Miss Pauling and the remain mercenaries looked at the captive Overwatch character that Scout had brought back. They had promptly put a bag over his head and tied him to a chair, not even the constant joustling had stirred him.
"How much tranquilizer did you put in that dart?" Miss Pauling asked Medic.
"Tranquilizer? Nein, I just put some of Sniper's moonshine into the dart. I suspect that the reason why he has not woken up yet is because his liver is dissolving."
"How can we interrogate this maggot if he doesn't wake up?" Soldier barked before delivering a powerful slap to their captive. That did the trick and suddenly he was barking and squirming and shouting for a hog, Heavy ripped the bag off of his face.
"Oi, where am I?"
"We are going to ask the questions here." Miss Pauling retorted.
"Where were you on the night of the Kennedy assassination?!"
"No, Soldier we don't need to know that. What we do need to know is what is Overwatch planning?"
Their prisoner laughed.
"Ha! Like they tell me anything! My character lore is almost entirely irrelevant to the main story of the game! Now let me go before I blow this whole base up!" He reached for his detonator only to find that all of his gear had been taken away. Miss Pauling had the foresight to take it and give it to Demoman as extra ammunition, he had since then taken it outside to see what sort of fire power they had.
A phone that laid on the table began to buzz and Miss Pauling rushed to answer it, she talked on the phone for a little bit before finally hanging up.
"That was the Administrator," She explained. "something came up and I need to go right now." She slide her files into a messenger bag and walked away, only to duck back into the room to add "find out what you can!"
"So how should we interrogate him?" Heavy asked.
"Step aside men! I was a prisoner of war many times, I know how these interrogation processes work. True they never worked on me but we are not interrogating me!" Soldier boldly pushed past Heavy and Medic to commence the interrogation process.
With Soldier handling that, Heavy and Medic went back to the card game they were playing in the other room before Scout came by on the teleporter. Eventually Soldier came back, seemingly angered.
"Did he break?" Heavy asked without looking up from his cards.
"I don't think that man has ever been interrogated before, he has no idea how to be a model prisoner! We ought to show him an example of what an interrogation prisoner should be."
Because poker is a lot less fun to play when there are only two people, Heavy and Medic indulged Soldier and per his request, tied him to a chair in the room they were using for interrogation to show their captive what he should be doing. It was largely just Soldier telling them what to say so that they could repeat it back to him.
"You lads won't believe the bombs this guys g-" Demoman did not finish his sentence because he was extraordinarily confused by what he saw, he then looked to Junkrat who they had almost forgotten about and looked just as confused.
"Nice bandoleer." He told Demoman.
"I should say the same to you, saw it on the table, that was a thing of beauty. Where'd ya get it?"
"Get it? I built that thing me'self."
"Really? I don't even make most of me own stuff, ya gotta tell me how."
The two talked for some time, finally meeting someone who understood. Their attention turned back to the other three when Medic announced
"This is enough, I am going to the lab."
"Right, let's go back to real prisoner now." Heavy added.
"Demoman, untie me." Junkrat whispered quickly. "We can run away together and drink as much beer as we want and blow things anything we can get a sticky bomb on!"
Junkrat was the enemy, his game threatened the survival of Team Fortress 2, any sensible mercenary would not take the risk and just shoot him in the face. The thing was, Demoman was really, really drunk so he immediately untied Junkrat, grabbed him by the robotic hand, and took off running.
"Our prisoner is escaping and he has taken Demoman with him, off to participate in communism no doubt!" Soldier scream, tearing apart the bonds that tied him (Heavy and Medic never actually tied the rope, they just wrapped it around his wrists) and sprinting after them.
.
Spy was not happy about these arrangements, but sitting in a board meeting with his enemies was not a good time to complain so he was tight lipped. Soldier 76 stood at the front of the room, taking attendance.
"Let's see...Winston?"
"HI THERE!"
"Tracer?"
"Cheers love!"
"Junkrat?"
Spy snapped to attention when he realized that no one else spoke.
"Right here, mate." He piped up. "Wasn't listening, sorry." His impression of Junkrat must have been good enough because Soldier 76 kept going.
"Sombra?...Sombra?"
"Been here all along." Sombra decloaked behind him before going to the back of the room along with Orisa to stand.
"Okay, everyone's here, now we can start the meeting. As we all know, we destroyed Battle Born beyond recognition and they will likely never achieve a marginal success. Now we need to figure out how to compete with Team Fortress 2, Lucio will explain how to do that. But first, do any of you have any suggestions on how to improve the game?"
"Nerf this!" shouted while gesturing towards Bastion.
"Give Sombra and Orisa sitting emotes!" Winston offered.
"Teach Reaper how to reload his guns." Mccree said loudly, Reaper shot him. Head shot.
"Get on the payload." Mercy said exasperatedly.
"Excuse me, doctor but he wants possible improvements." Genji responded.
"I don't think you understand, Genji." Zenyattta told him, and with each seat of arms, he clapped in between words. "Get. On. The. Pay. Load."
Soldier 76 had long since given up trying to get everyone back on topic so he just sat back down, his desire to lead people had died off a long time ago. Lucio, on the other hand, was still full of life and sunshine. He stood at the front of the room trying to get everyone's attention but no one could hear him. Mission aside, Spy could have just watched them argue all day because their arguments were incredibly petty and made very little sense.
Eventually Reinhardt stood up, and brought his hammer down on the table. Everyone turned to look at him.
"Lucio wants to speak! Listen to him!" Reinhardt claimed before sitting back down.
"Thanks, Rein! Anyway, as you can see here, we have spent hours analyzing Team Fortress 2's popularity. We think we might have found what makes them so popular, let's break it down! Team Fortress 2's has three main draws, the first is that it has been around longer. We can't change that but we are a strong game, once the newness of Overwatch fades we will still have a steady fan base that will keep us going for decades. The second is that their game is free, we're not changing our price. Lastly, and this is the biggest draw- Team Fortress 2 has hats. As you can see, we are slowly adding more hats to our game, the Uprising event gave three typically hatless characters hats and we plan to give every character skins with hats one day. If our plan works, this will amp up our popularity through the roof!"
Spy's eyes widened, their diabolical plan must not come to fruition.
Everyone's attention was quickly given to the sudden explosions outside.
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