Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa, neither do i own the starting of this story.

Warning: THIS ENTIRE STORY IS YAOI/ BxB. DO NOT PROCEED IF THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

LOTS OF ANGST AND RAPE/ NON CON. BE-WARNED.

***Hardcore raping scene ahead. Don't read if you can't take it.***

Chapter 18: Nightmares and Dreams I

"Don't come any nearer." The blonde threatened, his eyes glaring intensely at the the two naked men approaching him. Two army uniform lay crumpled on the floor behind then.

"Get away from me." He tried again. But his voice was so hoarse, barely even audible to pose any threat. Well.. Not as though they could understand him.. But the tone should be telling? Fai could not help but think.

He didn't like the look upon those face. Looking at the metal chain upon his foot and the door to the room a distance away from him, the blonde could not help but feel vulnerable in this situation.

The two men looked like a pack of wolves hunting down their prey. His vision dissolved into a state of blur as a shiver of fear crawled up his spine.

Fai took a small step backwards, retreating into the wall. There's no place to run anymore. The dampness of the soil wall seeped into his thin clothing. Fai frantically looked for a way to escape. His head clouded and cleared in a rhythmic pace disallowing much thoughts to run through.

Fai could feel the area around his neck aching slightly; his head felt heavy as though something had clouded his mind, preventing him from thinking.

As though knowing his dire situation. The two men took a glance at each other before smirking widely.

Despite the aching pain upon his neck, his head cleared just in time for him to process the images that was sent to his head. Fai squinted as he focused on the images registered in his mind.

They're gonna lunge any minute now...

Those blue eyes sharpened at the sudden movement of the men and twisted his body to evade them. If he turn his body again now, he'll be able to..

"Argh!"

Before he could successfully twist his body out of the way into the open, the dull pain that had been plaguing his neck suddenly exacerbated, sending one sharp jolt of pain down into his nerves.

His hand shot right up again to his neck while his leg stiffen for a brief moment. Fai could not help but let out a cry of pain. His motion to escape was effectively hindered, creating the opening for the men to attack.

In one swift movement, huge forceful hands seized the chance and grabbed both his hands. The next thing he knew, a huge oppressing force was pressing onto him.

Something slimy slid down the side of his neck. Making Fai cringe in disgust. He could feel the wet tongue brush harshly across the scar on his neck, undulating over the contours of something..

Just at that instant, those blue eyes shot wide open in shock and surprise at the wave of heat that suddenly spread across his neck replacing the disgusted feeling he had just seconds ago. Upon meeting the cool air, the wet liquid on his skin tingled slightly, sending a second wave of heat into his skin.

A slight blush flushed across his face. That sensation it actually felt goo.. No. That's wrong!

"No! Go away!" Fai yelled frantically as he threw his entire weight forward in an attempt to shove the man aside.

But he was only successful in pushing the man away for just that few inch and in that short second, one of his hand fell free of restrain.

A sudden pulsation upon his neck made his stop short in his act. It reverberated deep into his bones, spending small spikes of trickling pain down his body.

Shocked by the strange sensation he was feeling, Fai's hand shot upwards to cup the affected area, his head automatically lowered slightly to cater to the motion.

A protrusion of some sort met his fingers.. The upside down triangle.. He vaguely recalled the fat man pressing something into his neck before he went unconscious.. But..

..Why..

Before he could fully understand what had happened, his attention was snapped back to the present world.

New pressure now exert on his newly captured hands which was raised above his head, pinned to the wall behind him. A new set of hands begun wandering on his chest, squeezing his nipples slightly.

His blue eyes shot open at the third wave of heat that crusaded within him.

Noo! Stop! This feels disgusting.

With the last amount of strength he could gather among the agonizing heat and pain, Fai threw his leg upwards, landing a kick onto one of them.

Making use of the distraction, he raised his knee up, sending a blow into the other guy. Even though he had missed the targeted spot, the man nevertheless doubled up in pain, stumbling backwards.

Using this chance he had created, Fai slipped pass the two men and headed for the door.

Please be unlocked. He prayed silently as he dashed forward to his escape. His eyes widened in hope as the door grew bigger.

All of a sudden, a force at his right ankle jerked him backward, causing him to crash face flat into the floor.

In the midst of the events that followed up so far, Fai had conveniently forgotten that he was actually chained to the bed.

"Shit." The swear word barely left his mouth before he heard a scuttle of feet behind and the low grunts of the native language sounding behind him.

