A/N: PHEEEW! You know, I think I lost my 'CM'-fic-typing mojo for a while. BUT, tonight it finally returned. (BEAMS) I'm SO SORRY that I was gone for so long!

THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for all your reviews, love and support! You can't even imagine how much they mean to me. (HUGS)

Awkay, because I've kept you waiting… Let's go! I really hope that you'll find this worth the wait.

Reaching Out to You

Morgana knew that she was getting sicker. And it scared her. That morning she burst into tears when her mommy was forced to go and stop by at work. She knew that she was being a baby but the thought that she wouldn't be there when her mommy came back…

Her daddy stayed, though, and slowly yet surely it helped calm her down. He lay on the bed beside her, humming softly and stroking her hair. In the end she was almost asleep. Almost.

"Daddy?"

"Hmm?"

"Will it hurt?" She didn't have to clarify. This was something they'd talked about several times. Although she'd never asked with quite these words…

She felt bad for asking when he shuddered and tensed up. It took a while before he found his voice. "No, sweetie. It won't." It was baffling, even to someone of her age, how he barely stuttered with her. "They'll make sure that you get enough medicine."

Morgana nodded and closed her eyes, too tired to talk anymore. Her daddy's answer wasn't much. But it'd need to be enough.

She was even closer to falling asleep when there was a tiny beep from her daddy's phone. At that exact moment a nurse walked in. "I… I have to go. For an hour." And he hated it, she could tell, and wished that she had the words to ease his mind. "Could you…?"

"Of course." The nurse's soft voice began to sound distant. "I'll contact you immediately if something happens."

Morgana fell asleep without hearing her daddy's answer and, for which she was glad, without having to hear him leave.

The first time Hank was taken to see Dr. Irina Lily was a month after his pa died. (Or they thought that he died, anyway.) Despite how young Hank was at the time he understood why. He was so angry that he destroyed most of his toys and the night terrors he had made him start wetting his bed again. The last straw was when he stopped talking. Entirely. It took seven months before his mouth agreed to function again.

His pa's return was almost as traumatic as the man's alleged death. The man who came back might've as well been a stranger. There was no memory trace of their family, of the time they had together. How was a twelve-year-old supposed to handle that?

Chess was a good start.

"Have you thought about trying to talk to him again?"

Hank shivered. His hand wavered before he put down a chess piece. "You're trying to distract me."

"That, too. And I'm also some kind of a shrink. I'd be crappy at my job if I didn't at least try." Her eyes shifted briefly to him while she made her move. "He does love you, you know?"

Hank scoffed. Ache transforming to bitterness that was far easier to deal with. "Yeah, right… Then why has he been away most of my life?"

"To me it doesn't seem like he had much of a choice." She sounded genuinely sympathetic. He wasn't sure if he liked it or hated it. "Sometimes fate can be pretty unfair."

Hank nodded, a flash of unwanted memories and feelings rushing through him. "Finally something we agree on." He struck the chess piece down with more force than would've been necessary. "Checkmate."

"How's Morgana?"

Matthew shuddered and folded his arms tightly to his chest in a feeble attempt to shield himself. Like anything could've chased away this level of ache. "We, ah… She was h-home, for a couple of days. She was e-excited to sleep in her own bed." He shifted with discomfort, wondering how much further he could go without his self-control cracking. "It… doesn't look like she's got long, so… S-She's back h-here."

His therapist, Dr. Tracy Ivory, nodded. There was a great deal of sympathy and a hint of sadness on her face but no pity. "Does she know that she's going to pass away soon?"

The lump in Matthew's throat felt big enough to suffocate him and the searing sensation in his eyes threatened to drive him mad. He nodded barely visibly, not facing the woman. "Dr. Rhodes t-told us to be honest with her, so… We have b-been. As much as we can be w-with a small child, at least. She's a bit s-scared, but… She accepts it."

"It must be much harder to accept for you and Maeve", Dr. Ivory pointed out gently.

