A/N: PHEW! It's horribly late but I wanted to update before heading to bed. So here we are. Yay…?

Before getting to the point, though… THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for the OVERWHELMING reception to this fic and my return! You can't even imagine how much your kind words mean to me. So thank you! (HUGS)

Awkay, before I get all mushy… Let's go! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

Angst ahoy!

EDITED VERSION

Two Homes

/ The room had been unbearably quiet for almost a full minute until a female voice finally spoke. "This is our fifth meeting, Derek. I can tell that something's bothering you."

Derek Morgan gave her a far from impressed look. "My husband died nine months ago. That's what's bothering me." It was probably supposed to be biting but her ears caught the deeply wounded, agonized undertone.

"I wouldn't need to be a psychiatrist to realize that." She tilted her head. "You're still having nightmares."

Derek looked away sharply, a deep frown on his face. His arms folded tightly in a mostly futile attempt to shield himself. "Not… exactly. Just… dreams, mostly. Of what we did, or could've done. Ordinary things. Sometimes I dream of waking up and starting a day with him, and then I… well, wake up, and remember." The ache was palpable, even if those eyes still refused to meet hers. "Last night…" And there was something else. Guilt. "I dreamt of the last time I ever saw him."

She nodded slowly, processing. Coming to conclusions. "Something you regret?"

The silence spoke far louder than any words could've.

She shifted slightly and considered for a moment. Then decided on a calculated risk. "If you could relive that moment… What would you say to him?" /

For over almost seven years Derek Morgan was a widow. Clichéd, perhaps, but on the day his husband and best friend died he lost a part of himself, too. A piece of his heart clicked shut. He'd imagined that it'd never come to life again.

Until now.

Because all of a sudden Spencer was right there. In front of him, staring at him with those painfully familiar, wide eyes. And the years ago locked piece of Derek's heart restarted with such force that he feared it might kill him.

Derek's first instinct was to run to his husband. To hug the man he'd imagined lost, kiss him, hold him and never let go. Because that was what he'd been dreaming of, every single night for almost seven years. But something in Spencer's eyes froze him to the spot even before the words.

"Why… would you c… call me Spence?"

Aaron Hotchner, never having been one to stand back, was the next one to enter the scene. The first thing he saw was Derek, gun holstered and such an utterly crushed expression on his face that it would've broken anyone's heart. It was the look of someone who was having their heart torn out of their chest.

And then Aaron's eyes landed on the man who was supposed to be dead. Whose funeral they attended to. A man who had a gravestone and was now staring at Derek with unmasked fear and confusion. Clearly not recognizing. "Why… would you c… call me Spence?"

Aaron knew that there was absolutely no way Derek would be able to handle the situation. So he did what he'd trained himself at for years. He bottled up his emotions, kept his facial expression in check and stepped forward. "We'll tell you everything you want to know later, when you're ready. But first you need to stop by at a hospital, just to be sure that you're alright. And then we'll need to ask you a few questions to close the case."

Spencer nodded slowly, a dazed look on his face. While the man passed by Derek for exactly two seconds his hand twitched towards the older agent's. Like a part of him still knew and remembered. And Derek's hand twitched back with at least the same eagerness, until the mocha skinned agent balled the fist so tightly that it had to hurt.

A joyous reunion and a bitter loss rolled into one.

Not another word was offered because none of them knew what to say. Beside him Spencer limped slightly and trembled miserably. Shock, definitely. Aaron pretended to not know that behind them Derek broke down to soundless tears.

It took an hour and a half before Derek finally found the strength to enter the hospital where Spencer had been taken. Aaron, Alex and David were already there waiting, varying levels of confusion and shock on their faces. None of them seemed to quite know what to say when he walked in. David resulted to a grim-faced nod, Alex gave him a brief but tender hug.

"Are you sure that you're ready to face him?" Aaron demanded, and only someone who knew the man as well as he did saw how shaken the team leader was.

Derek chuckled bitterly. "No", he admitted brutally honestly. "But I… I need to be here."

His three friends nodded. It didn't take profiling skills to understand certain things. As Derek slumped to a chair and buried his face into his hands they settled to a quiet wait.

