"The old knight was really drunk," Nesiara said as she watched Raviathan mop up the shop floor. She was sitting on the counter, legs dangling over the side. "He couldn't figure out how to get out of the alienage. He fell and knocked his helmet sideways then staggered around and ran into a house. My sister threw up a stone so it would land on him and said, 'it's raining. Ser knight, you should hurry or you might rust.' We all started throwing stones so they would land on him and ran in a wide circle around him crying 'it's raining, it's raining.' The knight kept stumbling about going, 'Eh? Eh? What's this?' Then we started chanting, 'Life's unjust, you shall rust, Statue still, you'll roll downhill.' Then my sister said, "Ser knight, please come this way. We'll help you out.' We must have circled him around the alienage ten times, running him into every building on the way."

"And I thought I was a trouble maker." Raviathan leaned on a wall as he laughed.

"Get this. When we went to the Chantry that week, I saw him talking to another man. He said, 'that storm came on all a sudden. Devilish hail it was too. Those poor little elven children must have been bruised by it, but they wouldn't leave me, Maker bless them. Not until I was back in the city proper.'"

"We're closed," Raviathan called when there was a knock at the door. Finished with the mopping, he went to his wife and kissed her wrist. "And here I thought you were smitten for shems."

"Not all of them," she said with a twinkle in her eyes. "And we didn't hurt him. Just had a bit of fun."

He was about to say something when there was another knock. He raised one eyebrow in annoyance. "I said we're closed."

"Please," Nola said from outside. "I was supposed to get an onion for dinner, and I forgot."

Lips pressed, Raviathan opened the door. "One bit and hurry up."

She came in, head bowed, but stopped in surprise when she saw Nesiara sitting on the counter. "Oh. I didn't…"

"Get your onion, one bit," Raviathan reminded her, and Nesiara wondered at the harshness of his tone.

"Ah…" Nola lowered her head further and hurried to the counter to leave the coin then picked up an onion without examining it.

"Wait," Nesiara said. "I'm still learning names. You are…?" Nola briefly turned in her direction without looking at her then ran out the store. "What was that about?"

Raviathan went to hold her and rested his head on her chest. "Alarith says she has a crush on me."

"Yeah, that's the look of it. Have you talked to her about it?"

"She'll get over it." Raviathan kissed her the base of her neck. His lips lingered over her fine skin to caress her.

"You should talk to her."

"I think it's better to let it go."

"What you're doing is cruel. You can at least tell her you're flattered but the circumstances weren't right. That it's nothing to do with her."

He sighed. "She wouldn't be the first. A few years ago there was someone else. The marriage was already arranged, but… I wanted to… I didn't want…" He turned his head to smell Nesiara's hair. "The last thing I wanted to do was cause more pain. I felt horrible about it, but I didn't know what to say. I just made everything worse."

"How long ago was that?"

"Almost three years ago."

Nesiara ran her fingers through his hair. "That was three years ago. Just talk to her. I'm sure you're much smarter now."

"You know, I should write to your sister and get some of the stories about you growing up and being foolish."

"Oh, I was never foolish," she said with a smile. "Just born perfect I suppose."

"Of course you were my sweet," Raviathan said then leaned in to kiss her. "Still, I should write your sister. Just for the sake of argument, what stories, obvious lies I'm sure, would she tell me about you?"

"Hmm. Maybe the time I confused the salt and the sugar when I made a pie for her birthday. It's a lie of course, but our family and her friends did make the most interesting faces."

Raviathan laughed and kissed her temple. "What else?"

"Complete and total lies my sister would tell you? Maybe there was that time I was changing my little brother's diaper and he peed all over my front. In my Chantry clothes too. Or when I was making a dress and accidentally sewed the sleeves on wrong and inside out. Or when we started giggling uncontrollably during the Satinalia Annum service and our embarrassed parents had to send us out. There is nothing worse than Chantry giggling. It's absolutely impossible to stop. But these are total lies. Not one of them is true."

"Should I have you swear in front of a mother that you're telling the truth?"

"No. You should take my word for it because I would never do any of that. Obviously."

Raviathan ran a hand through Nesiara's hair admiring the shine. So soft. "The spirits envy your perfection. I, however, am not perfect. And I'm just going to screw it up."

