"You won't believe what happened then." Shianni said as she and Nesiara strolled into Nesiara's apartment. "The rats started…"

Nesiara cut her off. "Oh. You're home."

Raviathan hastily folded the paper he had been writing on and stored the writing materials in the cabinet. "No work until the cargo permits are straightened out."

Shianni and Nesiara exchanged glances. "So." Shianni affected a casual tone, but the higher register of her voice gave her away. "Alarith said you were pricing your instruments."

"Did he," Raviathan returned, his voice tight.

"Yes," Shianni said. "Said used instruments weren't worth much. Especially when there aren't many people who play."

"You're lying." Leveling an accusing gaze her way, Raviathan said, "Plenty of us know how to play. If you're going to lie, try and make up something believable."

"My love." Nesiara wrapped him in a hug, but he did not look at her. "Why in the Maker's name would you do that?"

"It's not important."

"Come," Nesiara said putting her packages in the cabinet. "Look what we got."

"What is this?" Shianni asked taking her opportunity to snatch the paper away once his back was turned.

"No!" Raviathan shouted to both women's shock. His face darkened, and it was the first time Nesiara saw him truly upset. "Shianni, you give that back right now."

"Cousin," Shianni said, more surprised than hurt.

Raviathan was instantly ashamed for yelling. He took back the paper, not looking at her and crumpled it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell." Nesiara put a hand on his back, and when his head dipped down more, she pressed against his back and kissed him between the shoulders. Shianni slowly approached and leaned into him. He hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Shianni said. "What's wrong?"

Raviathan sighed and slumped in a chair. "I'm sorry, Ness. You gave me something so beautiful, and I don't have anything that… I'm sorry." He rested his head in his hands, his long fingers trailing in his hair.

"Gave you…? This is about my marriage gift to you?" Nesiara couldn't believe he was this frustrated over something like that.

"I can't make anything," Raviathan continued, his voice becoming hoarse with unshed tears. "I can't buy anything that's worthy of you. I never felt poor before."

How had he gotten himself so worked up, Nesiara wondered. The bride and groom gifts set the tone for a marriage, at least according to the old women's stories, but they weren't necessary. Just being who he was, was gift enough. Certainly not something he should even think of selling his instruments for. Nesiara took the crumpled ball of paper.

"No," Raviathan said reaching for her hand. "Please, Ness. I don't want you to see it."

"What is it?"

Raviathan pulled her to him so she was sitting on his lap with her back to him. He rested his face between her shoulder blades. "It's… Maker it's stupid," he said quietly.

"Tell me."

"I thought…" He groaned pressing his forehead against her back. "There are millions love songs and poems, and they're all better than what I can do."

"You wrote a poem?" Nesiara asked.

His arms tightened around her middle. "I have a tune. It still needs polishing, but it's alright. I was trying to come up with lyrics for it, but I can't write."

"I want to read it," Nesiara said.

"No. Please don't. It's so embarrassing."

"Rav," she said firmly. "There are millions love songs and poems, but none of those are mine. I want to read it." When Raviathan sighed, she took that as assent and carefully straightened out the paper. There were scribbles and crossed out lines covering both sides of the paper, but in the bottom right corner were the lines left untouched.

Lost I was and cast away

Broken notes were all that's left

Music died, faith betrayed

The weight of want was all I knew

From such dust a garden grew.

I hear the story of our lives

In the sweetness of your voice

In splendor of night skies

A dance of stars, fate and choice

My future found in your eyes.

Undone are the knots of shame

In evening's night we return

In my heart you write your name

In winter's frost we shill burn

In your light as I am flame.

My heart entangled in golden tresses

And I am free

In long kisses and caresses

No longer adrift

My heart swells, an unending sea.

In your eyes the endless blue

Where only spirits live

Together we shall walk in life

Our bodies and souls we give

My dearest, my beautiful wife

"The rhyme scheme is a mess," Raviathan said in irritation, "the internal structures are garbage, and my metaphors are everywhere. I can't even get a decent rhythm going. It's… it's just so clumsy." He kissed the back of her neck, and his voice turned from frustrated to longing. "Ness, if I could I would give you all the jewels in the world and dresses made of gold. I'd have a mansion for you to live in and servants to make your bed and run your bath."

"Husband," Nesiara turned in his lap so she could put her arms around him. "I want my song. I want you to sing it on our wedding day and every time I ask you to."

He buried his face in her neck. "You're the Maker's gift."

Nesiara smiled and kissed the tip of his ear. "Silly husband. I wouldn't even be able to move in a gold dress."

Raviathan chuckled and squeezed her tight. "Dresses made of silk then. If I could Ness, I'd give you the heavens, and the stars would be your jewelry."

"Ugh," Shianni grimaced in disgust. "Even pine trees aren't as sappy."

Raviathan sat back, his adoring gaze fixed on his wife, but he addressed his cousin in a much different tone. "You're staying for dinner then?"

"I heard your cooking has gotten better," Shianni said and read the lyrics. She put down the paper and gave her cousin a hug and kiss. She stayed there and rested her cheek on his head. "You worry too much, cousin. We both told Alarith he isn't allowed to buy your instruments. We were quite firm on the matter. He said he undervalued them to discourage you, and after we kept yelling at him for ten minutes, he shooed us out of the store."

That earned a laugh. "Alright," Raviathan said, sounding less tense, and leaned up to kiss his oldest friend, "what do you want for dinner?"

"That's the spirit," Shianni said and went to their packages. "With what Nesiara sold today, we were able to buy a whole duck and some bacon too. You're going to do that thing with the wood flavor and roast it."

Raviathan groaned. "Ness, why did you want to marry me? I'm just a wharf rat who can't even support you properly."

Shianni glared at him. "Don't call yourself that."