His heart leapt a beat as he quickly flipped himself back upwards to face the ceiling. He did it just in time to see a huge shadow towering over him before bending down on his torso, effectively pinning his body to the ground.

"GET OFF ME!" He screamed as he thrashed his arms around in an attempt to hit whatever he could. But most of his fists only met with thin air before they were subdued by the strong grip on his wrist.

A sense of craziness and distress flooded the blonde as he attempted to escape from the grasp of those men.

No! He's not gonna get raped again!

A sniffled laugh reached his ears. He could almost hear the two men laughing at his futile attempt to escape.

He continued to scream hoping to draw any attention from the outside... Anyone to save him. Kuro-chan! His mind ran straight to a certain black head as his face flashed into his mind.

The next thing he knew the towering shadow lifted off him and a muscular arm grabbed him by the torso. He was then thrown onto the shoulders of one of the men.

Fai tried to resist by wiggling his body vigorously. He raised his hands and landed blows onto the male, hoping that in the attempt to move him, his deliberate resistance would end up dropping him to the ground.

But those were just wishful thinking on his part. The man remained unfazed and continued walking forward. It probably took longer than what it was supposed to take in the event of no resistance, but ultimately, Fai landed heavily onto the bed he had woke up from.

It creaked with an unbelievable noise one would have suspected it to break from the landing of such sheer force.

The lithe body bounced so slightly on the thin hard mattress.

In the shortest amount of time, Fai tried to get himself sit up right to gain a better fighting position. But the man was faster. Before he knew it. He was already pinned down with the man straddling on top of him. There was no way he could have lifted him off given their difference in size.

Just as he was going to put up another series of fight, Fai felt his yukata loosen and some thing tightened around his wrist, replacing the grip that had been holding his hands. The next thing he knew, cold air engulf his body and the hands which were restraining him appeared within his area of vision.

The man before him smirked widely as Fai lifted his arms in attempt to yank his arms down to his sides. A loud thud of a rope pulled taut reached his ears. He did not have to look up to know he was tied down to the bed frame.

No this is bad. He need to get out of this position if not..

A slimy sensation now traveled up his from middle of his neck to the side of his face. Fai could only push himself back into the bed, his face turned to the side to escape the invading tongue.

Disgusting.. A sickening feeling spread through his gut. No. He didn't want this.

But that only led him to expose more skin on the side of his neck. His heart leaped a beat when he felt the rough hands slipped into his yukata and rested on his chest.

The blonde flipped his body left and right, tossing and turning. But all that did was to tighten the sash on this wrist further, making it eat into his flesh.

Then he felt those wandering hands reach into his nipples, violently squeezing, pinching and playing with them.

"Ahh.." Fai gasped, unwillingly, letting out a moan. Heat waves coursed though his blood as his own member twitched slightly.

Noo.. I don't want this..

In a desperate attempt to free himself, Fai started kicking his leg, aiming to free himself.

But those attempts was met with equal resistance as something strong clamped down on on his ankles. No matter how he tried to kick and thrash them they didn't budge from their pinned down position.

Another wave of heat flood through his body as the trail of saliva reached the pink spot on his chest and started to suck and bite on it.

Disgusting.. Disgusting.. Disgusting!

He pushed the unwanted sensation away from his body as desperately tugged at the sash upon his wrist and the force on his leg.

The sash did not give way. Instead, each tug cut deeper into his flesh and a hot liquid begun to flow down his wrist to his arm.

Fai struggled fruitlessly against the attack. Against his conscious feelings, his body was reacting. He could feel his face blush red with each passing second.

Squinting his eyes shut, he willed for the disgusting feeling to cease as he retreat back into his mind.

But the process did not complete. His mind snapped right back to reality despite his despairing need to mentally run away.

"Urgh!" Fai could not help but let out another whimper of pain at the sudden intrusion.

An invading finger had poked at his entrance, forcing its way in. Due to the lack of lubricant, the muscles around the area were not relaxing properly, inflicting pain on the blonde. Fai writhed, conscientiously trying to let his body relax.

But to no avail.

Fai cried out again at the second finger that came through without warning. But his cry only urged his attacker forward as the fingers continued to thrust into him. His whole body tensed and short pants begun to fill the inside of the room. Fai sucked in air, his chest heaving, his body unable to contain the pain the foreign intruding object was inflicting.