Nesiara sighed and rubbed his back. "Rav. I've rarely met someone who is so gentle. Just be patient and listen. You can already do that well enough."

Head down in resignation, he sighed. "Here are the keys. I'll be back to help with dinner." There were so many ways this could get worse, but Raviathan left to find Nola anyway. She was probably home already or near it in which case it would have to wait. Good. This was stupid. He turned down a narrow alley that would lead to her home but froze when he saw her leaning against one of the buildings. She looked up, tears streaking her face, bright in the gloom of dusk. She shrank into herself in embarrassment and ran down the alley. "Nola wait! Please."

She hesitated but didn't turn around. This was just awkward. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry." He reached out to touch her arm, but she skittered away from him.

"Don't touch me," she hissed.

Bad idea. All of it. "Okay. I didn't mean…," Maker's ass, what to say? "We've never talked…"

Nola turned to face him then, her chin lifted defiantly. It was a shock to see her angry. She was one of the quietest elves he knew. "You have that… that wife now, so why would you want to talk to me? You never wanted to have anything to do with me." She scowled at him. Even angry she could not raise her voice, so her words were sharp but quiet in as much rage as she would allow herself. "Besides, why would I want to talk to you? You just use girls. And you're mean. I'm glad you never wanted me." Raviathan's shoulders slumped, and he put his head down. "You hear that? Those girls were too young to know better, and then you come along and got them all twisted up so, so you could do to them what you wanted to. You never cared about any of them. Anyone else would get exiled, but not you. And that wasn't right. It wasn't fair to any of us, especially the girls who didn't know to stay away from you. And… and this way I can be pure. When I'm married, my husband will… he'll know I'm a good girl who waited for him. You would have just ruined that. So I'm glad."

He had never heard that many words out of Nola in a week let alone in one speech. "You're right," he said quietly. "I never meant to hurt anyone. But that doesn't excuse the fact that I did anyway." What could he say? It was true that he hurt the other girls, and they both knew it. He felt like a fool staring at her shoes, but he was too ashamed to look her in the face. It was embarrassing that everyone knew about him and what he'd done. If he knew Nesiara was going to be his wife, he would have been much more careful with who he shared himself with. It was supposed to be special, and right now, with Nola staring at him, he felt like a pair of soiled old boots. "I, um, I just wanted to say that your husband is going to be very lucky. I always thought you were a good person. You were always so devout. I didn't think you'd… anyway. If you're happy, then I guess it was for the best. And I am sorry."

Ness, why did you make me do this? Raviathan folded his arms over his stomach and left. Maybe this wasn't as bad as Jaslyn, but that didn't mean it wasn't a disaster. There were times he wondered if he'd ever be able to hold his head up in the alienage. Once he was out of the alley, he jogged back to his apartment ready to be rid of these feelings. Ness would be there, and he wanted to hold her and smell her hair and forget about everything else.

A young boy with old eyes the color of jade stepped out when Raviathan was halfway down the main street. "Justen? What are you doing out here?"

"I don't want to go home."

Raviathan knelt down, and Justen wrapped his arms around his cousin's neck. "Sweetheart," Raviathan said as he stood with Justen in his arms, "you know it's dangerous for you to be out so late. And it's getting cold. What were you going to do?"

"I don't know," he said burring his face in Raviathan's neck.

Ever since his sister had been taken to the Circle a year ago, his family had been strained. Raviathan kissed his little cousin and squeezed him tight. "Let me talk to your parents. If it's alright with them, you can stay at my place tonight." He felt Justen's tears against his neck but there was no accompanying shake that most children had when they cried. "Hey little bear. Don't you ever forget I love you. And your sister loves you even if she's far away. And your parents love you too. They're just hurting right now." He ran his nose up the long ridge of Justen's ear. In another year or two, the boy would be too old for that, but for now it was a comfort. "You know, I really miss Eldwyn."

"Me too," Justen said in a tiny voice.

"You remember what she looks like?"

Justen's arms tightened around Raviathan's neck. "It's getting harder."

"Well, I remember. You know what, my wife is really good at drawing. Maybe together we can make a picture of her, something you can keep so whenever you miss her, you can take out the picture and remember all the happy times you had. Would you like that?"

"Yeah."