/ "Something you regret?" /

Feeling like there were fire ants under his skin Derek bounced up and stormed out of the room. The second he found a vending machine he kicked it hard, several times over until he wondered if a toe had been broken. He had no idea of the tears which first flowed, then dried to his cheeks while he stared at the wall and gasped like a drowning man.

The sounds of a slamming door and Spencer's sobs, which the genius tried to hold back so very bravely, still echoed in Derek's ears after almost seven years.

This time Derek had no idea how long it took before he managed to persuade himself back to the waiting room. Only seconds later JJ walked in as well. It was easy to see that she'd been crying and wasn't far from breaking down again.

"How's the kid?" David inquired, a slight weaver in tone betraying the man's feelings.

JJ cleared her throat and sighed, her eyes darting around without managing to lock on a definite target. "He's… He's badly bruised, and in a shock. And they think that he may have a concussion. So… We can't interview him yet. Or talk. But… He'll be okay." Grief flooded to her eyes. Despite her best efforts she'd never become quite as skilled at hiding her emotions as the rest of them. "He has no idea who I am, who any of us are. He isn't even Spencer anymore."

"So…" Derek swallowed, feeling physically ill, and stared at his shoes in hopes that it was a boring enough of a target to keep him from breaking into a scream. "When he…" Died? Vanished? What word was he supposed to use?

"He told me that he was mugged." JJ sighed, her shoulders slumping. "He woke up in a hospital and… Well, he had to learn to know himself again. Had to building a new life, with a new name."

"What's he called now?" Alex asked softly, her eyes a little moist.

"Matthew."

The silence filling up the room was heavy and loaded. "Is there any hope that he'll ever remember us?" Derek inquired quietly. Did he get his husband back only to realize that he was gone, after all?

The look JJ directed at him was that of apology. "I'm so sorry, but… According to the doctors the brain damage was severe. They don't think that he's ever going to remember what he doesn't by now."

Derek felt like the ground just vanished from under his feet, sucking him to a black hole.

Matthew felt like he couldn't breathe. Being abducted by a serial killer and taking down the monster were one thing. Having the part of his life before he became Matthew come back to haunt him… Now that was something else entirely.

All these people who knew the part of him that wasn't him… They could've given him all the answers he'd so desperately wanted. But did he really want to jump into that rabbit hole? For any of their sakes?

Because he could see how much they'd missed him. How much they wanted him to come home. How much they wanted him to come back.

What if he'd never be able to or even willing to give them what they wanted, what they expected of him?

Eventually he couldn't stand just laying still anymore. Ignoring how dizzy and unsteady on his feet he felt he hoisted himself up and wandered to the hallway. The second he saw an opportunity to get coffee he felt his eyes brighten and spirits lift. And although the coffee was hospital quality it tasted divine. He unleashed a sigh of happiness without noticing it, relaxing.

Until a voice that sounded familiar and unfamiliar at once spoke from directly behind him. Sounding so sad that something inside him hurt. "Well, you did always love coffee."

He almost dropped the mug he'd been holding. It took several moments before he managed to coax himself into turning around. He cleared his throat to buy himself some time. "I, ah…" He shifted and blinked rapidly, the headache he'd been trying to soothe with the coffee intensifying. "Sorry, but this… This is w-weird. I… I never expected to meet someone from… before. Didn't know that s-someone waited."

Derek's mouth opened several times. What eventually came out was closer to a sob than a chuckle. The man couldn't seem to stop staring at him. "I…" The agent shook his head. "I can't believe that you're really here."

Looking into those heartbroken eyes, Matthew wished more than anything that he would've been able to take at least some of that pain away. That for a second, just one, he could've been what the agent so desperately needed. Or that he would've had the power to take away the still searing love that was burning Derek alive.

But he was gone and he wasn't, and there was nothing either of them could do about it.

"Sp… Matthew…" Derek's lips remained open for a blink before whatever the man had been planning on saying faded away. The agony in those eyes didn't go anywhere. "Did JJ let you know how to reach us?" At a nod the older man went on. "Contact us, anytime, even if it's not about the case. We… We've missed you."