"My family had me marry you for your money," Nesiara said with an impish grin. "I married you for your cooking."

"Glad to know I'm some use," Raviathan said, disheartened.

"Oh, for love of the Maker," Shianni exclaimed. "You're sounding too much like Soris."

"Shianni," Nesiara said, "would you go upstairs and get his lute?"

"No," Raviathan said. "It's not finished. It's going to sound like a bloody mess." Shianni went anyway sending a smirk his way as she climbed the ladder. "My love, it's just not ready."

Nesiara hiked up her skirts so she could straddle him, which always lifted his mood. He squeezed her bottom then settled his hands more gentlemanly around her waist. She kissed him. "I don't care. You can still work on it, but I want to hear what you have."

He kissed her jaw, his lips trailing along her skin. "I know you've been worried about me. Never doubt that I love you."

"You've been so quiet lately." Nesiara sucked his ear tip, causing him to groan. "That's better."

Raviathan laughed, his arms tightening to pull her close. "My cousin is going to tease us."

"Let her. My darling husband. There may be a million elves in this world, but I am marrying you. As you told me, take the gifts you are given in this life and appreciate them."

"Wise words," he said. He kissed her and didn't stop even when Shianni came back down and started making gagging sounds.

~o~O~o~

"Ermph," Raviathan murmured wondering why he woke. After a small stretch, he settled more firmly around his wife, his hand cupping her breast as he did every night in sleep. So wonderfully soft. The curve of her butt was pressed against his pelvis, her sweet skin a caress along the length of his body. As cold as winter was, he was cocooned in her warmth. If she was receptive, perhaps they could enjoy each other before going back to sleep. He nuzzled her neck and felt her slight shift as she responded.

"Mm?" Nesiara lifted her head when there was another frantic knocking at the door.

Now that he heard it while awake, Raviathan realized that's what had woken him. He kissed his wife's bare shoulder then shifted over her to put on his pair of sleeping pants. His father's bare feet made the floor boards creak as he made his way to the ladder.

"What is it?" Nessa asked.

Since Solyn died, all knocks in the middle of the night had been for him, the only healer the alienage had. Raviathan stopped. No one had asked since Valendrian had issued the command that Raviathan was no longer allowed to practice. This would be the first time he would be tested. Disobey his father? After all the pain Raviathan knew he put his father through?

Voices floated up, one in panic, one determined. "Cyrion, she's screaming and in so much pain! I'm going to lose them both. Can't you understand that?"

"Go home, Giles. There's nothing he can do," Cyrion said.

What should he do? "Ness," he whispered, "it's for me."

She sat up next to him, her skin like a glowing pearl in the moonlight. Her blue eyes flashed in the dark room as she regarded him. "Husband. Whatever your choice, I'll support you."

Raviathan hurriedly pulled on his small clothes and regular pants. "Maker bless you, love." Two shirts, his socks, then grabbing his healer's bag, Raviathan headed for the ladder. This might be the last night they would stay under his father's roof.

Giles had Cyrion gripped by the arms, shaking him in desperation. "If it were your wife and son, what would you do?"

"It is my son!" Cyrion shot back. "I have lost my w-wife, my sister. Do you think I do not understand you? I won't, I won't lose any more."

When Raviathan descended the ladder, Giles hurried to him. "You'll come?"

Raviathan nodded and grabbed his boots. He could feel the weight of his father staring at him, but Raviathan kept his head down unable to look at this father. Cyrion put a hand on his arm. "Son," his voice cracked. "Don't do this. Please."

"I'm sorry, father." His father's quiet plea twisted his stomach. "How long has she been in labor?"

"Two days," Giles said. "It's…"

"Two days!" Raviathan's head shot up. He surged to his feet, grabbing Giles by the arm. Unfamiliar with the building, Giles was slower in the stairway and had to hold Raviathan's shoulder to keep on course. "Tell me about the labor."

"Ah, well, her water broke day before last as we were going to bed. She's had a bit of blood before that. Couple weeks. Mother said the blood was normal. But since her water, nothing. I thought women had pain during labor, but she didn't feel anything, so I thought that was good, you know? Maybe she'd have an easy delivery. Then yesterday she couldn't keep anything down. No food or water. But she's bad now. Sweating a lot. Hot and chilled. Please Rav. She's so weak and hurting. I can't… I can't lose her."

The southern wind sliced like a knife outside the building, cutting through Raviathan's thin clothes as a butcher slices meat from bone. The shock of cold stopped Raviathan, and Giles had to pull him to get going. Nose and ears going numb, Raviathan said, "It'll be okay. Giles, you've got to be her strength. I know you're scared, but you have to be calm for her. Understood?"

Giles nodded but didn't speak as the two hurried through the black night.

The alienage was eerily still at night with only the wind to accompany the two elves. Iced mud crunched under the feet of the two trespassers in the empty streets. The buildings and walls loomed, blind and mute, like great shadows separating them from the rest of the world. At night, with the gates closed, the alienage was the extent of their world. No shems. No templars. At night there were no thugs on the streets, only the occasional furry scavenger. Secure and separate. The single lights of stars shown, bright pinpricks, precise and unyielding in the blackness. The promise dawn gave of waking life felt as separate as the world beyond the walls.

Raviathan was shivering by the time they got to the small home. The fire was too low. Not enough water.

"He's here," Giles said, going to his wife.

Anise was lying on her side, panting and sunken eyed, her head cradled in her mother's lap. Anise was brunette to her mother's blonde, but otherwise they were mirror images with a score and five years difference. Raviathan knelt next to Anise and pulled up her gown. "I'm afraid my hands are going to be cold. Giles tells me you're from Amaranthine," Raviathan said in the most normal voice he could manage though the cold made him shiver. Anise didn't seem to notice his cold hands as he examined her. At least the baby was in the right position.

