Alex had stared at the ceiling since Maggie fell asleep, she ran her fingers over the dark fabric of her barenaked ladies shirt, but she wasn't seeing the ceiling, not really, in her mind was the infinity of space expanding before her, the dread of what could have been if her sister hadn't shown up just in time, somehow, her heart squeeze at the thought of what she would've left behind, Kara, Maggie and their friends, tears well in her eyes and she swallow them down again.
«Maggie is so beautiful when she sleeps» her eyes went to roam over Maggie, she was wearing the same orange shirt as she usually did when she slept over, Alex had, upon request, agreed to try the shirt-and-panties look for the night, using the barenaked lady chemical shirt that her girlfriend had worn for the concert.
After ogling her girlfriend for a moment, the clock came into view :and... oh god, was it 5 AM already? the sun would peek over the horizon soon, instead of waiting for it, Alex slid out of the bed slowly, silently and snuck to her kitchen, starting to work on a breakfast for Maggie. Cooking wasn't her forte, but, she needed something to focus on right now and this was helping.
The bacon was done sizzling, the bagels were done toasting, she was pouring the coffee into the mug when Alex felt a pair of arm encircling her from behind, immediately a small gasp escaped her lips and her heart sunk a bit, but she set down the coffee pot and leaned back against her smaller girlfriend.
«Hey, Maggie...» but she didn't get to finish, Maggie was clinging to her waist and resting her head against her arm, a sleepy voice came from her.
«Morning, lemme help you with breakfast» Alex tried to turn around but Maggie wouldn't let her, she was trying to drag her away from the counter, luckily, she could resist that effort. a small hint of panic came to her mind and Alex whimpered, against her own will.
«Please, Maggie, y-you've ...» a break to stop the tears from coming and Maggie release her but remains close, letting her girlfriend moves, a worried look mixing with her 'just-woke-up' daze.
«I just want to treat you this morning, I... I want you to go back to bed and enjoy breakfast in bed. Come on, march yourself there now» Alex managed to sound vaguely authoritatian there and Maggie walked back to bed, a slight stumble forward when Alex playfully smack her ass as she head back, which also causes Maggie to look back with a little bit of a confused smile.
Once Maggie is settled back in her bed, wrapping herself in the entire load of covers and comforter, even stealing Alex's pillows because, if she was going to be laying in bed for breakfast, she might as well make the best of it, she watched Alex work in the kitchen and struggle with the delivery, laughing when she almost spill the coffee off of the plate. Once Alex had joined her in bed, Maggie ate with appetite and watched Alex eat what little she made for herself and drink from the coffee bowl
«I wonder if you used to drink the coffee straight from the pot and you just started to drink it from a soup bowl when you started having people over.»
Alex narrow her eyes at Maggie's teasing and answered with one short word «Tiny»
Maggie laughed a bit, enough to show her dimples in full force «Oh so that's how it is huh?» she poked Alex's ribs with her foot. «So, Al...» but Alex's face made her stop, the woman before her was not doing okay and right now was maybe not the time for a dose of reality.
«I know Maggie, I'm ... I'm a mess, I'm sorry about last night» she spoke shyly and a mix of pain and shame on her face, her hand clinging to the little piece of comforter she could still lay a hand on.
«Last night was amazing, nothing to apologize for.» Maggie spoke with the softest voice, sitting up and resting her hands over Alex's, she was jokingly referring to what had happened after they crossed the door, if only to lighten the mood for Alex.
And she laughed, Alex was a bit embarassed and cleared her throat like she always did when she was nervous. «Flattery... but that's... that's not what I meant.» she takes a moment to breathe deeply, clearing her throat again. «I'm losing control on a lot of things and I'm panicking and I'm making stupid decisions and... last night I almost lost everything...» she punch the bed, not hard, but enough to show she's losing touch.
Maggie moves closer, takes Alex's hand in hers and kiss them, holding them to her heart and watching Alex for a moment, listening to her apologize in a thousand confused words and all Maggie felt was a deep warmth in her chest. «Sweetie...» Alex looked to Maggie, she liked being called that a lot more than she would ever admit. «You saved a hundred and over people from a fate worse than death, you assaulted a facility full of armed people on your own and blew it up, twice» she smiles. «I think I can forgive you losing your mind, just let me help you find it.»
And Alex just loses it, leaning into Maggie and crying into her shoulder and clinging to her girl like she's the whole world, the day was starting for people around the city now and their Alarms went off.
