And that's it."
"You don't think you owe her an apology?"
He scoffed and shook his head, "I haven't gone that soft."
Sighing, I just smiled and shook my head at him. "Good thing you're so damn adorable."
"Adorable?" He said with a raised brow, moving onto his knees, crawling over me. "I'd say I'm down right sexy." He added, coaxing me onto my back before he was kissing me.
Laughing, we stopped as the door opened, Hazel and Caleb coming in. Sitting up, we finished eating before he read for a while as I drew. Once the afternoon was gone, we spooned and napped, knowing that we'd probably be up most of the night. There were things to do and I had no idea what to expect. Both Eric and Four had been doing things behind Tris's and my back, making me wonder what had been said that we had missed. I believed Eric and Four and everything they told us, but they were men, they didn't always retain as much as they should or ask as many questions, let alone the right questions.
When it came time to leave, I slid my knife into the sheath at my side. Four had attempted to talk me out of a weapon but there was no way in hell I was going anywhere unarmed. He's lucky I didn't bring a gun. Or two. And I couldn't help but feel the need to keep Tris close to me. We were the complete opposite of our men when it came to all this genetic talk. It didn't matter to us, but in the eyes of the people we were staying with, they were "damaged" and we were "pure". It was a bunch of bullshit, and yet when Nita finally showed up in the lobby, it was written all over her face that it mattered to her.
"You promised you wouldn't tell them." She said looking between Eric and Four. Eric stepped up to me, his arm brushing mine as he furrowed his brows at her. "What happened to protecting them?"
"I changed my mind." Four told her.
"And they are more than capable of protecting themselves." Eric added with a hard tone.
I smiled while Tris laughed. It was harsher than I would have thought. "That's what you told him, that he would be protecting me? That's a pretty skillful manipulation. Well done."
Nodding, I scoffed, "It's the only thing she could say to make either of them agree to keep us in the dark."
"Eric didn't agree to anything." Nita told me with disdain. "He's been difficult. So you're not a surprise."
Smiling up at Eric, I slipped my hand in his, leaning against him. He just winked at me, keeping his brows furrowed as he looked back at Nita.
"And it wasn't a manipulation, it was the truth." Nita told Tris, not looking angry anymore, just tired, running her hand over her face and then smoothing back her hair. She wasn't being defensive, which meant she might actually be telling the truth. "You could be arrested just for knowing what you know and not reporting it. I thought it would be better to avoid that."
"Well, too late." Four told her. "Tris and Pen are coming. Is that a problem?"
"I would rather have all of you than none of you, and I'm sure that's the implied ultimatum." Nita replied, rolling her eyes. "Let's go."
Following Nita, we all walked through the quiet compound to the laboratories where Nita worked. I'd been here before so I'm not too surprised, but part of me wanted her to take us to the fringe. I wanted to see what it looked like. To see the effect this place had on the other people of the world that weren't a part of the government.
Nita stopped by the door to the laboratories and scanned her card. We followed her past the gene therapy room where we'd been shown our DNA, moving farther into the heart of the compound than I'd been yet. It didn't help that it was dark and grimy back here, with clumps of dust dancing over the floor when we walk past. It was making me anxious. I was happy that Eric wasn't holding back, but at the same time, I wasn't sure if I wanted to see whatever evidence she was going to show us.
Nita pushed another door open with her shoulder, and we walked into a storage room. Dull metal drawers cover the walls, labeled with paper numbers, the ink worn off with time. In the center of the room there is a lab table with a computer and a microscope, and a young man with slicked-back blond hair.
"Guys, this is my friend Reggie." Nita introduced. "He's also a GD."
"Nice to meet you." Reggie smiled as he shook all our hands, his grip firm.
"Let's show them the slides first." Nita told him.
Reggie tapped the computer screen and motioned us closer. "Not gonna bite."
Tris and I exchanged a glance with each other before the men, moving to stand behind Reggie at the table to see the screen. Pictures start flashing on it, one after another. They're in grayscale and look grainy and distorted – they must of been very old. It didn't take long to see that they are pictures of before. People who are suffering: narrow, pinched children with huge eyes, ditches full of bodies, huge mounds of burning papers.
They're moving so fast that it was hard to focus on anything in particular. My stomach was turning and I couldn't stop the wetness in my eyes, seeing what had happened to those that came before us. This is what they had endured. This is what they had to survive in order to even attempt an experiment like the one we had been a part of. Four turned his face away from the pictures, unable to look anymore.
I was next, stepping back from the screen, Eric quickly following me. Tris was the last one looking, only it's clear on all our faces that it hurts to look at them. Even Eric looked pained and yet was too proud to show it in front of anyone but me. Putting my hand against his side, I gently rubbed it, sighed before I pressed myself against his chest.