"Y-yes," the mother said. She stared at him, a stranger who was being too casual in a crisis. "He's so young," she whispered to Giles.

"Anise," Raviathan said feeling the bulge that had developed under her stomach, "how long has it been since you've urinated?"

"I don't remember." Her stomach contracted, the muscles bunching under her rippling skin. She gasped and clutched her husband's hands.

Raviathan moved to feel her forehead and the pulse in her wrist. Sweat plastered her hair to her head, she was cold, and crying without tears. "Both of you," Raviathan said addressing the mother and Giles. "We need a lot more water. Borrow your neighbors' buckets. At least four. I'm going to build up the fire. The faster we can get clean water, the better. Go," he said when they didn't move.

When the two left, Raviathan threw more wood on the fire. He felt a momentary twinge of guilt knowing that wood rationing was necessary for their survival through winter, but it couldn't be helped. Once a pot of water was set closer to heat, Raviathan knelt by Anise's head and brushed back her hair. "Alright, sweetie. Everything is going to be fine. I've delivered a lot of babies, and you're going to get through this."

"It hurts," she whimpered.

"I know, sweetheart. It hurts and you're tired. You don't feel like you're going to make it, but you will. You're going to have a beautiful little baby in your arms. Now, Giles said you couldn't drink anything?"

"No. I tried sips, but it…," she stopped as another contraction made her clench.

Raviathan messaged her back until the contraction stopped. "You took sips," he prompted.

"Made me feel sick. Like the room started to move, and I couldn't…keep it down."

"Have you tried to pee?"

"C-can't," she panted.

Raviathan took the pot of warm water and set it next the wall. "Alright, sweetie. You're going to have to help me here. I want you to crouch with your back against the wall and sitting over the pot."

"What?"

"I know it sounds strange, but it might help you pee. Your bladder is too full, and that's delaying things. Now," he said putting her arm over his shoulders to help her up, "let's get you settled." He helped her waddle to the pot, supporting as much of her weight as he could.

"Warm," she said dazedly when she lowered into the water.

Raviathan tied her sleeping gown in a knot over her belly to keep it out of the way, and started massaging the swelling of her overly full bladder. "Feels good, doesn't it." He had to keep her weight supported, but she was looking more relaxed.

"Feel so warm now." Her head drooped as if she would fall asleep.

Raviathan sang to her, his hand massaging until the swelling started to reduce. "That's a good girl. You hear that, Anise? You're doing a good job. Just keep it up, and by morning you're going to have a sweet little baby boy in your arms."

She murmured in half sleep, and Raviathan started singing again, low and soft. Giles and his mother-in-law returned with the requested buckets. "Start a pot to boil and another to heat," Raviathan said. "I'm going to need to wash up before I can do an examination, and Anise needs some fluids."

The mother set to work, but shot a questioning look Raviathan's way. "She can't hold down water."

"She's not going to get it the traditional way," Raviathan said. "All better, sweetie?"

Anise nodded, and with Giles' help, they cleaned her up and set her back on the pallet. Raviathan untied her gown. "Instead of lying on your side, why don't you kneel. You can lean on Giles. Giles, you stay with her. Keep telling her what a good job she's doing. If she feels like sleeping, support her head."

"Uh, okay," Giles said, and Anise leaned into his chest. He kissed her ear then started murmuring encouragements.

Raviathan took out dried elfroot leaves from his healer's bag and ground them. He sang softly as he worked, letting his voice fill the small room with intimacy and his own calm. The mother sat next to him. "You've done this before."

"A few times," Raviathan said with a grin. "I suppose I can call you granny now."

At that, the woman bit her lower lip. "Isn't that bad luck?"

"Everything is going to be fine. You're going to have a grandson by morning."

"Grandson? She's been carrying high."

Raviathan shrugged. "Intuition I suppose. Let me know when that water is warm. Not too hot." He carefully shook the crushed leaves into a narrow necked flask then added pressed cinimar root. "How's she doing?"

"Better, I think," Giles answered. "She's sleepy. Will… is she going to be strong enough? All this time."

Raviathan lifted her gown to massage her back. "Oh sure. The best thing for her is to be relaxed as possible. Save her strength. When the water is ready, I've got a mixture that will help reinvigorate her."

"Mixture? But she can't drink."

"Well, it's not going in that end," Raviathan said and patted Anise's lower back. "She needs fluids, and we need to bypass her nausea. Don't we, sweetie?" Anise mumbled an incoherent response. "That's right. No worries, Giles."

Anise whimpered and bowed low. Raviathan reached around and felt her womb tighten in a contraction. When she started a high pitched keening, Raviathan stroked her back and said, "There, there. Try to make it low."

"Low?" she whimpered.

"Yeah. Lower in your throat. Maybe grunt or hum."

Giles looked lost as he rubbed her shoulder. "That helps?"

Raviathan smiled, soft in the low firelight. "You'd be surprised. Part of it is distracting her from the pain."

"The water's ready," the mother said.

"Alright." Raviathan left to finish his mixture. "Anise, sweetie. This is going to feel strange, but you're going to feel much better afterwards. Hold in the fluid as long as you can. And then we can get this baby born."

~o~O~o~

Five hours later, Anise was sleeping on her side with a boy wrapped up in a soft blanket with her. Raviathan and Giles washed up, and the new grandmother cuddled her daughter and grandson. "It's getting close to work," Giles said.

Raviathan nodded. "We'll get that buried first," he said indicating the placenta. "Granny, make sure she drinks that herbal tea mixture. Yogurt and bread are good for her. Maybe an egg for protein. If there's any pain or bleeding, send someone for me. I can be here in less than ten minutes."

"Thank you," she mouthed.

