A/N: Hi everyone! This chapter is the longest yet, because I got carried away writing Eric/Hyde banter. I hope you enjoy reading it!

"Don't tell Jackie what?"

Donna, Kelso, and Eric turned to face Jackie as she entered the basement, closely followed by Fez. They eached carried a small shopping bag.

"Uh..." Eric and Donna looked at each other, each trying to think of a lie.

Surprisingly to them, it was Kelso who came up with an answer. "I took him out to the spot where he wrecked, uh..."

Jackie crossed her arms. "Why would you do that?"

"Because he asked me to."

"And he didn't want me to know?"

"No."

"Is this about me being dramatic again? I don't know where he got that idea. Where is he?"

"Um-" Eric jumped in, "-he's doing some paperwork with Angie."

"Oh. Okay, then. So Donna," Jackie tucked herself in beside the taller girl. "Fez and I were just checking out this amazing sale on hair care products, and being charitable and all I got you a little something - you're welcome, no need to thank me..." And yet she looked expectantly at her.

"Thank you, Jackie."

"You're welcome! But anyway, I forgot my key in our room, so I can't put it away. Can I borrow yours?"

"Sure." Donna pulled out a house key and gave it to her.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Aren't you going to come with me?"

"Um, I thought girls only had to accompany each other to the bathroom."

"No! Oh, Donna, no. You need to come with me, because I need to demonstrate your amazing new hair products. I'll make it look so pretty. Eric, don't you think Donna should let me fix up her hair?"

"Well..." Eric knew there wasn't a good answer to this, but it might be good to get Jackie out of the room for a while. "Yeah, maybe...maybe you could go with her and I'll, you know, maybe make a call to see when I need to pick up...that...pizza?"

"Oh, right. The pizza," Donna said. "Yeah, come on, Jackie, I'll be your styling head."

"Yay!" Jackie grabbed Donna's hand and eagerly led her away.

Fez said to Eric, "can we can anchovies and mushrooms on the pizza?"

"We're not really getting a pizza, Fez," Eric said. "I just said that because I need to call Hyde, but I don't want Jackie knowing what's really going on."

"What is going on?"

Kelso explained, "Hyde got himself hurt again. He was all covered in blood because he fell on his face. It was super nasty, I almost got some on me, and this shirt was expensive. Anyway, we took him to the hospital, but he doesn't want Jackie to know about it."

Fez shook his head. "Jackie will not like that."

"Yeah, especially now that we all know but her," Eric agreed. "But I'm not getting in the middle of that."

Kelso nodded. "Yeah, that's a Hyde problem. It's going to be fun to watch when she finds out. After all the times he set me up so she'd be mad at me, it's about time I get some of that karma back. That's how karma works, right?"

Fez clucked his tongue. "Oh Kelso, you beautiful idiot."

A couple hours later, Eric heard the phone ringing, and quickly abandoned Fez and Kelso in the basement to dash upstairs. Luckily the girls hadn't come back yet. Granted, Eric wasn't sure if Donna was really good at stalling, or if she got kidnapped into a shopping adventure with Jackie.

He picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Forman?" Hyde's voice came from the other end.

"Yeah. Hey, Hyde."

"Hey."

There was a long pause, and so Eric spoke again. "Uh, Hyde?"

"Yeah?"

Even though Hyde couldn't see him, Eric tossed up a hand in confusion. "What's going on? I heard you took a nosedive down the stairs." Eric patted himself on the back for this nasal wordplay.

"Uh, I'm just sitting around with your mom. Well - she was here, she's gone now."

"Okay...so, do you - do you have news, or do you need me to pick you up?"

"Yes! Exactly, man. That was it. I'm all cleared to leave."

"Alright, cool. So, what did the doctor say?"

"He said I could leave, so get your ass over here."

"Yeah, I got that part. I mean, what about - like, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm great."

Eric doubted that. "Whatever you say. I'll leave now."

There was a tiny pause, and then the sound of Hyde's line hanging up. "Bye to you too," Eric said the phone. "What the hell?"

As Eric pulled the Vista Cruiser in front of the hospital (with a sense of deja vu), he spotted his mom standing close to Hyde, who was once again in a wheelchair. The latter was staring up at the clouds, and Eric couldn't help but smile as it reminded him of the conversation they had had in the hospital room right before Hyde was released the last time.

"Thank you for coming, honey," Kitty said to her son as he stepped out of the car.

"No problem. So, uh...how are you doing, man?" He looked quizzically at Hyde.

Kitty said before Hyde could answer, "he's on a lot of pain killers."

