Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters contained herein, I merely make them dance in what I hope is true to their rhythm.

Chapter 12

To Save a God Complex

"I just don't understand it, Doctor," Martha was saying. "You've known the Master for millennia. When has he ever just stabbed someone to kill him before?"

"Never in all my lives have I seen him just stab someone to kill him," said the Doctor, rubbing his face tiredly. "He always tries to make it much more played out, or at least a bit more technological than simple blade. That makes me think there are one of two possibilities. Possibility one, the act of removing the sins from himself had more of an effect on him than we originally thought. Possibility two, he wasn't intending to kill Sean at all."

"There's a third possibility, Doctor," said Martha. "The blade that the Doctor used wasn't simple at all."

The Doctor sat up. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean that maybe the stab was a red herring of some kind. The Master knew there was a possibility of saving Sean, despite what a large loss of blood it would be. I imagine that the Master has good enough aim so as to hit an organ that would cause internal bleeding, and we know from the basic TARDIS medical scan that we can rule that out."

"That's what I mean when I say that he didn't mean to kill him," said the Doctor slowly. "But you're saying that the blade itself may have been poisoned or something?"

Martha nodded. "It's possible," she said. "We still have the blade, so we can scan it, and have the TARDIS analyze a blood sample from Sean as well, just to be sure."

The Doctor nodded. "I'll get right on it," he said. He ran back to the console room.

Martha sighed and rubbed her eyes. She hadn't slept yet in a while. Even though they could have jumped to Olympus immediately, Pandora had said they should climb up first to make sure it was okay. The Doctor had insisted that since he knew Captain Jack personally, and as such would be welcomed with open arms once the Captain heard the TARDIS materialize. Pandora, however, wouldn't have it. Martha hadn't expected her to be so spiritual when it came to her gods.

So, the TARDIS had landed at the foot of the mountain, not far from where Greed had killed a wild pig for Pandora's supper long ago. Pandora had volunteered herself and Greed to climb the mountain to greet the gods and ask permission for the TARDIS to land in the main courtyard of the gods.

That had been two days ago. Martha thought surely that they would be back by now, although she knew perceptions were not always reality. The spaceship she was in now was proof of that. The mountain itself may be much taller than it looked.

Martha looked at Sean. They had been keeping in his quarters close to the console room. He hadn't stirred much since the surgery. He had opened his eyes once and taken a bit of soft food and water. He seemed so weak as he was, and she wished that she could do more. But as a doctor herself, she knew what he needed most right now was rest and time to recover.

The Doctor rushed back into the room quickly, suddenly frantic.

Martha leaped up instantly. "What is it, Doctor?" she asked.

"It's the blade," said the Doctor. "It's not there!"

Martha thought quickly. "Greed might have taken it with them just in case of... something," she finished lamely. She looked up at the Doctor. "We have to get up that mountain, whether it insults the gods or not. Their lives could be in danger!"

The Doctor nodded, and moments later, they were back in the main control room, and the time machine did its usual shaking and whining. When the Doctor ran to the door and opened it with Martha close behind him, she realized that she did miss being on this ship with him from time to time.

They stepped out into a massive courtyard that had enormous temples and buildings surrounding the perimeter. Martha wished she could take the time to visit each one, particularly the temple of Athena, which had the expected statue of an owl, but also had a statue of a very large bandy legged cat, colored ginger, and had a squashed face. Martha chuckled a bit. It seemed that what the Doctor had said was true, and Hermione Granger had become Athena.

Still, she knew there wasn't time to deal with taking a tour of the mountain of the gods. They had to find out where Pandora and Greed had gone and save them, along with the gods themselves.

"I imagine that they'll be down there," said the Doctor, pointing to the far end of the courtyard.

Martha looked and saw the largest palace she had ever seen in her life. She snorted.

"It figures that Jack would have the biggest one," she said, and snorted again at her Freudian slip. "Not to mention that it makes sense that he is Zeus, considering both his and Zeus' historical reputation."

The Doctor grinned at her. "Let's go," he said, and they took off running towards the great palace.

Even while running, Martha couldn't help but glance left and right at each of the palaces that belonged to the gods. They passed up one on their left that had statues of large weapons, which she knew must belong to Ares. She stared long at one that had a statue of someone that had wings. She didn't look away from it, or blink at all until she had past it. She knew it must belong to Hermes, but she didn't want to take any chances on the statue being a weeping angel.

