Warning: NSFW

"Rav, can you help me?" Nessa, a third cousin and childhood friend, was fiddling nervously with the balls of coarse lard soap on the counter. If the problem had been medical, she would not have spoken about it in the open.

"What's wrong?" Raviathan asked. Isa, nibbling her lower lip, looked between the two of them. The newest addition to the alienage had been settling into her life in the orphanage over the last two weeks.

"My parents can't pay the new rent fees. With the trouble in the south, the King has called for workers. My parents both signed up. Rav, they want me to go with them."

What was wrong with that? She was only a year and a half his junior. Jobs weren't expected of children, but they weren't all that unusual. "It sounds like an adventure. I don't see what you're worried about."

Nessa shifted her weight from side to side almost dropping the lemon balm scented soap in her agitation. "They'll be stationed at Ostagar with the military. I… I don't want to be around a bunch of shems who… who haven't seen a woman in months."

"Mm," Raviathan murmured and bit his lips. From his visits to the Huntsman, he knew what it felt like to be prey, unarmed and outnumbered. Nessa had even fewer resources than he did. All it would take was one unprotected moment away from her busy parents, but even with their presence it would not be enough to protect from shems bent on using her. "Where's your father?"

"Packing up. What are you going to do?"

"Just talk. Isa, you're in charge until Alarith or I return."

"Yes ser." She had been eyeing Nessa curiously during the exchange, her experience of elves her age consisting of only a few weeks of shy questions. "You've… have you been outside the alienage much?"

Nessa looked at the girl distractedly. "Never."

Raviathan left the two with their awkward conversation. Isa was understandably strange to the other children, but he hoped time would ease that. Even among older children who were learning the harsher realities of their life, her cynicism had too much bite. If she was looking for a marriage in a few years, that bitterness would need to be softened up. As it was, Raviathan was impressed with her resilience and independence.

What worried him now was Claye. The man was stubborn with a stern glower that had been turned more than once in Raviathan's direction during times of too exuberant play. Had it been two months ago, Raviathan wasn't sure he would have tried, but over the last month he had slowly getting use to his new position in the community. All the adults had been treating him differently. His opinions now carried weight on more than just medicine. To the children, he was still a playmate and storyteller, or occasionally someone to help solve their problems, as with Nessa, but for the first time the adults were accepting him as one of their own.

A quiet red head of middle years was packing a small cart in front of the apartment Nessa used to live at. There were two others doing the same, a young childless couple and another with children already married. "Hey Beth," Raviathan said to the red head. "I heard you're moving."

"Oh. Hello Rav," she said though her focus was on wrapping her dishes. Nessa took after her mother in that both women tended towards quiet, almost subservient demeanors. "I sent Nessa to the store for some soap and a needle. Did you see her?"

"Yeah."

She looked up at him then. "Not moving. Most of our things will stay with my sister. You've heard about the King's army?" He nodded. Beth went back to her packing then, her eyes averted. Raviathan understood then she was ashamed that everyone would know they couldn't afford their home anymore. Packing out in the open was only compounding the hurt. Claye would most certainly be pricklier. If he was going to persuade the elder elf, he'd have to find a way that would save Claye's wounded pride.

"Claye's upstairs?"

"I wouldn't recommend talking to him right now," Beth murmured.

Raviathan squeezed her shoulder in silent support then went to what had been Nessa's home. Claye was rolling up their sleeping pallets in the nearly bare room. Only the large furniture remained that couldn't be taken out without dismantling it first. "Hey Claye."

The old man didn't look up. His white hair and their flashing eyes were the brightest things in the deserted room. "Is there something you needed?" he asked with an added bite to his voice.

"I have a favor to ask."

"A favor?" Claye paused to glance at him, the lines around his mouth deep in a sneer. "I'm not exactly in a position to grant any favors."

"It's about Nessa."

"My daughter is leaving with us today. Forget your favor."