A half hour later Raviathan was at the stove cooking while Nesiara and Justen collaborated on a picture. He looked over his shoulder at their work. "Her eyes were a little more far apart. And…" he made a shape in the air, "elliptic with the ends turned up."

Nesiara sketched and cleaned the lines. "Like this?"

"That's it," Raviathan said. "Wow, that's looking good. What do you think little bear?"

Justen smiled up at Nesiara with open adoration. He snuggled next to her, and Nesiara put an arm around him. "I think you like it."

"I forgot what she looks like, but that's her."

"I told you." Raviathan shook the pan to turn the potatoes over. "My wife, beautiful and talented."

"Are her eyes the same color as yours?" Nesiara asked.

"Yeah."

"Good. I'll finalize the sketch then add a little color to bring it out. It's easier when I have a model," she said and kissed the top of his head. "What's your favorite memory of her?"

Justen thought about it while Nesiara cleaned the portrait. "One time my mom gave her a jar of peaches, and we all sat on the floor and shared. It was funny and we were all laughing and she made a game of putting a drop of the juice on one of our hands and someone else had to lick it off."

"You know, my brother is about your age. He and my parents are all the way over in West Hills, and I miss him. And then I think about the time he dipped my hair in ink, and I chased him all around the alienage yelling at him." They both laughed at her story, and when Raviathan glanced over his shoulder to look at her, she felt the now familiar warmth spread in her chest. "So, to remember peaches, I'm going to use those colors in the background. But if you two have the same coloration, she'll need something cooler. Maybe apple red," she mused more to herself.

Raviathan and Justen shared a look of confusion. "Sweet Ness? Are you alright?"

"Hmm? Of course I am. Why do you ask?"

"You do know that red isn't a cool color, right?" Was she color blind?

She laughed at their looks. "Justen, go get me that apple." She pulled out another sheet of thick paper and a kit of slender colored chalks then placed the apple in the center of the table. "Red chalk only," she said showing Justen the chalk piece then drew a quick representation of the apple. It looked like an apple shaped red blob. When Raviathan could take a break from cooking, he stood behind her to watch. "Now, instead of red, I'm going to use blue to shadow and highlight, and a little bit of yellow." They watched as strange blue and dark blue forms were shaded that didn't look anything like an apple. She added a yellow corona and little flecks of green. When she added the red overlay, smudging the colors together or leaving tiny traces to show through, an apple image formed that looked real enough to pick up.

Justen stared wide eyed. "That looks so real."

Raviathan nodded in mute appreciation. "You're going to burn dinner," Nesiara said.

"Maker's… beard," Raviathan amended for Justen's sake as he rushed back over to the stove.

Nesiara held the apple close for Justen to see clearly as she explained. "Do you see now how many colors it has? Apples aren't just red. Next time you see a storm, really look at the clouds. They're never just grey. There's almost always blue, and often there's shades of pink, rose, and peach, little hints of orange or purple. One of the first things my grandmother taught me was to see the colors within colors." She took out what looked like a large perfume bottle and sprayed a fixative so the chalk would not smudge. "For you. To remember the lesson."

"Thank you." He watched in rapt attention as Nesiara add the colors necessary to capture his sister on paper. Step by step, she explained the process of what colors she chose and why, how they affected one another, and how each added to the mood that went beyond a straight forward representation.

Later that evening, when Justen was tucked into the top bunk, Cyrion was downstairs smoking his pipe, and Raviathan and Nesiara were snuggled together in bed, Raviathan kissed her hands. He whispered, "I want you to touch me with these hands." He held her wrist and glided her hand across his shoulder, down his chest then around his side and back. Her thick, calloused hand roamed over his back along the hard muscle and slight raise of his bones then caressed down the dip of his spine to the curve of his rear. He moved with her hand's caress, their bodies pressing and melding together. "I love your hands," he whispered nuzzling her neck. Creator's hands. In her hands he wanted to be recreated, have the disjointed lines erased and made into someone clean. With these hands he would be ready to accept the colors she would bestow on their lives.

~o~O~o~

"We need more soap," Nesiara said as she finished scrubbing Raviathan's shirt.