It felt like someone had shot Matthew right through the heart. He shuddered, struck cold and breathless. It took a very long time before he found his voice. "I, uh… I can't…" He cleared his throat, hating the way his tongue seemed to get tangled. "I want to t-talk about s-something else." Anything else.

"Alright." Dr. Ivory's tone revealed that even though she showed him mercy now, they'd get back to this topic one day soon. She gave him a few moments to try and pull himself together. "What do you want to talk about, then?"

Matthew shrugged. In full, brutal honesty he didn't feel like talking about anything. "I had that n-nightmare again", he revealed eventually. The memory still made him feel cold. "The e-echoing steps… That voice…" He frowned. "I don't think it's about the a-attack, after all. The voice is different." At first it made sense that he might have dreams of the attack that reunited him with Derek. But the more frequently that nightmare occurred during those few moments of sleep he got, the more differences he noticed.

It was always a parking lot. Steps approached him from behind. The sinister voice hissing at him to be quiet and hold still wasn't that of the serial killer. And the pain which followed…

"It could be your mind's way to tell you that you're under too much stress", Dr. Ivory suggested. "You must feel overwhelmed with everything that's been happening recently. Is there anything I can do to help you deal with that?"

What was Matthew supposed to say to that? He kept having headaches almost every day, sometimes they even lasted for days. He couldn't eat because of constant, stress induced nausea. He hadn't slept properly since his first encounter with Derek. Perhaps because of all that his mouth functioned faster than his thoughts. "You could s-start with telling me how to stop making everyone who l-loves me miserable."

Dr. Ivory sighed. "Matthew… I'm sure…"

"My son refuses to text me or m-meet me. According to Derek he's been a-acting up at school and home. My wife does her best not to fall apart in f-front of me but I can see how much she holds back. She's almost as terrified of l-losing me as our daughter and I have no idea how to soothe her. And my hus… Derek… He calls me daily u-updates on Hank although I can tell how much it pains him to hear my v-voice. The…" He wiped his eyes, surprised to realize that they'd grown moist at some point. "The only one who's h-happy is Morgana, and…" He trailed off, all words dying to his throat.

Dr. Ivory gave him a long moment before talking softly and quietly. "I'm truly sorry that you have to go through all this, Matthew. No one deserves that pain. And I wish I had some kind of a magic wand that'd make things easier but I don't. But I do know that if you want to help anyone else, your kids included, you need to look after yourself. Be there for your daughter because right now she needs her daddy more than ever. And maybe there's something you can do to help your son, too."

Matthew wished, he really did, that he would've been able to believe that. That he would've been able to see even one positive outcome to all this. Before he could voice as much, though, his phone began to ring. His blood turned to ice when he recognized the number of Morgana's ward.

Thirty minutes. That was how long Derek had been pacing outside Dr. Lily's office, waiting for her session with Hank to end and wondering how much help this would be. Meetings with Dr. Lily were always incredibly draining on Hank and the boy usually fell asleep during the drive back home. Derek knew that this was absolutely necessary but hated when he had to see his son so emotionally drained.

A door opened somewhere behind him, making him stiffen instinctively, and he peered over his shoulder. He felt a much too familiar flutter inside when finding himself face to face with Spencer who looked like he'd seen a ghost. The irony didn't escape Derek.

"Derek?" Spencer bit his lip. A comfortingly and achingly familiar nervous habit. "What, ah… What a-are you doing here?"

Derek hesitated, not wanting to add the burden of guilt and worry that was already weighing on the other's shoulders. "Waiting for Hank. He… comes here once or twice a week to talk."

Spencer shivered visibly and looked away quickly, clearly understanding. "I have, ah… I have to go…"

Derek frowned. "Hey." He reached out, aching to grab that familiar hand, but stopped himself on the last moment. "As mad as he is right now, you're still his other parent. He loves you."

Spencer shook his head. The man's lips opened but in the end nothing came out. The genius gave him a one more look that was so full of ache and apology that it would've shattered anyone's heart, then began to walk away. Before stopping. "D-Derek, I… I want you to meet someone."