"I'm not speaking for myself," Raviathan said. Claye paused again, listening though he didn't look up. "I've come on my wife's behalf. She would have come herself, but she's still new to the alienage. You've seen her stand at Alarith's? Well, she's been getting a lot of orders, enough that she needs an assistant. I was thinking that since Nessa is family, she could apprentice under my wife."

"Apprentice?" Claye turned to him then.

Raviathan thought about mentioning Nessa's safety, but that would take away from his tactic of needing help for his wife. He'd save that if he needed to, but at this point one reason was stronger as a second would only be seen as having a cover for an ulterior motive. Right now, it was about assuaging Claye's need to be a strong father. "It would mean that she would have to stay here, with us. I know it's a burden on you, since she can't go with you, but we'd take care of her. As is, we have an extra bed. In a few years, she'd have a good trade." That alone was worth it to any father. Not only would she have a better chance at finding a good partner for marriage at a better dowry price, skills among elves was rare. Few elves would hesitate at such an offer. "I'm sorry to ask, but my wife really could use the help."

Claye sat back on his heels to consider. Without a word, he left the room. Raviathan followed him at a respectful distance, and when he saw Nessa helping her mother, he gave her a surreptitious wink. "Daughter, I've arranged for you to stay here." Beth and Nessa both looked up, Beth in complete surprise, Nessa trying not to let her relief show. "You're going to live with your cousin and apprentice with Nesiara."

"A-apprentice?" Now Nessa mirrored her mother.

"It will be good for you," Claye said. "You're going to help for the next few days while the soldiers ready for the march south. When we leave, you'll come back here."

"Y-yes father."

Raviathan shook Claye's hand to finalize the exchange. "Maker watch over you and safe journey."

"Maker watch over us all," Claye said as was the customary reply.

When he kissed Beth on the cheek in parting, she whispered, "Thank you."

He and Nessa exchanged secretive smiles as he left.

Back at the shop Alarith was reviewing Isa's bookkeeping. The deliveries for the day had already been made, and with two assistants, there was not much left for Raviathan to do. Gathering a few vegetables, Raviathan left for the day. He bought a squid from the fishmonger on the way home and found Nesiara working at the kitchen table. Raviathan left the groceries he brought for dinner at the cabinet then went to look over Nesiara's work. Locking the door was becoming a habit. "You're home early."

"Alarith didn't have much. By the way, you have an assistant." Raviathan explained about Nessa to his wife's slightly annoyed amusement. Hiding a grin at her look, Raviathan took a keen interest in her drawings. "What's this?"

Soft lips pressed against her hair, and without preamble, his hands slipped under her shift to fondle her breasts. She leaned back for a kiss, the two of them enjoying the sensuous fullness of kissing each other's bottom lip. "I'm working on a few sketches," Nesiara said, her voice deepened by the angle of her neck. His hands left their tender invasion to undo her dress. "My love, don't you ever get enough?"

"Not from you. Do you want to stop?"

The best part of having the apartment to themselves in the afternoon was that she didn't have to worry about being loud. In the evening she either had to muffle her voice in the pillow, or he would cover her mouth with his own or his hand. While she had a perverse love of needing to be silenced, she reveled in being wild with him. There was nothing between them but pleasure. No judgment, no shame, just feeding their desires.

Firmly taking his hands away from her dress, she stood. She could feel his quiet sigh behind her, a sign that he was going to regretfully leave her alone if that were her wish. As if that had ever been her wish. He couldn't see her sly smile as she left for the ladder. Only when she turned, the top of her dress undone, enough to show the top mounds of her breasts barely covered by her shift, did his eyes start to glow with the heat they had only for her. He rushed her, and she had to scramble to get up the ladder when his hands were there on her thighs. With a groan he shifted her dress so his lips could climb up the inside of her thigh. All at once the pleasant buzz in her groin was becoming an ache from the touch of his mouth.

She giggled and hopped the rest of the way up intent on teasing him by giving chase. She forgot how quick he was. With his own practiced hop he was up and grabbing for her. She spun away and raced for the bed with him close behind. As they reached their bed he clutched her skirt and pulled her clothes off with an easy motion leaving her clad only in her small clothes. The simple woolen dress fell to the floor, and his lips were pressed hungrily against her neck. "Oh no," she said though she was melting. "You have to undress too." She pulled away from him and slipped under the blankets.