"I'll get some from Alarith tonight." Raviathan wrung out her skirt and added that to the sack. A neighbor on the third floor let them use their clothes line once a week in exchange for some babysitting Raviathan had been doing for the last five years. Before that they had to dry the clothes in the room which could leave it smelling moldy when the weather was bad.

"We need some to do the dishes."

Raviathan wrung out the shirt she gave him. "Mmm. That's right. I'm still getting use to having a third person in the house again." He leaned over and kissed her bare shoulder. "After we hang the line then."

Shaun never helped her sister do the wash Nesiara thought with a sly smile. He never helped with cooking or cleaning or doing the sewing even when they were newly fasted. While Shaun was a decent sort of man, and Nesiara would take that over many of the other boys her age when she considered what her match might be like, but he was very dull. She finished the last of the wash, just some socks that had also needed darning, and started emptying the tub one bucket at a time when there was a knock at the door. Raviathan took the bucket and said, "I'll do that. Would you get the door?"

"It's probably for you," she said with a grin. He shrugged not looking at her. She smiled as she went down the ladder. He had her answer the door just so she wouldn't have to empty the tub.

A young girl was at the door. She had flat brown hair in a square cut to her shoulders, a small mouth that was at odds with her square jaw, and flat cheekbones. She was only a few years Nesiara's junior, maybe fifteen or so. Her dress was too big for her and very patched. She was small, even for an elf, and the dress made her look that much smaller. Dark steel blue eyes registered surprise to see her at the door. "May I help you?" asked Nesiara.

"Um," she looked around the room. "I was told Raviathan lives here."

So, she didn't know him. "Please come in." Nesiara called up, "Rav."

There was another slush of water out the window to the back ally then he hopped down. He looked at the girl with mild interest. "Yes?"

Her eyes widened at the sight of the exotic elf. Nesiara knew how she felt. Whatever she was here for, Raviathan was a breathtaking sight. "I was told you could help me," she said meekly. Raviathan was quiet as he waited for her to continue. The girl pursed her lips and walked over to him keeping her eyes on the floor. He bent down so she could whisper in his ear.

He nodded and gestured to their eating area. "Yes. Please, have a seat. Ness, would you get my herbalist kit?" He started adding wood to the stove and stoked it to heat the tea kettle. He had told her about this, but it was the first she would actually see him practice. She wanted to ask him more, especially if his father disapproved, but now was not the time. Nesiara left with a nod. It was actually rather amazing how much he had kept from his father. When she returned the girl was staring at the table stone faced. Nesiara handed him the hard cased bag and took one of the more comfortable chairs by the window to darn socks. If he wanted to, he would ask her to go up stairs. It was just the illusion of privacy as she would be able to hear everything anyway.

Raviathan started to work pulling out various small jars and examining them. He was not mixing anything yet. As he examined his stock with cool efficiency, he asked her in that calm voice of his, "When was the last time you bled?"

"More than two months ago." The poor girl. Raviathan had told her their first night together that she did not need to feel trapped in a pregnancy. Still, as needed as it was, it could not have made the girl feel good about what she was doing. She was also clearly embarrassed having this discussion with an unfamiliar man, but she had little choice given her age and need.

Raviathan was cool but compassionate as he spoke. "Sometimes women, especially at your age, have a skipped period. Have you been nauseous, tired, dizzy, or needed to pee more?"

She looked at her hands squirming. She said quietly, "I have been more tired. My friend said she was… had aches. Here," she indicated her breasts with a quick wave.

Raviathan's voice remained soothing. He had a surprisingly powerful baritone and was often soft spoken to cover it the way some tall people slouched. "That is a symptom. It could also be that you're still growing. Have you felt anything else? Do you want some foods more or less? Some women get a burning in their chests or feel breathless."

"I don't want milk or cheese," she said hurriedly. "I use to love milk, but just the thought makes me sick. Um, smells are stronger. More sour. I'm getting headaches. I want to cry all the time."

Raviathan sat down next to her and patted her hand. He said softly, "It's okay. We're going to make sure you're all right. No one will ever know unless you want to tell them."

She sniffed and nodded. "I didn't know what to do." The tears started to flow. "I overheard one of the servants talking about you, how you helped her brother who had pneumonia. I can't do this. I can't. They'll get rid of me."