All of a sudden, the pressure upon his walls ceased to exist and the ashen body begun to relax momentarily as though it had found its sanctuary.

Then something harder and thicker poke at his entrance making him snap his eyes open.

Wait! Beyond his half lidded eyes, he saw the man position his thick member in front of his entrance.

No! He's not ready..!

Those blue eyes widened in surprise and horror. But it was too late. With his limps bounded, there's nothing he could do to stop what was going to happen.

"AHH"

The blonde shrieked as the man thrusted his member in. Those blue eyes shot wide open, unseeing as a familiar pain shot up his bottom.

Tears begun to flow down his cheeks as he bit hard on his lips to stop himself from screaming from the excruciating pain.

Very vaguely, he could feel the burn on his neck which had halted before the start of the attack, returned, drilling a series of wild fire down into his skin.

Against his will, his body burnt with lust. With each thrust, Fai could feel the pain diminishing while pleasure slowly creeped on to him.

Pants and moans soon echoed in the room. He blanked his mind, trying to push all sensation on his body out and waited for the horrid moment to be over.

Before long, both men spilled their seeds into him and withdrew their members from the blonde, leaving him lying motionlessly, wide-eyed on the bed.

In one swift tug, one of the men released the sash upon his hands and his bleeding wrist fell flat onto the cold hard bed.

A small chuckle of satisfaction reached his ears as they prepared to leave the room.

Very slowly, the blue eyes blinked once and twice before reasoning returned to him. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the metal door opened slightly, spilling light in from the outside.

At the sight of the light, Fai pushed himself up weakly but the pain on his bottom was so intense it shot through his back making him wince.

"Let me out." He whimpered, propelling himself up to a standing position. But his legs were in no conditions to support his weight. With a loud thud, his knee collapsed and he slumped down on to the floor.

Against the dark light, two more figure stood at the door waiting for the two to exit before stepping into the room.

Are they here to get him out? Fai could not help but feel abit hopeful.

As they stepped nearer to him where the dim light of the room is able to cast some truth to their faces, the sight registered in his eyes send all the hope down into the drain. A sense of dread filled his gut as Fai cowered backwards.

Fai watched as the two new men who just came in tug at the sash upon their hips and let their uniform crumble to the ground.

His heart leapt another notch as déjà vu crawled up his skin. A small smile spread across their face as they approached him.

The blonde attempted to push himself off the ground but his arm strength failed him, making him crash into the ground.

He knew exactly what they want from him. But this time, he's in no condition to put up much fight.

He's at their mercy. A sense of helplessness and fear flooded his insides.

When the hard object penetrate him seconds later, Fai felt his mind froze to a halt. The activities of the world seemed to slow down significantly and spin in impossible speed before it simply dissolve into darkness.

Those blue eyes close shut as his weak protesting arms slumped down on his sides into unconsciousness.

xXx

"Nii-san! Here! Here! Come catch us! I bet you can't catch us!"

Two young boys giggled loudly as they dashed forward while holding each other's hand.

"Watch me! You naughty nutties! Better run as fast as you can! Better not let me catch you two!"

Behind them an older boy ran after them, threatening them with a smile on his face.

Joyous laughter filled the air as the older boy chased after their two younger boys in the field of grass and flower.

The older one pounced forward and in one motion grabbed the two in his arms, the three of them tripped forward, rolling down the hill.

He then proceeded to tickle them. The two younger boys cracked up, squirming around at their brother's attack. Loud giggles and laughter filled the air.

The older male then stopped, staring at his younger twin brothers.

"Fai, Yuui. It's so good that you guys are here." The older boy smiled with one hand on each head as he ruffled their golden locks roughly.

Yuui felt himself beamed at those words. Pure joy emanated from his entire body.

"Nii-san! I love you the most!" He exclaimed leaping forward to give him a big hug.

He was truly happy.

All of the sudden the scene evolved and the green field disappeared.

"Watch out!" A panicked yell caused him to look backwards.

He then felt a grip upon his arm and his whole body was hurled backwards away from the stairs.

Huh? What's going on?

When he looked back in front of him, a black figure tumbled down into the shadows.

He could feel a chill run down his spine as his blue eyes widened in shock.

At the bottom of it, a crumpled body lay motionlessly. A puddle of red met his eyes.

The scene now evolved once again.

Now he's in a chapel, all dressed in black. He turned to the side to see his twin brother standing in sorrowful beside him. Yuui looked down and realised they were holding hands.

