A/N: Heartstrung is going well...but I couldn't sleep tonight. This was rattling around and I couldn't get to sleep without writing it down.

beat
/bēt/

verb

flatten or shape metal by striking
it repeatedly with a hammer

She sat in her little alcove, where she'd first seen Natsu run nearly a year ago now. It was hard to believe it was that long, he made time fly for her, which was a relief considering the gruelling months she'd spent in constant panic-attack-mode.

Today wasn't a day where she felt like that though, no.

Today was a day she was just...not there.

She wasn't talking to anybody. Nothing was going on in any of her apps or measly excuse for social media accounts. Her friends weren't around. She didn't have an appointment with Erik. Her apartment was scary quiet.

Her body was numb, and the stupidest thing had triggered it.

An epiphany of sorts.

As soon as her brain made the distinction, it was impossible for her it to stop. Happiness and reassurance conflicted with her anger and self-hatred. Even little realizations couldn't undo years of conditioning and feelings, though they could help on a new path.

Though she was lost in thought, she absentmindedly registered the sound of the door opening and closing, and Natsu coming up behind her. She made no move. Just continued to stare out the window.

The room was still void of any sort of noise, and he seemed to pick up on the atmosphere, electing to stay quiet instead of ask her what was going on.

She always told him when she was ready anyway.

"Did you know, that there's a difference between sexual attraction, and sexual arousal?"

Out of context, it would seem like a random question, but for her, it was the furthest thing from. She turned to Natsu, who was staring at her with a furrowed brow, puzzled by how random she was, but still staying quiet.

"You can't manipulate someone's level of sexual attraction toward another person," Lucy looked down at her fingers and picked at her half-bitten nails. She'd gnawed through them again in her bit of anxiety that day. "But, you can manipulate someone using sexual arousal."

Her cuticles were completely destroyed.

"One is emotional," she continued, "the other is physical. You can't control it. But if you're good enough, you can make someone think that they want it, and then hate themselves when their emotions conflict with their body."

Natsu came to sit down on the floor at her feet. He looked up at her to where she was still sitting cross-legged.

"I'm...wired weird," she looked back out the window. "I never felt sexual attraction to him. I never really...wanted him when I looked at him. That just...never happened for me, and when I tried to tell him I just didn't work like that...the guilt he made me feel for something I just could. not. feel for him, was..."

She shook her head.

"It's only recently, I've figured out the difference...and that he'd been manipulating me from day one. To give him a chance. Take pity on him, and because I didn't feel like I could say no..." she shook her head. "I never felt like I could say no. When I tried...he would never take it for an answer.

"I'm such a fucking idiot," she breathed, "letting myself get jerked around like that. I know it wasn't my fault, but..."

She felt a warm hand wrap around her foot and give it a squeeze.

She looked down at him.

"Natsu...I want you," she said softly, "and that is the weirdest thing to me because the more I know you...the more I want you, and I didn't the first time we met."

The small smile that broke out over his face make her heart clench.

"Some people develop feelings, emotional and sexual, over time, Lucy," he told her. "That's perfectly okay. And it's okay if it never happens too."

"I never felt like this...I've...I've never felt this before," she whispered, looking away and down. "It's terrifying. I thought I was broken."

Natsu squeezed her foot again until she looked at him.

"He manipulated you until you couldn't tell the difference," Natsu said. "Hell...you didn't even know there was a difference in the first place. That's not your fault. That doesn't mean you're broken. You just didn't have those kinds of feelings for him in the first place."

"But I let it happen..." she said softly.

"You didn't know, Lucy," he said firmly. "You felt trapped. You were trapped. And when you finally knew you needed to get out, you did. None of this is your fault."

"It feels like it is. I could have stopped it, if I'd just said no."

"But you did say no. He just refused to take it for an answer. People need to learn to respect that."

Tears fell down her cheeks.

He was staring at her...with such...understanding, and it was just who he was. The caring. The loving. He didn't need to try, it was just a part of him.

She didn't know someone like that could even exist.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" she breathed.

"More than enough," Natsu stood from his place on the floor to pull her into him. "More than enough and you deserve so, so much more."