There was another palace on the left that seemed to be made out of obsidian that she assumed must belong to Hades, but oddly had some red and gold trim, and had one large statue at the entrance that resembled a circle encased in a triangle, with one line bisecting it down the middle. Martha tried to remember where she had seen it before, but couldn't place it.

The last palace they passed on their right was bright blue, and Martha realized it was made completely of glass, and the glass was filled with water. That had to be Poseidon's palace.

Martha and the Doctor finally reached the steps to Zeus' palace and rushed up. She felt almost like Rocky when she reached the top, like she should be pumping her arms up and down and punching the air. But there was no time for pretending she was in Philadelphia, as the Doctor was running straight toward a small door in the center of the much larger door that dominated the front of the palace.

He stopped as he reached the door and pulled out his sonic screwdriver to scan the door.

"What is it Doctor?" Martha asked him, breathing hard.

"There are three life forms inside," said the Doctor. "One human, one homunculi, and one... well, that has to be the captain," he said. "Let's hurry."

They opened the door and stepped in.

They were in a vast room that seemed to be even larger than the courtyard they had come from. There was a tiny throne on the other side, set on a dais. There was a figure sitting in it, and another one standing behind the throne. "Don't take another step, Doctor," called a voice, presumably the person behind the throne.

"And why shouldn't I, Greed?" asked the Doctor.

"Because I am now holding Zeus, or as you know him, your friend Captain Jack Harkness, hostage. I have the knife that the Master used on your young friend to the captain's throat."

Martha looked at the Doctor. He waved her down, knowing what she was thinking: Jack couldn't die. "Okay", he called out. "I won't come any closer. Where is Pandora?"

"She is unconscious at the moment," said Greed. "She helped me to realize, while were speaking with Wrath, that the gods were still more powerful than we were as homunculi. I decided I wanted to be the king of the gods. Ergo, I ensured that we would end up here, in this position."

"Jack!" called out Martha. "Are you okay?"

"Is that Miss Martha Jones?" called a voice very familiar to her, except it now carried a different kind of weight to it. "Thanks for visiting, but how come you never respond to my letters or booty calls?"

Martha rolled her eyes. Yes, Jack was all right, and the same as ever. "You should try asking my husband!" she called back. "I think he intercepts them before letting me read them."

"Ha ha!" laughed the god captain. "Little Mickey Mouse is jealous of me. Who'd have thought it!"

There was an audible sigh, which was impressive, given the size of the room. Greed was clearly not amused or impressed by their banter. "Your banter does not impress or amuse me," he said. "Now, I claim my new kingdom!"

There was a slicing sound, and the figure on the throne crumpled to the ground in front of the dais. Without waiting for any response, the figure behind the throne came around it and sat down. "You may come forward now, Doctor." he called.

The Doctor and Martha rushed forward. It was clear to them that the captain wasn't moving as they drew nearer, and there was blood around his neck. There was no wound though, and they knew that their friend would be all right. Greed wasn't to know that yet though.

Martha, choking back fake tears, stumbled to the ground next to Jack and put her hands where the wound had been in a feigned effort to stop bleeding that was no longer happening. She felt a strong pulse in his neck.

"Oh, there's no point in doing that," said Greed in a bored voice. "I slit his throat. He was dead before he hit the ground."

"But we didn't come any closer until you said to!" said the Doctor in mock rage. "You didn't have to kill him! We were doing what you told!"

Greed laughed. "Of course I didn't have to, Doctor," he said, chuckling. "I wanted to! I told you already. I'm Greed, and that means I want everything. Money, power, women! And as king of the gods, as Zeus, I can have everything."

"But you can't kill a god with just a simple blade," said the Doctor. "That's not possible. The gods are immortal."

"Is that so?" asked Greed, raising an eyebrow. "I suggest you take a closer look at the blade, then. You will find it is not so simple." He revealed the knife that they had pulled out of Sean's stomach just two days ago, and had now cut Jack's throat open.

The Doctor caught the knife deftly and peered at it. "Ah yes," he said. "I see."

"What is it, Doctor?" asked Martha, her hands still at Jack's throat.

"There are runes on this knife, Martha," he said. "They're in Old High Galifreyan."

"What do they say?" she asked.