With a groan Raviathan pulled off his shirt then started to fiddle with his pants lacings. "You tease," he accused as his eyes went dark and shining. She giggled and let a long leg show but kept the blanket pulled up to cover part her breasts. His clothes were left crumpled on the floor, but he stopped to look at her partially covered by the blanket. His eyes fell to her breast, the small pink nipple erect.

His patience gone, he pulled the blanket off with a quick jerk leaving her exposed. With the taunt grace of a predator, he slowly leaned to tease her, his mouth doing wonderful things to her body. She nearly came from his teasing mouth. Nearly. She moaned writhing on the bed as her ache became a torment. Just… just a little. A few strokes and she'd be done.

His beautiful mouth left her. Her wet skin cooled as the light draft caressed where his mouth had been. The cool air of the room was like a teasing hand between her open legs. She opened her eyes to see him balanced over her. He was watching her with eyes as dark and deep as the ocean. What was he waiting for? He caressed her face then leaned down to plant a butterfly light kiss on her neck. His lips grazed up her neck to her earlobe, the slide of their skin like the caress of silk. Her legs wrapped over his hips to pull him closer, feel his hardness press into her heat. He whispered in her ear, "I love you, Ness," and entered.

She cried out unable to help herself. He felt so wonderful. Pleasure tightened her body making her twist as she cried out each time he moved. She wasn't orgasming though. The need kept growing without release. She writhed wondering if she could take any more. The pleasure kept building until her pelvis seemed to contain a pure white fire. It spread down her thighs and up into her belly. She wailed and clutched at him. It kept building and building until she was lost. She felt it as the fire moved up to her nipples, so sensitive now and turning her longing into greater agony, then continue up. She was going to burn with all this energy inside her. She would glory in it. The fire, white as burning stars, filled her completely, every pore, every tip from her toes and fingers to her ears. She could feel it ripple along her scalp. All at once her body crashed and was turned into nothing. She hovered in ecstasy. All she knew was a warm infinity of pure white bliss.

~o~O~o~

Nesiara blinked weakly as she slowly woke. It took her a minute to figure out the heaviness of her body was actually her husband. He was still asleep collapsed half on her and half by her side. Her arm was numb from being trapped under his body. What in the Maker's name had happened? Even the older women, when they swapped stories not realizing they were being eavesdropped upon, never described anything close to that.

First step was to free her arm. She gently pushed Raviathan off so he was on his back and her arm was freed. He murmured sleepily, his arm moving reflexively to hold her. She smiled. They were both still enamored with sleeping together. Just the act of sleeping together entailed an intimacy far beyond sex. Her sister had told her how strange and wonderful that was after she was married. Sex could be intimate or not, but sleeping with someone always was, as if their souls were bound in sleep. Her mother had sat her down the night before she travelled to Denerim and given her some last words of advice that were always passed down between women, mother to daughter, for generations. The intimacies beyond sex had been one of them.

He was so cute when he was asleep. He was sexy and gorgeous when he was awake. She pulled up the blankets only then realizing how cold they both were and lay half on him in a reversal of their first position then snuggled in to the sure strength of his body. He was sexy and gorgeous asleep too. She settled her head on his chest to hear his heartbeat and gaze at his hand in hers. He had such beautiful hands. She kissed his fingertips admiring their length and the elegance of his prominent wrist bone. He took good care of his hands. Neat, trim nails and supple aloe scented skin. His voice was still heavy with sleep when he murmured, "Ness? You okay?"

"Yeah." She was after all. She felt boneless.

His arm rubbed her back, and he checked to make sure the blankets were covering them before his head fell back. Raviathan said groggily, "That… I don't even have words for."

She clung tighter to him. "I didn't know it could be like that."

"You felt the same?"

"Like fire grew inside until it was everywhere. Then white. Maker's breath."

"Huh," he said. "I think that means we're going to have an interesting marriage."

