Chapter Twenty-three: Not Enough Time

Slowly moving down the halls, my mind was swimming with everything that was about to go down. Death serum. Memory serum. Uriah. There was always the possibility that the outside was just as bad as the inside. I had convinced myself that that wasn't the case. Only it was. Inside the walls was Evelyn who was threatening to release death serum on all those who opposed her. Outside was David who planned on wiping everyone's memory in the city. Not only ours but the other active experiments as well. Neither was better than the other. What the hell were we going to do?

"Pen." Tris's voice said from behind me.

"Hey." I smiled at her as she jogged to me.

She was quiet for a long moment. "You okay?"

"No." I replied honestly. "This sucks."

"I know." She nodded. "But it's better than letting everyone be wiped."

Nodding, I furrowed my brows as I swallowed hard. "I know."

"You're with Tobias on this, aren't you?"

Sighing, I lifted my shoulders, "I don't know. I'm not sure I believe one way is better than the other. But I don't want my parents to forget me. I don't want them to forget Maggie. But there are some I wouldn't feel bad about if they lost their memories."

"Eric's parents?" She asked. I sighed and nodded again. "They definitely deserve it."

"They deserve to die." I told her coldly.

"They do." She agreed.

There was a long pause where silence settled over us. "When do we tell the others what Nita said?"

"We'll have to get everyone together." She told me.

"Okay." I nodded.

"You should find Tobias and Eric." She said softly.

"Why me? You need to talk to him, Tris." I frowned at her.

"You're in a better place with both of them." She replied.

Sighing again, I rolled my shoulders, "Fine."

"Thank you."

"Yeah. Of course." I smiled.

"You remember the meeting place?"

"Yeah."

Moving away from her, I went to find Eric and Four. The dormitory was empty, as well as the bathrooms and the training rooms. Though both were GDs so I made my way downstairs to the underground where the GD training area was. There were other things down here but if I knew Eric, he'd be looking for any sort of release. They really weren't any better than inside the city. We were segregated no matter where we went.

Quietly stepping into the room, I could already hear him punching the bags. Partially hiding myself amongst the different equipment, I couldn't help but stare at him. He only wore a pair of black sweats, the rest of him bare, even his feet. Light reflected through the beads of sweat that dripped down his body, making the rest of him shimmer. His brows were furrowed as he focused on the bag in front of him. Lithe steps bringing him toward and away from it. Slowing it down in my mind, I couldn't help but smile, loving him more and more. He was such a beautiful man. His muscles rippling. His breathing calm and steady. His movements precise. He was amazing.

Moving around the bag, I stepped up, putting my hands on the sides of it, bracing it as I leaned around it. "Want to go a few rounds?" I smiled at him.

His brows remained furrowed as he rubbed his hands. "No."

Sighing, I let go of the bag, stepping up to him. "What are you thinking?"

He raised a brow, sighing heavily, "I don't know."

Putting my hands against his sides, slowly running them up and down as I leaned into him. "How can I help?"

He met my eyes before gripping my arms. His grip was tight, almost painful, as he stared into my eyes, "You can help by leaving the compound. Steal a car and get as far away from here as possible."

"Eric." I frowned at him.

"I'm serious, Pen." He frowned back at me.

"Everything is going to be okay." I replied, running my fingers through his hair.

He shook his head, taking both my hands, "I have this horrible feeling, Pen."

"What kind of feeling?" I asked him softly.

His brows furrowed further, anxiousness flowing off of him, "That something terrible is going to happen."

Swiftly wrapping my arms around his neck, I crashed my lips against his, kissing him deeply and passionately. Pressing myself against him, his arms moved around me, keeping me firmly in place. Then I shoved him away from me, keeping him at arm's length.

"Pen." He frowned.

"Just a few rounds." I smiled at him. "For me."

He smirked at me, nodding, and then his fist was flying at me. Barely having enough time to dodge it, I spun around him, kicking the back of his knee. He went down momentarily before spinning, the back of his knuckles colliding with my face. For a moment I was dazed, dabbing the blood from where my cheekbone had split. Glaring at him, I rushed him, dodging his fists before slamming mine into his side, hearing the air leave his lungs. It slowed him down for only a moment before he gripped me around my waist, slamming my back against the ground.