At the DEO the buzz of the early day lasted for a longer while than usual, the fallout from the previous night, the search for the remnant of Cadmus that had escaped the explosions and following sweep by Agent Danvers and Supergirl, the recovery of the Hoshin frigate and it's subsequent analysis and storage was enough to cause a lot of issues. A small squad of recently hired agent filed out of a meeting room, Winn and J'onn were talking among themselves about their side project.
«So, I think I found the right card for Maggie, I mean, it's a lot more personal than for Lena obviously, but it's got a german shepherd on it» Winn handed the card to J'onn and opened it, Winn already had written something in it. ::Thank you from me and Lyra, Detective Dimples - Winn::
«Oh god» J'onn rolled his eyes at the cheesy line, also noting Kara had written something in Kryptonian and he smiled understanding the general meaning of it, nodding and he picks up a pen and writes something in his own native language and then gives Winn the card back, who then reads it.
«Okay, so, I'm definitely not going to be the cool kid on this card.» he quipped and chuckles at J'onn «It means, roughly, a simple thank you for a great deed» they both nod, agreeing and then they look at the card for Ms Luthor and both sigh. «Kara wrote a full Kryptonian paragraph and signed with her 'S' in the card, I wrote a draft of some kind of corporate mumbo jumbo for thank you»
J'onn chuckles «I think I got what passes for a thank you for L-corp, we need a space to store the Hoshin frigate and I think they can help us.» Winn blinks once «That sound like the idea that's going to bite us in the ass down the line, but sure.» J'onn raise his brow. «I've assigned Agent Vasquez to this case, I think we're safe.»
That's when Alex came into the meeting room, all geared up, late for work by a lot, but J'onn doesn't mention it, though he takes a bit of a stare at Alex. «What's Vasquez checking out?» J'onn shake his head. «She's overseeing the transfer of the Hoshin frigate to L-corp, sort of a thank you for their help last night.»
Alex was very confused there and looked to Winn and then to J'onn, which then both look at each other. «Yeah we didn't know where the Cadmus facility was at all and we didn't have any 'legal' means to access the data like you did» Alex let out a guilty look and smile there. Winn continued «So, Kara sort of got the information of your location from Lena Luthor after rescuing her Super-man style from an attack, I have the security footage, it's ... fantastic.» he made the wide hand gesture and Alex laughs a little bit more.
«Agent Schott!» J'onn said with a stern tone, tired of hearing Winn's nonsense thoughts accompanying his words.
«Yes well, long story short, if Lena hadn't told Kara, you'd be wishing you watched Star Trek right now.» J'onn threw his hand up and walked out the door with groaning from the references. Alex patted him on the back «I got this J'onn, you take care of business.» she turned to Winn with a smile and nodded
«So Alex, want to sign the cards the DEO have funded with taxpayer money, they're official thank you cards for L-corp's CEO and Detective Sawyer?» Alex seemed surprised and walked to the cards, reading them both and she smiles, signing them both with very simple thanks. «Kara was here today?»
Winn sigh a little bit as he closes the door to the meeting room and flip the switch to make it marked as busy «Yeah... about that, Can we talk about a thing or two, seriously?» Alex seemed surprised by the kind of serious air Winn was capable of, she always saw him being goofy or nerdy she took a serious air too, offering the courtesy back
«I want to apologize about my outburst the other day about your father, it was out of place and if I'm honest, I was going to get much worse if Mon-El hadn't interfered and It wasn't right.» Alex listened to him talk and she looked down to the ground and she sigh a bit, letting him talk further. «And I want to know if you'd still want to be friend despite that?» Alex nodded to that easily
«I wasn't really offended by it, to be honest, I... blew a casket and I went off my mind, that wasn't okay either and I..I will try to get better.» she said with a bit of a shaky voice, Winn speaks again «And about Kara... I don't know how you two are doing with each other, but, she wasn't okay today like... at all.»
Alex's heart sunk and she closed her eyes and nod once. «I can imagine.» spoken quietly and looking at Winn as she spoke. «Look, I don't know the details exactly, but I can tell you she might need a visit from her sister soon.» Alex nodded, trying to hold her tears and emotions.