"Hell yeah, I am!" Hyde said happily.

"And suddenly that phone call makes sense." Eric nodded, and put his hands in his pockets. "So other than being high as a kite, how are you? You look like an extra from a slasher film."

"Forman..." Hyde, for once not wearing sunglasses, stared wide eyed at Eric.

"Yeah?"

A small smile crept onto his face as he shook his head. "I don't feel anything."

"What else is new?" Eric smirked.

Suddenly, Hyde's expression changed from one of amusement to concentration. "Wait, wait, wait, I have to do something."

"What?"

"I have to punch you; we had a rule about this."

Eric wasn't sure whether to find this funny or tiring. "That rule expired earlier today. I can ask how you are, because it's a separate accident."

"Damn it, you're right."

He was definitely leaning towards finding it funny. "Okay, buddy, let's get you in the car."

Hyde smirked. "I call driving."

Eric raised his eyebrows. If the kid with a cast and sling was asking to drive, he must have been administered one hell of a painkiller. "How high are you?"

"It's a joke, Forman, damn."

He rolled his eyes, then helped his friend into the car. "Stay here, I'll be right back."

"Where am I supposed to go?"

"Just one minute." Eric closed the passenger door and went back to his mother. "This is going to be an interesting car ride," he said offhandedly. "Other than being loopy, how is he?" Why was that such a hard question? "Kelso said he thought he broke his nose."

Kitty shook her head. "Oh, no, his nose is not broken, it was just a bad bleed. They cauterized it, so that's all fixed up."

"What does that mean?"

Hyde added from the open window of the car, "they stuck sticks up my nose." Eric's look at him was met with a smirk. "What? Oh, sorry, were you trying to talk about me? Should have rolled up the window, man. I'm like a foot away."

"Hyde-" Eric sighed. "Just - whatever. So what did the doctor say, then?"

"I told you, I'm fine," Hyde continued. "It's like your stupid magic trick; there's no reason it should've ended up this way, but it did."

"Steven, sweetheart," Kitty said, "you broke two more ribs."

Eric gaped at Hyde. "Dude!"

"Whatever," Hyde said nonchalantly, "ribs don't count, because you can't put a cast on them or anything, so they might as well not be broken. Same thing."

Eric looked at his adoptive brother in disbelief. "That's not the same thing...at all!"

"Eh." Hyde waved his hand dismissively. "Already got one broken one, what difference does a couple more make."

Eric made a mental note to bring this up once the painkillers had worn off and Hyde no longer "felt nothing."

Kitty, hands on hips, shook her head at her sons. "Alright, boys, I've got to get back to work, but I'll be home in just a few hours to make you dinner. Steven, honey, do you remember what I told you?"

"I don't know, you've said a lot of things to me, Mrs. Forman."

Kitty sighed and, giving up on talking to Steven, turned her attention to Eric. "Makes sure he rests, and he needs to ice twenty minutes every hour. And I do not want him going up and down from the basement. We don't need any more accidents."

He felt like a babysitter getting instructions from the parent. "I got it, Mom."

"Okay." She gave him a hug. "I'll see you tonight. Drive carfully."

"I will." He crossed to the driver's side of the car and opened the door. "Bye."

He got into the car, shut the door, and put his seat belt on. "Hyde, seat belt," he reminded his friend.

"Why?"

"I think it's a law."

"You always were sucker for laws."

"Yeah, I guess I just like not being in jail."

"You need to loosen up. Like when you let Leo give you that tattoo on your ass. That was funny, man."

"Funny to you, you don't have a little yellow bird on your ass."

Hyde laughed at this, but his laugh turned into a groan, and he leaned back in his seat.

"So you don't feel anything, huh?" Forman said sarcastically, wearing his favorite wise-guy smile.

"Shut it."

"Anyway, with you basically covered in blood, there's a good chance we're going to get pulled over, so just buckle up."

"Ugh." He reached for the seat belt. "Why are you people always bossing me around? You, and Donna, and Red, and Jackie..." he trailed off. "And the government. The man. Mrs. Forman. Jackie." He pulled the belt across himself, and snapped the buckle into place. As soon as he was settled, he winced and jabbed at the buckle to take off the seat belt. " That hurts like hell, and I'm not putting up with that crap."

Eric started the car. "Alright, but if we get pulled over, it's on you."

"What do you bet the chances are we get pulled over by Kelso?"

"I can't believe Kelso is a cop. And has a baby! Damn, Kelso's done more with his life than I have, what the hell?"

"To be fair, both of those things were a mistake on somebody's part."

"It's a shame Kelso's not here to hear that burn."

