Chapter Twenty-nine: One More Test

Eric and I were the only two in the room for the remainder of the day. A nurse filtered in and out to check vitals and make sure I was still accepting fluids. As soon as the sun went down, the hallway grew quiet, making the beeping of the monitors louder than they had been all day. Eric was asleep, draped over nearly all of me. He'd been sleeping most of the day. I couldn't blame him. If I were him, I wouldn't have slept until he woke up.

"Have the tests come back yet?" I asked the nurse who came to check on me.

"The doctor will be in to talk to you in the morning." She smiled at me.

"Okay." I nodded.

She smiled and ran her hand across my hair, "I know you want to get out of here. Just hold out until morning."

"It's so quiet." I stated as I wrapped my arm around Eric.

"Try and get some rest." She smiled and left.

I'd been resting. I hadn't even asked how long I was out. Words hadn't been a big part of our reunion. Lots of crying, silence, holding each other, and sleeping. Wrapping my arm around Eric's head, I ran my nails up and down his back, making a soft sound come from him. Smiling, I pressed my face into his hair, taking a deep breath. For a moment I thought I was going to hold things together. Only my breathing started to shudder and I felt the emotion starting to creep up. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried not to cry, but the harder I tried the faster they wanted to come. His head bounced against my chest as I silently sobbed, gripping him tighter.

Without meaning to, I woke him, feeling him grip me tighter. Moving my arms from around him, I pushed on his chest, getting him to shit off of me. Rolling away from him, I curled myself into a ball as I covered my face with my hands, sobbing again. I was so sick of crying. I was so sick of feeling like this. I hadn't seen Four yet and I needed to. I needed to get out of here so I could grieve. I needed to deal with my family. I needed to just move.

"Baby." Eric said softly in my ear. "Tell me what I can do. Please tell me what I can do."

"Hold me." I cried, gripping his arm as he put it around me. "Make us disappear so we can just be together and happy."

"Oh, baby." He said softly, burying his face into my neck. "I love you, Pen. I don't know how, but we're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay."

"It hurts, Eric. It hurts so much." I cried.

He got out of bed, making me reach for him, gripping his arm. "It's okay." He told me.

Watching him, he grabbed a spare blanket from a chair. He came back, laying down, now facing each other. He tossed the blanket, covering both of us completely. He pulled me against him, maneuvering around the IV that was still in my hand. Pushing the hair out of my face, I could barely see him in the dark.

"There." He said sweetly. "We're both gone."

Unable to help myself, I laughed, harder than I had in a while. Putting my hand against his face, I kissed him deeply, "Thank you."

He smiled, running his fingers through my hair, "I love you, baby."

"I love you too, baby." I smiled and rested my forehead against his. "Your breath smells really bad." I told him, getting him to laugh loudly. Laughing with him, I wrapped my arm around him. "And when was the last time you showered?"

"Three days ago when I left you behind with Tris." He replied with sadness. Sighing, trying to keep the tears at bay, I moved closer to him, slipping my ankle between both of his. "I never should have left you."

"No." I stated. "You shouldn't have." He frowned at me. "But we didn't have the luxury of staying together. We both had a job to do. It was something we decided together. What happened wasn't your fault."

"It was the death serum, Pen. The death serum. When I found you, you weren't breathing. I had to breathe for you and then they took you away and told me that you weren't able to breathe for yourself." He explained. "You have no idea what that's like, Pen."

"Only I do." I told him. "When I found you on the floor in Erudite, you were already dead. I thought you were already dead. There was no trying to keep you alive. I couldn't feel your heart beating." I paused, sighing again. "But I did breathe for you when they nearly drowned in the Chasm and I tried to keep you alive after the explosion. You were deader than me."

He sighed, running his hand across my hair. "You're right. You do know. But for some reason it doesn't feel the same." He replied.

"I know." I nodded. "We've both had too many close calls. I'd really like to not have any more of them."

"That's twice now." He said holding up his fingers.

Smiling, I wrapped my hand around them, pulling them down, "Do we have to keep count?"

"No. Not anymore." He said and kissed me.

"Good."

"Maybe it was for the better since your breath reeks." He added and laughed.

"What?!" I exclaimed. "You asshole!" Only I was laughing, even harder than I had before. "Too soon, babe." I added but was still laughing.

