Alex spent most of the night writing in her thoughts in a leather-bound journal, trying to find stability and rationality. It was the only way she knew how to cope with her confusing affair she had recently started with her old flame, Piper. The raven-haired woman flicked a cigarette butt out of the small window next to her dark espresso wooden desk. She wasn't one for smoking but her situation had given her a great deal of stress and she was trying to stay away from drinking as she makes bad decisions when drunk.
Her apartment looked like a page from a magazine. Beautiful, dark, wooden furniture with tasteful décor on her walls, sheets, rugs and everything in between. Piper's favorite place to be was in Alex's apartment. From the smell of her to her collections from all the countries she's been to, it was beautiful and breath taking every single time. The books overflowed on every surface, the fridge always stocked and the bed always warm.
Alex sighed, still not feeling any better after a night full of writing her feelings onto an ivory page with black ink. The sun rose and even the beauty of the sky didn't lift her spirits. She should have slept but she didn't want to experience her reoccurring nightmares. She had hoped writing would help get her frustrations out but it didn't do much justice.
She chuckled at how poetic her whole existence was. In love with a girl who was too afraid to leave her pathetic excuse of a man and there she was, left to spill her emotions on a page all night just to return to her lover and pretend as if she wasn't already head over heels in love with the beautiful, eccentric, narcissistic blonde. She of course could never tell any of that to Piper. She had to remain composed, strong and most importantly, not attached. She didn't want to be perceived as weak or vulnerable.
Alex brushed her teeth, applied some winged eyeliner and headed out the door to Piper's apartment. She felt empty. A slight twinge of anger a rised, reminding her of the long night she had spent thinking over and over what Larry could possibly have over her that could make Piper refuse to leave. She watched him leave, clueless as ever. She entered the apartment silently and instead of calling out for Piper. She took in her surroundings, trying to figure out what would make her want to stay. The apartment was pretty bland, mostly consisting of ikea furniture and a few paintings that made the grey walls not look so prison like. Alex's eyebrows furrowed, still searching.
Piper had heard the door open, and she decided to investigate instead of calling out Alex's name in case Larry had forgotten his lunch or keys. She saw the tall, gorgeous woman leaning against the door, her eyes now closed, head pointed toward the floor and hands at her face.
Piper quickly rushed to her side, wondering what was wrong. Alex's tired eyes raised to meet the bright blue orbs, full of concern.
"Alex, honey what's wrong?" Piper reached up to hold Alex's face in her hands.
Alex sighed, part of her wanted to hash it out again, but it wasn't the rules, it wasn't the plan. She agreed and she would keep her word.
"Nothing Piper, just didn't get any sleep last night" she replied rather curtly. She tried to ease up but it was a struggle.
"Are you sure? Alex… you can tell me" Piper asked again, she didn't quite believe lack of sleep was the only issue. She tried her hardest to use a soothing voice as to not further push the already on edge woman before her.
"Yeah Pipes, I'm fine. What do you think about going over to my place today?" Alex couldn't stand to look at her apartment anymore as a constant reminder of their agreement.
Piper nodded easily and retrieved some clothes from her room before meeting Alex back at the door way. She took her hand and they walked together in silence to Alex's apartment. She rubbed small circles into the back of her palm trying to soothe her.
Once inside Piper breathed in heavily, taking in the sweet familiar smell. Alex felt a little more relaxed and finally started easing up. She took off her leather jacket and went to lounge on the leather sofa.
She motioned for Piper to come cuddle with her as she needed the blonde's touch. Piper sauntered over happily and they enjoyed the company of each other with some light TV playing in the background. Alex spent the majority of the time letting her hands explore every inch of Piper's skin. She was careful not to lead sexually as Alex truly just needed to human skin contact. Her eyes grew tired and the patterns under her fingers grew slower. She dozed off with a light snore with her arm around Piper.
Piper let a few minutes go by before gently moving the raven haired woman's arm so that she was free to move around. Piper was too intoxicated by the elegance of Alex's apartment to doze off with her but wanted the green-eyed beauty to get some rest. Piper wandered around just taking in the different accents of the rooms. She made her way to Alex's bedroom and out of the corner of her eye she saw the journal open on the desk.
Piper tried her hardest not to snoop but Alex's mood was so off she had to know what was really going on. Their last goodbye had been especially hard but Piper felt it was more than that.
She quickly glanced back at a peacefully sleeping Alex before skimming over the white pages. Alex's beautiful script turned messy in some portions and Pipers lip began to pout as she read over the demons Alex was facing. She felt guilt as she ran her fingers over the words.
"I don't know what to do, I can't force her to leave him and I don't want to. I want her to want to be with me. I know she loves me but she won't let go of him. I'm in love with her and we agreed not to get attached but every time were together, I get more and more attached. She's too important to me, we just snapped back to each other like no time had passed. How am I going to keep this up? It hurts to look at her knowing I can't tell her any of this. Guilt wasn't apart of it, she shouldn't have to feel guilty for my feelings. I won't let her."
Piper starts to tear as she finishes the small passage, she flips through the pages of Alex's thoughts. Random, sporadic, full of pain.
"Oh Alex…" She mumbles into her hand, feeling every ounce of pain she's caused.
"I see you've found my journal" Alex chuckles from the doorway, causing Piper to jump back.