Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa, neither do i own the starting of this story.

Warning: THIS ENTIRE STORY IS YAOI/ BxB. DO NOT PROCEED IF THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

LOTS OF ANGST AND RAPE/ NON CON. BE-WARNED.

Chapter 23: Unfathomable Feelings

"Ah. So you finally found him!" The sarcastic tone rang out the moment they enter the cave. "I thought you guys will come back empty-handed!"

"Itsuki!" A disapproving voice snapped following as Hashiyama gave a disapproving look at the skinny male.

"Anyway, it's getting dark." Somebody commented as Kurogane place the pale, almost sickly looking blonde on the makeshift bed he was lying upon some two hours ago.

"I don't think we're going to make it by nightfall." The person added. "Should we..?"

"Prepare yourself. We're leaving in 10 minutes."

"Huh but the blonde is in no condition to.." Hitsuda exclaimed in a slightly shocked voice.

"I said prepare to leave." Toya simply gave a look at the kid, simply stating in a firm voice.

Before Hitsuda could protest any further, a heavy pat upon his shoulder made him look up to see Hashiyama shaking his head.

As though everyone had not even considered about the issue on Fai's condition, everyone started to move.

"Do you need hel.." A soft voice came from behind as Kurogane looked up to see a concerned Hitsuda staring intently at him as he once again pick up the blonde and transferred him onto his back.

Hitsuda's face still looked very much pale and sickly though it was probably less blue. He would be the last person that would require help from.

"I'm fine. I can carry him." Kurogane grunted after a slight pause.

Very swiftly the group picked up their own belongings and set foot upon their journey. The sky was getting dark and the temperature was dropping steadily into the negatives.

As they tracked, it was very obvious everyone was not very pleased with Toya's decision. Once in a while they would turned and look back at Kurogane with a concerned look.

But the cold was just too too much for anyone to lift an extra finger, let alone to grumble.

On the other hand, Kurogane had been dying to put the blonde down. It wasn't because he found him to be heavy or anything. But something seemed to be wrong with him.

It started with him slipping down from his back. He found himself having to push him back up once very few steps.

All of a sudden, a tiny tingle sensation creeped up his skin as Fai exhaled, his breath tickling the back of his neck. Kurogane could feel a slight blush coming on to his face.

But before he could make out his own body reaction, his mind had already flew into a panic.

The blonde was exhaling at too fast and deep a pace to be normal. It was as though he was having difficulty breathing.

Was the air too thin to breathe? After all it's winter and they have been technically hiking upslope for some time now.

Then bandages upon his chest flashed into his mind making him release another worried grunt as he marched on to keep on pace. Maybe he broke his ribs..? His current position on his back would definitely cause a decent amount of pain..

As all sorts of scenarios jostled in his mind, that he failed to notice the goosebumps upon his arms. Only when a gentle warm source of heat began to seep into his back that he was pulled back into reality. All of a sudden, he could feel the blonde burning up behind him.

Those red eyes widen in horror as he stopped short in his steps. Is he having a fever? That wouldn't be good if Toya intended to continue in the cold in the night.

Just as Kurogane was about to sound out his concerns, a felt a hard lump on his back.

Immediately his voice got stuck in his throat as a those red eyes widen even bigger in surprise.

But before he could contemplate on this matter, a loud thud echoed in the darkness as a hole suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

For a brief second, everyone stared into the depths in awed.

"Wow! How did you know there's a secret cave here?!"

"This was the path we found during our last expedition. Only the few of us know of it." Toya replied silently as he stepped the darkness.

"Go catch up on some sleep and refill up our stocks. There should be a underground river just down this path. We'll be setting out at dawn break."

As each and every one entered the silent darkness and when the huge hole closed behind them, everyone breathed a sign of relief. It became very obvious why Toya had insisted for them to hurry on.

The stones walls around were made of a special type of material that made it a natural insulation to the cold. Within seconds, the area warmed up significantly to remove their cloaks. Compared to the previous vines covered cave, this was definitely a better choice of lodging in this nasty winter.

"Hitsuda, Yagane, leave the chores to the rest. I need you two to recover for the expedition later."

"Kurogane, there is a small room at the back." Toya paused as he casted his sights to the pair. "Put him there. It's warmer."I

Kurogane nodded silently as he followed Toya's direction deeper into the cave. He gave a tiny sigh of relief but the frown upon his brows was nevertheless etched upon his suave face. Luckily for him, the cold had burned a red harsh mark onto everyone's face that it was impossible to distinguish it from his embarrassment.

As Kurogane gently place the blonde down and removed the huge cloak which was draped over the blonde, his mind simply wiped off into a blank.

The normally pale face was flushed red and his breath was heavy. He looked like he was suffering from a mixture of a heat stroke, a fever and something else..

The way he lied on the bed..

There's something about it that's making.. Kurogane swallowed the lump upon his throat. Slowly, those red eyes travelled down the blonde to down..

"He looks drugged."

But before his eyes could wander to his intended locarion, a concerned voice sounded out behind him making him jolt slightly in surprise.