Raviathan rubbed her shoulder and held one hand over hers. "I can make a tea. I'm afraid I can't add any sugar or honey. It'll change the composition too much. You'll need to drink it all. The good news is you can still have children in the future. There will be some bleeding for the next few days, but it should be less than a normal period. If you bleed for more than four days, or if there is a lot of blood, come back here immediately. Sometimes there might be some cramping, just like when you normally bleed. Again, if it's too much, come back here. You'll be tired for the next few days. If possible try and switch your chores with someone else. No sex for a week at least. A month is better."

He rubbed her shoulder again as she gave a hiccuping sob. "I…I'll try."

There was a hesitancy that caught both their attention. Raviathan held her hand and leaned down to try and look her in the eye. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I…" she looked up at him miserably. "I'm an orphan. I work for Lord Braden. If…if I refuse him, he'll send me into the streets. I can't… I can't…"

Raviathan's brow creased in pain, and he put an arm around the girl. Nesiara took the other chair next to the girl to hold her hand. Raviathan said trying to keep the anger from his voice, "What that man is doing, he has no right. He has no right. You don't have to live like that. Why don't you move to the orphanage here?"

She hunched over. "In a few years I'll need to find work again. It'll be the same all over again, but I won't have a dowry. No one will take me. Especially… after I've been… with him."

"That's not true," Nesiara said firmly. "It's like Rav said. No one will know. Girls break their skin all the time when they're young and playing. Your husband doesn't have to know."

Raviathan looked up at Nesiara. "Alarith is looking for a new assistant." He patted the girl's shoulder, "It's part time work. You'll have to clean the shop, run errands, and learn how to do some bookkeeping. He'll be willing to hold your earnings for you while you live in the orphanage. You'll still have a dowry."

Nesiara smiled gently at the girl. "See. It's not so bad. If you move here, Rav can watch you for the next few days, and you can recover in peace. There's work too."

"Would you move to the alienage if you had a job?" Raviathan asked.

The girl hiccuped again. "I suppose so."

"I'll talk to Alarith as soon as we're done" Raviathan said. "If the job is still open."

"I'll ask now," said Nesiara. "I'll be back before you're done."

She heard Raviathan say as she left, "Even without a job, you need to get away from that man."

The door closed, and Raviathan stood to make the mix. "Now you have to be sure that this is what you want. Don't worry about that lord. You can still have the child. Valendrian, our elder, will support you, that you had no choice in the matter."

She shook her head sadly but firmly. "I don't want it. It gives me nightmares just thinking about it."

Raviathan patted her shoulder and began to work. He had his pestle out and added ingredients to an empty cup, a mug, and his pestle. "I just want to be clear. Once you drink this, there's no going back."

She looked up at him with large eyes. "You said I could still have children."

"You can," he assured. "Just not this one."

"That's fine." Her hands clutched together as she looked down in barely contained anger. "I don't want that sick shem's baby."

Raviathan started to grind the little roots and herbs in the pestle. "Will you leave then?"

She looked back up at him, her tears made the natural shine in her eyes stronger. "I can't." At Raviathan's silent question she said, "You don't know him. It's like he wants to own me. If I leave, he'll come after me."

"Shems rarely come here. Never the nobles. Leave quietly and he'll never know this is where you came."

She heaved in a breath and ground the heal of her clenched hand into her eye. "There are other servants from the alienage who work there. They'll tell him just to get a bit of coin." She heaved another breath. "It's not that bad. I'll get through it, and when I'm old enough, I'll move to another alienage where they don't know me."

Raviathan added water to the mug to let the herbs steep. He took a tiny bottle filled with a dark liquid and added five drops. "What's your name?"

Steel blue eyes looked up. "Please. I just want to get rid of it."

"I know," he said gently. "I'd just like to say something other than 'hey you'."

"Isa."

"Isa. Would you be willing to talk to our hahren after we're finished here?" She looked at her hands considering. He added three drops of a pale amber oil to the cup along with the herb mix in the pestle and measured a tiny pile of what looked like yellow crystalline sand on one finger that went into the hot water. Once that was finished he stirred the mix in the mug rapidly. The herb and oil scents added to the wood fire along with a bitter, acidic scent. Raviathan, satisfied the solution was mixed enough, added the contents of the cup to the mug and stirred slowly.