That… was not what Derek had expected. "Okay", he agreed with a frown he didn't manage to hide. There was very little he wouldn't have done for Spencer. Especially when the man looked like he might collapse at any moment.

They made their way to a ward meant for… children? Derek wanted to ask. And didn't want to. In the end he remained mute, following Spencer while the man walked far faster than would've been advisable with how unsteady the genius appeared on his feet.

A solemn faced nurse was already there waiting for Spencer. She cast a look of suspicion towards him but eventually focused on the other man. "She's… We're doing all we can for your daughter…"

Those words made Derek feel dizzy and he actually gasped, his eyes widening. Of course… Spencer, he'd been… missing for years… He was married… Of course… He should've known…

Spencer grabbed his hand and held on, so tightly that it hurt. No matter how involuntary that motion was it sent butterflies into the pit of Derek's stomach and his fingers curled back instinctively, naturally. Spencer's gaze strayed towards a window separating them from a hospital room. The man's eyes filled with tears that didn't spill. "Morgana…", the man whimpered barely audibly.

Derek felt like he'd been stabbed. Because he heard, and understood. Through everything, despite losing his whole past, a tiny part somewhere at the very back of Spencer's subconscious held on, kept a tiny fragment… And yet, while realizing that Derek also finally acknowledged for the first time just how completely and utterly he'd lost his husband.

Hank felt utterly drained when he left the psychiatrist's office. And although he would've never admitted as much out loud he needed a hug. Desperately. Which was why he frowned, feeling a sting of disappointment, when his dad wasn't waiting.

A quick look towards the parking lot revealed that the man hadn't left the building, at least. Hank was uncomfortably close to panicking until it crossed his mind that there was only one person who might be able to coax his dad away. Anger flaring, Hank grabbed his phone and typed a text. 'You're with him, aren't you?'

The response he got from his dad wasn't what he'd been expecting. And it came after a curiously long wait. 'Not now. Wait there.'

Oh, Hank wasn't going to just wait when his heart was racing from what couldn't be panic.

Getting information from his parent wasn't all that difficult. Remembering his pa's new name was far more challenging. He was surprised to hear that no, the man wasn't admitted. What overcame him when he heard that the man's daughter was… It couldn't even be described.

The young receptionist, fresh in a new job, was oblivious to the boy's mental turmoil as she rummaged through her computer. "She's in room 205 but…" She sighed at what she discovered. "Oh dear. Maybe it's better you don't go there until your parents get here."

She looked up when there was no response but the boy was gone.

Hank was as smart as his pa and as fast as his dad. Something he still remembered the two joking about, before everything… blew apart. By the time the receptionist picked up a phone to alert the ward the boy was already there.

Almost the second he entered Hank saw his parents. His dad had the kind of a look on his face the boy last saw a very, very long time ago and never wanted to encounter again. His pa stood beside the man, so close that they could've easily touched if they dared to. The younger man was trembling miserably and his face had lost absolutely all color. He appeared more frail than Hank had ever seen him. Both men stared at something going on in the room next to them. Hank looked that way as well although he wasn't sure how much more he'd be able to handle.

In there a group of medical professionals was working on an unconscious little girl who looked so much like his pa that it was baffling. A little girl who was his sister. A little girl who was…

Hank officially couldn't take any more of it.

He began to run. Never noticing the two pairs of eyes turning to see him. He barely heard his pa's voice. "Hank…!"

This time he'd be the one who had enough and walked away.

Derek's mind and feelings were in a total, utter chaos. Yet somehow seeing his son run away helped put things into focus. At least a little bit.

When Spencer moved to follow he held out a gentle hand to stop the man. "It's okay, he won't go far", he promised, barely recognizing his own voice. "I'll go and talk to him. Your daughter needs you."

As much as giving up clearly tore at Spencer the man nodded, wiping his eyes. His husband's lips opened thrice before sound came. "I… I have b-been meaning to t-tell you… so many t-times… This…" That horrible, wounded whimper tore at his heart. "This wasn't…"

"I know." And Derek did. He could only imagine how many times Spencer had wanted to tell him about his daughter, how many different possible ways the man had come up with. This… This was any parent's worst nightmare. It took absolutely all Derek had to not pull his husband to a tight hug, to not at least try to kiss all that pain away. He was only human. He couldn't resist kissing the forehead of the man he still loved from the bottom of his heart and soul. And then he walked away, before the urge to do more would've become overwhelming.