Kurogane turned around swiftly to see the owner of the voice, Hashiyama peer over his shoulders curiously with a slightly pale Hitsuda leaning on him.. The rest of the group followed in and was soon crowding over the unconscious male.

"Yeah. It's aphrodisiac." Fujisawa took a step forward and commented after one look at the blonde.

"Oh no! Is he going to be ok?" Hitsuda squeaked nervously, his voice slightly weak but nevertheless did not lack any emotions as he glanced between Fujisawa and Hashiyama.

"Well.. If it's only aphrodisiacs.. He get better after releasing." Fujisawa replied nonchalantly, shrugging slightly. Instead, he looked at the pale looking boy (Hitsuda) in concern as his eyes wandered to the location of his wound. A dark black stain met his eyes making him frown slightly.

"I'm not surprise you know. As usual, he's either hysteric or he's unconscious... Sooooooo I guess someone will have to help him.. AGAIN." Itsuki jeered, making no effort to mask the sarcasm in his tone.

As though that was the prompting word signaling for some sort of instant change in formation, everyone automatically turned to look at Kurogane expectedly.

"Huh?" It took him half a second longer to link the conversation and get what Itsuki had meant. And in half a second of understanding, a few emotions flooded into the male. At first it was simply a sense of shock which swiftly evolved into outrage then embarrassment.

What?! Did they expect him and the idiot to have that kind of relationship?

A deep blush burned onto his cheeks made him turned to look away.

Wait.. They never talk about them having any sort of relationship... But seriously.. this is a situation when no one would help even if it's a really good friend..

"No way in hell I'm doing that."

It's just strange.. Right?

"He's shivering like mad."

The comment made Kurogane snap his head back to the blonde as he hurried forward, finding something to cover Fai with.

A small moan of pain escaped from the blonde's mouth as he begun to curl into a ball. Those pale blonde brows plunged down slightly as though he was in pain.

Kurogane frowned slightly at the sight.

"Just do it." As though sensing Kurogane's dilemma, Istuki said in a matter of fact voice, rolling his eyes as he stood by the side with his arms folded.

But before Kurogane could even protest or voice out any opinions, a slightly monotonous but sharp voice came from behind catching everyone's attention.

"I'll do it."

"What?" Kurogane turned back to meet eye to eye with a familiar black head as his leader walked forth.

Nobody had noticed him come in or how long he had been standing at the back. But apparently he had came back from chasing the assaulter.

"I'll do it." Toya repeated as his eyes continued to linger on the blonde who had begun to perspire. Tiny beads of perspiration could be seen appearing upon his pale forehead. His gasp of suffering seemed to intensity with each passing minute.

"You'll what?" Kurogane raised his brows, questioning sharply. He made no effort in masking the weariness and caution within his voice and tone.

"I'll make him feel better." Toya replied, almost too calmly as he approached Fai.

Kurogane didn't know what to think. His mind seemed to have suddenly gone blank. What did he mean? Did he just volunteer to help the idiot release?

"Everyone get out." Toya ordered as he reached the bed. As though a silent mode of consent seemed to reached his troop mates. Fujisawa, Itsuki, Hashiyama, Hitsuda and the rest simply nodded and headed for the door leaving an opened-mouth Kurogane in the room.

"I know you don't trust me. But I meant no harm. You can stay if you want." Toya continued, obviously addressing to Kurogane.

The door clicked shut behind them as the rest of the team left the room.

Kurogane narrowed his eyes, as though he was contemplating about the offer Toya just mentioned. A part of him wanted to just leave and not give a damn about what's happening to the blonde. But he just could not overcome the hurdle created by his heart. Deep within him he knew. The reason why the blonde was target was because of him. And it was also, and still his fault that he turned a blind eye to his pleads.

But watching Toya help the blonde release? He wanted no part in it. Yet he simply could not leave the blonde alone with anyone else. Time and again it was proven to be a wrong decision.

He had to stay.

While all the thoughts ran through Kurogane's mind, Toya had settled himself down on the bed and was lifting the blonde into a sitting position before leaning the shivering the mage on his chest. It was as though he was dealing with a fragile item, every move he made he made sure he did it in the most careful and gentle manner as though he fear the mage would break at his touch.

There was something in the way Toya looked at Fai that somehow pissed Kurogane off. He could not explain what was it but something tugged at his mind and an annoying itching sensation seemed to nag at his chest.

Before he could do anything or come to a conclusion on what exactly he was experiencing, a gush of blood rushed up to his face as he watched Toya's hand reach downwards..

Into..

As though he was automated to response in such a way, Kurogane quickly turned around to face the opposite direction.

"I'll do it." Toya's voice rang in his head, only this time that he registered and understood the full extent of his words.

The idiot's drugged.. What else had he meant?!

Of course he'll have to help him to do that. There's no way the blonde would have done it himself. He had knew what it meant when Toya said he would help.. but truthfully speaking, the thought had not sink in until he saw it himself.

"Nnnnm.." A small moan of pleasure escaped, wiggling into Kurogane's ears. He could feel his heartbeat leapt a notch faster.