He shook his head. "It's not what they say that's the problem," he replied. "It's what they're meant for. It's what they're meant to do." He looked at her darkly. "This knife is meant to kill that which can not be killed by normal means. It can kill immortal beings, like gods."

Martha's eyes widened. She still felt a pulse in Jack, and it was as strong as ever. She could feel him breathing. She looked at the Doctor, trying to tell him this wordlessly. "What about regular people?" she asked. "What about Sean?"

"It works on regular people like any normal blade would," said the Doctor. "Sean is safe from its effects." He looked at Greed. "But that's not it," he said. "That's not all these runes mean."

"What else is there?" asked Martha.

The Doctor smiled, and it was grim. "It means that whoever kills a god with this blade will take that god's place, and become immortal themselves," he said.

Greed smirked. "And, since I just killed your friend, who was a god, I am now a god," he said. "I am Zeus, the mighty king of the gods!"

"Oh, but you've failed to see something very important, Greed," said the Doctor. "You've missed something absolutely crucial."

Greed raised his eyebrows. "And what would that be, Doctor?" he asked.

"You're a god now, correct?" asked the Doctor, and Martha could tell he was playing for time. She didn't know what it was for though.

"Yes, that's right," said Greed, exasperated. "I'm the king of the gods now, that's what I've been saying!"

"Well, then Greed," said the Doctor slowly. "Why did you give me the knife?"

"Why did I what?" asked Greed, and then his eyes widened. "Oh, dear," he said. "But you wouldn't do something like that, Doctor. You don't kill, you haven't killed, never! The Master told us so!"

The Doctor smiled grimly. "I don't use guns, that much is true," he said. "But this isn't a gun, now is it?"

Greed swallowed, and shook his head slowly. "But you wouldn't kill an unarmed man, would you?" He held out his hands to show they were empty. "You wouldn't do that!"

The Doctor narrowed his eyes. "You've just killed a friend of mine," he said in a low, dangerous voice. "What did you expect I was going to do once you gave me the knife, just look at it and give it back to you?"

Greed was visibly terrified now. He was shaking.

"So the question that remains now, Greed," said the Doctor. "Is whether I want to become a god or not. It would certainly help me out considerably, giving me more powers than I have ever dreamt of. The lightning in particular would come in handy." He fingered the knife in his hand. "I have a bit of a god complex myself, you see. I love saving people. I'm the Doctor, and I save people, that's what I do. Being a god would help me save everyone." He raised the knife and stepped towards Greed. "I just need to bring this knife down and I can save everyone. All it would cost is one miserable life."

Suddenly, a voice shouted from behind them. "Expelliarmus!" The knife flew out of the Doctor's hand and back over their heads.

Martha tracked the knife's path with her eyes, and her mouth fell open when she saw the hand it had fallen in.

"Harry Potter?" she whispered.

It was indeed. The bespectacled man that stood there with the lightning scar on his forehead was most definitely the boy who lived, and there were three people around him. Two of them were his best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. The third was Pandora, who must have run to Athena, or, rather, Hermione, when she realized what Greed intended to do after waking up. Hermione had gotten her friends, Ron and Harry, who was, of course Hades. The Golden Trio now had their wands trained on the Doctor. Or was it Greed they were pointing at?

Then Martha realized where she had seen the symbol in front of Hades' palace. It was the mark of the Deathly Hallows. She would have laughed if the situation hadn't been so serious. Harry Potter was the perfect choice to replace Hades. She wasn't sure why Ron was there though.

"Stop now," said Harry. "You can't kill him."

"Oh come on, Potter!" shouted the Doctor. "I was never going to kill him, you should know me better than that!" He stepped down from the dais where Greed was letting out a sigh of relief, and starting to get up.

"No!" shouted Hermione.

"Incarcerous!" cried Ron, and ropes flew out of his wand to bind the homunculi. Greed fell to the ground next to Jack, just below the dais.

Jack finally sat up, taking a deep gasping breath. "I really hate doing that, you know, Doctor," he said, standing up. "Hello, Martha Jones. I knew you couldn't wait to get your hands on me."

She laughed and gave him a hug. He flashed his trademark smile at the Doctor and went to sit down on his throne.

"How is this possible?" cried Greed from the ground. "I slit your throat!"

"Oh, did I not mention?" asked the Doctor. "Jack was immortal before he was a god. You also don't even need a special knife to kill a god. They can be killed just like any mortal, they just can't die of natural causes."