Moving over me, pinning my wrists to the mat, he stared down at me. For a moment I thought it was a ploy to lower my defenses, only in the next second his lips were against mine. Bringing my knees up, I freed my hands, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, lifting myself off the mat to reach him better. Rolling him, I reached my hand down, slipping it past his waistband. He gripped my arms tightly, rolling me underneath him again. He ripped my shirt, leaning down and pressed his lips between my breasts. Shuddering beneath him, for a moment we paused, staring at each other. Then it was as if an inferno had been ignited, both of us clutching each other, unable to get close enough. His lips were once again against mine, moving fervently as he ripped the clothes from my body.

Rolling my shoulder, it had been a while since he had been that rough. Since we'd been that rough. After what Henry did, he seemed to have avoided being too overzealous. Even when we'd connected on more levels then I'd ever thought possible, we still hadn't been that rough. I enjoyed every second of it, but there was an underlying sense of goodbye and it put me on edge.

Having found clothes in the girl's locker room, I pulled them on, happy that they weren't too baggy. Looking at my reflection, I looked as tired as I felt. This whole thing was about to be over and there was still more than enough time for everything to fall apart. We had a plan. We had a way to stop David and yet I couldn't deny that Eric's uneasiness had swiftly radiated to me as well.

"We need to find Four and meet the others." I told him as I walked toward the entrance.

"What did you find out?" He asked as he fell in step with me.

I didn't reply. Instead I walked faster, finding Four with Christina, swiftly telling them that we needed to talk. Leading them all down a few other halls, I opened the door to a storage room. Tris, Cara, Matthew, Caleb, and Hazel were already there. We were the last of the party to join.

"Okay." Tris nodded, meeting my eyes.

"What's going on?" Four asked.

"We talked to Nita." She said still looking at me. "Death serum stands between us and the Weapons Lab. We can blow it up but it will release the serum. It's in aerosol form and no one has ever survived it. So whoever goes for the weapons lab will be going on a suicide mission."

Eric pressed his arm against mine and I could feel his eyes looking at me. Staring at Tris, I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes. He had a horrible feeling that something terrible was going to happen. The death serum lay between us and success. Something terrible was going to happen.

"The question is," Matthew added, "is this something we're willing to sacrifice a life for."

No one was saying anything. Still avoiding Eric's eyes, I looked around the room, seeing the vials and beakers and notebooks covered with scribbles scattered across the lab table that's in front of Matthew. Frowning at it all, they'd clearly been working on something down here and hadn't been nice enough to tell me about it. Looking at Matthew, I frowned, hating how he was chewing on the string that was around his neck.

"Pen." Eric whispered as his hand moved to my lower back.

Looking at Four, he was leaning against the door with his arms crossed. He looked like he used to when he was in charge of the initiates. His stoic demeanor taking over at he thought about what move we should make next.

"It's not just about revenge." Tris finally replied. "It's not about what they did to the Abnegation. It's about stopping them before they do something equally bad to the people in all the experiments – about taking away their power to control thousands of lives."

"It is worth it." Cara added. "One death, to save thousands of people from a terrible fate? And cut the compound's power off at the knees, so to speak? Is it even a question?"

The answer is simple. It's not a question. One life lost to save countless others was a small price to pay. But looking around the room, we all know that it would have to be one of us. We are the only ones who know what we're planning. There is no one else who we could get to do it. One person in this room was going to be dead within a day. Now the only question was: who?

Tris's eyes were moving over each of us and for a moment her eyes fell upon Eric. Feeling anxious, I took his hand, rubbing my other up and down his forearm before I gripped his bicep. He pressed his lips into my hair, sighing lightly. Finally looking up at him, he offered me a small smile.

"Oh, just come out with it." Caleb said, making me jump. We all looked at him. "You want me to do it." He told Tris. "You all do."

"No one said that." Matthew replied as he spit out the string necklace from his mouth.

"Everyone's staring at me." Caleb stated. "Don't think I don't know it. I'm the one who chose the wrong side, who worked with Jeanine Matthews; I'm the one none of you care about, so I should be the one to die."

"No, Caleb." Hazel frowning, gripping him tightly. "It doesn't have to be you."

"Why do you think Tobias offered to get you out of the city before they executed you?" Tris asked him, her tone cold and quiet. "Because I don't care whether you live or die? Because I don't care about you at all?"