She stroked his shoulder as pins and needles started in her arm. She shook it to get the blood to flow faster. "You fell asleep on my arm," she said to answer his silent question. "That's never happened to you before?"

He shook his head. "Never fell asleep on someone's arm before." She tisked at him. He grinned stroking her back. "Never to the other part too."

"Is that normal?"

"Don't know sweet, Ness. I'd say don't worry about it."

"But I've never heard of this from anyone."

"Agreed," he said calmly. "It was strange, but it didn't hurt. We're fine."

She raised up enough to look at him. "How can you be so relaxed?"

He grinned at her, and she slapped his shoulder playfully. He reached around to hold her close and kiss her temple. "Well, who would you ask? Your family? My father? Not a conversation that I'd relish."

"Hmm. What about your friends?"

"If anything like that happened, I'd have heard about it already." Raviathan looked down briefly enjoying the way her breasts pressed against his chest. Her nipples were hidden but the mounds were pushed up making her look voluptuous. All the naked skin of her body pressed against him was a gift from the Maker. His arms stretched around her waist loving the secretive strokes of their thighs.

"But we're not talking," she said smiling. She felt completely irresistible around him. She squished her breasts against his chest a little tighter enjoying the darkening look in his eyes. "Maybe this is more common than we know because no one says anything."

"Possible, but of all the conversations I have with my friends, this isn't one of them."

She giggled resting her legs on either side of him. "So what do you talk about?"

His hands lowered from her waist to cup her buttocks. He stroked her and squeezed as she laughed looking down at him. "This and that."

She rose up letting him gaze at her naked body. His eyes turned dreamy as they roamed over her breasts and down. She stretched to show off. "This and that?"

Raviathan's voice grew husky as he took in her form. "Maker's breath Ness. You are beautiful." He stroked her lower abdomen, his thumb lowering to explore the heat between her sensitive lips. "I want to drink you in."

Luxuriating in his gaze, she leaned down slowly so her face was only inches away from his. She whispered, "I love you too."

His long fingers caressed her pale blonde hair behind a pointed ear as he raised up to kiss her. He held her as he twisted so she was on her back and made love in the languorous afternoon.

For the first time in his life, Raviathan felt like things were coming together. He had made mistakes, but everyone had at some point or another. He stretched enjoying the pull of his muscles and sense of fresh life that washed through him then started to dress. In time he'd be just another elf in the alienage. No one to hate or look down on, his past finally allowed to drift into the past. He'd have his family, be part of the community like everyone else.

"And you call me a tease," Nesiara said admiring him.

He chuckled and turned to her. She was so soft—clean and sweet. "Sugar and spice and all things nice."

"Hmm?"

"Just thinking about you my love." He kissed her temple. "I'm going to get dinner started."

"Then I suppose I should dress too. Father won't be as indulgent of my eating in bed."

Loose and happier than he ever remembered being, Raviathan built up the fire then shaped the dough that had been rising since the morning. He set it in the side panel of the oven then boiled barley and put the chopped potatoes and three garlic cloves in boiling water. Garlic and onions were prized in winter to ward off illness, and Raviathan liked the mild taste of garlic boiled and mashed with the potatoes. Next he cleaned, chopped, and started the vegetables to cook, then went to work on the squid. The innards, cartilage, and beak were thrown out the window to the alley below. It fed the elven livestock, more commonly known as rats, that would be food for many in the lean months. He carefully set the intact ink sac aside for Nesiara's projects then washed the remaining tube and tentacles.

It was amazing how finicky shems were. They turned their noses up at some of the best food, oily little fishes like anchovies and mackerel or wonderful foods like sea urchin and squid. Picky bastards. Rich and creamy goat brains or the fine texture of tender beef heart were lost on them. It made Raviathan wonder at the foods they did serve. What they saved for themselves must be spectacular. The tentacles he would batter and fry; the tube would be stuffed with vegetables, mushrooms, and the seasoned barley. Raviathan took out the small loaf of bread, sliced it, and set it by the window in hopes that it would cool in time for dinner.