Then the sound of mourning music sounded took his attention and he look forward trying to see what was happening. In front, a white casket lifted off the table and hovered in mid air. It flipped upwards to a vertical position.

A familiar face revealed beyond the window of the casket

The blue eyes widened. Behind him wails and bawls sounded as everyone's sob suddenly increased in volume.

Wait.

Th-at's..

That's their brother..

A loud snap of a finger sounded next to his ear and the casket then bursted into flames. Yuui watched the scene unfold before his eyes, a sense of horror flooded him.

His brother.. His beloved older brother just..

During the time he was in shock, the crowd begun to enclose around him. When he realised it, tall foreign shadows started to bury him, every single face looked down at them with a mixture of anger, sadness and hate. A ripple of fear shot up his spine.

"It's all your fault. You caused all these."

They began to chant over and over again.

No..

No.. It wasn't their fault..

"Right, Fai?" Yuui whimpered looking to his side at his twin brother, hoping to see some confirmation.

But Fai simply looked at him, eyeing him nonchalantly. He pushed the hand he had been holding on away.

"No. It's your fault. You caused his death." His brother spat, eyeing him emotionlessly.

"Did you forget?" The pale face that looked exactly identical to his smiled just so wearily.

"You killed me too."

Then blood begun to spill from his eyes, nose and mouth. Fai's dead and unseeing body stood before him before drifting away into the darkness.

No! With his arms stretched forward, Yuui ran forward attempting to grab his twin's hands.

But when their fingers touched, the body disappeared, dissolving into the darkness. The crowd of black shadows filled the gap, as blurry faces stared down at him in disgust.

"It's all your fault."

The blue eyes widened, his mouth hang open, unable to say anything. Yuui stumbled backward. Dread, horror, regret, alarm, fright, dismay jostled within him.

No.. It's not.. He tried to argue but his voice was drowned by the endless chant which grew louder with each passing second.

"It's. all. your. fault."

The faces swarmed in and starting spinning around him. Faster and faster and faster..

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Fai gasped, taking a sharp intake of air as his eyes flickered open in shock.

Those blue eyes darted frantically, looking around him to for the shadows that had been chasing him just moments ago.

Only a something hard and brown met his eyes. Fai sighed a sigh of relief upon realising that all that had just been a dream.. It was one of the nightmare that he had been plaguing him for the past few days.

A dull pain shot through his back, making him jolt up slightly. Suddenly realizing his vision had been rocking back and forth for some time, reality struck him.

Fai heaved in air as the feelings of his body surged back to him.

An aching pain on his neck took up most of his attention to know what was going on.

"Nhhhn- ha-ha-ahh"

The familiar sounds of his moans and cries mingled with hastened breathing and pants of the man echoed in the barren room. He was vaguely aware that half the noises had been made by him.

It's all my fault..

I deserve it..

Those words echoed in his mind as the red eyes rolled upwards. Fai had lost conscious again.

He stood by the door, peeking into the room with only his face crossing the line into the room.

"What is it, Fai?" A sleepy Ashura propped himself up from his bed, the blanket covering his body from the cold slipped and folded at the man's stomach, revealing the top part of his body.

"Ashura-sama.." Startled that he had woken up his king, the boy mumbled slightly before frantically tried to close the door and leave. He had done this many times when he woke up in the middle of the night, shaken by his nightmare.

"Fai. Come here."

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he turned around and walk forward, bowing his head. He would usually stay until before the sun rise and then proceed back to him room before his king would awake. He had never been caught.. until now.

"Look at me Fai."

Reluctantly, he looked up staring into his adopted father's face. A sense of uneasiness flooded his gut.

As though one look at his face was enough to know what was going through his head, A small smile spread across his face as he reached out his hand to ruffle the blonde's hair.

Surprised, Fai blushed slightly at the gesture, a warm feeling spread inside of him.

But it only lasted for half a second before a sense of sadness hit him. He had known this touch a long time ago..

Back in Valeria.. When his brother was..

His line of sight dropped downwards as he stared at floor willing his tears not to fall. Waves of regret, self-despise and self-pity flooded his insides.

"Come. Sleep with me tonight." The king said gently as he lifted the boy up to his bed.

Surprised at his sudden act, Fai started to protest but something soft landed on his lips stopping him from saying anything.

"It's ok." The man whispered beside his ears.

"Everything's ok."

He nodded slightly, closing his eyes as another warm softness met his lips. He could feel a single tear roll down the side of his face.