The two men left in the lightening sky of pre dawn. The cold stole Raviathan's breath, and he started shivering instantly. The two jogged as much for warmth as to get their task done in time. Using wooden boards as makeshift shovels, they buried the placenta near a garden.

There was an old myth that when elves died, their souls needed to find home in order to move beyond the Fade. Burying the placenta was like planting a seed for the soul to root. When their souls found their home, they could be at peace and go to beyond the Beyond. Gardens encouraged growth, so this was where a child's seed was planted.

Raviathan slapped the dirt off his hands, only then realizing he forgot his gloves and knit hat. His father was probably asleep, but Raviathan didn't want to take that chance. He couldn't face his father now. He knew he was only delaying the inevitable. It was stupid, but he didn't want to go back. Maybe he could borrow Lenard's gloves. Elva's husband was called often as not for work and spent his days off in a tavern. Five bits for drink, and Raviathan was sure Lenard would lend his gloves for a day.

When he started to leave for the gate, Giles pulled him into a hug. "Thank you, Rav. Anything I can do, you just ask."

The two kissed on the cheek, and Raviathan felt warm despite the cold. "She's going to be fine. And your son is perfect."

A smile cracked Giles' raw boned face. "He's so beautiful. And he looks so much like Anise."

Raviathan listened with a patient smile as the two headed for the main street. He had heard new parents often enough, overwhelmed with the joy of a new life. Pity Giles couldn't stay with his wife and child for a few days. Giles wasn't traditionally handsome, but his tired, wondering smile transformed him. His large features spoke of character, a new father, humble but not simple. His wasn't a face for sculptors, but a face to be loved.

Every time Raviathan helped deliver a child, he wondered about the continuation of life, and the familiar emotions flooded him. What would it be like to have a child of his own? An image of her sprang into his mind. Soft baby skin. Perfect and with the dreamy sweet smell that babies had. He could see himself holding his daughter, the strength of the idea making him blink back tears.

At the square, a wrapped figure hurried over. "Ness," Raviathan said in surprise. "It's freezing. What…"

She kissed him. "How is she?"

"Fine. Sore, tired, and healthy."

Giles spoke up, "You should have seen him, Ness. Comes in and makes everything alright. And I have a son."

She smiled at him. "I'll have to visit when Anise is better. Now that I know you have a son, I can make a baby charm for him."

"Sweet Ness, what are you doing out?" Raviathan knew his father was upset, but he wouldn't turn them out like this for disobedience. Some parents would, but not his father. The shawl she had around her shoulders wasn't enough against the winter morning.

"You're coming home to rest, aren't you?"

"No. I have to work."

"Love, you've been up all night. Father's mad, but it'll be alright. Come home to bed." Raviathan kissed her, and she scowled. "You're so stubborn."

"I am."

She opened her shawl to pull out his gloves, hat, two curved dock picks, and a small pouch carrying his lunch. "Just be careful. And if you get too tired, come home. I can make you agree to that."

"I'll watch out for him," Giles said.

Raviathan kissed her. "You're the best, Ness."

"Humph." She squeezed his hand and turned to jog back home to her warm bed.

At the gates, Giles spread his arms wide for the expectant crowd. "I have a son!"

There were cheers and congratulations, thumps on the back and hugs. Raviathan stood to the side and watched on as if he had been no part of it. There were a few glances his way, but he shrugged with an innocent smile. The guards who opened the gates looked at the celebrating elves warily.

A guard who had no chin and a heavy mole covering on side of his nose glared at the elves. "What 'chu all so blasted happy about? That there'll be another cock rider in twenty years?"

Lenard called, "Piss off, rat. Oh, wait. Piss. Rat. I'm thinkin' I remember somethin' about that…"

He didn't have time to finish before the guard was after him. The crowd parted as the guard chased Lenard about. The elf slipped and slid in the mud but kept his feet and dodged around the small yard. It was more than the guard could do, and any rancor Giles might have felt at the guard's comment was gone in laughter. Spying a clean break, Lenard broke for the bridge across to the south side of Denerim and sprinted. The guard fell to one knee when one leg gave out in the mud. Red faced and seething, he ran for the elf, hounded by laughter from elves and guards alike.

Raviathan gave Giles a half hug. "I think you just got your baby's gift from Lenard."

Giles turned his head into Raviathan's neck, and Raviathan felt the wet of tears on his cheek. "This day is a gift," he whispered. "Maker's breath. Even the sun feels brighter. Likes it's shining just for me."

Maybe the heavy emotions that coursed through him were from lack of sleep, but Raviathan felt like weeping, though from happiness or relief, want of his own child or fear for Nesiara's safety if that day ever came, Raviathan could not tell. Was it selfish to want a child? To put his wife through that pain? That any child of his could be subject to the same legacy he carried? Would he be a good father?

"Come on you two," Curran whispered, his arms around both men. "Rav is already suspected enough."

Giles nodded and joined the crowd walking to the docks. The elves gathered around him, all taking joy in a new life or joking about the guard and Lenard. Curran kept his arm around Raviathan's shoulders as the two trailed behind the rest. "Normally, I wouldn't go against Valendrian, but you did a good thing, Rav."

"Does everyone know I had a hand in helping Anise?"

"Pretty much," Curran said. "They'll try and keep it low, but when you two walked up together, there wasn't much doubt."

"It was my father's wishes that I shouldn't practice. Not Valendrian's. I've never disobeyed my father like that before."

"Cyrion's a good man. He wouldn't kick you out over that."

Raviathan didn't answer. For the most part, he didn't think he'd be kicked out, but seeing Nesiara this morning had raised his doubts.

"You really worried about that?" Curran asked.

"Father, not so much. Thing is, everyone knows about me. Giles is the first, but sure won't be the last. I don't know what to do, Curran."

"Personally, I thought Valendrian was trying to hold back the tide." Curran removed his arm when they passed under the portcullis, and Raviathan felt cold where he had been accustomed to the elf's warmth.