"I still don't understand how your bread turns out so even," Nesiara said, her nose up to catch the comforting scent that spoke of family.

"If you learn all my secrets now you'll get bored of me," he said playfully, but became serious when Nesiara gave a derisive snort and went back to her work. Where had this attitude of hers come from? The potatoes were done, so he mashed them with salt, pepper, and cream. Raviathan nibbled his lip then asked, "Tell me another story?"

"No," Nesiara said giving him a pointed look. "You'll get bored of me."

Raviathan huffed. "Ness, what are you expecting? That we keep a fire salamander trapped in there?"

"Rav, I've used a forge, kiln, and on rare occasions our old stove. I know how to make glass and crystal, how to fire a vase. I know about fire and consistency. You can't fool me on this one."

He sighed and turned back to cooking. The batter was a pale cream that reddened slightly with paprika. Floured and battered, the tentacles sizzled in the hot pan next to the stuffed squid tube which he kept turning so it would cook evenly. His father had said not to tell her, but that just wasn't realistic, Raviathan thought. When? When did the betrayal of silence outweigh the developing bonds of their marriage?

At his silence, Nesiara went back to her sketching. It was frustrating not to have access to the instruments she had taken for granted in her home. She had a perfect design for bowls and vases that would look like spiraled fern leaves, but there was no way to make them. It could be months or even years before she could rent a kiln let alone buy one. All the excitement she had for creating those vases had nowhere to go, so it stagnated inside her.

Raviathan filled three plates leaving his father's portion on the cabinet. Nesiara gathered her things to store on the empty chair. She missed having a work station too. "Should we wait for father?"

"Normally he's back by now," Raviathan said. "Every once in a while he has to stay late at the estate."

"The gates have closed."

"I'll give his portion to Trean if he doesn't show up."

After Nesiara said grace, they ate. She couldn't stifle the little moan of pleasure at his food. When he gave her a tentative smile, she reached over and squeezed his hand. "I just wish I had a kiln. I'm letting it get to me. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"Then that's what we'll work on."

She squeezed his hand again now able to return the smile. Showing him the sketches of the fern bowl and vase, she said, "I just have all of these ideas. I want to do a series based on this. Teacups, plates." She had many sketches, some of organic undulating leaves, others more traditional with delicate swirls of paint. One of the cup designs had a leaf as a handle.

"Well, I have no idea when we'll be able to get a kiln. What kind of crafts can you make without one?"

The silence stretched as she contemplated. "If I could get some wire and stones, I could make jewelry. A spiraled fern leaf holding a stone?"

"That sounds beautiful," Raviathan said giving her an encouraging smile. She sketched with one hand as they ate, Raviathan watching in fascination. In one sketch, two fern leaves formed a love heart with a stone in the center. "That one is my favorite. Re-creation and love. What are you going to make it out of?"

"Copper with a red stone seems appropriate. I was thinking a set of silver and green for these earrings."

If she hadn't already given him a wedding gift, he would have asked for the heart fern. It was a feminine bit of jewelry, but it was everything he wanted—to be recreated. It was the redemption she gave him freely not even knowing that she did that for him. It was in the warmth of her smile, the heat of her body, in her love he felt free.

Something of his thoughts must of shown because she took his hand and squeezed it. "Husband?"

He kissed her hand, rough and divine, the hand of a creator. "I love everything about you Ness. You'll never know what you mean to me." No secrets between us.

Raviathan was about to speak when Cyrion walked in. The elder elf's shoulders were slumped in defeat, his head down. Raviathan couldn't even guess what his father's day had been like. His father would either share or not but it was likely he would want to put whatever unpleasantness that had happened into the past. Raviathan gathered the two empty plates to put in the wash bucket. "Dinner's ready for you father."

Cyrion sat down with a heavy thump, and Raviathan realized it was more serious than he thought when Nesiara straightened. "Son," Cyrion's voice cracked. "Is it true a girl came here for medical advice two weeks ago?"