"I…" she began. "I heard he's a good man."

"I respect him a great deal." Raviathan put the cup in front of her. "This will taste bad. Best to drink it quickly."

She wrapped her hands around the cup. "No one will know?"

Raviathan sat next to her. "Only the three of us. Ness won't say a word. Neither will I."

"Alright. I'll talk to him," she said and downed the mix as quickly as she could.

~o~O~o~

"Father will be home soon," said Raviathan. They had to air out the room to get rid of the lingering scent of the tea mixture.

"Have you had to make that mix often?" Nesiara asked as she finished chopping the vegetables for dinner.

"Um. A few times," Raviathan said reluctantly. "It's usually women who already have children. They can't afford any more." Nesiara nodded understanding the sense of that. He wasn't going to tell her about the time Gareth dragged his crying wife to their apartment once. Gareth had demanded he make the mix for her. Children were normally valued due to the low elven birthrate, but they had four children already, remarkable for an elven family, but they were struggling. Gareth was big for an elf, about the size of a human woman. His wife wouldn't look at either of them. She was sobbing and beyond words. Raviathan refused. When Gareth started to get physical, Raviathan threatened him with a kitchen knife. A few weeks later Valendrian came to his door with the woman in tow. He had to bandage the woman up and splint her arm after her husband had thrown her down the stairs. That was when he got stern warnings from both his father and Valendrian. Just like Solyn, it would be only too easy for the wrong thing to happen.

It was one of those situations that Raviathan thought of often. He would keep going back to it wondering if there was a solution or what he could have done differently. While he would love to beat Gareth or get him kicked out of the alienage, his family would starve for sure. Valendrian had been counseling Gareth, and so far his wife hadn't needed Raviathan's skills again. Valendrian's calm in the face of that disaster bothered Raviathan's sense of justice. In truth, Valendrian's solution was the best for everyone involved, or at least Raviathan couldn't come up with something better.

Raviathan pulled out the fruit cake from the oven. It had been his idea to bake it to cover any of remaining traces of the herbal odor. Nesiara shook her head in amazement. "You win. I really thought you'd need a brick oven for the heat consistency. I don't know how you were able to do that in this old iron oven." She examined it closer in mock suspicion which earned her a suspiciously wary glance from Raviathan. "There aren't even any burnt parts. And the cooking is even." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Talk. I know you have some sort of secret."

"What? Me? Noooo," he said. "You're crazy."

"Ha. I already know you're good at keeping secrets. Out with it."

He took the chopped vegetables for dinner and added them to the skillet. "Don't know what you're talking about."

She reached around to tickle his ribs. "Come on," she cajoled.

Raviathan raised an eyebrow. "I'm not ticklish," he said smugly. Nesiara raised up on her toes to nibble his ear, making him squirm. She continued until he made an involuntary, "Ahh," from her sucking. "I… uh… didn't do anything. Really."

She had one arm over his shoulder to hold him in place as she breathed with her teeth still on his ear, "I don't believe you."

He grabbed her arm and bent forward, lifting her off the floor, her body resting on his back. She laughed at the unexpected maneuver as she wiggled on his back. "Let me down. I demand it. This instant." He leaned back up letting her go with a grin. She slapped his arm playfully.

"I have to say, I like the feel of your breasts squashed against my back like that."

"Ruffian."

He huffed at her accusation. "I've been using this oven since my grandmother started teaching me how to cook as a child. Of course I know how to bake a cake in it."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Our oven has been in my family for five generations and my mom can't cook like that or my sister. And believe me, I've fired enough clay to know about kilns and ovens. You've got some trick you're not telling me."

"Get away from me, crazy lady," he said, unable to hide his smile.

"Rav. I know you're keeping something from me." She squished her nose at him. "I'll get it out of you."

As she was going back to the stove Raviathan caught her about the waist and held her close. His fingers traced through her pale blonde hair as he smiled gently down at her. "You're so easy to love, sweet Ness." He held her close for a long kiss, and if they didn't have food cooking, she knew he would have taken her up the ladder to make love. Not that he was always patient enough to wait until they were upstairs. As it was she felt his desire through their clothes and had to fight the urge to slide her hand under his pants. "One day, there won't be any secrets between us."