"I'll go crazy if we don't make light of it." He replied softly. "Because I've never been more scared in my life. I thought it was bad before but having to watch a machine breathe for you…"

"It's okay. It's all over." I told him. "Thanks to Tris."

"She did good."

"I miss her." I told him. "I want to see her."

He sighed and ran his fingers through my hair. "She's been cremated and Four had her put into the morgue."

"What?" I frowned. "He – he left her in the dark?"

"Pen." He said softly.

"I know." I said shutting my eyes and shaking my head. "I'm sorry. I can't change it. I just need to accept what happened."

"A stage of grief."

Meeting his eyes, I started to feel a wave of emotion looming over me. "I need to get out of here, Eric."

"Tomorrow." He nodded.

"Okay." I nodded.

"Now get some sleep." He commanded. "There will be a lot of things to deal with tomorrow."

"Not if we never reappear." I smiled at him.

He smiled and nodded, "They'll never find us here."

"Then let's just stay here forever." I whispered to him.

"As long as you're with me." He whispered back.

Falling asleep pressed against his chest, curled into him with his arms around me. No dreams came to me. The only thing I could focus on was the sound of his breathing and his heart beating. My lullaby.

When morning came, we were still underneath the blanket, only now voices were around us. Frowning, I tilted my head back to look at Eric. He was still sleeping. Deciding not to wake him, I shut my eyes and played the night over in my mind. He was amazing. For being a hated man who everyone feared, he had become loving and gentle and sensitive and compassionate. I had wanted to disappear and he made it happen.

"Thank you." I whispered to him.

"I'd do anything for you." He whispered back.

Both of us smiled and I kissed him gently. "I'd do anything for you too."

"I know." He replied, his forehead against mine.

There was a long pause before there was a voice in my ear through the blanket. "We can hear you, you know." I jumped and Eric slowly pulled the blanket down to reveal us to our family. "It's about damn time." Claude smiled.

Sitting up, I draped my leg over the edge of the bed, still squinting from the sudden appearance of light. Eric did the same, moving behind me, his arms wrapping around me. Leaning back against him, I sighed, looking at my friend.

"Hey." I smiled at her.

"Hey." She smiled back. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine." I told her. "I survived, Claude." Scoffing, I shook my head. "I survived when I shouldn't have. Seems to be the norm." Staring at my hands, Eric put one of his into them.

"It's also what matters, Pen." Claude replied softly.

Looking at her, Maggie's voice moved through my mind. I nodded, offering her a small smile, "All life matters."

Her smile grew and she nodded, "All life matters."

"You're here early." Doc said coming in. "Morning, Kid."

"Morning." I smiled. "So how am I doing?"

"Claude, may we have the room?" She asked me friend.

"It's fine." I frowned at her. "Anything you say to me can be said to her."

She sighed and nodded, "Okay."

Something was wrong. Something happened.

"Tell me the bad news." I told her.

She sat on the edge of the bed, looking between Eric and me. "Okay, so the test results came back and everything is fine. You've worked the serum out of your system and are going to be just fine."

Frowning, I shook my head, squeezing Eric's hand, "I don't understand." She sighed again. "Just tell me." I told her forcefully. "Please."

"You were pregnant." She told me gently.

"What?" I frowned. Eric's arm tightened around me, burying his face in my hair. "What?"

"I'm so sorry, Pen." Doc went on.

Looking at Claude, she had her elbow on her knee, her fingers against her mouth. There were tears in her eyes as she looked at me with so much sympathy I wanted to throw up. Looking back at Doc, I didn't know what expression I was making, but I swore she was going to cry as well.

"You weren't very far along."

"How far?" I asked.

"It's hard to say. A month, maybe two. Three at the most. But I don't think that's likely."

I frowned as shaking started. "Why is it hard to say?" She sighed again. "Stop doing that!" I yelled.

"I'm sorry." She told me, holding up her hand. "I'm sorry, Pen. But the fetus died when you were exposed to the death serum. You managed to survive it, but…"

"I get it." I told her, feeling like I was about to break Eric's hand.

"And it's hard to say because your body started to cleanse itself. You might notice a little bleeding. Most of it has resolved itself while you were unconscious."

"I didn't notice…" Eric started.

"You wouldn't have." Doc smiled at him. "We've been taking care of it as discreetly as possible."

"Okay." He said though I could hear the emotion in his voice.

"I'm so sorry." She told us.