Raviathan lowered his voice now that they were in the realm of shems. "Maybe. But there are people who would turn me in just out of spite. Like Elva. They're both trying to protect me, but this isn't going to work."

Curran murmured deep in his throat. "You know, Rav, there are times I wonder why we have it so bad. Why do elves get the shit end of things all the time? We're as smart as the shems. We can be just as capable. Why are we stuck in crumbling buildings that don't keep the cold out? At night Alorn and I are just trying to keep our son and each other warm. Winters scare the crap out of me. Every year. Fall comes, and the sky has that blue that's so rich you can almost touch it, but my stomach knots 'cause I know what's coming. Alorn and I cradling little Cevin just praying the cold don't hurt him too bad. Maker bless her, but her days were cursed when she married me, try as she might to make the best of things. We're eating rats, and I have to hear shems piss and moan when they have to eat mutton a week straight. Dockers, servants, or cock riders. Why can't we have just a bit of something better? And then I think of Elva and another dozen like her. Bitter as winter.

"It's a strange thing, Rav. Takes so much to build something up, and so little to break it down. Like Anise. All that care and just pure effort into making a baby. Near a year, and that baby could have been lost at any time. At the end of it, after all those months of worry, and she almost lost him anyway. And they still ain't safe. They'll be scraping for food, and every day of missing work makes it all worse. If you asked me yesterday, it'd say it'd be more likely for Giles to mourn them than to be celebrating. Work every day, all your life, and lose it so quick.

"What's worse is that we shouldn't have to. I ain't asking for the world. Just a home that keeps out the wind. Food that don't make us sick. I wish my wife didn't look so thin, that she didn't smile to cover her hunger up. People like you and Solyn. You're so far above the rest of us, and maybe that's why Elva and her like hate you. You remind us of the shit we live in. That we could have it better, and we don't. We could have healers. We could have books and be as smart as them shems. Maker, what I wouldn't give so that Cevin never gets called a cock rider. Giles looks like he's standing in the Maker's light. 'Cause of you. You change the course of people's lives. Rav, I don't know what the right thing is. I wish I could help you more in figuring that out. But I know what it ain't."

Before they stepped out into the open docks, Raviathan pulled Curran aside for a hug. Raviathan knew he had a much better life than many of his fellows. Most of the time, he forgot how much better. "Thanks, Curran."

"Aw. Ain't 'nuthing." Curran patted his back, but his smile was wide when they parted. He was a man made for smiles, Raviathan thought.

They lined up with shems who weren't already assigned to a ship and the rest of the elves. The foremen already had their teams chosen, so the decisions came quickly. Giles and Curran worked on loading, Raviathan with the crane team. Those not chosen shuffled off, grumbling about favoritism or the lack of trade. Raviathan trotted up to Lenard who had been passed over again, his reputation for sloppiness guaranteeing that he'd only be chosen when work was abundant. Raviathan fished out all the coppers he had. "It's thanks. For not letting that bastard shem get away with what he said."

Lenard bobbed his head. "Maker smile on you."

Once the sailors had enough shore leave, the harassment had died down to a minimum. Being grabbed at was one less thing for Raviathan to worry about during the long day. When he was occupied, Raviathan could cope with deficient sleep, but the protracted day took on an endless quality in his sluggish mind. At times his mind drifted to Anise and her son, or to Nesiara. Lenard's beaten shuffle kept reappearing in his thoughts. Most of all, Raviathan thought of his father. At the day's close, Raviathan was closer to a decision.

A red sunset warmed the alienage walls. High and comforting, walking through the portcullis was coming home. The separation they had to keep outside the walls left. The sense of prey that made Raviathan uncertain was gone, and he breathed in deep the peace of home.

"Where is he?" a shrill voice carried just beyond the gates.

"Ah, Elva, I don't know. Leave off," an elf grumbled.

"Sodding louts the lot of you. Don't give a damn, do you? If he falls into a gutter, would any of you care?"

"Shut it, Elva," another docker called. "Don't go pretending you care to us."

Raviathan came around the gate in a tired daze. The drama was nothing new. He was shoved roughly, knocking into two others, and that was new. "Maker's blood! What's wrong with you?"

"You little brat," Elva spat. "You took his job away."

"You know, Elva," Raviathan said through gritted teeth, "if I were your husband, I'd spend my days trying to drown in beer too."

"You're not better than me." Her face twisted in a sneer. "All these years. Your family may have had enough money to buy that wife of yours, but here I thought slavery was illegal in Ferelden." Raviathan turned away, already tired with her. Elva called after him, "You ended up a wharf rat. Just like I always thought you would."

Raviathan took Giles hand and pulled him close to whisper, "It's best if I'm not seen at your home. She'll be sore, but if she's in pain or bleeding, come get me."

Giles nodded once to show he understood then left down the alley that would take him home.

A boy of six ran out from a narrow alley. "Rav!"

Raviathan bent down to scoop up the child. His eyelids looked swollen, and Raviathan was sure he'd been crying earlier. "Hey there, little bird. What are you doing out so late? You know that's dangerous."

"But I wanted to see you. You're not around anymore."

"I know, but I have to work. Venri is going to be scared with you out so late." Raviathan ran his nose along the ridge of Zacky's ear. Normally a child his age would be too old for that kind of affection, but Zacky wasn't like the other children. Too small at birth, the child of a mother who died from drink, he would never be the size of the rest. "And she's got a pet werewolf."

"No she doesn't."

"Oh yes she does. She keeps her pet werewolf hidden, and when children are out too late, she takes him off his leash."

"No she doesn't," Zacky said, but he was starting to laugh.

"Would I lie to you? His name is Harry, and I bet he's prowling around right now looking for you."

"There's no such thing as werewolves."