As much as I wished it wasn't true, it wasn't just Caleb that came to mind to make such a sacrifice. I was in a better place with my sister but I still wouldn't stop her if she decided to make such a noble gesture.

"You think I don't know hatred when I see it?" Caleb said as he shook his head. "I see it every time you look at me. On the rare occasions when you do look at me."

He looks like he was going to cry. Hazel is already crying, clutching at him as if the decision had already been made. Caleb looks different somehow and I have trouble seeing him as the traitor he is. It didn't help that Hazel looked terrified. I felt for her. I knew what it was like to be afraid for the one you love. If he did this then he would die. There was no stopping it from happening. If he went to the Weapons Lab then he was going to die.

"If I do this…" Caleb started, wrapping his arm around Hazel. Tris shook her head but he held up his hand. "Stop." He told her. "Beatrice, if I do this…will you be able to forgive me?"

For a long moment Tris just looked at him, and then she finally nodded, "Yes." She choked out. "But that's not a good reason to do this."

"I have plenty of reasons." Caleb replied. "I'll do it. Of course I will."

"Caleb, no." Hazel told him before she started to sob, wrapping her arms around him.

He didn't say anything; he simply wrapped her in his arms, resting his chin on the top of her head, still looking at his sister. It didn't take long for people to start to leave. The meeting was over. The decision had been made. Matthew and Caleb were staying behind to fit Caleb for the clean suit. It would keep him alive in the Weapons Lab long enough to set off the memory serum virus. Even then it was only a matter of time.

Slowly walking the halls, Eric held tight to my hand, his brows deeply furrowed as he stared at the ground. I wasn't sure what to say to him so I didn't say anything. Not yet. He'd talk to me when he was ready. And if he was thinking anything like I was then it wasn't a conversation I was ready to have.

Near the dormitory, he pushed me into the nearest room, closing the door behind us. There was a broken bed, as well as a dresser, other than that the room was empty. Eric started to pace and I stood and watched him, wrapping my arms around myself. My anxiety rose with every passing minute. He hadn't been this anxious in a while. It wasn't even his anxiousness that had me worried. He seemed afraid. And he wasn't afraid often. Not like this.

"Don't do anything stupid." He suddenly told me, stopping his pacing to face me.

"What are you talking about?" I frowned at him.

"You already were going to shoot up the lab. Let Caleb die."

I nodded at him, "I will."

For a long moment he just looked at me. "I mean it, Pen."

Stepping up to him, I took his hands, "Eric, I won't do anything stupid." He nodded, seeming to relax; only then I couldn't help but add, "If I can help it."

"See?!" He yelled and paced away from me. "I am begging you, Pen. Something is going to go wrong and I refuse to see you caught in the crossfire."

"I'm smarter than that." I frowned at him. "But you know me well enough to know that I'll do what I have to."

"Pen."

"And you're making it sound like we're not going to be side by side in this fight. What do you know? What did Amar say?"

"We're taking a truck into the city to inoculate the ones we need to. Four is going to purposely give one of his parents the memory serum. Amar is in but he doesn't know the real reason as to why we want to go into the city."

"How is Four going to get away from the rest of us?" I asked him.

"Christina suggested slashing the tires so they'd be forced to separate for another truck." He replied. "And…" He started and paused.

"And what?" I asked stepping toward him.

For a long moment he just looked at me. "And you're not going to be with us. We're not going to be together when it all goes down."

"Okay." I frowned harder, feeling shaking start to take me over, brushing a tear from my eye before it could fall. "And you decided this without me?"

"No." He told me. "I didn't decide shit, Pen. It was decided for me. For you."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because someone needs to stay behind to implement the plan from the inside. Tris is in charge of that and you've already been deemed the person she needs to help her."

"I need to be with you." I told him, closing the distance between us, gripping his shirt. "Eric, I'm not going to do this without out." He nodded, gently taking my face in his hands. "Eric…"

"I know, baby." He nodded again. "But if we want to save our family then you need to do this. I'll take vials to inoculate your parents and Claude and Terra and Simmy and whoever else you want to save but…you're staying here."

Nodding, I dipped my chin, rubbing my fingers between my brows as I tried not to breakdown. Holding my breath, I tried to rein in my emotions, only in the next second I was rushing to the bathroom, throwing up into the toilet, nearly missing as I struggled to lift the lid. Dry heaving, tears streaming, when it was over I sat against the wall, bringing my knees up, draping my arm across them while I buried the fingers of the other in my hair.

