Chapter Eighteen: Damaged
The hallways were quiet, even though a few people were still lingering. My mind was moving a mile a minute and Tris didn't seem like she was faring any better. I didn't know what to think about all of this. We needed to do something and yet I did not want a part in Nita's plan. I didn't want Eric to have a part in Nita's plan.
"What now?" I asked Tris.
"What are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking something needs to be done but I don't want to be a part of Nita's plan. I think you're right and now that both our men are on board…" I told her, shrugging as I shook my head.
"Something is going to happen." She replied.
"If they gave Jeanine the serum, then they aren't any better than she was."
"And in order to get their hands on this serum, the Bureau must have developed it, and somehow delivered it to Jeanine to use. Why would Jeanine work with the Bureau when she so badly wanted to stay in the city, away from them?"
"I don't know." I sighed. "That part doesn't make a lot of sense."
"I guess the Bureau and Jeanine shared a common goal. Both wanted the experiment to continue. Both were terrified of what would happen if it didn't. Both were willing to sacrifice innocent lives to do it."
Shaking my head, I looked around us, "I wanted this place to be home."
"Me too." She replied. "But this place is just as full of killers as the city is."
"This sucks."
There was a long pause before she spoke again, "I gotta go…be somewhere else."
"Okay." I smiled at her. "I'll see you later."
She took a few steps away before she stopped and turned to me. "You gonna be okay?"
I just smiled at her, "Always am."
As soon as she was gone, I sighed, feeling a wave of emotion course through me. Going to the atrium, I sat on the bench and took a deep breath of the nature that surrounded me. This place wasn't all bad. I wanted to stay in this room forever. There was something about trees and flowers and nature that always left me feeling calmer. And right now I could use a little more calm. My mind moved to Eric and all I wanted was to know where he was. Was he okay? What was he thinking?
"Pen?"
Sighing, I looked up to see Hazel. "What are you doing here?"
"Tris and Caleb are having a talk and I didn't think I should be there."
Standing quickly, she jumped back, "An okay conversation or is she angry?"
"I didn't stick around long enough to find out." She replied with unease.
"I'm sorry." I told her as I crossed my arms. "I didn't mean to scare you."
She smiled and let out a small laugh, "You sound like you almost mean it."
"I do mean it." I replied.
Then she was frowning at me. "You're being too nice to me. What's going on?"
"Nothing." I said as I sat back down.
"Something is definitely going on." She stated and sat next to me.
Sighing, I nodded, "Okay. Yes. Something is going on. But it's nothing you have to worry about."
"If you're worrying about it then it probably is something I need to worry about."
Laughing lightly, I nodded again, "Let's just say me and the others are taking care of it."
"I can help you know."
"No. You can't." I told her, the majority of my good feelings gone. "It has to do with Jeanine and I'd like to think that you're on the road to recovery from her influence. I'm not going to submerge you back into the world where she ruled."
There was a long pause before she replied, "Okay."
"Really?" I asked with a frown.
"I'm done fighting you. And if I want my sister back I guess the first step is to listen to you."
"Huh." I said smirking at her. "The eldest finally listening to the youngest."
She let out a short laugh before she became somber again, "I just want to be better than I was. I've been listening and learning and I realize that what she did was wrong. It's hard to forget everything I believed before I came here, but…I'm trying."
It was my turn for the lengthy pause, finally replying, "Okay."
We sat in silence for a while longer before we walked back to the dormitory. Walking through the door, neither Tris nor Caleb was there, and neither were Eric or Four. Sighing, Hazel and I went to our respective sides of the room. I changed and crawled under the blankets on Eric's cot, hugging his pillow as I shut my eyes. My brain was so full and yet I still managed to fall asleep.
Having woken early, Tris was getting dressed for the day and I couldn't just sit around waiting for Eric all day. I felt like he was splitting his time between me and Four. I wanted him with me. I wanted him with me all the time and with all the genetic talk going on, he'd been spending more time with Four than me. When we were together it was perfect, but then he'd go away with Four and he'd find something out or something would happen. I felt needy and yet I didn't care. I needed him.
"What did you decide?" I asked as we walked toward the labs.
"That I'm with you. I don't want to be a part of Nita's plan, but I don't want to stop it either. They need to be stopped."
"Agreed." I told her, opening the door to the lab.
Matthew greeted us and almost immediately delved into some long winded speech about serums. Tris had prompted it, but I couldn't get my mind off of Eric. Tris didn't seem to be faring any better.
"What was that about a vaccine?" I frowned, trying to be a part of the conversation.
"Vaccine to the memory serum. Lasts forty-eight hours." Tris told me.
"Okay." I nodded.
"So…you were making it so you could set up other city experiments more efficiently, right?" Tris was saying to Matthew. "No need to inject everyone with the memory serum when you can just release it and let it spread."
"Exactly!" He replied excitedly. His animation made listening to him easier. "And it's a better model for having the option to select particular members of a population to opt out - you inoculate them, the virus spreads within twenty-four hours, and it has no effect on them."
"So we can vaccinate ourselves against it? It'll have no effect?"
"Right." He grinned at me.
"Do you have any?" I asked next.
"It's here." He nodded. Then he looked at Tris, his coffee mug pausing before it touched his mouth, putting it down. "You okay?" He asked. "I heard the security guards had to pull you off someone last night."
"What?" I frowned. "Tris."
"It was my brother. Caleb."
"Never mind." I replied and started fiddling with the mug that was in front of me. I'd drained the coffee in it a while ago.
"Ah." Matthew said with a raised brow. "What did he do this time?"