A knot of dread clenched Raviathan's stomach. So his father truly hadn't know he was practicing medicine in secret. Raviathan sat with his head lowered. "She wanted an abortion."

"An abortion." Anger and disappointment deepened the craggy lines of Cyrion's face as he looked at his son. That his father had always been patient made the whole situation that much worse. Raviathan clutched his hands under the table all the more ashamed that his was happening in front of his wife. "And how did she find out about you?"

Raviathan looked at his hands unable to keep his father's gaze. "One of the servants at the estate. Her brother had pneumonia."

Cyrion placed on hand on the table and leaned forward. "A servant. And it's outside the alienage. A stranger came to you." Cyrion's voice trembled faintly. "This… this is what happened to Solyn. It takes just one misplaced word. Just a rumor."

"Father, I…" Raviathan began.

"No! I will not hear of it!" Cyrion slammed his fist on the table. Nesiara and Raviathan both jumped at the elder elf's outburst. Raviathan squirmed, the heavy feeling in his stomach growing. "I knew… you were still… but this? Do you have any concept of how bad this is? That it's outside the alienage?"

Raviathan could not remember the last time his father had been angry. "I only wanted to help."

The long, torturous ticking of minutes passed in silence as Cyrion stared at him. "These last years… you've been in defiance of me. That you let it go this far. You've betrayed my trust in you, Rav. I don't even know what to say to you anymore."

Raviathan's shoulders bunched together in a tight ache. "I'm sorry."

Cyrion slumped back in a chair as if the world were too much to bare and covered his face with his hands. "Son," he said sadly, "it takes so little. I know you. You want to help everyone. Just like Solyn. But I'm trying to save you from her fate. If you continue to do this, one day the wrong person will hear about you. One day some elf might say something, out of anger or grief, and they'll come after you. All it takes if for someone to overhear a conversation. If you…disappeared…"

Bowing his head low, Raviathan reached under the table to take one of Nesiara's hands in both of his own. Her chest ached for wanting to hold him and kiss away all his troubles.

Both of Cyrion's arms fell on the table, and he sagged dispiritedly. "Son," Cyrion's voice cracked, "why would you disobey me?" Raviathan was squeezing her hand painfully tight, but she didn't stop him. "After… after all we've lost. I never thought I would be this disappointed in you. There were times when…." Cyrion trailed off unable to speak aloud the troubles that had kept him from sleep for years.

"I'm sorry, father," Raviathan whispered.

Cyrion looked at him for a long time, tired and measuring. "We will speak more of this later."

"Yes father," Raviathan said releasing Nesiara's hand so he could go up to the second floor.

She watched him go feeling tight with a shame that wasn't hers. "Father," she said quietly. Cyrion turned in her direction but did not lift his head. "I'm sorry." She wanted to say more, ease his pain, tell him he had a good son he should be proud of. Her husband was a good man. There was no reason for him to be shamed.

The elder looked every year his age. "Go to bed. Get some sleep."

Nesiara bit her lip in consideration. She had seen her husband do so much good in the last month. The elves here needed him, and he was talented. The templars were guardians against outlaw magic, and Raviathan wasn't a mage. It wasn't fair that they should fear templars. "Yes father. Good night."

"Good night Ness."

She left and could just make out Raviathan's shadow behind the sheet as he got into bed. There was little moonlight but she could see he was wearing sleeping clothes. This would be the first night they didn't make love and sleep in just their skin. It was bound to happen eventually. She sighed quietly and dressed for bed wondering how he would react to some sympathy. So far he hadn't even acknowledged she was in the room though Nesiara knew that he was aware of her. She slipped into the bed next to him. His back was to her with just a faint bit of moonlight on his shoulder in the shadow filled room. She wanted to touch him but said in a soft whisper, "I'm sorry Rav. It's not fair when you do so much good."

He said quietly, "Thanks Ness. But I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay sweetheart." Instead of trying to talk him out of the mood, she snuggled up to his back and held him. After a few minutes he laid his hand over hers. "I love you, Rav. I think you're the best man I've ever known."

He sniffed and squeezed her hand.