"Yes there are. See, Harry fell in love with Venri, so now he does whatever she needs him to do. Like finding lost children. All she has to do is snap her fingers, and he comes running with his tongue out like this," Raviathan said and started panting.

"Then where is he now?"

"Lurking. If you weren't with me, he'd have snatched you up." Raviathan tickled the boy. "Yup. That's just what he'd do. And then he'd shake you around like this." Raviathan tossed the boy up then hugged him close, twisting his torso back and forth until Zacky's laughter filled the square. "Alright, little bird. Time for your supper." He knelt to let the boy down. "Kiss."

Zacky gave him a loud kiss on the cheek then, with a supreme effort, opened the heavy door to the orphanage.

That little bit of energy spent, Raviathan returned home, his feet dragging with exhaustion. It couldn't continue like this. She had to know. There were calls from his neighbors as he made his way up, all concerned about Anise. Aside from, "Fine. They'll be fine," Raviathan did not linger. If worst came to worst, they could stay at Shianni's place until they got their own apartment. Now that there were vacancies, they wouldn't have to construct their own home. Between the two of them, rent was possible. They could do it. But if Ness became pregnant, how much work would she be able to do? What he made as a dock worker was spotty and low. He could do what Solyn did, treat both humans and elves.

The possibility of practicing openly stopped Raviathan as he climbed the third flight of stairs. Could he do that? If his father wanted him to move out… there was no one to stop him. Take Solyn's place as a healer? He… he would have to be careful. Could he do it? The templars…

Raviathan shuddered. He could be killed.

He had to tell Nesiara. She had a right to know everything. Why he was in danger, the truth about his mother and aunt, what that could mean for their own future. Feeling a new sense of purpose, Raviathan bounded up the last few steps. At this point, she would either stay with him or not. Together they would decide the course of their lives.

Inside his apartment his father sat at the table, a mug of wine cradled in his hands. Raviathan asked, "Where is she?"

Cyrion took a sip before answering. "She and Nessa went to get dinner. Sit down, Son."

"I'm going to tell her," Raviathan said taking his place at the table.

"Not yet."

"Father, every day I wait, it feels like a betrayal. You had to know the day would come. You knew before you were married."

"Your mother and I had years to get to know each other. By the time I found out, we were already in love. I… I wanted to give you the best possible chance. Wait until you two were more secure."

"You were worried she would leave."

"And that she might talk before she did so. Son, you would have no defense. All we have is silence to keep you safe. It's such a fragile thing."

"As if I didn't already know that," Raviathan said in a low growl. "The constant lessons and fear." The lack of sleep was getting to him, Raviathan told himself. He rested his head in his hands to hide the prick of tears. Sleep. He'd feel less emotional after sleep. "And how long would you have waited? A year? After our children, when the danger isn't only mine to bear? I understand, but when is the right time? I love Ness. Father, I can't keep secrets from her."

"You mean you won't." Cyrion reached out and took his son's hand. "And if it goes wrong? You expect to run off to the Dalish?"

"Don't talk about the Dalish as if that's a fantasy. Plenty of elves have done that."

"Does Ness strike you as the type of woman who would be happy living wild?"

"Father…" The tears did fall then. Raviathan couldn't imagine putting his wife in danger, without shelter and security. The Dalish were a childish fantasy, and that hit full force when he thought of his wife forced to live that way. She would be so unhappy, her fate tied to his.

Cyrion stood to hug his son. "Son. Please. Just wait a little longer." The weight of his father pressed against his back, comforting and solid. Cyrion's hand shook as he ran it through his son's hair.

"Father, I don't want to hide. Not from her." The tears stung Raviathan's eyes, his voice thin with emotion—exhaustion and foolishness. "I'm so sick of being ashamed all the time."

"I know. It's been hard on both of us. Just wait until you're married."

"Two months?" With the chaos of the king's march south, their wedding permits weren't processed in time for the Wintersend Annum. According to Nesiara, more than half of the Chantry mothers had left to tend to the king's army.

"Three days."

Raviathan turned to his father in shock. "Not on an annum…?"

"Valendrian moved the date forward."

"But… why?" Elves were always married on the annums. Not once had he seen it otherwise. It carried the same profound wrongness as chopping the vhenadahl. "It…it's just not right."

Cyrion returned to his seat. "Your mother and I weren't married on an annum."

It was only shems who married on unsacred days. Raviathan put a hand over his gaping mouth as he took in the news of his marriage date. "Father, why?"

"You don't want to be married early?"

"You know that's not the issue." It would be for Soris. His cousin had been relieved by the delay. "Why aren't you telling me?"

"Because I don't know why. Valendrian came to me this afternoon. Said he talked to Mother Boann, and that she agreed to perform the ceremony this Chantry Day. Considering how few mothers are left, I'm surprised she agreed."

"Do you think it's because of Giles and Anise?" The three of them had acted against Valendrian's order, but that order was for his father's sake. Cyrion was the wounded party. Moving their marriage date didn't make sense, but Raviathan could think of no other reason.

Cyrion blinked rapidly then took a sip of wine. Raviathan knew he wasn't going to be asked to leave now, but his father was still struggling with the events from last night. "I'm not sure, Son."

Raviathan bit his lip. "I'm going to start practicing again. Full time. I'm going to take human clients as well. Like Solyn did."

Cyrion turned inward at the news. "Son. I can't… can't stand the thought of losing you, too. Why would you do this? After all we've done?"

"Father, I'm scared too, but I can't sit back anymore. I can't."

"What about when you have children? Would you leave them without a father? Ness without a husband? And what if your children…?"

His chest tightened at the thought, and Raviathan bowed his head. "That's not fair."

"It's a possibility."