"Nothing, really." She replied as she played with the sleeve of the sweater she was sitting on. The edges of it are all frayed, leaving plenty of strings to play with. "I was wired to explode anyway; he just got in the way."
"I know the feeling." I said softly.
Though looking at Tris, my eyes moved to Matthew. He looks like he knows something. She looked at me and I leaned forward, gripping the mug in both hands as I met her eyes.
"I heard something yesterday." She told him. "About the Bureau. About my city, and the simulations."
He straightened and gave both of us a strange look. "Did you hear that something from Nita?"
"Yes. How did you know that?"
"I've helped her a couple times." He replied. "I let her into that storage room. Did she tell you anything else?"
"You're the sympathizer." I stated and stood, pacing. She had lied about that part.
"Something about a plan." Tris replied.
He got up and walked toward us, oddly tense. Tris leaned away from him while I moved closer to her.
"Is it happening? Do you know when?" He asked.
"What's going on?" I frowned at him.
"Why would you help Nita?"
"Because all this 'genetic damage' nonsense is ridiculous." He replied.
"You spin a good tale for someone who doesn't believe." I frowned harder at him.
"It's very important that you answer my questions." He replied as he looked at Tris.
Now I was officially starting to freak out. He was the lighthearted, happy go lucky type and now he was standing there with edge to his stance and the need to know in his tone. I was on high alert and yet the only thing I could think of was where Eric was and how I could get to him.
"It is happening. And I don't know when, but I think it will be soon." Tris told him.
"Shit." Matthew said as he put his hand on his face. "Nothing good can come of this."
"If you don't stop saying cryptic things, I'm going to slap you." Tris said as she stood.
I stepped closer to him, my shoulder in front of Tris's. "I'll do much worse."
He looked at me with unease, "I was helping Nita until she told me what she and those fringe people wanted to do." He explained. "They want to get to the Weapons Lab and -"
"- steal the memory serum, yeah, I heard."
"No." He said shaking his head.
"What do you mean 'no'?" I shot at him.
"No, they don't want the memory serum, they want the death serum. Similar to the one the Erudite have - the one you were supposed to be injected with when you were almost executed. They're going to use it for assassinations, a lot of them. Set off an aerosol can and it's easy, see? Give it to the right people and you have an explosion of anarchy and violence, which is exactly what those fringe people want."
"Death serum?" I said and started to pace again. "Tris."
"I know." She nodded.
"We can't let her do this. And we sure as hell can't let her drag Eric and Four into it."
"I know." She told me again.
"I thought I was helping her with something smarter." Matthew went on. "If I had known I was helping her start another war, I wouldn't have done it. We have to do something about this."
"I told him." Tris said softly. Only it wasn't to either of us. "I told him she was lying."
"Tris. We need to find them." I told her just as softly.
"We may have a problem with the way we treat GDs in this country, but it's not going to be solved by killing a bunch of people." Matthew was going on. "Now come on, we're going to David's office."
"I need to find Eric." I told her.
Trying not to freak out any more than I already was, I followed Tris and Matthew as we made our way down the hall. I had no idea what was right or wrong. But I knew that Nita and the people in the fringe cannot get their hands on any death serum. No one should. Nothing like that should exist. What the hell were these people playing with? They can wipe memories and kill people with a serum or gas. They can make you hallucinate and control you with simulations. The more I learned the more I wanted to watch them fall apart. This place was worse than the city, and we ran right to them.
Walking quickly toward the front entrance, we were past the security checkpoint when I saw Eric ahead of me. Calling out to him, I started to run, racing toward him. He opened his arms to me, smiling as I threw myself into them. Only in the next moment there was an explosion and we were flying through the air. The last thing I remembered was Eric's arms around me and then everything went black.
The first thing I was aware of was the screaming and crying and yelling that was going on all around me. I could feel Eric's arm on my back, his hand resting against my head. Opening my eyes, I was facing away from him, afraid to move. Slowly reaching up my hand, I put it over Eric's. He didn't move. Shifting, I was met with pain, but not enough to stop me. Pushing myself onto my hands and knees, I looked at Eric. He was on his stomach and he was unconscious.
"Eric." I said putting my hand against his neck, momentarily frozen as I took in the amount of blood against the side of his head. "Baby, wake up." Feeling for his pulse, I started to shake, rolling him over. "Eric, wake up!" I yelled as I shook his shoulders. "Eric!" I screamed as I took his head in my hands, feeling warmth under my palm. "Don't do this, baby." I told him as I tucked my hair behind my ears, putting my fingers against his neck, my other against his head as I put my ear next to his mouth. Nothing. "Eric!" I cried as tears filled my eyes. "Don't do this to me!" Trying to control my breathing in an attempt to calm myself, I nodded as I stared at him. "I can do this. I can do this."
Tilting his head back, I breathed into him, watching his chest rise and fall. Putting my hands against his chest I started to compress it, his body shifting under the pressure of them. Breathing. Compressing. Breathing. Compressing. I didn't slow down and sure as hell wasn't going to stop. Everything around me was blurry from the constant tears in my eyes. The screaming and crying and yelling never stopping.
"Breathe, Eric." I told him, pushing air into his lungs. Halfway through the compressions, my shaking intensified, feeling as if all the energy had been sucked from by body as I started to breakdown. Pressing my forehead against his, I started to sob. "Wake up, Eric. Please, please, baby. Please wake up. Breathe, Eric!"
"Kid!" I heard and Doc slid to his other side. "How long has he been down?"
Wiping my snot and tears away with the back of my wrist, I shook my head, "I don't know. A few minutes at least."