The scene of Toya's hand reaching down into the blonde's pants seemed to repeat itself in slow motion in his mind as Fai's voice triggered the memory he had so not wanted to remember.

He had half a mind to turn around again and continue watching but he knew better than to do so. He could feel his body reacting as his body temperature went up a notch. Maybe he should have took up the offer himself and..

WHAT?! He almost slapped himself at the thought. Why would he even think that?

Now Fai's initial moaning began to change, evolving into sharp pants. The room had became so quiet that every sound made within it was probably amplified ten times, as though the whole room was filled with the Fai's voice.

As Toya advance deeper into helping Fai release, the heat upon his face too leapt up a notch.

"There's also somebody who haven done it yet... The blonde's the virgin..?" Upon recalling the scene in their journey, Kurogane could not help but feel blood rushing downwards to his groin and that made more blood rush up to his face thinking at the same time.

But.. If he's a virgin, that would mean that this would be his first...

"Don't think about unnecessary things!" He growled, chiding himself, closing his eyes and mind as he attempted to refocus his mind on some other things. But it's not like he can will his mind to do as he wish. Sadly usually when something's once thought.. It's hard to be unthought.

Before long, Fai's breathing hasten and small cries of release sounded. As the pants slowly subsided into silence, Kurogane reopened his eyes. He had not realized it before, during the course but now that it was all over, he could feel his mouth dry as he forced himself to shallow the lump in his throat.

Kurogane shook his head slightly before turning back to face the pair, just in time to see Toya wiping his hands with a cloth with a slightly more relieved blonde still propped against him, in a very suggestive manner.

"You have done your part." He growled almost in hostility. Something about the scene before his eyes made his blood boil as his brows plunged down into a frown.

His eyes could not help but travel downwards to where his last memory left to see a small tuff of blonde peeking from beyond the pants. His eyes immediately snapped upwards as he could feel a slight blush rushing up to his face.

"I'll take over from here." He tried his best to say it in the most calm matter. But something seemed to be stuck in his throat. It sounded more like a strangled hiss than anything.

Trust him to leave evidence of his deed with him.. He growled in his mind as he marched forward, lifting the blonde to place him in a sleeping position on the bed.

Freed from the dead weight of the blonde, Toya simply eyed the tall raven for a brief moment before standing up.

"There's no need to help him change. I took care not to spill any.."

"I get it." Kurogane growled, cutting Toya in his sentence. Yes! For God sake I know what I need to do! There's no need to order me around! He almost wanted to shout out.

"I'll leave the rest to you then." As though sensing Kurogane's awkwardness in the situation, Toya didn't spend too much time before he turned around to leave.

"Yeah." Kurogane growled, as he proceeded to wet a cloth and dabbing perspiration off the blonde. "Stupid blonde. Can't believe he slept through it." Toya could hear the small grumble from the raven as he approached the door.

He had took great care to finish his handjob so as to avoid the raven from discovering what has happened to the blonde. If he had spilled.. And Kurogane insisted to help Fai change... The wounds down there would definitely be discovered. While he was helping the blonde release he had took care to apply some medicine around the area too.

But he'll definitely have to come back and apply more for the blonde to get better. It's been too soon after for him to move around not to say run and the wounds have split open again. Luckily, Yasha's uniform was black so it's easier to hide the blood stains.

A sense of sadness and guilt flooded his insides as he looked back at the pair. At the same time, there was this strange feeling of pain which he could not explain. Did he hate seeing them together? Could it be that he feels something for the blonde?

The scene of the blonde panting and climaxing by his hand flashed into his mind, almost creating a blush upon his face.

Toya gulped down the lump in his throat as he shook his head, brushing away the thought. Fai's just reminded him too much of Yukino. He must have subconsciously treated him like Yukino or something. He could not be sure..

But one thing for sure, he definitely would not want to know what kind of reaction the tall raven would have upon knowing what has befallen on the blonde. Ignorance is bliss.. Maybe that hold some truth.

Watching the black head fuss over his traveling companion, despite his initial confusion, a temporary peace flushed through his mind.

Well at least he's in good hands..

..for now.

Just before closing the door, Toya turned his head, throwing a worry glance back at the blonde.

Something tells him things are not as simple as it seems. The dark shadow that disappeared into the darkness on their way here flashed back into his mind..

Could it be?

The dark brows plunged down into a frown.

He couldn't be sure..

He'll just have to find out.

Toya gave a sigh before heading into one of the secluded cave.

It's not going to be easy..

But first.. he'll have to settle the little guy down.. there.

A/N:

Sorry for the super late update.. Was revising the front part of the story to make it flow. I've added the missing link from chapter 1 to chapter 2 here so you guys can check it out! (New/updated chapters = Ch2 to Ch5)

I'll like to really thank everyone for sticking with me after almost 5 years .

I know its been a long time. BUT i can promise you that the day for Fai and Kuro to be together will definitely come. Please be patient and wait for it. (Y)

PS: Anyone wished that it was Kuro-chan instead of Toya? XP