Now was not the time for those thoughts, he scolded himself with venom, not when one child was horribly ill and another one missing.

Derek was a seasoned profiler. But more than that, he was a dad. He found Hank sitting in their car and wondered when the boy snatched the keys. His son's eyes were swollen and red but at the moment no tears were visible.

Derek took his time as he sat down to the driver's seat with a heavy sigh.

"Sorry", Hank murmured. And actually did sound sorry. "I wasn't supposed to bolt. It just…" The boy trailed off.

"… got too much?" Derek nodded and focused on the view outside the vehicle. When did it start to rain? "For me, too."

Hank swallowed loudly. "That kid… She's my… sister, right?" The boy went on without waiting for an obvious answer. "How… How sick is she?"

Derek shook his head. "I don't know." He should've asked. Should've done a million things differently. "I can't even imagine what your pa's going through right now. To tell you the truth… I don't know how to feel about any of this. And… I don't need to decide that right now. Neither of us needs to." He rubbed his face roughly with both hands but the image of Spencer agony-filled face stuck. "He needs us, Hank. And… Right now, we only need to decide if we're strong enough to stick by him through whatever is to come."

The sound Hank emitted was hauntingly lot like what came out of Spencer only a blink ago. "I… I'm only twelve, dad. I can't… How am I supposed to know that?"

Derek sighed heavily, his eyes stinging uncomfortably. He wrapped an arm around his son and for once the child leaned in to the comfort eagerly. Unfair, all of this. "I'm sorry that you have to figure it out", he murmured.

They took Morgana to a yet another emergency surgery. And Matthew was left there, in the middle of the hallway, all alone and in incredible pain. His phone was still in his unsteady hand from when he sent a text to Maeve.

He couldn't remember ever feeling quite this lost and it was ridiculously, horribly, bitterly amusing.

In the end his body made the decision for him. He rushed to the nearest toilet and barely made it there before throwing up loudly. Which was surreal, because there shouldn't have been anything in his stomach to empty. He had no idea what hurt more. The actual vomiting, the dry heaving which followed, his chest or his head. It was like someone had been slamming a sledgehammer at his skull and ribcage simultaneously. His head was spinning and breathing was nearly impossible, which made the dizziness and pain even worse. He gasped, one hand clutching at his head and the other his chest.

A smile. / "Reid." /

A hug. / "Spence." /

The ghost of a hand ruffling his hair. / "Kid." /

A smirk. / "Pretty boy." /

A kiss. / "Love." /

What was happening to him? He gasped desperately and tried to find support from the wall but his hand slipped instantly. Was he having a panic attack or dying? He felt like his head and heart were about to explode.

He fell to the floor, hitting his head hard on the way down, before getting any answers. Before hearing the tentative steps entering the room outside the booth. "Pa?"

TBC

A/N: Oh dear…! Is Spencer gonna be okay? Physically, at least, if not emotionally? And how is Hank gonna react to this? (whimpers)

Thoughts? Comments? I'd LOVE to hear from you, especially after having been away for so long!

IN THE NEXT CHAPTER COMES WHAT WE'RE ALL DREADING, so brace yourselves…

Until next time, folks! I really hope that you'll all stay tuned for that one.

Take care!

Guest (1): It would've been almost too easy, eh? Oh, how much this is gonna hurt… (winces) I'm REALLY happy that you like the idea!

Colossal thank yous for the review!

Guest (2): I'm SOOOO happy that you enjoyed it, sad as it was! (BEAMS) We'll see… Gosh, there seems to be a lot of tragedy in the horizon… Let's hope that Spencer and Derek can find at least a little bit of happiness at the end.

Massive thank yous for the review!

ripon: You may need them soon… (winces apologetically)

Gigantic thank yous for the review! Until next time.