"You were working on him?" She asked.
"Yeah." I nodded, picking up his hand, holding it against my chest. "What do we do?"
She turned to the nurse who was with her. "Is it charged?"
"Almost." He replied.
Watching, she cut the top of his shirt, ripping it down the middle, exposing his chest. Frowning, I watched as she wiped it before gripping the handle of two paddles, coiled cords connecting them to some small machine.
"What are you doing?"
"It's time for you to move back." She told me.
"Is he gonna be okay?"
She took both handles in one hand, gripping my arm firmly but gently, "Kid, you need to move back. And you cannot touch him. I know you don't quite understand, but I need you to trust me. If you want me to save him, you need to trust me."
Nodding at her, I put his arm down, sliding away from him. She nodded, taking the paddles in each hand, gel being put onto one of them. She rubbed them together, taking a deep breath. There was a charging sound, beeping, she yelled 'clear' and put the paddles against his chest and side. His body momentarily lurched into the air. I covered my mouth, stifling the scream that flew from my throat. I wanted to reach for him but she shot me a look, her fingers against his neck. Everything started to slow down. Feeling the heaving of my chest while his remained still. I stared at his relaxed face, while mine contorted with the emotion that was flowing through me. Terrified that this was the end. That this was really happening. Sobbing, running my fingers through my hair, gripping it, her voice was muffled as I watched her repeat what she'd just done. Watching as his body once again lurched into the air. Only then he took a breath. For a moment my breath caught, then picked up at a rapid pace as I rushed forward again, taking his hand as I put my other against his hair.
"Eric." I said softly. His brows were furrowed as he took deep breaths.
"Okay." The Doc said leaning over him, checking his eyes. "Let's move him. Get a gurney!"
"Baby, I'm right here." I told him. "Do you hear me, Eric? I am right here."
Four other people appeared, lifting him onto the gurney. Keeping his hand we moved down the hall. There was so much going on around me. So many other people were hurt. Peopled were lying splayed out on the ground. It seemed like blood was everywhere. The screaming and crying and yelling still had yet to stop. And I didn't care. I didn't care and I didn't have it in me to feel guilty about it. The only thing I could concentrate on was Eric. He was all that mattered to me. All that mattered to me. All that mattered. All.
Squeezing his hand, all I wanted was for him to squeeze mine back. Tears were still flowing as he was rolled into a room. I let his hand go long enough for them to transfer him to the bed. Then I was at his side, holding his hand as they started to work around me.
"You need to step out." One of the nurses told me.
"She stays." The Doc told him.
Looking at her with painful eyes, I nodded at her, "Thank you."
She nodded back. Soon leads were placed on his chest, the monitors coming to life with all of his stats. Looking at them, his heart rate was steady and strong, but his breathing still seemed a little labored and shallow.
"I'm not happy with his O2 levels. Let's get a cannula going and constant monitoring of his levels. We need to get an EKG, an Echo, a CT and a full blood panel. Repeat every hour until I tell you to stop. If something looks off, run them again sooner and come find me. Am I understood?" She shot at those in the room. They all nodded. "Good. Now let's get some blood and get going on those tests. Now people!"
There was a flurry of activity and I was forced to step back. I watched as he was gowned, his blood taken, and machines were brought in to start checking the status of his heart and head. Attempting to take steady breathes, I was still shaking, tears hot as they kept running down my cheeks. As soon as the baseline tests were done, they all left, leaving me with an hour before it all started again. But I didn't even get half an hour to be with him, a nurse came in every fifteen minutes to check his vitals, making sure that he was remaining stable. And he was. He was remaining stable.
Sitting at his side, I held tight to his hand, staring at him as I trailed my fingers through his hair. "You're gonna be okay, baby." I told him softly. "You're gonna be okay."
"Pen!" My name was hollered from out in the hall. It was Four. Furrowing my brows, not wanting to deal with him right now, I pressed Eric's hand against my forehead. "Opie! Penelope Farrier!"
Frowning harder, I sighed before finally yelling, "Tobias!" There was a moment's pause before he slid into view. He rushed to my side, looking me over. "I'm fine." I frowned shrugging his hands off of me.
"You're bleeding." He frowned.
"I am fine." I shot at him. "I will be fine. I am not moving from this spot until he wakes up." Meeting his eyes, I glared at him. "Do you understand me, Tobias? I am not leaving his side until he wakes up."
His expression softened and he ran his hand along my hair, "I wasn't going to try and get you to move."
"Then why are you here?" I frowned.
"Opie." He said sadly.
"I'm sure others can use your help." I stated.
"Opie, no one is more important to me than Tris, you, and him."
Scoffing, I shook my head at him, "We matter so much that you ran off to help someone you barely know. You were a part of this." I told him, meeting his eyes as anger starting to roll off of me. "You were a part of this and Eric nearly died. He nearly died!" I shot at him, standing and shoving him away from me. "He nearly died and you were a part of it!" I yelled at him, shoving him again. "You were a part of it. You helped her and Eric nearly died. He may still die and if that happens I will never forgive you, Tobias. I will never forgive you if he dies."
"Opie." He said sadly. "I'm so sorry."
Scoffing, laughing as I wiped the tears from my cheeks, I sat down and once again held Eric's hand, holding it against my chest as I put my other against his face, wanting nothing more than to see the blue of his eyes. I wanted him to squeeze my hand. I wanted to hear his voice. I would give anything to make sure that he didn't die. Sobbing, I put my hand over my eyes, shaking almost violently as I continued to hold Eric's hand against me.
