Chapter Twenty-four: Time to Fight Back
Waking to Eric's lips against my cheek, I was still working on opening my eyes when I heard the hotel door open and close. My eyes shot open and I sat up, looking at it. Sighing, I held the sheet against my chest as I looked around the room. The few things that weren't broken when we slammed through the door were definitely broken now. Shifting my shoulder, there was a jolt of pain, making me reach my hand over it, feeling a series of long scratches. Instead of frowning at the pain, I couldn't help but smile. Rolling to the side, I gripped the pillow, smelling Eric. It had been a good night. The highs, the lows, everything about it had been amazing. If body's could sing with happiness then mine would be a full on orchestra, praising the god that was my future husband, the sound of it making everything hum as the happiness radiated through an unknown blast zone.
God I loved him.
The love I felt for Eric was so much more than I had ever thought it could ever be. I had grown up with parents who loved each other. I had known so many married couples – couples in general – that loved each other so much. Yet the way I was feeling and the way I saw him, it…it transcended everything I ever thought I knew about love. About how two people connect on such a level to want to spend the rest of my life with that person.
I understood that now. I understood what made people spend the rest of their lives with the same person. I wanted that so badly I felt like I was going to explode out of my skin, a white light searching for the dark one that I'd given myself over to fully. Loving a person – faults and all – so much that nothing else mattered. Wanting to love him and bear his children so even the smallest part of him would live on. Knowing that I'd better the world by loving him.
If tonight went as planned, that life was mine. I could grip it, hold onto it, and ride out the rest of my life at the height of happiness. If tonight didn't go as planned and one or both of us was gone, there was still a sense of accomplishment knowing that I'd saved him and showed everyone that he was better than they thought him to be. He was so much better than even he thought he could be. It was that that would see me through whatever happened next. I saved him and if I went down for this fight then the people I loved who were still alive would be safe. He would never be the same but he wasn't the coldhearted killer that he used to be. He no longer let his temper run him. He didn't beat people for his own amusement anymore. He was a good man and he would remain a good man. He'd fall from time to time, but everyone else would help pick him back up. I'd done what I had set out to do. I'd saved him. That was enough for me. The only thing that could make it better would be to be able to live the rest of my life at his side, knowing that he was as in love with me as much as I was with him. He was everything. He was my world. And I was his.
My happiness faltered. I went from upset about it all, to happy, and now I was coming round to the upset part again. He was right. I was making him weak. He made me weak and weak was something that neither of us could afford to be. But it was so hard to stay strong in the face of everything that had been going on. After everything that happened, weakness was expected but it was also the easy way out. It was a reasonable excuse and yet we were Dauntless. We were better than this. We were stronger than this. So tonight would come and we'd do what we had to do. We'd be strong and we would fight to save the thousands of innocent lives that were at risk. We would stop the segregation between GP and GD's. The notion of there being something wrong with anyone would be wiped from memory. The experiments would end and we would know what the world was like before we were born into the manipulation of those that thought they were better than us. We would win and we would have the future we so desperately craved.
Everything was still going through my mind when the door opened again, sitting up again to see Eric come through, balancing two cups of oatmeal and a plate of toast as he attempted to not drop it as he shut the door. As soon as it was shut, he turned to me, a grin crossing his face.
"Good morning, beautiful." He told me.
"Good morning, handsome." I grinned back at him.
He set the food down on the partial table before he moved to me. Slowly crawling over me, his lips met mine as he gently coaxed me back against the pillows. Draping my arm across his neck, I kissed him deeply. Bringing my knee up, his hand slipped beneath the sheet but didn't go to any desirable place. Sighing, I trailed my nails up and down his back, bringing my other hand against his face, running my thumb across his lips.
"I love you." I told him.
He smiled, kissing me again, "I love you too, Penelope Farrier."
Grinning, I pulled him tighter against me, his full weight on top of me. I loved feeling him against me. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Eric."
"Also the worst." He stated, running his fingers through my hair.
"I can handle it." I replied.
He smiled, "I know you can."
For a long moment we just stared at each other, then I sighed again, "Alright, breakfast."
He nodded and got off of me, gripping my hands and pulled me up. Reluctantly putting my clothes back on, we sat on the bed, sitting facing each other as we talked and ate. It was nice to just talk without it having anything to do with what was going on. We just made small talk, making both of us momentarily forget what was going to happen today. Only we couldn't escape it for long. Leaving the room, we went to the dormitory to find Hazel and no one else.
"Hey." I told her kindly.
"Hey." She replied sadly.
Realizing that she had been crying, I bent my leg, sitting in front of her. "You okay?"
"Sure." She frowned. "I've been to hell and back and have found someone I really, really care about and now he's set to die in less than twenty-four hours. So yeah…sure."