"Look at these weapons." Reggie said as he brought up a photograph with a man in uniform holding a gun and pointed. "That kind of gun is incredibly old. The guns used in the Purity War were much more advanced. Even the Bureau would agree with that. It's gotta be from a really old conflict. Which must have been waged by genetically pure people, since genetic manipulation didn't exist back then."
"How do you hide a war?" Four asked.
"People are isolated, starving." Nita replied quietly. "They know only what they're taught, they see only the information that's made available to them. And who controls all that? The government."
"Okay." Tris nodded, and then she was talking too fast, she was nervous. "So they're lying about your – our history. That doesn't mean they're the enemy, it just means they're a group of grossly misinformed people trying to…better the world. In an ill-advised way."
Nita and Reggie glanced at each other.
"That's the thing." Nita stated. "They're hurting people."
She put her hand on the counter and leaned into it and leaned toward us. She's passionate about what she's talking about. She believed wholeheartedly about what she's telling us. The Nita we first met, the young woman with damaged genes who worked in the laboratory, she's just a cover for the Nita who wants to attack the Bureau.
"When the Abnegation wanted to reveal the great truth of their world sooner than they were supposed to," she told us slowly, "and Jeanine wanted to stifle them…the Bureau was all too happy to provide her with an incredibly advanced simulation serum – the attack simulation that enslaved the minds of the Dauntless, that resulted in the destruction of Abnegation."
"Excuse me?" I frowned.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Eric shot at her, taking a step forward.
"That can't be true." Tobias added. "Jeanine told me that the highest proportion of Divergent - the genetically pure - in any faction was in Abnegation. You just said the Bureau values the genetically pure enough to send someone in to save them; why would they help Jeanine kill them?"
"Jeanine was wrong." Tris stated distantly. "Evelyn said so. The highest proportion of Divergent was among the factionless, not Abnegation."
All our eyes are now on Nita.
"Keep talking." I shot at her.
"I still don't see why they would risk that many Divergent." Tobias went on. "I need evidence."
"Why do you think we came here?" Nita switched on another set of lights that illuminate the drawers, and paced along the left wall. "It took me a long time to get clearance to go in here." She went on. "Even longer to acquire the knowledge to understand what I saw. I had help from one of the GPs, actually. A sympathizer."
Her hand hovered over one of the low drawers. She reached in and took out a vial of orange liquid.
"Look familiar?" She asked as she showed it to us.
"Max." I whispered and looked up at Eric. "The day Tris initiated. The so called tracking serum that was injected into all of us."
Eric frowned, putting his hand against my back. Shrugged out of his touch, I started to pace. He had been a part of that. He was the one who announced that we would all be injected. At that point he was in the inner circle. Did he know where Jeanine had gotten the serum? Now wasn't the time to get into it, and I didn't really think he knew, but…still, the thought was now in my head.
"The colors match." Tobias stated. "So?"
Nita carried the vial to the microscope. Reggie took a slide from a tray near the computer and took two drops out with a dropper, dripping two drops of the orange liquid in its center. Then he sealed the liquid in place with a second slide. As he placed it on the microscope, his fingers are careful but certain. He'd clearly done that a few hundred times or so.
Reggie tapped the computer screen a few times, and opened a program called "MicroScan."
"This information is free and available to anyone who knows how to use this equipment and has the system password, which the GP sympathizer graciously gave me." Nita explained. "So in other words, it's not all that hard to access, but no one would think to examine it very closely. And GDs don't have system passwords, so it's not like we would have known about it. This storage room is for obsolete experiments - failures, or outdated developments, or useless things."
She looked through the microscope, using a knob on the side of it to focus the lens. "Go ahead." She told Reggie.
Reggie pressed a button on the computer, and paragraphs of text appear under the "MicroScan" bar at the top of the screen. He pointed to a paragraph in the middle of the page, and we all read it.
"'Simulation Serum v4.2. Coordinates a large number of targets. Transmits signals over long distances. Hallucinogen from original formula not included - simulated reality is predetermined by program master.'"
"Jesus." I whispered. Looking up at Eric, he was taking slow deep breaths, a distant look in his eyes. "Eric." He met my eyes and nodded.
"Now why would the Bureau have this unless they had developed it?" Nita asked. "They were the ones who put the serums into the experiments, but they usually left the serums alone, let the city residents develop them further. If Jeanine was the one who developed it, they wouldn't have stolen it from her. If it's here, it's because they made it."
"She knew." I said shaking my head. "She knew the whole time and still…"
"Why?" Tris asked breathlessly.