"I'm so sorry, Pen." Four told me sadly.
"Go away." I cried.
"Pen, please."
Taking a shuddering breath, I met his eyes as I shook my head, tears streaming down my cheeks as I tried to find my voice. "You – you were a part of this."
"Opie."
Frowning, I shook my head, shutting my eyes as I looked away from him, "I can't – I can't even look at you – right now – I –"
"Opie, please."
"Go away." I told him again.
"No." Tobias told me. "I'm not leaving you, Penelope." I glared at him. "I love you. You're my family."
"And you betrayed me." I shot at him. "You betrayed Eric. You betrayed Tris. You betrayed us all. We told you that something was wrong. You didn't listen. You didn't believe us."
"I'm sorry, Opie!" He yelled at me. "I am so very sorry. I can't express how sorry I am."
Looking over my shoulder, I met his eyes. "I know you are." I told him before averting my eyes from his. I couldn't help the disappointment that entered my tone. "But I don't think sorry is enough this time."
"Pen, please." He paused, waiting for me to say something. Instead I just stared at Eric. I didn't want to talk about this right now. I had Eric to worry about and that was more than enough for me right now. "I'm so sorry, Pen." He told me before moving toward the door. "I'm gonna get something to clean you up with."
"I told you. I'm fine." I retorted.
Feeling his lips in my hair, I shut my eyes, "I'll be right back."
"I'm fine." I told him yet again. "I don't want your help." I added, seeing him pause at the door. "You've done enough."
I watched his shoulders slump. Only then he straightened, and he left, leaving the only sound in the room the beeping of the monitors. It left too much time to think about what had happened. He'd taken a blow to the temple, one of the reasons the Doc thought his heart stopped. I'd shakenly cleaned the blood from his face and hair. Following the blood down his neck and chest and arms. He was at least clean now. For a second you'd think that there was no explosion and that he was simply sleeping.
But he wasn't.
Sobbing, I couldn't stop the tears from streaming. I couldn't stop the sound of my agony from flowing from me. I couldn't control my shaking as I thought about nearly losing him. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It kept replaying over and over in my mind. He was stable. He was going to be okay. He had to be. But it didn't stop me from going over it again and again and again. I'd nearly lost what mattered most to me and I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't before in Erudite and I didn't know here. It was the one thing that would ruin me. The one thing that would tear me down and leave me unrecognizable at the end.
"Please don't die." I sobbed as I rested my head against his chest. "Please, baby. Please, please don't die. Eric…"
Crying myself to sleep, I didn't know how long I'd lay there when I woke with a start, flying to my feet as I looked down at him. Nothing had happened. He looked the same. Rolling my shoulder, I felt stiff and on the cold side. Though Eric's hand was still warm in mine. Leaning down, I pressed a kiss against his forehead, sighing as I looked over to see Four sitting there.
"I don't want you here." I told him with a hoarse voice.
"I don't care." He replied. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Where's Tris?"
"I don't know."
Scoffing, I nodded before raising a brow at him, "Then maybe you should worry more about her. She might actually want to see you. Unlike me." I told him with disdain. "Go away, Tobias. I do not want you here."
"Too bad." He said and stood, bringing a bowl toward me. Glancing in it, I saw a brown tinted solution. "Sit down."
"No."
"You're hurt."
"I'm fine."
"Sit." He said gently pushing down on my shoulder.
It hurt and I couldn't hide the look of pain on my face as I sat. I wasn't sure if it was because of the pain or because I felt weaker than I'd ever had before. I could feel the wounds cracking as I shifted. I was starting to feel like I'd been nearly blown up. Bowing my head, I felt emotion creeping in again as I stared at Eric.
"Let me take care of you." He told me softly.
Furrowing my brows, I nodded, knowing that it was going to hurt. Sitting next to me, I shifted away from him but he pulled his chair closer to me. Not having the energy to fight him, I sighed, allowing him to take my arm, cleaning the abrasion that was running from halfway up my bicep down to just past my elbow. He cleaned the cut against my jawline, following the blood that had dripped down my neck. He moved to my other arm, cleaning the burn on my shoulder. Then he lifted my shirt and touched some tenderness against my side. Then I felt the top of my shirt move and his fingers ran along another wound.
"How is he?" He asked as he continued to tend to me.
"Stable." I told him. "They've been doing a bunch of tests. They're doing them once an hour until Doc tells them to stop."
There was a long pause before he asked the one thing that I didn't want to talk about. "How bad was it?"
"No." I said shaking my head. "No."
"Okay." He said quickly. "Okay, Opie. I'm sorry."
"You should be." I frowned at him.
"What can I do?" He asked sadly.
Scoffing, I shook my head, "There's nothing you can do, Tobias."
"Pen." He said with more agony than I'd ever heard from him. "Pen, please."
In the next second two guards come in, telling him that he was under arrest. He met my eyes before his arm was grabbed and he was yanked to his feet. Quickly standing, I gripped Four's arm. "No. You can't arrest him." I shot at them.
"This is none of your concern." One told me.
"It damn well is my concern!" I yelled at him. "You're attempting to arrest my brother!"
"Pen." Eric's voice interrupted.
Everyone looked at him, his eyes still shut and his brows furrowed. "Eric." I said rushing to him, taking his hand. I was so relieved that it nearly erased the fighting that had just been happening.
"What's going on?" He frowned, cracking open his eyes.
"Everything is fine." Four told him, going to his other side, picking up his hand. "Eric, everything is going to be fine. There was an explosion and you were hurt. But you're gonna be okay."
"Tobias." One of the guards said softly.