Hands clenching, Raviathan raised his head. "There are lots of possibilities. Anise could have died last night. Even if she survived, her son would be dead, and she'd be too damaged to ever carry again. I can name a dozen elves who would have died in the past two years. Maker's breath. There were a few times at the docks where I almost went to the Fade permanently. At least as a healer, I won't be threatened with rape every day."

Cyrion's head shot up. "Son."

"I… didn't want to tell you." Raviathan's lips thinned. "At least as a healer, I'll be doing something worthwhile. Make things better. It's time I started helping the alienage."

Cyrion leaned back and looked at the ceiling. "Grief made me blind, didn't it. Ever since I lost your mother, it's like I've been walking about in a fog."

Raviathan squeezed his father's hand. "I understand now."

"I guess we're never out of danger." Cyrion gave his son a sad smile. "Your children…"

"My children will be raised with love. Just like I was."

Cyrion pulled his son forward, and the two rested their foreheads together. "Son, from the moment we knew your mother was pregnant, I loved you. I'll always love you."

"I love you too."

He kissed his son's cheek and sat straight. "You can wait three days?"

Throat closing, Raviathan wiped away his tears. "Yeah."

"Well. Best make it four. So you can enjoy your wedding night."

Raviathan laughed, his throat working, and he blinked to clear his eyes. "It'll be okay, won't it?"

"It'll all work itself out. Always has."

~o~O~o~

"Here. New wife," Drioni called when Nesiara passed the grannies' door. "Go on up, Rav. This is for wives." When he turned to leave with a shrug, Drioni pinched his butt eliciting a yelp of surprise.

"You used to be a lot more subtle," Raviathan said. It was impossible to be mad at the grinning imp.

"Wait until we dance tomorrow, young groom. You've had enough practice for your wedding night, a dance or two shouldn't put you too much off your game."

Raviathan gave a bark of laughter at that. "Try that line on Ness. I grew up watching you dance the grooms to exhaustion."

"Rite of passage," she said with the dignity of a priestess. "And watch your sass, young man. I'm still your elder."

"Of course, Granny. My apologies." He leaned down to kiss her cheek, and she rolled her eyes in mock ecstasy as her hand roamed over and squeezed his butt. Laughing quietly, he left to go prepare dinner.

Drioni made sure he was gone when she pulled Nesiara inside. "Now, new wife. We have a final gift for you."

"And don't you start protesting," Eolas said. "After my sister and I are done with him… well… we thought he might need a little inspiration." The two old women unfolded a small sack and pulled out two tiny articles made of pale pink lace and silk. Nesiara felt the blush flood her face to the tips of her ears. "And don't say anything about these either. Let him take off your wedding clothes tomorrow night and discover for himself."

"It won't matter how tired he is." Drioni chuckled wickedly as she held up the delicate pink small clothes. "You'll have his blood boiling for sure."

Eolas stood when the bride seemed too immobilized. She gave Nesiara a hug. "We thought this color would complement your skin. I'm glad we did this early," she said addressing her sister.

"I can't remember the last time Valendrian moved a wedding from an annum. Bad luck that. He didn't seem to be in such a hurry during Wintersend."

"Adaia," Eolas said with a too knowing look at her sister.

"Rav's mother?" Nesiara looked between the two women in curiosity. The Wintersend Annum had only been three weeks ago, but with three major festivities, Feastday and two annums, and then the king's army moving South, the Chantry had been too busy to process their permits. Not that she would have minded being married during the Wintersend Annum, but Soris and Valora weren't ready. She worried for the two of them. In the course of two months, they still hadn't formed much of a connection yet.

Eolas patted her hand. "Not to worry, dearie. Valendrian knows what's best. Here now," she said wrapping up the little articles and hiding them in Nesiara's pocket. "Now remember he's not supposed to know. Your wedding night should always be something special. A little mystery and a lot of fun."

Each granny got a hug and kiss before Nesiara left. As she ascended to her home, other elves called to cheer or congratulate her. For weeks she hadn't needed the little chalk markings her husband had made for her, but they always made her smile. They showed the way home. To him.

To her surprise, Alarith joined them for the pre wedding supper. She thought Soris and Valora should be here as well, but they were having their ceremonial supper at the orphanage. Soris had begged off saying the orphans didn't get much to celebrate, so wedding dinners were special.

Cyrion and Alarith talked at length about politics, especially how the war could affect the alienage. It was talk that Nesiara had learned to pay attention to. Raviathan seemed to ignore them in favor of gazing at her throughout dinner, but every once in a while he added his observations to the discussion. Those pretty eyes of his still had the power to make her feel desired and shy, and most of all, loved. Nessa sat quietly listening to them with the occasional smile at some remark. Only once did Nesiara see a deeper pain in Alarith when the shopkeep caught her holding hands with her groom.

All too soon Shianni showed up to take her beloved away for the last night before the newlyweds would have their official ceremony. It was the same parting ceremony Anesa and Shaun had gone through as Nesiara pried her sister away and her father and little brother pulled at Shaun.

"Come on, cousin," Shianni said trying to pull Raviathan from a clutching Nesiara.

"No, he's mine," she said laughing.

"I don't want to," Raviathan held his bride tighter and pouted at his cousin, but his efforts were in vain.

Cyrion laughed at the display. Alarith came over then grinning broadly as he grabbed Raviathan around the waist to pull. "Get the bride," he told Shianni, and Nessa did her part to undo their fingers. Between the three of them, were able to disengage the couple.

Raviathan raised the back of one hand to his forehead and reached out dramatically for his bride, "Ness!" he cried theatrically. "My bride! I will not sleep until we are united again."

Trying to keep the smile from her face, she reached out imploringly, "My husband. I will count the minutes until we are reunited. I promise. I will stay true to you, my love."

"It's one bloody night," Shianni groaned.