A warm hand reached out to wipe it off his face. It lingered for a moment before strolling down from his face and brushed the side of his neck.

All of a sudden the pair of warm hands turn cold and tightened on his neck, choking him.

This blue eyes sprang open, registering but his entire facial expression reek of madness.

"DIE." His pupils dilate to an impossible size as his face twisted into a hideous sneer.

His eyes widened in shock. He had seen this before.. But before he could think further, Fai starting coughing.

No he couldn't breathe.

His hand flew up to his neck, struggling desperately to get the grip off.

Fai choked coughing, his hands grabbing onto the hands upon his neck.

Frantically, he hit at the hands, willing its owner to let go. The pair of hands loosened, dropping him onto the ground.

This is reality.

He didn't know how long had it been. But it felt like it had been ages.

His body rocked rhythmically to the constant thrust into his body. He vaguely feel body ceased to a paused as a splash of hot liquid spattered his insides.

This constant losing conscious and waking up to another series of pain and new set of faces was taking a toll on his mind and body.

Everything seemed like a blur to him.

He had no idea what was going on anymore.

A dull aching, almost numb sensation replaced those sharp pain which he had experienced during the initial few times had long gone.

The ache upon his neck seemed to increase with each passing time. He could almost swear that the heat he was experiencing during those intercourse originated from there. It felt like a fire spreading through his body and it's source came from that part of his neck which the triangular brand lay.

But he couldn't be sure.

Fai lay on the floor all naked as a gentle breeze caressed his body. Every muscle on his body seemed to ache with an impossible amplitude. His voice felt hoarse after all the continuous screaming and his throat felt so dry that he could barely even swallow his saliva.

The blonde continued to lie motionlessly on the floor. Struggling to force some swallow saliva down his throat to lubricate it, Fai subconsciously ran his tongue across his cracked lips, attempting to moisturize them.

"It's all your fault."

"DIE."

The blonde closed his eyes briefly. Maybe he ought to just kill himself. But he knew he would never be able to do it himself. Even though he hated it, he didn't really care if he got raped over and over again. Maybe it was just god's way of punishing him. His retribution for even existing.

I'm so tired..

He didn't want to think anymore. He just wanted it all to end. A part of him secretly hoped that Kurogane would come and take him away from this hell hole but he knew better. The kids still need him. He'll probably try to escape again later.

So tired..

Banging noises came from the door following by some yelling. Those blue eyes fluttered slightly open. There was some sort of commotion outside but he just can't be bothered.

His eyes were drooping shut.

Very slowly, those eyes lids gave way to its weight and shuttled shut.

Just let me have some sleep..

He drifted off into a scene of darkness as sleep found him.

For once, sleep found him.

Even though it was nothing but short.

A/N:

Oh my.. haha i swear my chapters are getting longer with each chapter. :/ This was 14 pages long D: and it's not done. AND EXAMS ARE OVER! haha so next's up Chapter 20: Nightmares and Dream II. Hence the angst shall continue. I'm sorry if this was too violent/graphic/hardcore for you.. i did warn you guys.. I just suddenly had the urge to write the scene (it's from chapter 10 in case you haven notice) and words just flowed haha (Y)

I tried to make his dreams and nightmare very vivid.. you know, like how nightmares are, jump around the scenes, twist what really happen. But the thing is you never know you're dreaming until you wake up from it. So which is true which is just his brain messing witg him.. you guys can decide for yourself! Anyway, this is with reference to chapter 2 just to give you a hint of what kind of nightmares Fai is experiencing. xD i will get back to writing what happened in the two weeks after i finish this story k (or slot in some episodes when i'm in the mood). I'll leave what happened between Fai and Ashura to your imagination :D haha maybe i'll divulge later if the story goes that way..

Anyway, i need a POLL: Would you prefer

1) Shorter chapters (3000+) but more chapters

2) Longer chapters (6000+) but lesser chapters?

Anyway, for your gauge, this length is around 4700+. It'll help me see where to cut my chapters. If it's too long i'm afraid there'll be information overload and you'll miss out some clues (i drop lots of clues here and there which will contribute significantly to the later chapters) but i don't want the story to drag too many chapters either.. We're only half way there.. :(

So drop me a review to tell me your preference k and what you think of this chapter?

PS: Reviews motivates me to write :)

Guest: Really glad you're so excited about this story but for the Shozu's part, let's just say good things don't come until you pay the price for it haha