He looked at them and nodded. "Opie." He said meeting my eyes, reaching for me across Eric.
Gripping his forearm, I nodded back at him, "We'll talk later. We'll figure it out." I told him softly.
"Take care of him." He told me with heavy emotion.
"You know I will." I smirked at him. "I'll come to you as soon as I can. Otherwise you'll know where to find me."
He nodded, "Love you."
Sighing, I smiled at him, "Love you too. Even if I'm so unbelievably mad at you right now."
He smiled and nodded at me. "I'm sorry." Then he was being ushered out of the room.
Biting my lip, trying not to cry, I smiled down at Eric. "Hey."
"What's going on?" He frowned at me, attempting to pull the cannula from his nose.
"No, leave it." I told him. He listened. "Everything is going to be okay."
"Pen, what's going on?" He asked again.
Sitting on the edge, I put my hand on his other side, leaning over him, "Nothing you have to worry about."
"Pen." He frowned harder. Sighing, I wiped the brimming tears from my eyes, averting them from him. "Baby."
Letting a silent sob escape me, I cleared my throat, biting my tongue at the corner of my mouth to try and regain some control. His hand moved to my arm, his gentleness making me meet his eyes. Staring at him, I took a deep breath, about to explain, when the door opened. The nurse from earlier appeared, smiling as she stepped to his side.
"You're awake."
"Yeah." He replied blandly.
"Has your beautiful girlfriend filled you in on what happened?" She asked gently.
He shook his head, "No. Not yet."
She looked between us, her smile faltering. "Should I come back?"
"No." I told her quickly. "No, I'll tell him after the tests are done."
"Tests?" Eric frowned.
I nodded, putting my hand against his chest, feeling his heartbeat, "I'll explain after. Just be good." I smiled at him.
He smirked but didn't look happy about it. Resting his head back against the pillows, we were quiet as the nurse took blood, the EKG, the Echo and the CT. She jotted notes and smiled at us, putting her hand on my shoulder before she left. Taking a deep breath, I met Eric's eyes, my brows immediately furrowing and tears once again sprang to my eyes.
"Tell me what's going on, baby."
"What do you remember?" I asked him, brushing my fingers across his brow.
He rested his head against the pillows again, looking at the ceiling. It took him a few minutes to answer. "I don't know. It's all a bit…fuzzy."
Nodding, I scooted closer to him, allowing him to drape his arm in my lap, his hand against my side. Leaning down, I kissed him slow and deep. "I love you."
He smiled, "I love you. Now tell me."
Nodding again, I took a deep breath. "There was an explosion. The wall just…burst. We were caught in the blast zone." Pausing, I shook my head, "I was knocked out, I don't know for how long." Pausing again, I relaxed, tears freely falling down my cheeks. "When I came to, you weren't breathing and your heart had stopped beating."
"Baby." He frowned.
"I uh…I tried to revive you but it wasn't working. I've never been more scared in my life. I thought I'd lost you. Again."
"Pen." He said sadly.
The tears were streaming as I looked away from him. My throat was so tight I didn't think I'd be able to say anything else. Gripping his hand tightly, I looked down at it, feeling the warmth of it as I once again bit my lip.
"Baby, it's okay." He told me.
"It's not okay." I frowned at him, meeting his eyes again. "Eric, it is not okay." He sighed, bringing his hand to my face. "I broke down. I couldn't handle it. But then the Doc appeared and she shocked your heart, getting it beating again. She's put you under constant supervision and tests are being done every hour until she says otherwise." He nodded with a deep frown on his face. "No one has told me what the tests are showing. But there were a lot of injuries that need to be tended to, so…"
"Are you okay?" He asked urgently.
Smiling, I nodded at him, "Yeah, baby. Thanks to you I'm just fine. Minimally damaged."
"Damaged." He said gripping my side.
"Just a few cuts, bruises, and abrasions." I told him. "You saved me from most of it. At your own expense."
He smirked at me, his hand finding my face, "I'd do anything for you."
"I know." I smiled at him. "And I'd do anything for you."
"I know." He told me.
Laughing lightly, I shook my head, the tears coming fast as I swiftly laid down against his chest, his heartbeat sounding in my ear. "I was scared, Eric. I was so scared. You can't leave me. Not ever. You are never allowed to die."
"Neither are you." He replied with his arms wrapped around me. "I love you so much, Pen. I'm so sorry, baby."
"I love you, Eric. I love you more than anything." I sobbed into him.
"It's gonna be okay." He told me. "We'll figure it out."
Sputtering and hiccupping against his chest, his hands ran up and down my back. His chest was warm. As warm as it always was. Shutting my eyes, I flashed back to just hours ago when the sound that was in my ear was absent. He had been colder then. Colder than he was now. He was okay. He was going to be okay. But it wasn't okay. What happened was not okay. Whatever was going on was not okay. Four being arrested was not okay. None of this was okay. But…as long as Eric was okay…things would be okay. Someday, somehow, things would be okay.
Hours passed, the nurse coming and repeating the same tests over and over again. Now that he was awake, I asked questions the entire time, making her retell me things each time, wanting to know anything and everything about what they were doing to the love of my life. I wanted to know what they were looking for and what their purpose was. I wasn't going to let anything else happen to him and I wasn't going to take anything lightly.
Talking and fooling around with everything in the room; we did whatever it took to keep ourselves entertained. I filled him in on what I knew about Four but that was literally all that Eric had already witnessed. Things were going down. I felt the need to find Tris and yet, I couldn't bring myself to leave his room. Not that he was complaining. Neither of us did well apart from each other and this was just going to make it that much harder to let us out of each other's sight.