"Thank you." I nodded. "Can I leave?" I asked.

She nodded, "Yeah. I'll get a nurse to get you unhooked."

"Thank you."

As soon as she was gone, Eric had his arms wrapped around me, hugging my head against him as he buried his face in my neck. Gripping him tightly, I waited for the nurse, relieved when it took only a couple minutes for her to walk in. She was quick to get the leads off of me, gently pulling the needle from my arm. Looking at Claude, she nodded and disappeared. She came back out of breath, holding a set of clothes. Quickly changing, I left the room, Eric right behind me. As soon as I was in sight, there were faces and voices. I couldn't hear what they were saying and everyone looked out of focus.

Looking up at Eric, he was completely in focus, if not more so since the moment I fell in love with him. "Can we go home?"

He wrapped his arm around me, pressing his lips into my hair, "Yeah."

Pressing against his side, I kept my head against his chest, not wanting to be with anyone other than the man I loved. Going to the garage, we weren't stopped as we got into a truck and took off. Eric sped faster than I felt safe with, but at the same time I wanted him to go faster. I just wanted to be back in the room where I fell in love with him. Where we made love and were happy. I don't think we'd been as happy as we were since right before the Abnegation attack. There had been moments. But the days leading up to that final night had been pure bliss and all I wanted was to do was get back there.

With Eric.

With the man I loved.

Looking over at him, I took his hand, moving against his side. He put his arm around me. I could feel his worry, pressing a kiss against his arm as I hugged it to my chest. I was worried too. I was worried about him. This wasn't just about me. This was about him. What was he thinking? What was he feeling?

When we reached the door to the glass building, we went in, slowly and silently making our way down into the Pit. We could hear the Chasm, passing it by as we walked the familiar hallways to our room. Stopping outside of it, I looked up at Eric. He did the same, smiling before he swept me off my feet, making me laugh as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Pushing the door open, he carried me inside, pushing the door shut with his foot. He walked to the end of the bed, slowly lowering me down on top of it. He rested himself on top of me, hugging my shoulders against him. For a moment there was a feeling of happiness, only then he rolled off of me, his palm pressed against his forehead. Rolling onto my side, I wrapped my arm around him, my hand against the side of his face, pressing my forehead against the side of it.

"I know, baby." I whispered.

"Don't." He frowned. "Don't use that word right now."

Leaning away so I could look at him, I watched a tear slide down his temple. Kissing it from his skin, I pressed myself against his side. "Okay, Eric."

"How can so much happen when this is all supposed to be over?" He asked.

I shook my head, feeling emotion starting to creep up, "I don't know, Eric. But I do know that we're going to be okay."

He turned his head and met my eyes, "How are you okay right now?"

Smiling, I just shrugged, "I guess it's because that no matter what's happened, I have you. I love you more than anything, Eric. I can overcome anything as long as I am with you." He furrowed his brows, looking at me as if he were seeing me for the first time. "What?" I finally asked.

"It's just…I never thought I'd be anything but a Dauntless leader and a pawn of Jeanine's. Then I met you. This strong and amazing woman who has never been anything but exactly who she is. You've never pretended to be something you're not. I was pretending for years. Then you opened my eyes to who I could be. And I liked him. I like being him." He paused, another tear sliding that he quickly wiped away. "But all that came crashing down. I thought you were going to leave me and I freaked out. I hurt people." His brows were furrowed, only then he looked at me, his expression softening. "But you're the voice in my head. The one telling me that I am better than this. I'm better than I've ever been. You are everything to me."

"And you're everything to me." I smiled and nodded at him. "You're the reason I go to sleep, knowing I'll get to wake up next to you. The most beautiful person I've ever seen. I've thought that since the day I defected. The first time I saw you, only one word came to mind: Beautiful. You're the reason I woke up. You're the reason I exist."

He laughed lightly, his fingers disappearing into my hair as he kissed me deeply. "And for a month or two or maybe three, you were growing the perfect person." He said as his hand found my stomach.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him.

"What are you thinking?" He countered with a frown. "Pen, this isn't a little thing."

I sighed and nodded, "I know."

"Tell me what you're thinking and feeling?"

Laughing lightly, I wiped tears that were starting to fall. "I asked you first."

"I feel like crap." He told me. "At the same time I am relieved on the verge of being happy."

"Happy?" I smirked at him.