"And you weren't going to kill me?" asked Greed.

"Heavens, no!" said the Doctor. "Who do you think I am, the Master?"

"So let me get this straight," said Greed. "I'm not a god at all."

"

That's right, buddy," said Jack, leaning forward to pat him on the shoulder. "Nice try, but you can't keep a good god down." He looked up at Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Thanks for coming when I called, guys. It was getting boring listening to these two talk."

Hermione grinned at him. "Of course, we have to save you from a lecture," she said. "That's what I'm here for." She looked around. "Did you just call the three of us? Where are Hera, Ares, Aphrodite, and Poseidon?"

Jack shook his head. "I'm not sure," he said. "I can't even remember what Hera looks like anymore, I see her so little."

Martha shook her head and looked at Jack. "Wait, you called the three of them here?" she asked, and looked at Pandora. "Greed said he knocked you unconscious. I thought you had gone to get them for help."

Pandora nodded. "When I woke up, I knew I had to get help, so I went straight to Athena's palace, because I had met her here before. I remembered her. She was already on her way here with these two, and we met halfway. I don't remember these two," she said, indicating Harry and Ron. "But apparently they remember me. I helped make them into who they are now."

Martha looked at the trio. "So Hermione's Athena," she said, pointing at the young woman. "Harry, are you Hades?" she asked.

Harry nodded. "It was because I'm so familiar with death, if I remember right. It comes with the territory of having actually died. It also helped that I was able to tame a big three headed dog when I was eleven," he said.

Jack laughed. "Yeah, I remember thinking I could just as well have been Hades, having died so many times myself."

Martha ignored this, and turned to Ron. "So who are you supposed to be?" she asked.

"I'm Ron Weasley of course," he said with a slight smile. "What, you haven't heard of me? I'm extremely famous. Ouch!" he said, as Hermione elbowed him in the ribs.

"You know what she means, Ronald," she said.

"That hurt, woman!" he muttered under his breath, but looked back at Martha. "I guess this will help you figure it out," he said. He raised his wand and conjured a simple goblet. Martha raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"I know you're a wizard," she said.

"I haven't gotten to the best part, though," he said. He raised his other hand above the goblet, and out of his palm poured a red liquid. He filled the goblet and handed it to her. "Go on," he said. "Drink it. It's great!"

Martha smelled it, and she raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Wine?" she said, and sipped it. "You're right, this is good!" She peered at him. "Are you Dionysus then?"

Ron grinned at her. "That's right," he said. "I throw the best parties this side of the veil. Fred throws the best parties on the other side." He tried to crack a smile at this, but it seemed forced. Martha could tell it still hurt to talk about his dead brother, even if what he said would have had the brother rolling with laughter.

"Not to stop the lovely bit of exposition we're having, but can we move on?" asked the Doctor. "

Captain, you called the other four as well, correct?"

Jack nodded. "That's right," he said. "I'm not sure what's taking them so long. It's like I'm not getting through."

"Well, in that case, we had better go check on them," said the Doctor, clapping his hands together.

"What should we do with this one?" asked Jack, nudging Greed with his foot.

"I've got it," said Hermione, raising her wand. "Levicorpus!" she said, and Greed was hoisted in the air to hang upside down, as though an invisible hook were attached to his ankles.

"You'll be comfortable there, right Greed?" asked Ron.

Greed started to say something insulting, but Ron conjured a sock from thin air and stuffed it into Greed's mouth.

"Oy, we won't be having any mouth out of you," he said.

Greed glared at him, and the effect was slightly enhanced by the fact that his face was beginning to turn purple.

"All right, we're ready to go," said Harry. "Poseidon first then?"

Jack nodded, and stood up to lead everyone out.

"Hang on a minute," said Harry, and pointed his wand at the blood on the ground. "Scourgify," he said, and suds and brushes appeared to clean the blood off the floor.

Jack grinned at him. "Thanks," he said. "I can't tell you many times I've slipped in my own blood. And I don't want anybody getting any bloody knees, if you know what I mean!" He winked at Martha.

She shook her head in disbelief. "Jack Harkness, you haven't changed a bit, have you?" she said, but she was smiling.

"Never could," he said, smiling his trademark roguish grin. "Come on, then." And he led them out of the palace.

"Jack," said Martha. "What about Gwen? Is she running Torchwood on her own?"