"I know I'm probably worse about this than you are, but…do you ever feel like we spend too much time together?" I asked him, slouching in the chair with my feet on the edge of the bed. "Even though lately it doesn't seem that way."
He frowned at me, "No."
"No?"
"No." He said shaking his head. "Even though we both have our moments when we walk away, needing a little time alone. Like lately with Four."
"Yeah, I don't really feel that way anymore. I hate that you've been away from me more than with me lately."
"It's been needed as of late."
"I know. Doesn't mean I like it."
"Hey, sometimes I wake up and you're not there. You know I hate that."
"It's not fair to wake you up just because I can't sleep." I stated.
He patted the edge of the bed. Sighing, I stood up, sitting next to him. "You know I'm more than capable of tiring you out." He smirked and kissed me deeply.
Laughing, I kissed him repeatedly, my hand against his face as I wrapped my arm around his neck. "I'm still very much addicted to you."
"Likewise, baby."
Then the door opened, and Doc came in, "Hey, Kid. Eric."
"Hey." I smiled at her, standing again. "How's my man?"
Her smile grew and she nodded at me, "He is just fine."
"Really?" I asked. "You're sure? No lasting effects or anything?"
"Nope." She said shaking her head. "I've been over all the results and am confident to say that he is perfectly healthy. His heart is in perfect condition. What happened isn't going to cause him any long term problems. You have nothing to be concerned about."
"What about his head?" I asked gently running my fingers through his hair.
She nodded, taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I have to say that I was more concerned about that than his heart."
"Okay." I frowned as Eric gripped my hand tighter.
"With a blow like that, you have to worry about hemorrhaging or a traumatic brain injury." She explained. "But I've been over and over the scans and there is no residual bleeding. There is bruising to his brain, and he needs to take it easy for a while, but he'll make a full recovery."
"What about headaches?" I asked. "Would they be indicative to any start of a brain bleed?"
"Maybe, but doubtful." She replied. "I'm not concerned about it."
"Okay." I nodded, feeling a little better about it.
"Kid, I know you're worried. And you should be. But right now I'm telling you that he's going to be okay. Keep an eye on him and watch for any personality shifts or anything. I'm sure you're aware of the symptoms for head trauma."
Racking my brain, I simply nodded at her, "I know enough."
"Good. And I have no doubt that you will take excellent care of him." She smiled.
"Promise me that you're not lying. Promise me that you're certain about this." I frowned at her, wanting to believe but I was still afraid.
"Kid, I promise you that he is perfectly fine." She said stepping up to me, putting her hands on my arms. "He's okay."
"Can I get out of here then?" He asked.
She nodded, "Sure can. We need all the rooms we can spare and I've given you all the special treatment I can offer."
I threw my arms around her neck, hugging her tightly, "Thank you. Thank you so much."
"None of that." She told me, seeing tears when I let her go.
Laughing, I nodded, wiping them away, "Yeah."
As soon as she was gone, the same nurse came in and started to unhook Eric. I was practically jumping up and down for him to get onto his feet. As soon as he was, I threw my arms around him, letting him go just as quickly when he groaned.
"I'm sorry." I told him.
He smiled, pulling me against him, "Don't be. Just a little sore is all."
Pressing myself against him, I finally let out a long breath of relief. "I love you."
"I love you." He replied. "Now get me out of here."
Smiling, I wrapped my arm around him, his arm across my shoulders. Leading him out of the hospital, we made our way back to the dormitory. The compound still seemed a bit chaotic, making us hug the walls as people ran up and down the halls. There was still some shouting and crying, but a lot of it had died down. Glancing at Eric every few seconds or so, his brows seemed to grow closer and closer together as he took in everything around us. I told him what happened, but something like that doesn't really sink in until you see it. Pressing a kiss against his hand, I ran my nails up and down his back. He sighed and nodded, but his eyes stayed ahead of us.
When we walked through the room, Ainsley quickly stood, as well as Hazel and Caleb. Sighing, Eric looked at me, what he wanted clear in his eyes. Letting him go, he made his way toward his cot while I stepped up to the others.
"No questions right now. As far as I know Tris is fine." I told Caleb. "Four has been arrested. I don't know about anyone else."
"It's been hours." Hazel told me.
"Eric was hurt." I told them. "He may look okay but it's been a rough day. If you want to stay in this room, keep it down. He needs to take it easy for a while and I will make sure that it happens. If you can't keep quiet or keep questions to yourselves then you can leave this room right now."
They all looked at me. Caleb took Hazel's hand and led her from the room. I didn't know if it was because she had questions or if he simply didn't want to leave her in the room with me. As soon as they were gone, I sighed, rubbing between my brows with my fingers before my eyes shot toward Eric. He was lying on his cot, his back facing us. Feeling the sting of tears, I covered my mouth to keep myself quiet as tears slid down my cheeks. Ainsley didn't say anything, she simply embraced me, rubbing my back as I leaned into her.
"I'll get you guys some food and water." She told after I'd calmed down.
Nodding, I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "Thanks."
"If there is anything you need just let me know, okay?"
I nodded again, "I will. Thank you."
She gently rubbed my arm, "Go take care of him."
Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly as I moved toward him. Laying behind him, I pressed myself against his back, my lips against his neck as I ran my hand up and down his arm. A shudder moved through him and I felt myself start to breakdown again.
"How are you feeling?" I asked him softly.
"Cold." He told me.