"You're alive and awake and as beautiful as ever." He replied. "So yeah, happy."

Unable to suppress the laughter, I laughed, crying at the same time. "I was pregnant." The realization was starting to sink in. "I was pregnant, Eric."

"I know." He said propping himself up on his arm. "It kind of explains a lot."

"Yeah." I nodded with a tight throat. Rolling onto my back, I put my hand to my forehead, "If I had never gone after Tris I would still be pregnant. If I had just…"

"I know, Pen." He said softly, his hand finding my face. "But you wouldn't be you if you hadn't."

"If I hadn't been exposed to that fucking serum…" I said as tears started to stream from the corners of my eyes. "I would have loved to be pregnant."

"I would have loved to see you pregnant." He smirked.

Laughing lightly, attempting to play it off, the tears burned as they kept flowing. Burying my hand in my hair, the weight of our loss crashed down on me. "I killed our baby, Eric." I sobbed.

"Pen." He said putting his hand on my stomach.

Moving it off of me, I bent my knees as I continued to sob, burying my other hand in my hair. "It lived through Erudite. It lived through all the beatings I've taken. It lived through all the gunshot wounds and the fatigue and everything else we've been through. It lived through all that and yet the one thing it couldn't survive was…" I stopped, taking a shuddering breath. I couldn't say it.

"Death." Eric finished for me. "It couldn't survive death. Not like its mom. That's probably my fault."

"Stop it." I shot at him angrily. "You had no part in what happened. You weren't there. This is on me, Eric. I killed our baby. It's my fault, Eric."

"Pen." He said sadly, pulling me onto my side, enveloping me in his arms. "Please don't put all the blame on yourself."

"I killed our baby." I sobbed into his chest. "It's my fault."

"Pen." He said again.

Only then his shoulders started to shake and I felt his tears against my neck as he buried his face there. His arms were shaking as they held me tight against his chest. Sobbing, I melted against him, feeling so weak I didn't know if I'd have the strength to move again. I'd thought about having kids. I thought about the life that Eric and I would have when this was all over. It was supposed to be when this was all over. It wasn't supposed to happen before then. How was I supposed to know? How did this happen? How could I have not realized? How could I have gone after Tris and sacrificed my baby?

"You didn't know." Eric cried into me. "Pen, you didn't know. It's not your fault."

I nodded against his shoulder, "I should have thought. It is my fault."

I hadn't known. It wasn't even a thought that crossed my mind. Others had questioned it but I never once actually considered the possibility. After everything it shouldn't be a surprise and yet…I hadn't once considered that it could actually be happening.

"No, Pen. Please don't blame yourself. I'm the one who left you behind." He told me as he calmed down. "I should have stayed with you. I should never have left you behind."

Sighing, calming myself, I shifted away from him so I could meet his eyes, "You didn't leave me behind, Eric. You came back for me."

"And I was too late." He shot back. "I knew it didn't feel right but I went anyway. The whole way I knew I should've stayed back but I didn't say anything. We were hours away when I finally decided that I couldn't go through with it. If I had just stayed then maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe I could have saved not only our baby but Tris as well. You're not the only one to blame!" He yelled.

Looking down, I put my hand against his chest, it was heaving with the heavy breaths he was taking. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, hearing it shudder the entire time. Looking up at him again, he was looking at the wall where all he could see was himself.

"You are not the only one to blame." He repeated with a soft tone.

"You aren't to blame, Eric." I told him. "Not in the slightest. We both knew what we were doing. It was my mistake. This is one burden I want to keep from you ever having to carry."

He met my eyes, a tear sliding down his cheek, "Too late."

For a long moment we just looked at each other. Feeling the pain and despair start to ebb away, I couldn't help by smile at him. Sighing, I wiped the tears from my face before his, leaning up and kissed him softly. He pulled me into him, his face once again against my neck as he sniffled loudly. Only once. Sighing, he leaned away from me again, nodding as if everything that needed to be said was said.

"I'm sorry." I told him.

"Don't." He replied quickly. "Don't apologize. I shouldn't have yelled."

"You're allowed to feel whatever it is that you're feeling." I replied as I ran my hand across his hair, resting it against his neck. "I'm sorry about our baby, Eric. I am so sorry."

"Me too." He nodded. Then he disarmed me by smirking, the look adorable and perfect and one that I could never not smile at. "We'll just have to try again."

