Comfort

Dagran blinked confused. He pulled himself up slowly, dropping the cloak that covered him. He was no longer in the swamps, but under a rocky ledge. It was dead of night and above the foliage of the trees the sky was lit by a myriad of stars. A field fire burned a little farther. One of the branches that fed it had broken, causing the snap he had heard just before waking up. He gave a quick look at the surroundings and realized that his companions were all there. Yurick was lying next to the rock wall and gave his back to the fire. Syrenne and Mirania were closer, with the warrior sleeping hugged to the Mage. They all seemed so serene...

Zael and Lowell were well awake, and at that moment they were leaning on Dagran to observe him with worried faces. From the hand resting on his shoulder, he realized that it was Zael who wake him up.

"What is it?" he asked half asleep.

"I ended my turn of guard and I saw that you were agitated" said Zael, "Is everything all right?"

Dagran nodded trying to hide the embarrassment. Was he agitated so much to make them worry? He would have avoided gladly to give show that way...

"Are you sure?" Lowell asked doubtful.

"Yes, it was just a bad dream, nothing more!" he tried to reassure them, though in reality he was the one who needed it most.

Yes, it was just a nightmare, he went on repeating himself.

They had really fought in Morva a few days before, and in fact he and Zael had risked to die in an ambush while they were lost in the swamps, but unlike his dream, those who they had faced were just common Reptid and they had won without losses, even though the enemies were much more numerous than expected. Only Syrenne had been wounded, when a whole group of those creatures had torn down on her by brandishing poisoned blades, but the warrior had managed to stand up to them effortless, and Mirania's cares had put her back in good shape immediately, even if the Mage had forced her to rest a couple of days, to be sure that she removed every trace of poison from her friend's body. After receiving the reward, they had waited for Syrenne's forced convalescence to end before to leave, and that's why they were now camped there.

His friends were still leaning on him and they weren't satisfied at all with his answers, but eventually they decided not to ask him anything else. Lowell turned away to take position and begin his turn to guard, while Zael wrapped himself in his cloak and stretched a few steps away from Dagran.

Since the next turn was his and that now he was awake already, Dagran sat near the fire with folded legs and stared at the heart of the flames, lost in his own thoughts. It was a long time since he had no nightmares, and when he had them, they were always bound to his memories: the destruction of his village, the death of the people he had loved, and all the other horrible things that had happened to him over the years.

But this was different. It was not about something that had already happened, but about something that could happen. As if it were some kind of a premonitory dream, though he knew it wasn't. The battle had ended days before and all the six of them were there, alive and well. The despair he had felt, however, didn't mention to leave. After some time to brood over, he understood what was the meaning of that dream, the reason why he had done it.

Things were going well for too long, to the point that he had almost taken into account the idea of abandoning his plans of revenge, so his mind had begun to play with him, reminding to him that their fortune could end at any moment. It was as if an evil voice continued to tease him and kept repeating to infinity that he was destined to lose all that he had, regardless of how he tried to prevent it.

I will not allow it to happen again, he repeated himself. He would have fought until his last breath to ensure that his tragedy wouldn't repeat. But in the end that dream had reminded him that there could always be an unexpected event, an opponent outside of his reach ready to destroy him and whoever he had around. He couldn't accept it.

I have to become even stronger.

There was no other solution. He knew well, however, that as he trained, there were things against which his muscles and his skill with the sword were not enough. If only he had the gift of magic like Lowell or Yurick...

He had to find something that would guarantee him more power, even at the cost of falling to terms with the darkest forces that could be encountered on the face of the earth.

"Dagran?" The voice of Zael roused him from his thoughts. When he turned, he saw that his friend had pulled up and stared at him. Dagran put aside his reasoning and asked him in a low voice if there was any problem. Zael looked away. The concern he had seen before was still there on his face. The friend drew a long breath before answering him.

"It's because of you. Forgive me if I meddle in your things, but that nightmare wasn't one of the usual, was it?"

Dagran arched an eyebrow.

"What makes you believe so?"

"We've known each other for years. Even if you try not to give it a look, I always get it when you're upset. And I realized that those who disturbed you sleep were not old memories, but something more."

Dagran studied him for a moment. Yes, he knew him all too well. Over the years it had become increasingly difficult to keep his secrets hidden to him, but at least he knew that he could count on Zael. At least outside of his revenge plans.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" asked the friend.