"Abnegation was about to reveal the truth to everyone inside the city. And you've seen what's happened now that the city knows the truth: Evelyn is effectively a dictator, the factionless are squashing the faction members, and I'm sure the factions will rise up against them sooner or later. Many people will die. Telling the truth risks the safety of the experiment, no question." Nita explained and paused. "So a few months ago, when the Abnegation were on the verge of causing that destruction and instability by revealing Edith Prior's video to your city, the Bureau probably thought, better that the Abnegation should suffer a great loss - even at the expense of several Divergent - than the whole city suffer a great loss. Better to end the lives of the Abnegation than to risk the experiment. So they reached out to someone who they knew would agree with them. Jeanine Matthews."
Pacing again, I felt like my chest was caving in. I had been happy. I had been so fucking happy and then because of a stupid video everything came crashing down. Instead of coming up with a way to convince those who knew about the video to stop their plan to release it, they went straight to mass murder. Of all the factions to destroy, they picked the one that was the most good. They were selfless. So why not kill them all? The Bureau had been behind it all. This whole time.
Both Four and Tris look just as shaken as I do. Eric is shaken but his stoic exterior is well in place. Tris is so still it made me wonder what she was thinking and what her next move would be. She'd lost more than all of us and now she knew it was because of the one place we had been fighting so hard to get to. We had stopped Jeanine and we thought that she was bad enough. Now we knew that she was a pawn just like the rest of us.
"This is the problem with their blind commitment to these experiments." Nita went on. "The Bureau values the experiments above GD lives. It's obvious. And now, things could get even worse."
"Worse?" I said barely above a whisper.
"Worse than killing most of the Abnegation? How?" Four asked.
"The government has been threatening to shut down the experiments for almost a year now." She replied. "The experiments keep falling apart because the communities can't live in peace, and David keeps finding ways to restore peace just in the nick of time. And if anything else goes wrong in Chicago, he can do it again. He can reset all the experiments at any time."
"What does that mean?" I demanded.
"Reset them." Four repeated.
"With the Abnegation memory serum." Reggie piped in. "Well, really, it's the Bureau's memory serum. Every man, woman, and child will have to begin again."
Nita added tersely, "Their entire lives erased, against their will, for the sake of solving a genetic damage 'problem' that doesn't actually exist. These people have the power to do that. And no one should have that power."
No. No one should have that power. I was afraid and yet I couldn't deny the voice in the back of my head telling me to stand behind these people. But if I did that, what would it cost me? We should never have come out here. We shouldn't have come here thinking that they needed us. But if we had stayed in the city and they released the memory serum then we would forget everything. Our names. Our families. My eyes shot to Eric. I would forget him. And he would forget me.
"What's the plan?" Tris asked, her voice flat, almost mechanical.
"Yeah." I said stepping next to her.
"I'll let my friends from the fringe in through the underground tunnel." Nita replied. "Tobias, you and Eric will shut off the security system as I do, so that we aren't caught - it's nearly the same technology you worked with in the Dauntless control room; it should be easy for you. Then Rafi, Mary, and I will break into the Weapons Lab and steal the memory serum so the Bureau can't use it. Reggie's been helping behind the scenes, but he'll be opening the tunnel for us on the day of the attack."
"What will you do with a bunch of memory serum?" Four asked.
"Destroy it." Nita replied as if that was the only possible answer.
"That's all you intend to do?" Tris stated, looking away from the microscope. Her eyes are narrowed at Nita. "You know that the Bureau is responsible for the murders of hundreds of people, and your plan is to…take away their memory serum?"
"I don't remember inviting your critique of my plan."
"I'm not critiquing your plan. I'm telling you I don't believe you. You hate these people. I can tell by the way you talk about them. Whatever you intend to do, I think it's far worse than stealing some serum."
"She's right. It doesn't add up." I frowned.
"The memory serum is what they use to keep the experiments running. It's their greatest source of power over your city, and I want to take it away. I'd say that's a hard enough blow for now." Nita replied. Now she's just talking down to us. "I never said this was all I was ever going to do. It's not always wise to strike as hard as you can at the first opportunity. This is a long race, not a sprint."
Tris and I looked at each other and she shook her head. I shrugged in response but I'm with her on this one. I can see where Nita is coming from, but sometimes the more time you take to act, the better chance those you're attacking will figure it out. I didn't want to be on the wrong end of their retaliation. This facility could do some massive damage if it wanted to.
"Tobias, are you in?" Nita asked.
It took a long moment for him to reply, "Yes."
Both Tris and I turned to him. She's in shock that he's agreeing and I felt at a loss of what to think or what to do. "I can disable the security system. I'll need some Amity peace serum, do you have access to that?"
"I do." Nita said and smiled a little. "I'll send you a message with the timing." Then her eyes are on Eric. "Eric? What about you?"
He met my eyes. I knew mine were telling him that I wasn't sure. That this might be too much. That we don't have all the facts and this could all be just one giant manipulation. But then he sighed and my chest started to cave in as I looked at the ground.
"I'm in."