"That's okay, I burned him to his face earlier." Hyde reached for the radio and changed the station until he found classic rock. "Nice."

"You actually have Kelso to thank for keeping Jackie in the dark on this."

"Are you going to tell me that's a bad idea, too?"

"I definitely think it's a stupid idea, but if you want to cause a fight between you and your girlfriend, I won't stop you. I might pop some popcorn. On the other hand though, I feel like you're already screwed enough without getting Jackie pissed at you, so maybe you should tell her."

"I know I should tell her, but then she's just going to give me that 'poor baby' puppy dog look and want to wrap me in bubble wrap."

"If we wrapped in in bubble wrap, you'd have two less broken ribs."

"Hindsight's a pain in the ass. The doc looked at me like I was an idiot, because there's this easier way to go down stairs with a broken leg, and he said he told it to me when I was there originally, so I just said 'sorry, man, I don't know what to tell you.' Am I an idiot?"

"You're definitely not Kelso level, and hey, you did better than me on the SATs."

"The SATs test is bull. I'm talking...like, I know we do a lot of dumb stuff on purpose, because it's fun, but am I dumb?"

This was a conversation they most certainly would not be having were Hyde not drugged. "You're a little less dumb sober. They gave you the good stuff, huh?"

"Oh, it's good, man, but they didn't give me anything."

"That is bull."

"It's the truth. Donna gave me my pills to take, so I took them."

"How many?"

"Four or five. Four, I think. Anyway, it wasn't enough to hurt me, but they still didn't want to give me anything on top of it."

"Aren't those things, like, crazy addictive?"

"Are they? I can see why. I told you the medical institution is a scam, Forman. If they get you hooked on drugs, then you'll have to keep shelling out money to the pharmaceutical companies."

"That's a nice theory, Hyde. Except the pharmacy won't give you any drugs if your perscription is up."

"Oh. Right. Well, I can't get hooked on anything or Red will kick me out again. Should I stop taking the pills?"

"No, man, you're fine. Just keep taking them like you're supposed to."

"Cool." Jethro Tull's "Aqualung" came on the radio, and Hyde turned up the volume. "Man, I love this song." He sang along, "Sitting on a park bench..."

Once home, Eric wheeled Hyde into the living room.

Hyde wondered allowed, "did I leave the crutch at the hospital?"

"I don't know if you're going to need it."

"What do you mean, I can only use one friggin' leg."

"Yeah, but after today, I think my mom is going to win the age old wheelchair versus crutch debate."

"Crap."

"Sorry, man." Eric handed him a bag of frozen wrapped in a towel that he'd carried in from the kitchen. "She said you needed to use ice."

"I'm telling you, man, it doesn't hurt, but alright." He took the bag, lifted his shirt, and pressed it to his chest.

Eric said, "all that blood is creeping me out, so I'm going to get you a different shirt. And a wet towel."He left the room, grabbed a random shirt from Hyde's room that was hopefully clean, and brought back both that and a soaked paper towel. Hyde took the paper towel and started wiping all of the dried blood off of himself.

"So, what happened?" Eric asked.

"Are you going to tell me to shut up like your girlfriend did?"

"No. Why did Donna tell you to shut up?"

"I don't know. I coughed up blood, and she thought I was dying or something."

"God, Hyde."

"I'm not dying, calm down. The nurses were scared too, so I barely had to wait, which was pretty cool. I think I'll make it into a party trick."

Eric put his head in his hands and sighed. "Okay, we all get it, you laugh in the face of death."

"Jackie was giving me shit for something like that before the surgery. I must be even more the master of zen than I thought. Hmm." He traced the outline of a scribble on his cast with his finger. "Right before I face planted, I remembered crashing my motorcycle."

"Wait, really?" Eric sat on the edge of his seat. "You're serious?"

Hyde nodded.

"Well - what happened?"

"There were leaves on the road," Hyde said.

"And?"

"And...that's it. I drove over the leaves, and lost traction, and fell to the side. Then I was knocked out."

Eric sat back in his seat. "All you did was drive over some leaves?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Yeah." Hyde nodded slowly. And then, because the painkiller still had not worn off, he burst out laughing. "Leaves, man." He wiped his eye. "It hurts to laugh," he said, still smiling. He reapplied the makeshift ice pack, and steadied his breath. "Leaves! I'm an idiot."

A/N: See, I didn't totally break him again. There is a reason for this whole stair thing though, and you'll see it next chapter when WB makes another appearance. You'll see how long Jackie's kept in the dark. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review if you did! Have a lovely day, readers.