A/N: ...*shoves this at you when I know I should be working on Heartstrung* Sorry...I just...it's been really rough lately. I know that that's all you guys seem to hear from me...so I'm really really sorry.

metal fatigue
/ˈmedl-ˌfəˈtēɡ/

noun

loss of strength in something made of
metal that could cause it to break

She'd been in bed for a few days when she got a call from Natsu.

"Lu, you okay?" His voice was gravelly and wind garbled his words, but she could still make out the worry in his voice. "Haven't heard from you in awhile."

He'd been at a convention out of country with the rest of Fairy Tail, and from the pictures they'd been posting on Twitter, it had gone extremely well. Various cosplayers were sporting weapons tailored for LARP combat—which meant all resin, no metal—and a few movie scouts looked pleased with their prototypes.

Natsu had called her one night to gush about being scouted for a set of Wolverine claws he'd made, and that he'd given out a few cards with promises of calls. He was cautiously optimistic, but excited all the same for the praise alone and Lucy couldn't stop the lazy smile that had crossed her face at his rambling. He'd woken her up in the middle of the night, but it'd totally been worth it.

That was a week ago, and she hadn't messaged him since.

She couldn't.

She'd only found out it had been a week when Erik had called. She'd ignored the ringing landline in favor of listening to his voice on the answering machine tell her she'd missed her weekly appointment, which she'd never done before and he was really worried.

He'd shown up on her doorstep a few hours later. Apparently he was quite adept at picking locks.

He was breaking all his rules at that point, he'd told her. Getting this personal with a patient was wrong, ethically, and she didn't doubt that there was another rule somewhere he was breaking. She couldn't care less at that point though. She didn't much care about anything.

She'd expected him to be scared. Frantic. Trying to pull her out of a bed she hadn't gotten out of in days and give her some spiel about her being strong or some shit like that.

He didn't.

He just knelt beside her bed, pulled his legs under him cross-legged, and stayed there while she cried until she was ready to talk. Which had taken some time, but she'd eventually gotten the words out.

Her ex had gotten out on probation.

She felt weak, being so terrified of him. He was a pathetic, lowly, insecure, insignificant excuse for a man and human being who didn't fucking deserve any sort of emotion from her whatsoever. He didn't. He fucking didn't.

So why was she having panic attack after panic attack?

Why couldn't she move?

Why couldn't she breathe?

Why couldn't she stop being so fucking afraid of someone who couldn't hurt her anymore? She had a restraining order that kept him out of the state. She had no reason to look over her shoulder.

But she did.

And of course this had happened a few hours after all her friends had hopped on a plane. She hadn't had anyone to talk to, and by the time she'd heard from them again they were all having such a good time she didn't want to dampen their mood or make them come back.

Which they totally would. Even if Natsu was the only one who knew all the details, and Levy and Gajeel who had inklings about her anxiety and PTSD, she had no doubt they would all turn around to be there for her.

She didn't want them to put their career on the back burner. It wasn't like her problems were bad enough for that.

To which Erik face-palmed.

She knew she was being unreasonable. Logically, she knew that there was no point to comparing the severity of her situation to others because it didn't matter who was worse off…what mattered was this shouldn't have happened to her in the first place and the emotional scars were severe.

She thought she'd been doing better. She really did. She was happy, and smiling, and her relationship with Natsu was thriving. They'd been a lot closer since she'd told him what happened, but nothing too serious. He was patient with her, and she was insanely grateful for that every day.

He deserved so much better than someone broken like her.

That's how she felt at the moment anyway.

Erik had stayed with her the rest of the day, made her some food with the scarce amount of ingredients left in her kitchen, and made her promise to come into the office in a few days or he would call Natsu himself.

When she threatened doctor-patient confidentiality, he'd simply told her her mental health was more important to him than his license and he'd risk being vague to Natsu about her if it meant she'd be okay.

She didn't want to need someone else. She needed to stand on her own two feet. Her needy dependence was what got her into this situation in the first place.

Fuck she was pathetic.

"'m fine," she mumbled into her phone, avoiding the glare of the screen. She'd kept all the lights off in her house and the blinds shut, so she was ridiculously sensitive to any kind of light. She could see in the dark at this point.

There was a pause on the other end before his voice came through, "I'm coming over."

Panic filled her stomach, "No, Natsu, don't—!"