We mused a little. Zael could not give him what he really needed to find peace, however, given the situation, there was one thing he could do to help him at least that night.

"Stay close to me, please. That's enough for me."

Zael looked at him quietly, then smiled and sat down beside him, surrounding his shoulders with an arm. At that contact, Dagran fled a sigh. As always, having his friend near had the power to calm him, at least a little. The image of Zael that he had in his head, lifeless and covered with blood, began to fade, but it didn't go away altogether. He forced himself not to look at him, fearing to make that image come truth if only he had turned. At the thought, a frosty shiver ran down his back. Zael watched him attentive. Maybe he didn't know what blended in his mind, but he intuited something for sure.

"It had to be something really ugly to shake you like that" he said shortly thereafter.

"More or less. However, it was just a dream" Dagran tried to minimize.

Not receiving a more exhaustive response, Zael merely remained close to him in a reflective silence. After a couple of minutes he straightened and broke from him. Judging by his face, he seemed to have come up with an idea. Dagran watched him intrigued as Zael crawled behind his shoulders and leaned with his back against the rock. While the friend was comfortable, he understood what he was going to do and began to feel uncomfortable himself. That was unexpected.

"Uh, look Zael, I thank you for thinking about it, but... I do not think..."

"Come on, you have done it so many times for me" the other interrupted inviting him to approach "Let me do it for you, at least once."

They used that expedient to drive out their nightmares when they were children. Almost four years earlier, when in the group there were only their two and Lowell, they had reused it to drive away the old traumas evoked by a unexpected mission and since then it had returned to be a habit, when the ghosts of their past came back to torment them or when they just wanted to give themselves a moment of tranquility. Dagran though it was a good idea at the time, but now that he was the one who needed to be reassured – and not Zael, as he usually did – he understood why the friend had made himself pray the first time. He gave a quick look at the sleeping companions around the fire.

Oh, hell!

Without protesting, he approached Zael and allowed his friend to surround him with his arms and tighten him as he had already done so many times.

"It's different from this perspective, isn't it?" asked Zael putting his chin on his shoulder. In fact he was right. Dagran was so accustomed to being the one who offered comfort to the other that now that they had exchanged roles it seemed a bizarre thing to him. Not counting that little problem...

"Different and much more uncomfortable than I thought. Why didn't you tell me about it?" he replied when he tried to put himself in place. Zael had tried to do exactly as he did, only that he was much shorter than him and that's why the mercenary was forced to stay all bent to allow his friend to tighten him the same way.

"Uncomfortable you say?" Zael said perplexed "I never noticed it. Maybe it's because you're bigger than me. I can try to sit on an higher place or lie better..."

"Naaa, forget it. It's alright" he reassured after finding a more acceptable position. Dagran was almost sure that at some point he would feel pain in the back soon, but he didn't care about it.

While he was resting on his friend, he noticed that even Zael continued to change position, and with the tail of the eye he saw that he did not stop throwing furtive glances to the sleeping companions and then to the point where Lowell was guarding. Zael had decided to resort to their expedient to try to calm him, but now he seemed to be the most agitated of the two, and Dagran sensed immediately the reason. The thing amused him and gave him an idea to distract himself from his gloomy thoughts. A sneer took shape on his lips. As his friend gave him the opportunity, he decided to tease Zael a little.

"After all these years are you still worried about misunderstandings?" he asked.

Zael straightened embarrassed.

"Uh? N-No, that's not it! Or maybe yes. I-I'm not sure."

Feeling the friend in distress, Dagran chuckled.

"All right, let's pretend it's not like that. However, if the others saw us, I don't think it would be a problem. Basically, they know us. At least we could give them some erotic fantasies on the two of us to think about... of course if they do not have them already!" ended with a mischievous tone.

"Wait... what?!" Zael waved behind him. He loosened the grip, but he didn't do it altogether. Dagran continued to laugh among himself for his friend's reaction. The fantasies thing was not a thing of air; in fact Syrenne at the beginning, during the first of the nights that he had spent together with her, had confided to him that she believed that he and Zael were more than friends and found that thought exciting. Dagran at that point had shown her on a number of occasions how much she was mistaken, with great satisfaction of both of them.

But that was a private thing between him and Syrenne, and for respect for the warrior he had never spoken to their companions about it, even though he was not sure that she had done the same.

Now that I think about it, there was a time when Mirania looked at me in a strange way. It won't be that...