Nodding, I sighed, "I get it, Hazel. But we need him to do this."
"Why him?"
"Because right now he's the one with the most transgressions. You come in at a close second so if you feel like he shouldn't do it alone, feel free to join him." I told her calmly with little to no emotion.
"Pen." She frowned.
"I'm not saying that because I don't care or because I want you to die. But I understand doing what you have to do for the man you love." I replied and looked at Eric who was standing with furrowed brows. "So if you can't stand the thought of living without him. Then I can understand you going with him. To help him. To make sure that he doesn't go through it alone."
For a moment she just looked at me, then sarcastic laughter escaped her. "Pen, I am not nearly as selfless as you are. If Eric was going on this suicide mission, you would go with him without even thinking twice about it. He would go with you without you ever having to say a word." She told me, pausing before a depression look crossed her face. "I'm nothing like you, Pen. And Caleb is nothing like Eric. We are so different and as much as it kills me that Caleb is going to die, I will let him do it and I will sit here while everything goes down and I will breath in the memory serum and I will forget him. I will forget you and our parents and everything that I've done and been a part of."
"You'd forget Maggie?" I frowned at her.
She nodded, "I'll forget that I had a middle sister who was killed by the boyfriend of my baby sister. I will forget Jeanine and Erudite. I will forget how horrible I've become."
"You don't have to do this." I told her.
"I don't recognize myself anymore and I don't think I've ever been a good person. Pen, I've never been anything like you or Maggie or Mom or Dad. I've always been different and I don't want to be me anymore. I want to start over."
Looking at Eric, his expression had softened. His chest rose and fell as he sighed, lightly nodding at me. Looking back at my sister, I tucked her hair behind her ear. "Okay."
She met my eyes, tears entering them, "Thank you."
"I'll still be here." I told her. "Even if you don't know me. I'll help you get through this."
She nodded, swiftly putting her arms around me, "Thank you."
Letting her go, I stood, moving to Eric's side. "Where is everyone?" He asked her.
"Underground. They're teaching Caleb how to shoot a gun."
"Thanks." He told her before moving to the door.
Pausing momentarily, I looked at my sister, "I'll see you later."
"Okay." She replied without looking at me.
Leaving, we were moving down the hall, nearly to the stairs when Ainsley appeared around the corner. I hadn't talked to her since after the explosion. She looked just as shocked to see us as we were to see her. She'd been standoffish and I couldn't blame her.
"Hey." I smiled at her.
"Ainsley." Eric said but his tone remained calm. Not necessarily kind but he was being nice. Nicer.
"I've been looking for you." She said looking between us.
"Why?" Eric frowned at her, now the hardness was in his tone.
"Because there are rumors." She shot at him. "Rumors that may spell disaster for you. Both of you."
Looking up at Eric, he was already reacting. He gripped Ainsley and slammed her against the wall, his forearm across her chest. "What rumors?"
"What are you planning?" She retorted.
"Eric." I said putting my hand on his arm.
"There are whispers." She replied. "That you are planning something."
"Who has been hearing these rumors?" He asked.
"Not many." She replied. "Most don't believe it. But it only takes one to believe and tell the wrong person."
"Eric." I said again, gently pushing against his chest.
"Who?" Eric demanded.
"Eric, that's enough." I said shoving him harder, finally moving him away from her. "That is enough." I told him as I put myself between him and Ainsley. "She's on our side. She doesn't need to be threatened to get information."
"It's fine." Ainsley told me as she stepped up to Eric. "I'm here because I care about you. I care about you and about Pen. I care so I'm here to warn you that whatever you have going on isn't going on completely unnoticed. Matthew's supervisor has noticed his absence and will eventually become suspicious enough to start asking questions. So just…be careful."
"It won't matter come tomorrow." He replied.
She looked at me, getting a nod in response, "Then keep your heads down. You can probably make it through one more day." She crossed her arms, nodding at the ground.
"Ainsley." I said sadly.
"I'm not asking what the plan is or what's going on. I just don't want to see you two get hurt." She told us, then her eyes were on Eric. "Not even you."
He scoffed and started to pace the hall. He was tense and annoyed. "I'm not looking for your approval."
"Stop it." I frowned at him. "How many times do I have to tell you that she is not the enemy?"
"I know she's not." He said calming himself. "She's just one more person that could lose everything because of us. Haven't you realized yet that everyone who comes into our lives is put through hell?" He frowned at me.