How was he supposed to tell Derek that the man he missed was gone?

It was almost unbearable. To stand there, looking at the face he loved so much that it took his breath away and knowing that the person hiding underneath wasn't the same anymore. What made it even worse was the fact that Spencer now wore a ring he didn't put on the man's finger.

Apparently Derek wasn't hurting enough yet.

"Oh god, I thought…!" A woman rushed to them and hugged Spencer tightly, desperately, burying her face to his shoulder. Holding on to Spencer like she feared that he might slip right through her fingers. She was trembling. "When… When they called…"

The absolutely worst was seeing the look on Spencer's face. To see all that love in the man's eyes when he held the woman and kissed the top of her head, to see exactly how much those two cared about each other.

When Spencer whispered the words Derek had been dreaming about for almost seven years to the woman's ear the older man turned and began to walk away, feeling like he'd been leaving tiny, sharp pieces of his heart behind.

/ "I love you." /

Embracing Maeve, Matthew lifted his gaze upon sensing movement. And for some reason he felt like his home was right there in his arms but also walking away. Like his heart had been torn in two.

Helpless tears filled his eyes, only one of them spilling.

"Mattie?" Maeve held him just a little closer. It helped him feel marginally better.

"Let's go home", he murmured and kissed her hair, then her cheek. "I… I need to hold you, and Morgan. Please, let's go home." He felt like there wasn't enough air in the building, his lungs were hurting and no matter how hard he breathed it didn't help him feel better. He recognized an oncoming panic attack, no matter how little he liked it. And he needed to get away, had to get away, needed to go home. To where it was safe. He needed his family.

"Okay." Maeve kissed his cheek, and it helped ground him. Made breathing a little easier. "Let's go home."

/ "I love you."

"Sorry?" /

Derek didn't know how long he sat in a car at the hospital's parking lot. Or how many phone calls from Penelope he ignored. He couldn't cry. Couldn't scream. Couldn't even allow himself to fall apart. And all the resulting pressure made him feel like he'd been torn to shreds.

Eventually he realized that there was only one thing that could help. He grabbed his phone, relieved when it remained in his hold although his hands shook miserably. It took torturously long before someone picked up. "Hey, dad. What's going on? I was just studying."

Derek chuckled, hoping from the bottom of his heart that the child didn't hear his tears. "Hey, buddy. It's nothing, I just…" He cleared his throat. "I thought I'd let you know that I'll be home soon. I miss you."

"I miss you too, dad. You big softie." The child sounded sad, but clearly did his best to remain brave. "I almost blew up the school's laboratory today..."

/ "You asked me what I'd say to him, if I got the chance to redo my last words to him." Derek wiped his eyes, barely registering the moisture. "I'd tell him that I love him. And that he and our son are the best things that have ever happened to me." /

TBC

A/N: Oh dear… So the plot and angst thickens. Because of course we know that now, Reid won't be able to stay away from the team and Morgan, fate will continue to pull them together. But how will this mess be sorted? Who gets a happy ending or does anyone?

PLEASE, do leave a note! Thoughts? Rants?

It's LATE and I really have to tune out, now. Until next time! I REALLY hope that I'll see you all there.

Take care!

Ripon: It's good to be back! (BEAMS and hugs) I'm really happy that you enjoyed the first chapter! We'll see what the rest will bring.

Colossal thank yous for the review!

Guest (1): Awww, I'm glad you do! And I really hope that you'll continue to enjoy the ride.

Huge thank yous for the review!

Sniper: It means A LOT that you enjoyed the beginning of the story so much! I truly hope that what's to come meets all your expectations.

Spencer's DEFINITELY my favorite, too! (BEAMS, and high fives)

THANK YOU, so very much, for the lovely review!

Guest (2): I'm REALLY happy that you think so! I truly hope that you'll find what's to come as captivating.

Massive thank yous for the review!

Guest (3): YAY! (BEAMS) Oh, how I hope that you'll be as pleased with what's to come!

Colossal thank yous for the review!