Laughing lightly, I nodded, "I think I'd like that." His smile broadened and he wrapped me in his arms, gently biting my neck playfully as I laughed and gripped him tightly. "God, I love you."

"Almost as much as I love you." He replied and kissed me deeply.

Silence fell between us, lying in each other's arms, looking around the room that had helped make us…us. Tears were shed and laughter shared, feeling a moment's peace without the prying eyes of our family and friends. I was sure Claude told everyone what the doctor had said and I was dreading going back to face them. I just didn't want to go back.

"I want to stay here." I told him softly.

"Me too."

"Can we?"

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, "I don't know. Maybe. There are definitely things we need to figure out."

"Nothing was decided while I was out?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Even if there was I wouldn't know about it. I was a bit distracted."

"Sorry." I told him.

"It's okay, baby." He told me softly.

Looking up at him, I smiled, "We can use that word now?"

He smiled and pressed a kiss against my forehead, "Yeah. Someday we'll have a baby."

"You really want one?" I asked.

He nodded, "Only if it's with you."

"I've already staked claim on you so you don't have much of a choice. You're mine."

He laughed lightly, rubbing my arm, his hand finding my face as he kissed me slow and deep. "And you're mine."

Staying long enough for the sun to dip below the horizon, we fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms. The familiar scent of our pillows, the sheets and comforter we knew so well, the mural and many faces of Eric that we'd grown accustomed to. I felt more peace in this room than I did anywhere else. I wanted to be here. I wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. Only they could never be that way again. We'd lost too much and come too far to go back to the way things were.

Now we had the opportunity to create a whole new life with a whole new set of rules. Maybe it was time to move on from what we knew and do something with purpose. Helping the people of Chicago become everything they were meant to be. The war may be over but there was still plenty of work that needed to be done. We needed to rebuild and create a life of peace and prosperity out from underneath the government. We could be our own people.

Waking with the early rays of morning, I got out of bed, going to the patio doors and looking out over the city. Taking a deep breath, I jumped when a familiar face dropped from the balcony above.

Tobias.

I hadn't seen him since before Tris died. Meeting his eyes, he smiled at me. Opening the doors, I stepped out, closing them behind me. I had barely turned around when I found myself in his arms. For a moment we were smiling, only then the tears came and sobs broke from both of us. Happy tears that I was alive, but mostly tears of grief for Tris. Remembering her small form fitting perfectly against his. Knowing how much they loved each other. But something told me that he was the one that loved more. Tris was too strong and bullheaded and selfless. She died because of it and he was left here alone to mourn her. But he wasn't alone. He had me. He had Eric. He had Christina and Claude and everyone else who cared about him. He may feel alone, but he was far from it. We would get through this. We had to.

"I'm so sorry about Tris." I finally told him when we'd calmed down.

"Me too." He nodded.

"You cremated her?" I asked with furrowed brows. "And left her in the morgue?"

He nodded, "What else was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know." I replied, shaking my head. "But she's all alone in the dark."

"She's dead, Opie. She can't be afraid anymore."

Letting out a soft sob, I nodded, "I know. I should have done more to help her."

He took my head in his hands, shaking his as he met my eyes, "You did everything you could and you nearly died because of it. Tris isn't the only one who died that day." I frowned at him. "You were pregnant, Opie. You both have sacrificed more than you ever should have. I lost the person I loved most and you lost a miracle that would have meant the world to you and Eric and everyone else. Something good would have come out of all of this and now…"

"Something good still came out of this." I told him. It was his turn to frown at me. "You're alive. I'm alive. Eric is alive. Many are still alive because of Tris and of you and of all of us. Good things have still happened. Just not enough to overshadow everything that has been lost."

He nodded, taking a deep breath. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you woke up. When you found out about the baby and everything else. I should have been there."

"No, Tobias. You need to be wherever you need to be. I'll be okay. I'm tough."

He laughed lightly, "I know."

"What can I do?" I asked him.

He shook his head, "Nothing. There's nothing anyone can do. Eric and Christina talked some sense into me. Now all I have to do is move forward and be who Tris wanted me to be."

Smiling, I pressed a kiss against his forehead, "You're already him."

Thank you so much to all who have been following and reading and of course REVIEWING! You are all very much appreciated! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. As a warning to all, there are only two chapter left. Hopefully it's be a bittersweet yet satisfying ending! LOVE TO ALL!