Jack sighed. "I look in on her every now and again," he said. "She and Rhys are raising their two children. She's got enough on her plate without having to deal with Torchwood."

Martha's brow furrowed. "So... that's it?" she asked. "Is Torchwood done?"

Jack nodded. "Officially, yes," he said. "It just wasn't the same after Sarah Jane passed away. Luke volunteered to help out, along with Clive, but I don't think their hearts were in it. They just wanted to keep doing what she did. I think what they need is to be kids for once in their lives." He laughed a little. "Considering how Luke came to be, he's actually never been just a kid. Clive will help him with that." He looked at Martha. "I monitor things, like the rift, from here, but if something big comes up, I usually try to notify this guy." He nodded at the Doctor. "Though with these three and the other gods, we're usually able to handle anything that happens."

They had reached the palace of Poseidon. Martha had to marvel at it again. It was like the whole building was made of an aquarium.

Harry shuddered. "I don't like coming in here," he said. "It makes me think of the lake at school, and the merpeople, and... " he trailed off, looking at Ron and Hermione.

Ron laughed. "Oh, it's you and your saving people thing, Harry," he said. At Pandora's confused look, he went on. "In our fourth year at Hogwarts, Harry was chosen as school champion and had to complete some tasks. One of the tasks was to save me from the bottom of the lake. He took it to mean that I would die if he didn't save me. Unfortunately, the other champions also had people to save. One of them was a girl he had a crush on, one was the sister of another champion, and the other was Hermione here."

Hermione took over. "Harry wouldn't leave without making sure all of the hostages got out, even though they weren't his own to save." She smiled at her friend warmly. "He's always been the one with a hero complex. He always has to save people, because he usually feels like he gets people into the dangerous situations that they need saving from."

Harry butted in. "But I do," he said. "If I didn't attract so much trouble, you wouldn't -"

Hermione cut in. "We wouldn't follow you into it," she said. "We know, Harry. We'll always follow you, just like you and Ron followed me when I was chosen for this."

Martha smiled inwardly. She had read conversations like this in her books, which she treasured. She had never expected to actually meet her favorite characters, Hermione especially.

Meanwhile, the Doctor and Jack were walking ahead of them. "This whole palace is a big maze," said Jack. "Steve, Poseidon that is, makes it a puzzle to find the throne room, and then find your way out again. You have to follow the signs that spell out his former crew members' names in the first letter of the sign."

"What if you don't remember his crew members' names?" asked Martha.

"That's what we bring Hermione for," Ron and Harry said together, and they both laughed.

Pandora and Martha looked confusedly at them. Hermione answered their questioning looks. "I read all about Steve Zissou before I became Athena. Steve Zissou is an oceanologist, and he was chosen to be Poseidon's successor. I know all about him and his crew."

"Well, help me out here, Hermione," said the Doctor. "Let's find our way to Steve's throne room."

Hermione laughed. "It's not really a throne room, Doctor," she said. "He's made it an extension of his research lab." She waved at the glass tanks all around them. These are all the creatures that he had in his old research lab when we found him to recruit him to be Poseidon."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "I like him already," he said. "He's fascinated by life of all kinds aquatic."

Harry grinned. "I call him Aquaman sometimes," he said.

"Who's Aquaman?" asked Pandora.

"I've been asking him that for ages," muttered Ron.

"He's a comic book character," said Harry. "I used to steal my cousin Dudley's comics when I lived on Privet Drive. He's a superhero who lives in the ocean and can talk to the fish. He even controls them from time to time."

Pandora laughed. "A well chosen nickname for the god of the sea," she said.

Hermione, meanwhile, had been making quick turns, left, left, right, left, right again. The rest of them almost had to work hard to keep up with her.

"We're here!" she exclaimed, obviously very pleased with herself.

Indeed they had arrived in the main lab. There were computers and machines all over the place, and there was a clear view of most of the major creatures that were in the palace.

"Oh my goodness," said Hermione. "Ron, Harry, look!" She beckoned them over to one particular tank.

"Blimey," said Ron.

"I can't believe it," agreed Harry.

"What is it?" asked Pandora.

Harry waved her over. "He's got a grindylow in here. We learned how to deal with these guys in our third year. A few of them almost drowned me in our fourth year."

"During the second task of the Triwizard Tournament," said Martha, nodding.