"I don't need your protection." Ainsley told him. "I know I'm not the type of person who is let into your little group. I'm too happy or too bubbly or just too annoying when I talk too much. I get it. I've kept my distance. I've let go of the exciting idea that I'd be a part of yours and Pen's life. As creepy as I am for having watched you guys, I had this glorified fantasy that I could be a part of it." She paused, nodding at him. "I get it, Eric. I get that you're protecting everyone, Pen more than anyone. And yourself. I get it. So I'm not asking about the plan. I'm not asking to tag alone. What happens will happen and I'm not going to interfere. All I'm doing is helping in the miniscule way that I can." She finished, breathing hard, leaving both Eric and I just staring at her.
"Okay." Eric finally told her.
"Okay?" She frowned.
He nodded, "Okay."
She just looked at him before smiling, "Okay."
"We should go." Eric told me.
"Yeah." I nodded. "We'll see you later." I told Ainsley.
She nodded, "Sounds good."
Putting my hand on her arm, I smiled at her before Eric took my hand, once again leading me down the hall. Making our way down to the underground, we found everyone in the training room, hearing the shots before we'd stepped in. There was a sense of excitement at the sound of the gunfire. It had been a while since I'd fired a weapon and I couldn't help but feel eager to pull off a few shots.
Rushing up behind Four, I picked up the gun nearest me, taking my stance, lined up the shot and let off several, hitting the center of the line of targets. Everyone jumped and turned to me, some smirking while others frowned. I just grinned at them. Holding the gun up, I stepped behind them, letting off a shot after passing each one. Once I'd reached the end, I started to walk backward, doing the same thing while they kept shooting as well.
"You're such a showoff." Tris teased when I'd put the gun down.
I shrugged, "I know. But those dozen bullets felt pretty good."
She nodded, "It is a nice feeling. A sense of normalcy. Almost like we were back home."
"Almost." I agreed.
Eric picked up two guns, tucking one into the back of his pants as he went to stand in front of one of the targets. Following him, I stood a foot or so behind him, watching as he took his stance. He seemed calm and relaxed, only in the next second he had the gun raised and had emptied the clip into the target in front of him. Just as quickly, he dropped the gun, gripping the one in his waistband, shifting position, and emptied the second clip into the target as well. The room had grown silent and I couldn't even try to hide the grin on my face.
"Showoff." Four told him as he took in the hole Eric had created in the target.
"Just because I was made leader doesn't mean I didn't have the skill to be Dauntless."
Four gripped his shoulder, smiling, "I never doubted you, my brother."
Eric smiled and nodded at him. It was still nice to hear them say such things to each other. We'd all come a long way from where we had begun. As soon as training is over, there is little to do but to sit and wait. Eric and I followed Matthew to the lab, having him inoculate us against the memory serum. After, we slowly made our way back to the dormitory. Walking through the door, the room is now empty. Part of me wonders where Hazel went but most of me isn't at all bothered. Leading Eric to our cots, he sat down, gently pulling me into his lap, placing me between his legs. With my back pressed against his chest, he wrapped his arms around me, his face finding my neck, feeling him take a deep breath of me. Smiling, I brought my hand to the back of his head, turning my head and pressed a kiss against his temple.
"We're gonna be okay." He told me as he rested his chin against my shoulder.
"I know." I replied, my hand massaging the back of his neck.
"You believe me now?"
Taking a breath, I let it out slowly, "I have to believe it. I refuse to live without you so I'll be sure to stick to the plan to make sure everything goes smoothly. By this time tomorrow we'll already have started our perfect life together."
"I'll get you knocked up." He teased and gently bit at my neck.
Laughing, he gently rocked me back and forth, his lips against my hair. Turning my head, I kissed him deeply, tasting him as I slipped my tongue between his teeth. He deepened the kiss until I couldn't breathe. There was something about the breathlessness that he brought on that made me never want to breathe again.
"God I love you." I whispered to him.
"I love you." He smiled, kissing me again. "Promise me that you won't do anything stupid."
"I promise." I nodded at him. "Will you promise me the same?"
"I will inoculate our friends and family and then I'm coming back to you."
"After you help Four of course." I told him with furrowed brows.
He smiled, shaking his head, "Yes, after I help Four."
Smiling, I kissed him, "Good boy."
There was a long moment of silence before a mischievous smirk crossed his face. "So, you wanna make out for a while?"
Laughing, I draped my legs over one of his, leaning into his chest as I wrapped my arm around his neck, my hand against his face as my other gripped his bicep as he brought his hand to my face. Then our lips were locked, knowing that this would be the last good opportunity to be nearly as close as we both wanted to be. Last night would have to do for the sex, but this was just as good. His lips were just as addicting now as they ever had been. If not more so. They fit perfectly with mine, tasted amazing, and they made me feel as happy as any person could. If I could stop time and make it so tonight never had to happen, I would. But I knew that wasn't an option. Whether I liked it or not, tonight was going to come.