"Good." She smiled. "Keep close to Tobias. He'll have the information." He nodded at her. "Come on, Reggie. Let's leave these guys to…talk."
I listened to them leave but still stared at the floor. As soon as they were gone, I lifted my head and looked at Eric. He looked nervous. He was keeping things from me and now that he let me in, this is what we find out. I wasn't prepared for this.
"What are you thinking?" He asked me as he slowly stepped closer to me.
"I don't know." I frowned at him.
"I can't believe you." Tris shot at Four. "She's lying. Why can't you see that?"
"Because it's not there." He replied. "I can tell when someone's lying just as well as you can. And in this situation, I think your judgment might be clouded by something else. Something like jealousy."
"Tobias!" I yelled, moving to Tris's side.
"I am not jealous!" She replied, scowling at him. "I am being smart. She has something bigger planned, and if I were you, I would run far away from anyone who lies to me about what they want me to participate in."
"She may not be lying." Eric said gently as he stepped next to Four.
Two against two.
"Well, you're not me." Four told Tris, shaking his head. "God, Tris. These people murdered your parents, and you're not going to do something about it?"
"I never said I wasn't going to do anything." She replied shortly. "But I don't have to buy into the first plan I hear, either."
"She has a point, Four." I told him. "It all sounds too fantastic to be the whole truth. I get what you're feeling. And a lot of me wants to jump on board. But I'm not there yet."
"You know, I brought you here because I wanted to be honest with you, with both of you, not so that you could make snap judgments about people and tell me what to do!" Four shot at us.
"Remember what happened last time you didn't trust my 'snap judgments'?" Tris asked coldly. "You found out that I was right. I was right about Edith Prior's video changing everything, and I was right about Evelyn, and I'm right about this."
"Yeah. You're always right." Four shot back at her.
"Stop it." I shot at him.
"Were you right about running into dangerous situations without weapons? Were you right about lying to me and going on a death march to Erudite headquarters in the middle of the night? Or about Peter, were you right about him?"
"That's enough!" I yelled at him. "You did the same damn thing, Tobias! And you dragged Eric in with you! He nearly died because of you! So don't you turn this around on her."
"You're just as bad as she is." He shot at me.
"Tobias, back off." Eric said with his hand on his chest.
"And don't throw those things in my face." Tris told him. She pointed her finger at him as if she were scolding a child. And right now he's acting like one. "I never said I was perfect, but you - you can't even see past your own desperation. You went along with Evelyn because you were desperate for a parent, and now you're going along with this because you're desperate not to be damaged -"
"Tris." I interrupted her.
"I am not damaged." Four said quietly. "I can't believe you have so little faith in me that you would tell me not to trust myself. And I don't need your permission."
He moved toward the door, and I looked at Tris, she was fuming. "Just leaving so that you can have the last word, that's really mature!"
"So is being suspicious of someone's motives just because she's pretty." Four retorted. "I guess we're even."
The room went quiet and the three of us are just standing there. Sighing, I put my hand against Tris's shoulder. She leaned into my touch and I can tell she's upset. We all are. But now wasn't the time to fight amongst ourselves. Not if we were going to join in with these people.
"Tell me you don't believe her." Tris said softly, looking up at me.
Sighing, I shook my head, "I believe parts of it. But I don't know if it's enough to just jump on board. But if they had anything to do with the destruction of Abnegation and the simulation used against our faction then…something needs to be done. And can you imagine them taking away everyone's memory? Can you imagine forgetting Four or your parents or Tori or anyone else?"
"No." She replied. "Eric?" She asked.
He looked at her before he met my eyes. The longer it took him to reply the more worried I was becoming. "Baby?" I frowned.
"You know -" He started but stopped. Then he sighed, "I'm gonna go after Four."
"No. Eric." I frowned as I followed him toward the door. "You keep doing that. I'm getting sick of seeing more of your back the past few days."
He turned and met my eyes with a hard glare, "You take care of her, I take care of him. Isn't that the way you want it?"
"Eric." I frowned.
"There's a lot to think about and right now he's dealing with the most. You know what, me too." He shot at me. "You can go discuss it with the other "genetically pure" while I go discuss it with the other "genetically damaged". We'll discuss it between each other later."
"That's not fair." I told him as he moved toward the door again, me following. "You know I don't care about that."
"Well maybe I do!" He yelled at me.
"You don't though." I replied sadly. "You told me you didn't."
"Maybe I lied."
"You don't lie to me." I frowned. "So what's going on?"
He sighed and took my face in his hands, "Can we please just talk about this later?"
"Fine." I told him, averting my eyes from his.
He sighed, lifting my chin so I met his eyes. "Kiss me." He said softly.
"No." I replied and turned away from him.
I heard him sigh again but then he left. Leaving just Tris and me in the room, just staring at each other.
What now?
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