Eric sat next to me, putting his arm around me before pressing his lips into my hair. "It's gonna be okay."

Nodding, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, "We finally reach the end of this and we won't even be together for it."

He stood and before I could ask him what he was doing, he was punching the wall. Plaster started to fly from the hole he was making. Jumping to my feet, I rushed to him, gripping his wrist to try and stop him. He was too strong, jerking me back and forth before I let him go. He punched faster, yelling out for the last few before he finally stopped. Quickly taking his hand, his blood dripped down the sides, falling into my palms.

Rubbing my thumbs across his fingers, I met his eyes, "I love you. We'll do what we have to do. Don't disappear on me now. We'll…" I had to stop, swallowing the lump in my throat. "We'll be okay."

"You don't believe that." He told me, a small smirk moving across his face.

Offering him the same, I brought his hand to my lips, placing a kiss against his fingers, "I'll believe it for the both of us." He smiled before bring his other hand to my face, kissing me gently. "Let's clean this."

As soon as I'd finished taking care of his hand, we went back out, looking at the broken bed. It smelled musty from lack of use, but we didn't care. Gripping his fingers, I led him toward it. I crawled onto it, lying on my back as he did the same next to me.

"Well, this is comfortable." He told me, smirking as I looked at him.

Laughing, I rolled over, resting my head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me. He leaned in, kissing me deeply before letting out a long sigh. Smiling, I rested my hand against his face, kissing him again. Wrapping my arm around him, I nestled against his side, the warmth of him calming, the feeling flowing through me. He turned his head, his lips finding my forehead, his breath wafting over me. Shutting my eyes, I listened to the sound of his heart beating, air moving in and out of his lungs.

My lullaby.

In just over twenty-four hours, this fight would be over and we could start our life together. Something that I wanted more than anything. But we didn't know if we'd make it through whatever was going to happen. There was still so much that was unknown and that terrified me. Thinking that we'd both go a different direction and never find our way back to each other. If something happened to him, I would never survive it. If something happened to me, he would never be okay again. As soon as he was out of sight I knew that I'd already be compromised. I'd be worrying about him the entire time and that was something that I couldn't afford. The same would be for him. He was already feeling anxious and afraid and to not know what was going on was going to be torture for him. For the both of us.

"Those damn feelings are getting in the way again." He told me sadly.

"They sure are." I replied. "Tomorrow when it all goes down we need to be able to focus on what we need to do. We can't worry about each other. We need to have faith in each other that we'll do what we need to do and we'll be okay."

"Not possible." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Eric." I said looking up at him. "Baby, I need you to be okay. Because if you're not, I will never be okay again."

"Me neither." He said and kissed me softly.

There was a long moment of silence before I asked, "What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, Pen." He replied, his uncertainty radiating through his voice. "I just don't know."

We fell silent, just lying there holding each other. Only I felt like I'd barely drifted off when I woke up again. Eric was still sleeping though he didn't sound like it was very peaceful. God, how I wished sleep would just take me, letting me find just a small measure of peace. I didn't want to dwell on what tomorrow night might bring. I didn't want scenarios to swim through my mind on everything bad that could happen. I had to keep reminding myself that at the end of it was a future. A future where Eric and I were together, building a life, getting married, having babies. But what if something happened and all that was taken away from us? What if it all backfired and one or both of us died in the process of saving the people we care about? What if –?

I needed to stop with the 'what if' questions. Daring to move, I looked up at Eric, seeing his brows heavily furrowed. Putting my hand against his face, I gently rubbed his cheek with my thumb before I slowly removed myself from his side. Looking down at him, I found myself staring before I leaned down and kissed him softly. Trying not to jostle the bed, I got out of it, stepping up to the window. Looking out at the city, I wrapped my arms around myself. My mind was running a mile a minute and I just couldn't get it to shut off.

"Pen!" Eric yelled, shooting up in the broken bed, practically falling off the edge of it. The sound of him made me jump.

"Eric." I said rushing to him. "Baby."

His chest was heaving, sweat covering his body. The second I was in reach, he pulled me against him. Wrapping my arms around him, I ran my hand down the back of his head, whispering as reassuring words as I could.