There was a slight click as the call disconnected and Lucy threw her phone at the wall with a hissed, "Fuck."

The airport wasn't far from their complex, which meant she had an hour to take a shower, stifle her anxiety, and act like a respectable human being.

Simple…right?

…

Washing the grime from her hair and skin proved to be more taxing than usual.

That'd be obvious since she had to wash her hair three times, and run a loofah over every inch she could reach until the water was clear. Just when she felt like she'd gotten all the dirt off…she'd feel his hands on her waist, or lips on her neck and she'd scrub as the tears fell down her face.

If her skin was raw, she couldn't feel him on her.

Finally clean, she'd towelled her hair and slipped into sweatpants and a long-sleeved turtleneck. She felt good in them. Long sleeves. They were warm and she could wrap them around her fingers and clutch at the balled up ends until her hands weren't showing. It was comforting.

The ring of her doorbell sounded through her apartment. She shivered slightly at the water from her hair seeping into her upper back as she made her way to the front door. She checked the peephole to make sure it was Natsu before unlatching the chain, deadbolt, and handle.

She pulled the door open slowly to a puzzled looking Natsu. His eyes flickered from her to the locks.

Sometimes she hated how observant he was.

"C'mon in," she smiled, stepping to the side. "I missed you."

He shuffled in hesitantly, closing the door behind him as she made her way into her living room. His steps followed close behind her and paused once she passed by her couch. She swallowed the anxiety from her throat to her stomach and with a deep breath did her best to ignore it as she opened her food cabinets. "You hungry?"

He still hadn't said anything.

When she didn't answer, she glanced over her shoulder and the serious expression he was wearing made her body go numb. She knew what that look meant.

She couldn't deal with this right now.

"Lucy?" he tilted his head to one side, eyes giving her a once over. "What's goin' on?"

He took a few steps toward her and flinched as she involuntarily backed away from him, the corner of the counter digging into the soft flesh of her hips. She bit her lower lip, hard and closed her eyes, trying to even out her shallow breathing.

"Luce?"

Tears pricked the backs of her eyes and she pressed the heels of her hands into them, deep. She clenched her jaw, baring her teeth and biting back a sob she felt bubbling in her chest. The pain wasn't dissipating, if anything it was growing and no amount of pulling at her hair was helping.

She didn't realize she'd been holding her breath until she was on the floor with the chill of the tile seeping through the fabric of her shirt and pants into her skin. Somewhere in the back of her head Natsu's frantic calling registered, but she couldn't concentrate on it right now. Her heart was pounding and she couldn't do it. She couldn't take it. She couldn't…she…

Warm hands cradled her face.

At that touch, her eyes snapped up to Natsu as his thumbs brushed away her tears. Her breathing came back in short gasps and her head spun.

She was nearly crushed to his chest.

She couldn't make out what he was murmuring in her ear, but it didn't matter. The vibrations from his chest reverberated and rumbled into her very bones, soothing her body before her mind. The more pressure he exerted, the easier it was for her heart to slow and for her to calm down.

It felt like hours but was most likely only a few minutes before she was able to bring her hands up to hug him back. She gripped tightly at his shoulder blades and buried her face in his neck. Her tears were slick against the bridge of her nose and tops of her cheeks and she felt her skin slip with each heave of her body as she cried.

Eventually her eyes hurt and had no more tears to shed. Her voice hitched in her chest a few times, slightly hiccups swallowed by the pressure of her lips against Natsu's neck.

Somehow they'd gotten into a position with Lucy cradled to his chest bridal style and Natsu's back to the cupboards below her countertop. The tile's gotta be uncomfortable under him, especially with her weight on his lap.

She moved to get up but his fingers and arms tightened around her to keep her in place.

"Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?" he asked softly.

Lucy opened her eyes slightly, "'cause you would've come home."

"Damn straight I would've," he pulled back to get a look at her face, "you're way more important than a damn convention."

She shook her head, "No, that was important for the future of your career, Natsu. No way I'm getting in the middle of that."

"Lucy…" His chest heaved in a sigh.

She didn't say anything. She couldn't.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Natsu spoke up.

"I hope one day you'll realize, just how beautiful you are."

Lucy blinked.