Harry looked at Martha, surprised.

"Come on, Potter," she said. "Even most Muggles have heard of you and your story."

"When you're all done gawking at the magical creatures, we need to remember why we're here," said the Doctor.

"Sorry, Doctor," said Harry, respectfully abashed. "Where exactly is our resident god of the sea?"

"Not here, apparently," said Jack.

Hermione was scanning the area with her wand, while the Doctor did the same with his sonic screwdriver. "There's no sign of any struggle," they said at the same time.

"I like you," said the Doctor, pointing at her and giggling. "You're clever."

Hermione grinned, and did a slight curtsy. "So he either wasn't here if and when the homunculi came, he went with them willingly, or the homunculi haven't been here, and he still isn't here."

"Oh, that narrows it down a lot," said Ron. "What now?"

Hermione glared at him. "You know, you could be a little more helpful," she said. "I'm the one that led us in here."

Ron shrugged and held up a hand. Wine sprang from it like a fountain. "Fancy a drink?" he asked.

Hermione fought to keep a straight face, but failed. "I knew it was either going to be that or chess," she muttered, smiling at her boyfriend.

Jack looked at the Doctor and shook his head. "We have to get them to stop with the word increasing banter," he said.

The Doctor looked up at the author from the computer screen where the word processor was. "Oy, you up there!" he called. "Let's move the plot along a bit, shall we?"

The author flitted his eyes left and right and looked down, abashed. "Sorry," he said. "I'll get back to it."

"Thank you," said Jack, and he looked at the others gathered around. "Shall we go to find Ares now? He's just next door."

They all agreed this was a good idea, so they followed Hermione as she led them out, using the plaques on each of the tanks.

When they got outside, they had a surprise waiting for them.

"Poseidon!" shrieked Hermione. "We were just looking for you?"

"Oh yeah?" said Steve Zissou. "What's going on? Why is he here?" he asked, pointing at Greed, who was still hovering upside down. He had passed out a while back. Apparently, homunculi weren't immune to blood rushing to their head as a way to go unconscious.

"We'll get to that later, Steve," said the Doctor. "Suffice it to say that he's not the only one. The other homunculi are coming for you, and they want to take over Olympus, this time for good!"

Steve frowned. "They already tried that, didn't they? And we were able to get them back in their box."

"Well, it was a box this time," said Pandora. "It was a jar the first time, but it broke."

"Never mind that, Pandora," said Steve. "I thought you got trapped in the box with them."

Pandora looked at the ground. "Well, someone else opened it," she said.

"Who was dumb enough to do that?" asked Steve.

"Now, Poseidon, don't say that!" said the Doctor. "The person that opened the box is now lying in recovery in the TARDIS. He was stabbed by the Master for helping us."

"Oh," said Steve. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"It's all right," said Martha fiercely, and she didn't sound like she forgave him for what he said.

"So the homunculi and the Master are back," said Steve. "So we just need to get them back in the box. Do we have the box?"

The Doctor nodded. "It's back in my box," he said. "We only have one small problem."

"What's that?" asked Steve.

"We don't know how to get them back into it," said the Doctor.

"Can't we just do the same thing we did last time?" asked Steve.

"Two problems with that," said Pandora. "One, last time I got trapped in the box with them. I don't want to go back in there. I want to live my life."

"And what's the second problem?"

Jack answered. "We can't remember how we got them in the box last time anyway."

"What?" asked Steve. "Why not?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "At this point, the author hasn't finished the end of that story, so he doesn't know how it happens himself."

Steve's jaw dropped. "He's doing everything out of order!" he said in shock. "Either he's a very bad writer, or he's a very good one."

"Too bad he can't get through any story without referencing himself in some way," said Jack.

"Yeah, he's almost as egotistical as you, Jack," said Martha, winking at him.

"Author, you're doing it again!" said the Doctor. "Plot, please!"

"I know," muttered the author. "I was doing so well. It's because I'm watching the telly at the same time."

"You're not even British," shouted Jack at the author. "You can't say the telly just because you want to be British!"

"I'm not!" shouted the author. "I said the telly because it uses one more word than just saying TV or television."

"Ugh," cried the Doctor. "Can we please get on with this story so whatever poor soul is reading this can find out what happens next?"

"Okay!" said the author out loud and feeling only slightly awkward about it. He was glad he was alone in the house.