"It was just a nightmare." I told him, running my hands along his shoulder blades. "Eric, it's okay."

He nodded, pulling away from me. Taking his head in my hands, my brows furrowed as I took in the tears on his cheeks.

"Eric." I said sadly.

"I'm fine." He said and got off the bed.

Standing, I moved toward him, "Baby."

"I'm fine." He repeated and swiftly left the room.

For a moment I stood there, staring at the open door. He'd left the door open. That was something. Rushing after him, he was already around the corner. Running, I saw him practically sprinting down the hall. Sprinting after him, when I reached him, I slipped my hand into his, leaning against his side. His fingers laced with mine, squeezing my hand tightly.

He led me back downstairs to the GD training room. He immediately went to the punching bags, starting to hit it with all the pent up frustration and worry and fear. Standing and watching him, for a moment all I could think was how he was going to further injure his hand. Only then I was next to him, punching the shit out of the bag in front of me. For minutes we just attacked the bags in front of us. Only then tears were in my eyes and I found my body weakening and unable to keep up the momentum I had going. Putting my hands on either side of the bag, I pressed my forehead against it, crying as I tightly shut my eyes.

"Pen." Eric said putting his hands on my arms.

Turning into his chest, I gripped him as tightly as I could, emotion flowing out of me.

"I love you, Pen. I love you more than anything." He went on.

Moving my arms to his neck, I kissed him passionately, needing to be as close to him as possible. "I love you." I told him through my tears.

"Everything is fine, Pen."

Calming, I scoffed and smirked at him, "Says the man who just ran out of a room after what appeared to be a wicked nightmare. Are mine rubbing off on you?" I asked him, my eyes now dry.

"This whole thing is rubbing off on me!" He yelled.

"Eric." I frowned at him.

"I'm not used to feeling like this!" He went on. "I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing and feeling!"

"Eric." I said again.

He sighed and dropped his chin against his chest. "Four and Tris and everyone else seem so put together. Me and you should be as put together as they are. I know that they're just as afraid as us. But something feels different, Pen. Something is going to happen and I'm afraid that it will be me or you."

"Stop." I frowned at him. "Eric, just stop. Where is this coming from?"

"You make me weak." He frowned down at me. I nodded at him. "You make me weak and I can't afford to be weak. I have never been this weak before in my life." I nodded at him again. "Something bad is going to happen."

"You may be the weakest you've ever been. But you're still the strongest man I know. You are as tough now as you were the day I met you. You're just…" I started and stopped. "You're just so much more than you used to be. You are the most amazing person I have ever met, even though it took me years to realize it. You're everything to me."

For a long moment he just looked at me, gently taking my head in his hands. "You're everything to me, Pen. Please don't break me."

"I won't, Eric." I told him. "Please don't break me either." There was another long pause. "Is this all just out of fear of what might happen, or is there something you're not telling me?" I asked him gently.

He shook his head, frowning hard again, "I just have a feeling."

Smiling, I brought my hands to his sides, rubbing them, "It's just a feeling, Eric. It doesn't mean anything. And when this is all over we will have that future you like to talk about. A future where we are together and happy."

"And I can get you knocked up." He stated, his hand moving to my stomach.

Laughing, I shook my head at him, "Perhaps."

"You're the one who mentioned kids." He smiled at me.

Running my fingers through his hair, I leaned up, pressing my forehead against his. "Are you feeling better?"

He sighed softly, whispering, "I'm always better when you're here."

"Good." I whispered back and kissed him deeply.

"The crazy has passed for now." He added, running his hand over my hair.

Running my hands up and down his chest, I leaned into him, "Do you want me to help wear you out again?"

He smiled and nodded, his arms sliding around me, "One last time before it all goes down."

Furrowing my brows, forcing the smile to stay on my face, I sighed, "Those kinds of words will completely ruin the moment."

He pressed his lips to mine, moving them to my jawline, then to my neck, leaning me backward as he sucked the skin at the hollow of my neck. My breath shuddered, relaxing, letting him hold my weight, feeling the strength of his muscles. His lips found mine again, leaving me as breathless as always.

"I love you." I told him. "We will get through this."

He responded with his lips, lifting me into his arms.

Just taking a small moment to send my love to all those who have read, favorited, and of course reviewed. You are all very much loved and appreciated!