Chapter 13: Moments in life
Three months into his return to Konoha, people still glared and stared whenever he went out. Their hatred only seems to increase ten fold when he was with Sakura and Sarada. But he found it easier and easier to ignore their scrutiny as time passed by because he was too engrossed in looking at the woman beside him. He didn't want to take his eyes off her even to glare at all these people that so clearly hated him.
He took a strange sort of pleasure in watching her, as she cooked, as she read, as she sparred, as she put Sarada to bed. It was as if he could watch her forever and never get tired. It scared him but even that fear couldn't stop him from staring at her and letting a brief moment of happiness seize him. She never noticed and he was perfectly okay with her never finding out but a little part of him wanted her to find out too. He was so confused and lost with all these contradictory emotions and thoughts.
Sakura was amazed at the way Sasuke was with Sarada. As much as they were both lost and clueless, Sasuke seems to be less clueless than she is. But it was amazing watching him bounce her in his arms and walk around the back yard when she wouldn't stop crying. Its not that he was particularly good at parenting, it was that he tried so hard. It was making old feelings resurface and she was annoyed by it.
The whole living with him doesn't help either but she wants to be with Sarada and she had no right to say Sasuke can't, not that she wanted to. She knows that its best for a child to have both her parents if she can. She wasn't going to take Sarada's father away from her because her own heart is treacherous. She was already wondering what kind of affect it will have on Sarada that her parents weren't married, but she supposed it was a special case after all.
She had to admit though, she was a little mad at herself for still being in love with Sasuke despite previously thinking that she was over him. She had been sure she hated him and she had really until he brought her the child she had given up hope on. It was like a silent pact between team 7 to forgive Sasuke for his mistakes before the war. And if she were honest she would've forgive him too if she hadn't been kidnapped and he hadn't taken the most precious thing in her life from her.
But for everything else, for leaving, for fighting them, for even attempting to take their lives (it wasn't like they hadn't tried the same thing), they silently made a pact to forgive him for those things. It was actually never spoken but the three of them somehow knew it anyway. He wasn't himself back then, so blinded by one thing or another. If its not revenge, then it was power that blinded him. It was like the Sasuke that they knew disappeared for a few confusing years and came back just when they needed him.
But for a while she had been sure she would never be able to forgive him for what he had done to her and for robbing her of her first child. She had thought him heartless and didn't want him in her life, constantly reminding her of something she can never have, something that cannot be undone. But then he had walked back into her life with that same thing she had thought was forever lost to her and her heart was filled with such happiness and love it didn't have any room for anything else.
It didn't take a whole lot of time for Sakura to remember why she loved him in the first place. Three months with him and it all came back to her like a tsunami. The way he was with Sarada, the way he was with Naruto, the way he took care of the shrine that was built in the house for his parents and brother which reminded her of how much he had loved them. Sakura was overwhelmed as she was exposed to all these qualities of Sasuke again, the Sasuke she had known as a child. Just like that, she once again admired and loved the man before her as the past year's worth of hatred took a back seat.
She didn't know what kind of a relationship she and Sasuke had. They weren't really friends, not in the way he and Naruto were, they certainly weren't teammates anymore, and they sure as hell weren't lovers. They were just two people, who have a child together and lived together but it didn't go any further than that, because she knew it can't. Their relationship was always complicated but before it was just the two of them that it affected. But now there was a whole other being that would be affected by their decisions. She didn't want to bring it up only to have Sasuke throw it back on her face and what would happen after? They would be living in the same house awkwardly trying to avoid each other. It was best to not open old wounds, not to pick at a small scab and turn it into an infected mess of crap. And she wanted to continue to be in Sarada's life so she knew it was best not to make things weird.
'Anyway, she preferred it this way', this was a little white lie she told herself to keep herself from crying herself to sleep some nights. But the point was that Sasuke was here with her, that they were raising this child together, these are the things that mattered because the matters of her heart were nothing new to her, she knew how to keep her heart from shattering.