He glanced at the sleeping Mage, wondering what she thought of him and Zael. As he though, he noticed that Zael had started rubbing his hands. He was probably thinking about what those "fantasies" could be. He left him to melt for a minute or two before ending his torments.

"Come on, I'm kidding. Let alone if they think such things about us!"

It was a lie and he knew it – he himself before meeting Celes had done it once or twice, even if he would never tell his friend – but at least it served for the purpose, since Zael drew a sigh of relief.

"You idiot! What do you think about saying things like that at a similar time?"

Dagran guffawed openly to that vexed answer. Sometimes Zael was just a naive. In any case the friend reassured and returned to tighten him as before. The two remained like that for a while, listening to the crackle of the fire in silence. In his friend's arms, Dagran began to relax. The body of Zael now transmitted heat to him, not as it happened in the dream. Almost he had intuited his thoughts, his friend broke the silence and addressed the question Dagran hoped not to hear.

"Do you want to talk about it? About the dream?"

For a moment he had hoped that Zael had forgotten about why they stood there like that. He would have preferred to forget that nightmare quickly, but after thinking about it, he understood that the more he would try to ignore it and the more that it would torment him. Confiding in Zael seemed the easiest solution to solve the problem. Resigned, Dagran drew a long sigh and told his friend that terrifying dream.

"It was the mission in Morva, only that the Reptids were different: they were gigantic monsters, like the Orcs. They were too powerful. The city guard was swept away and the dead sank in the swamps or were eaten by the Reptids. One of them threw me on the ground and would kill me if you hadn't intervened. You managed to defeat it, but it did in time to hit you. I tried to rescue you, to bring you back to others, but..."

Suddenly he interrupted. He couldn't tell it. He didn't want to say it. Zael waited in silence until Dagran found strength to continue.

"When I was able to reach the rest of the group it was already too late. For everyone. I was alone, with your cold body still tight in my arms and the Reptids that were surrounding us. They were just a few steps away from me and they were about to attack... but luckily you woke me» he concluded.

Zael remained stiff and dumb behind him. Dagran was certain that if he had turned to look him in the face, he would find him even more upset than before, and for great reasons. He cursed himself for talking about the dream.

Why the fuck did I have to tell him? Why couldn't I just leave it alone?

The only consolation was that at least he had spared him the most bloody details. He didn't want Zael to begin to see the faces of their friends disfigured by death as he had seen them. He was going to tell him to forget the whole thing when Zael decided to talk.

"It's horrible. Now I understand why you were shaking that way!"

As he imagined, his voice was full of worry. Without a doubt Zael had intuited what he had not told him.

"Yeah" Dagran replied sadly, then he continued with a more swaggering tone, in an attempt to reassure his friend "What a fucking idiot, right? After all that we've been through so far, I'll let myself be bothered by a stupid dream and..."

At that moment he felt Zael tightening him stronger, the cheek of the other that touched his as his friend began to speak.

"It's all right, you don't have to worry about that nightmare anymore. I'm alive, you see? We all are. You're not alone."

Dagran said nothing. He glanced at their sleeping companions, lingering for a while on each of them, and then peered where Lowell was guarding. They were all important to him, each one for different reasons.

Yes, I'm not alone, but how long will it last?

Better not think about it. The important thing was that at that precise moment he still had his family next to him. He closed his eyes and with a sigh he clung to the arms of Zael.

"Thank you, brother" he told him with a voice of affection. Even without turning, he knew that Zael had smiled at his words.

"This nightmare story stays between us, okay?"

Zael nodded at his request, but shortly thereafter he began to giggle.

"You know," he began "I like when you open up so much with me, but I can't help but worry. You're not becoming too soft, aren't you?"

Dagran gave a nudge in his hips.

"Beware of how you speak: Remember that I'm still the boss!" he admonished amused. His friend continued to giggle for a while in spite of the pain.

Yes, Zael had a good idea after all. Although the memory of the dream was still in his head, he felt much better now, however he didn't want to challenge the fate and get back to sleep.

"Do you mind if we stay like this a little more?" he asked earnest to Zael shortly thereafter. If he said no, Dagran would understand. After all, his friend had already done his turn to guard and therefore he had to be tired. In that case, he would go to keep Lowell company. Zael's answer, however, arrived soon after.

"Sure, even until the next change of guard, if you wish" he said hugging him tighter. Hearing it, Dagran nodded and smiled. He didn't need anything else.