"You're so kind, Lucy. You come and visit us and bring us food—always home cooked, never anything from the store. Ya help Levy with some engraving when it comes to fonts with a fresh perspective. You bake Erza cake so special she now refuses to eat anything else. You helped to fix Gajeel's gloves when metal burned through them. You pick up Gray's clothes from around the barn when he loses them, and are doing what you can to help him kick his smoking habit. I don't think you realize how big that actually is. We've all tried one way or another, you're the first to help make it stick." She could feel him smile against her hair though her eyes were closed.

"Lucy," he whispered, "we all love you. So much. You're family to us now. Your happiness is ours. Your pain is ours. We want to help and we're here for you. We've all got your back and you don't have to be afraid."

She knew that, she did.

"That's exactly why I am," she said softly.

He looked down at her and she avoided his gaze.

"I'm afraid he'll hurt you guys," she started, "which is stupid because you guys can take care of yourself and there's no way he could get all of you…"

"He's behind bars, Lucy," Natsu offered, "if there was even a possibility, that would kill it right there."

Lucy went rigid in his arms.

Natsu felt it.

"Lu…"

Lucy bit her lip and buried her face in his neck, "He got out a few days ago."

She heard the thunk of Natsu's head falling back against the cupboard and felt an arm shift to slide a palm down his face. The tips of his fingers dug deep into his cheek as he covered his mouth, muscle in his jaw flexing as it clenched and unclenched.

Lucy took the opportunity to pull herself out of his lap.

"Fuck, I'm pathetic," she breathed, letting out a sharp laugh. "He can't get near me, he doesn't know where I am, and all of this shit happened years ago and yet his sorry fucking ass reduces me to a pathetic pile of sobbing trash." She paced in her kitchen. "It wasn't even that bad what he did. I'm fucking—"

"Don't. You. Dare. Say that."

Lucy looked down at Natsu, eyes following him as he stood up and came toward her. He once again cradled her face in his hands, but this time was so she couldn't look away.

"It was bad what he did," he said firmly. "It was brutal. And awful. And wrong. And in my opinion he should rot in a fucking cell for the rest of his life for that. You have every damn right to feel how you do. Being scared is a conditioned response. It does not make you pathetic, and you will get through this. You just need time." He didn't blink. His voice didn't waver, and his gaze didn't flicker.

"I don't know how much more time I have to give," she choked, biting her lip. "Natsu…I…"

Her knees gave out, but Natsu caught her this time, drawing her into him.

"I'm so tired of this," she cried, voice muffled by his shirt. "I don't know how much more I can take. The panic…the anxiety…I'm going to be looking over my shoulder forever. I…"

Warm hands rubbed up and down the length of her spine. Having him this close was terrifying. She wanted him close. She wanted him closer. She cared more for him than was healthy right now.

But he helped. Just being there helped.

She was so selfish.

"I can't be what you want me to be," she confessed.

Because that was it. That was everything.

She loved him.

She loved Natsu. She wanted a life with him. A relationship. She wanted to be his girlfriend, and go on dates, and hold his hand, and hug him, and sleep next to him, and be physical with him…intimate…

But she was broken. Oh so broken, and he was so kind and patient she didn't doubt he'd wait forever.

And the guilt was killing her.

And she told him just that.

He was horrified.

"Have I been making you feel pressured?" he asked softly, hiding as much panic as he could.

"No," Lucy answered, "not at all. I just…"

"Lucy."

She looked up to him.

"I'm not going to lie, I want all of those things too. I do," he smiled small. "I feel the same way about you."

She didn't tell him the love part. She was scared enough about that already without him possibly knowing.

"But I don't want it right now, either."

She blinked.

"We both have things we're going through," his voice was low, nearly a whisper, breath ghosting over her cheeks as he leaned to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. "But above all else, I do not want to push you."

She leaned into the warmth of his palm.

"Let me tell you this."

She opened her eyes to look at him.

"Remember this," he said firmly, and she nodded.

"You are allowed to say no. I will never get mad at you for it. I will never think less of you for it. I would much rather you say no and tell me when you're feeling like this than find out later that I've hurt you. Me or anyone else in regards to literally anything. Okay?"

She nodded, biting at her bottom lip, "Okay."

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed her temple. "You have all of us now. He's not getting anywhere near you. He'll never touch you again. I promise."

She knew that logically. It was her heart and anxiety that refused to listen to reason.

But, she then found, they'd listen to Natsu instead.