The first moment Sasuke entertained the idea of Sakura, it had been in a dream. Just as always when he laid down on the bed and closed his eyes, Sakura appeared behind his closed eyes lids. But this time he didn't stop at just looking at her, he sat down beside her on the porch behind his house, her favorite place to sit, and took hold of her chin, turning it towards him and leaned in. But before he could plant his lips on hers to finally know what they felt like, he opened his eyes, stared at the white ceiling above him and berated himself for not letting his mind wonder.
Then of course he remembered that barely a year ago, he had stood by as Kabuto experimented on her trying to create the perfect weapon. He scowled at himself at the thought because he was repulsed by himself and he couldn't help but wonder how Sakura could ever feel any other way. With these thoughts of a life lived forever without love, he fell asleep.
When he woke up, he turned around in his bed, throwing his hand over the bed only for it to land on something beside him. Opening his eyes in surprise, he was shocked to find Sakura beside him, stirring awake from his accidental nudge. Her green eyes slowly opened to stare at Sasuke's, undoubtedly wide, eyes.
"Are you okay?" she had asked groggily, her voice slurred with sleep. He only managed to stare at her for a moment before a cry was heard from down the hall through the open bed room door. Sakura leaned down and kissed his forehead before getting up and wrapping a robe around her naked form and exiting the room.
"Mama's coming sweetheart." He heard her say. His shock at finding Sakura in his bed, or rather her bed because he was now in the master bedroom, was pushed to the back of his mind as his fingers unconsciously went to touch the place where her lips had gently caressed him, a smile he wouldn't have been able to hide appearing on his lips.
The next moment the crying became louder and louder and Sasuke turned his head towards the door and his eyes snapped open as he looked around finding himself back in his own room, the door shut. He heard Sakura's soft voice humming to the baby and Sasuke listened to the soft, out of tune sound coming from the next room. Sarada's crying finally seized as she fell back asleep and Sakura's humming slowly came to a stop. Sasuke wanted to go to that room and lie down beside the two of them and for a moment he imagined he did just that and Sakura smiled at him as he threw an arm over the two of them. When Sasuke realized that he was alone on his cold bed, he lay awake that night because even though that dream was wonderful in every way, when he woke up, it became a nightmare due to the realization of its impossibility.
A few weeks later, as he, Sakura and Sarada were walking back home from the market, he overheard a conversation in which Sarada was referred to as a bastard and before Sasuke could react Sakura had already pounced on the women and Sasuke couldn't do much with Sarada in his arms, but secretly he reveled in the shock on the woman's face and secretly cheered Sakura on. After the incident, the three of them had kept on shopping like nothing had taken place while people stared and Sasuke understood that this was Sakura's way of telling everyone not to mess with her and her family. That was the second moment in which Sasuke entertained the idea of Sakura because she was kick ass and he was impressed.
A week later came the third moment as Sakura cooked dinner in their kitchen while Sasuke sat at the small four people table as he bounced Sarada on his knees softly. He felt the familiarity of the scene and realized, despite him and Sakura not being married, they were a little family. He wanted to hold onto this moment forever. He wished time would stop and he will be able to enjoy this moment for the rest of his life. He felt like despite being only seventeen, he finally had everything he wanted in life. He didn't mean to say it; he hadn't planned it because he was sure it was impossible. He couldn't ever imagine a scenario in which this would turn in his favor, but it had escaped his lips before he knew it, his mind completely out of control.
"Sakura…marry me?" he had asked and watched as Sakura's form stilled in front of the stove. He stared wide eyed at her back. She turned around, slowly, as if readying herself for something. Her viridian eyes held the same shock Sasuke had in his eyes, but hidden behind that shock was sadness that he had seen the night he left all those years ago. For a moment, he feared the worst, he scolded himself for so obviously speaking out of turn and he wanted to take it back if only to make sure that nothing would change, to keep her close to him.
"Yes." She had whispered, smiling through her tears before turning back to her pot of whatever it was that she was cooking. Sasuke wanted to rejoice, but he wasn't sure whether her tears were out of happiness or sadness.