Her reply took a bit too long for Winn's liking, he frowns but waits for Alex to speak «When Kara stopped the ship last night, there was a moment there, we're on good terms again, I know that, but how she deals with this situation is ... hard for me to deal with, so I think I'll keep a bit of distance, I couldn't stand to hurt her more than she already is.» Winn nods solemnly.
«Also, maybe a call to your mom, I know Supergirl went to see her at her hotel room!» Alex seems a little surprised and Winn shows her his phone, a pictures showing supergirl in pictures in their mother's hotel room with the hotel staff and some selfie with them too. «Viral pictures of supergirls are easy to track.»
«Thank you Winn» Alex was leaving the room, a smile on her as she climbed down the stairs to get to the Super-landing platform and picking up her phone, looking through her contact to find her mother's number.
The phone rang in the hotel room, the older woman picked up the phone and looked over the name appearing on the screen, a little smile appear on her face and she takes the call, sitting down on the hotel bed, leaning back. «I'm popular today, how're you doing Alexandra ?» she tried to sound fairly upbeat, knowing her daughter would be more likely to share her thoughts if she appeared in a good mood.
Alex remained silent for a moment and she took a moment to reconsider her words «Yeah, I heard Kara went to see you, I've even seen the pictures on the internet.» a soft chuckle from her mother. «But how's everything Alex? Is Maggie doing okay?» Alex smiles «Maggie is doing okay, I think I might have scared her last night and well, not much is fine on my end.»
Eliza suspected as much, Kara had let it slip that they just had a rough spot with one another over their father and she knew Alex wasn't going to be much better «Alexandra, talk to me please» her daughter took a moment to not just burst out crying in the middle of the DEO. «Kara and I had a bit of a cold over dad and what to do... we're okay now, but... I think we need a bit of space, It's a hard situation and I'm scared I'm going to screw everything up»
Eliza winced when she heard that, sometimes she regretted pushing Alex so hard, her daughter had always been impressive to her, but she also knew that the pressure was immense and with the changes that happened in her oldest's daughter life recently, more pressure was definitely not a good thing. «Kara isn't mad or upset at you, Alex, I'm prooud of you too. Both of us are just...worried about what's happening being a bit too much and we're not sure how to approach you with that...»
Alex was desperately trying to find one of the sideroom free, she slammed the door shut behind her, finding herself in the women's locker room, completely empty at this time of the day, she sat on one of the bench and took deep breathes, letting tears down her cheek «I'm fine» she tried to pretend to her mother, who struggled not to scoff at the notion. «Alex...»
Agent Danvers was seriously about to cry there and she was getting upset, but she spent a moment trying to regain her composure, to ignore the angry words coming to her lips. «Mom, I almost got l-launched into space last night, I had dad within my grasp and I let him be taken away again» she sniffles «I'm sorry I couldn't bring him back again, I just want my family to be back together again and I can't make it happen no matter how hard I try» she was simply crying at this point.
Eliza took a deep breath and spoke softly. «Alexandra, my darling, you brought many families back from that trip, you saved lives, you wounded your enemy's pride. I don't blame you, I don't know what happened there darling, but I know that both my daughters are heros, however hard they find it to be and I love you.»
«But I didn't bring back mine! I didn't fucking save my own father, I didn't reunite US!» she was angry now, shouting at the phone and «Why do I feel like the only one who cares about my family!? About him!?» she almost threw her phone and Eliza was getting a bit upset there and then the light hit her, she understood something.
«Alex, I grieved your father, I thought him dead for over a decade, Kara lost a part of another family when he disappeared, I don't know that she even got over the initial loss.» Eliza's voice shake obviously. «When he showed back up again and he betrayed us just a moment later ?» she sob once «I just felt like he might as well just have been a robot or an illusion, I don't know him anymore, I don't know how to feel or how to care anymore» Alex tried to speak and her mother cut her off, unable to stop herself. «Do you realize Alex what this means for Kara ? He worked to deport and harm aliens, he worked to take away every inch and pieces of the people who Kara could relate to fully.» Eliza pressed on, Alex was just listening and punching the bench she was sitting on.
«But you never grieved, you never thought him really gone, have you? You always hoped, you always believed in him and I'm sorry Alexandra, I'm sorry that I didn't help you go through this better, I'm sorry» Alex hushed her mother «I love you mom, I nee... I need to go, I'm sorry, I will call you tonight» Eliza spoke one last time. «You're not a failure, I love you, please hug Maggie for me» Alex closed the phone and threw it away.