"Ness!" Raviathan wailed. "No matter how far I roam, I will keep you in my heart. No matter what wenches find their way into my bed…"

"What!?" Nesiara exclaimed no longer struggling.

"…you will always be my love. Until the Maker calls us to his side, you shall be above all others."

"What wenches?" Nesiara said putting her fists on her hips, and Nessa lowered her head to hide a smile.

Shianni sighed giving her cousin an annoyed glare. "That would be me. Wench indeed," she muttered. She kissed Nesiara and gave her a firm hug. "Not to worry, future cousin. We didn't have half this trouble getting Soris away from his bride."

Nesiara returned the embrace with a smile. "Take care of him for me, future cousin." They kissed in departure, and Shianni took Raviathan's bundle of wedding clothes. He blew his bride a kiss and allowed Alarith to force him out the door. As they left they heard Nesiara and Nessa laughing through the door.

Alarith kept an arm around him just in case he decided to bolt back through the door, but laughed all the same. "Our little troublemaker is finally getting married. Who'd have ever guessed this rascal would find such a good match? There were a few years I was really worried about you, Rav."

Raviathan and Alarith shared a look of hidden mischief. He said quietly in case any neighbors were listening, "Thanks for keeping silent all those years."

"I'm just glad it's over," he whispered back. Alarith squeezed Raviathan's shoulder. "And now you have a beautiful bride waiting for you tomorrow. It's wonderful to see you two together."

"She is pretty adorable."

"So are you," he laughed bumping his hip into the young groom.

When they reached Shianni's apartment, Alarith hugged and kissed Raviathan in an unusual display for the northerner. Touched, Raviathan clapped the man's shoulder in parting. Soris was already waiting for them in Shianni's small apartment. Unable to afford a bed, Shianni slept on a pallet in the tiny adjacent room which she shared on the rare occasion that her mother was in town. Soris looked up from the little table where he had been fiddling with his wedding ring. His wedding bundle was taking up half the space of the tiny table. "You're finally here," Soris said, the tremble in his voice giving away his nervousness. The ring almost rolled off the table when he tried to put it down with fumbling fingers. He slapped it, the sound of metal striking wood loud enough that he made himself jump.

Raviathan gave him a hug. "It won't be so bad, cousin."

Soris patted his arm glad for the comfort. "No, I suppose not. Valora is a good woman after all. Come on. It's late. No more drinking for you tonight, cousin."

Shianni made a face at him then the three of them stripped and dressed in their night clothes without preamble. Raviathan helped undo the little clasps in Shianni's hair while Soris put away the bottle of wine he had been drinking then blew out the lamp when the others were ready. "You know," Shianni said as they settled to bed, "this will probably be the last time the three of us sleep together."

Soris was on his back but turned towards them, his eyes flashing in the sliver of moonlight. Raviathan was on the other end with Shianni in the middle. She turned towards Soris, and Raviathan cuddled pressing into her back with an arm over her waist. He kissed her neck and said, "That makes you sad, doesn't it."

"Of course it does. The last few months, you've been so involved with Ness. I'm happy for you, but I also feel like I'm losing you."

"And me?" Soris asked.

"Not so much with you moving in, wife and all," she said with a little of her humor coming back.

Mischief saturated Raviathan's voice. "So cousin. No more respite. Have you and Valora…?" They could almost hear Soris's embarrassment. "Well? Have you?"

"No," he said turning his face into the pillow. "I… I'm not like you, Rav," he whispered. "It isn't easy for me."

Raviathan reached over to take Soris's hand. "That's not a bad thing, cousin."

"It will be tomorrow," he said glumly. "Holy Maker. I don't know how we're going to… just ugh."

Was he afraid of sex? "Is it Valora? Or the night itself?"

Soris squirmed enough that Raviathan had to pull the blankets back so he was covered. "Both? I don't… she's nice enough. But what if… what if we can't…?"

Raviathan squeezed his cousin's hand. "Cousin, she's going to be just as nervous as you are. And shy. Just go slow and be gentle. Things will work out."

"I just…" Soris fumbled, "now that the day is here, I wish I had some experience. Maybe then I wouldn't be so nervous."

Settling back on the pallet, Raviathan let his arm drape over Shianni's waist. "I wish I had less. Cousin, what you and Valora will have will be special because you share yourself with just one other person. I wish I had done that for Nesiara."

Shianni shifted to look at his shadow, her eyes also catching the slender bit of moonlight. "I never understood that about you, and I'm sure I don't know half of the girls you've been with. You risked so much. It couldn't have been worth it."

Feeling ashamed already from what Alarith had said, Raviathan squirmed. His cousins had protected him for years, and, now that he looked back, had been warning him all that time. The only time they quarreled was when he was tired of their comments, but they had said them only out of concern. He appreciated that now, though he hadn't been able to then. "I don't know."

Soris reached over to lay a hand on his side. "I don't want to fight. Especially since it's going to be the last time it's just the three of us."

"No," Raviathan said still uncomfortable. "I know you two were only trying to look out for me. It isn't that. I just don't know how to explain it."

Shianni asked, "You're okay talking about it?" Raviathan held her tight resting his head against hers. Shianni shifted to a more comfortable position next to him. "I know it didn't make you happy."

"No," Raviathan whispered. "I could tell the adults were watching me, and I tried to stop a few times. I lasted almost a month once."

"Why cousin," Soris asked. "If you were exiled… I don't want to even think about it."

"I couldn't help it, Soris," Raviathan admitted. "I'd be alright for a while, and then my thoughts would get stuck, and it was all I could think about. At least with Ness, I'm finally at peace with it."

"I'm glad, cousin," Soris said. "You both look really happy together."

"Come on," Shianni said as she snuggled between her two cousins. "Get some sleep. We've got a big day tomorrow."

"Love you, cousins."

"And you."

"Same here."