Getting up, I grabbed his blanket, mine, and stole Hazel's as well. She could always share Caleb's. Covering him with all three, I laid behind him again, pressing myself as close against him as I could get. Once again rubbing his arm, I rubbed his chest and thigh as well, trailing kisses back and forth across his neck and shoulders.
"Better?" I asked after a few minutes. He didn't say anything. "Eric?" A soft noise escaped him and I knew that he'd fallen asleep. Shifting, I pressed a kiss against his temple, wrapping my arms around him. "I love you, Eric. I'd be lost without you."
When the doors opened and Ainsley came in, I slowly moved from Eric, standing up without jostling the cot too much. When he didn't move, I leaned down and kissed his temple again before I softly walked toward her. She had a tray of food, setting it on the cot closest to Eric.
"How you holding up?" She whispered.
"I'm not." I told her, wrapping my arms around myself. "It was bad, Ainsley." Tears once again in my eyes as I shifted back and forth. Not enough to spill over but there was a constant brim. "He basically died and if it hadn't been for Doc…" I started, needing to pause to swallow the lump in my throat. "If she hadn't shown up when she did, he'd probably be dead right now."
"Pen." She said softly before hugging me tightly.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I really wish Claude were here." I told her sadly.
She let me go, smiling as she gently played with a strand of my hair, "She would definitely be good for you right now."
Sighing, I nodded, "I need to ask you for a favor."
"Anything."
Turning, I looked at Eric, "Will you watch him for me?"
"Pen, I don't think that's a good idea. He hates me."
I nodded at her, "He pretty much does. But he'll come around. And I need to go see Four. Where would they take him?"
"There is holding cells, but I can't be sure that that's where they were taken."
"I'll figure it out." I told her, moving toward the door.
"Pen." She said stopping me, making me turn toward her. "What do I tell him if he wakes up?"
"Tell him I went to see Four. He'll understand."
"And if he doesn't?" She asked.
"I won't be gone long. If he gets upset, just…make something up. But I plan to be back before he wakes up. You'll be fine." She just nodded, looking anxious. "Tell him that if he doesn't behave I'll be very mad at him." I smiled at her.
"Will you just hurry up." She frowned at me.
Nodding, I took a few steps backward before I turned and swiftly moved to the door. Quietly letting myself out, I sprinted down the halls, moving to the only place I knew of where they held people. Skidding around the corner, I saw two guards, both looking very unhappy to have someone approaching them.
"I need to talk to Tobias." I told them.
"No talking to the prisoners." One replied.
"Is he okay?" I asked.
"Opie." Four's voice said from behind them.
One turned quickly, "Quiet!"
"Opie." He said rushing forward. "How is he? Have you seen Tris? What's going on?"
He was hit with the butt of a gun, making him fall to the floor. "Stop!" I yelled and pushed through them, helping him up. "Eric's okay. I haven't seen Tris. And I don't know anything past the explosion."
"Are you okay?" He asked, gently cupping my face in his hands.
Gripping his wrist, I felt something plastic, looking down to see them tied together. "Tobias." I said sadly. "I'm so sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for." He told me. "It's me who's sorry. I trusted her and then all this happened. I am so sorry."
"What did you do?" I asked him.
"I helped her, Pen. I helped her and this is what happened."
"Why wasn't Eric with you?" I frowned at him. "Why didn't he help her like he had planned to?"
"Because of you." He frowned back. "He couldn't stand the thought of putting a rift between you two so he left."
"You make it sound like I'm the cause of all this. You will remember that I was caught in the same explosion that he was. So who are you really mad at?" I shot at him.
"Me!" He yelled. Then he lowered his voice. "I'm sorry. I know that you would never cause him or yourself any harm."
"You're right. I wouldn't." I frowned.
Then the guard had my arm. "You need to go."
"She's fine." Four shot at them.
"Now!" The guard yelled, yanking me away from him.
"Four!" I called as I reached out for him.
"Pen!" He called back as he gripped my hand in both of his.
The guard yanked harder, ripping my hand out of his, "Get out of here."
They threw me away from them, making me slam into the ground. Getting onto my feet, I turned and looked at them. They may have been armed but I was more than positive that I held more skill than both of them combined.
"It's not worth it." Four told me from behind them.
"I'll be back." I told him.
"I'll find you if I get out first." He replied.
Stepping toward the guards, they both raised their guns at me. I simply smirked at them before growing serious. "If you lay one hand on him I swear to god that I will kill you."
The braver of the two put the barrel of their gun against my shoulder, "Leave."
Looking at it, I smiled before I stepped back, not turning round till I was around the corner. Sprinting back down the hall, I came to a sudden stop when Tris appeared.
"Tris." I said wrapping my arms around her.
"Pen." She replied, gripping me tightly. "You're okay."
"Where did you go?" I asked her.
"I'll explain later. I need to see Tobias." She told me.
"Will you come to the dormitory after?"
She nodded, "Yeah. Is Eric okay?"
Tears brimmed again and I nodded, "He is. But it was close."
She hugged me again, her grip painful yet comforting. "I'll be back soon." Feeling my face contort with the effort of holding back my emotions, I simply nodded at her. "Pen, everything is going to be okay." She told me.
Taking a deep breath, I nodded again, "Okay."
"Okay." She nodded and started to move away from me.
"The guards are bitches." I stated.
She smiled, "I can handle it."
Smiling back, I took another deep breath and turned back down the hall. Breaking into a run again, I raced back to the dormitory, letting myself inside. Ainsley was pacing in front of Eric's cot, looking anxious. Smiling, I stepped up to her, putting my hand on her shoulder. She sighed with relief and hugged me tightly.
"Anything happen?" I asked.
"He said your name a couple times but that's it." She replied. "He didn't wake up."
"Good." I smiled.
She returned it before it disappeared, "You look like hell."
Laughing lightly, I nodded, "I feel like hell."
"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked.
"Yeah." I nodded. "I'm just cut and bruised."
"Are you sure?" She asked with concern.
Smiling again, I nodded, "I am. I've been hurt enough in my life to know the difference."
She nodded, "Okay."
"You can take off." I told her. "I'm just going to lay with him."
"Okay." She repeated. "If you need anything –"
"I'll let you know." I smiled at her.
She nodded and left. Turning to Eric, I walked to the cot and once again laid down behind him, wrapping my arms around him. Pressing closely against his back, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as tears once again filled my eyes. I could hear him breathing and the sound of his heart beating. Silently crying into his back, the tears didn't stop until sleep took me.
Waking to the sound of my name, I cracked my eyes open to see Tris hovering over me. Sighing, I propped myself up and looked at Eric. He was still sleeping. I figuring that was a good thing. His body had literally taken a shock and needed all the rest he could get. Putting my face against his neck, I took a deep breath, pressing a kiss against it before I rolled off the cot.
"How you holding up?" Tris asked.
"I'm not." I told her. I'd just had this conversation. "Tell me what you know."
"Nita was after the death serum." She told me.
Nodding, I sank down onto the nearest cot. Looking at Eric, tears once again sliding down my cheeks. "Did she get it?"
"No."
"Why did she want it so badly?"
"She wanted to kill a bunch of important government people. She wanted to start a war." She explained. "I found her with David. I saved him by shooting her. She's been arrested and David is in the hospital."
I felt like the air was being sucked out of the room. "We left a war to join a war." I stated.
She nodded and sighed. "I can't stay long. Uriah is in the hospital and I want to be there when they start letting people see him."
"Is he okay?" I asked.
"He's in a coma. They don't know what will happen but it doesn't look good."
Frowning, I nodded before shaking my head, looking at Eric again. "How did this happen, Tris? We fought our way out here, leaving people behind, watching our friends and family die along the way, only to come here and go through this."
"I know." She said sitting next to me.
"He died today." I told her, unable to look away from him. "The explosion knocked us out. When I came to he wasn't breathing and his heart had stopped."
"Pen." She said softly as she took my hand.
"I tried to bring him back but my feelings spilled over and I broke down. You all tell me how my feelings for him cloud my judgement. And you were right. I couldn't handle it and I almost lost him. Then Doc showed up and shocked his heart, getting it beating again. They've done a bunch of testing and tell me he's fine."
"Opie." She said even softer.
Smiling, I looked at her, "You called me Opie."
"Sorry." She told me. "Tobias says it so much that it just gets in my head."
"Sorry." I replied. "I don't mean for him to talk about me so much."
"You're his family, Pen. I think he cares about you more than anyone."
I shook my head, "No, Tris. He cares about you more than anyone. I may come in at a close second, but it's you."
"I think it's kind of amazing that you and him never got together."
"Me and Four?" I told her with furrowed brows. "Gross."
She laughed and we both looked at Eric. He didn't move. "He'll be okay."
"I know." I told her. "But the number of times I've nearly lost him is getting far too large for my liking."
"I can't argue with that. And after everything that's happened, even I can't stand seeing him hurt."
Meeting her eyes, the tears had returned yet again, "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
"I care about him." She told me with furrowed brows. "I look at the two of you and sometimes am so jealous. He kisses you and says all the right things. Even when he's pissing you off or vice versa, you two are just so…perfect. I wish Tobias would be that way with me. Kiss me and hold me and not make me feel like I need to be strong and to keep being strong no matter what's going on. We're like two stone statues who are trying to love each other." She paused, taking a deep breath. Frowning, I wasn't sure what to say to her. "He's even different with you. He's lighter when he's with you. He isn't worried about things when he's with you."
"Yes he is." I told her. "I know it seems like he's being stoic or that he doesn't feel enough. But he is madly in love with you, Tris. I need you to believe that because it's the truth. Me and Eric, we started this thing running. There wasn't a slow burn that turned into more. We started hot and we've just been lucky enough to keep it going. Especially after everything we've been through. He is the center of my world." Pausing, I looked at him before meeting her eyes again. "It's the same for Tobias. He shows it in his own way, but you are the center of his world."
She smiled, "I want to believe that."
"Believe it, Tris." I smiled back at her. "I don't lie to you."
She looked at me for a long moment before she spoke, "You've told me that before."
"I have." I nodded. "And have I proven myself wrong?"
"No." She replied. Then she scoffed and grinned at me, "I never thought we'd end up this close."
"Me neither." I replied. "But I'm happy that we did."
"Me too."
There was a long moment of silence before she stood. "I better get back to the hospital."
"Okay." I replied.
"Keep me posted on how he's doing."
"I will. You too, let me know how Uriah is."
"I will."
The room was eerily quiet as soon as she was gone. But I had to admit that I felt better. Talking to her made me feel better. And the fact that it made me feel better made me feel better. Four would be very pleased. Going back to Eric, I looked at my cot, moving it against the wall. Kneeling down, I side sat, slipping my hand into his as I ran my fingers across the tattoos on his arm. Running them to his neck, I traced the tattoos before moving my hand to his hair, running my fingers through it. Resting my head against my arm, I simply stared at him, now more than ever worried about what was to come. We weren't just playing with people in the city anymore. We were playing with something that could kill us. We'd had enough of death. We were all damaged enough. I wasn't sure how much more I could take.