A little shorter than I originally planned, but that's okay! This will at least tide you over until I decide which of the 3 possible plot lines I will go down. Yeah this story has been sitting in my mind so long I kept coming up with new ideas. They all generally lead to the same thing so the question is figuring out which plot line I like best.

Happy reading!

-DFD

Chapter 11

The moment they were permitted to leave the office, Padme had all but run out the door. Her mind was still struggling with the information and even though she knew what Doctor Robb had said, she found it difficult to comprehend any of it. Anakin's eyes had remained on her from the moment the doctor had made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that for them to have a child was a statistical improbability. It didn't necessarily mean impossible, but at the same time, it all but crushed her hopes for a family. Anakin walked silently beside her, watching her carefully as she walked down the sidewalk. They had already walked past their car several blocks back but neither seemed to care. Padme just needed to do something and Anakin just seemed to want to make sure she was okay. "We could adopt," He started, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. "I mean, what adoption agency would turn away two doctors? Medical backgrounds, good income… hours might be long, but we'd already agreed to cut back a bit when we did have kids, right?" She was barely listening to him. And as much as she appreciated him trying to help, what he was suggesting really wasn't something she wanted to consider. "Angel, did you hear me?"

Padme let out a sigh, "I heard you," She said.

"Well?"

"Well, what?" Her eyes remained straight ahead as they came to stop at the crosswalk.

"What do you think about adopting?" He asked, "I think it would work. We just sign the paperwork and the legal stuff and then, just like that, we're parents."

Padme bit her tongue as she crossed the street when it turned green, walking quickly ahead of him. She heard him groan as he came up behind her and grabbed her arms. "What is it?" He asked, turning her around. His eyes were full of worry as he brushed her hair behind her ear.

"Nothing," She said with a shake of her head, "It's… a good idea."

"Padme…" He wasn't convinced. He was looking at her, silently begging her to open up to him.

"Ani, I don't want to talk about this."

He sighed and shook his head. "I know, Angel. But we have to," He said. "I need to know what you're thinking. I'm worried about you."

She tried to give him a half smile, "I'm fine."

"I don't believe you," He said, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "We've been talking about having kids for months now, and finding out we can't-"

"-I can't, you mean," She cut in. "I can't have a baby. You could have as many as you want. You can have that large family you want but I can't even have one."

"I wasn't finished," He said with a slight edge to his voice. "I was going to say we can't have kids easily. You heard the doctor. She said there was a low chance but that doesn't mean impossible. You're not barren."

"Yet," She muttered darkly. "My antral follicle count is only three."

Anakin let out a heavy sigh and shrugged his shoulders. "What do you want to do then?" He asked. "Do we keep trying? Give up? I'll do whatever you want."

"Then drop the conversation," She said, turning on her heels and walking ahead of him.

He was quick to catch up to her, though, keeping pace with her easily. "Let's not talk about adoption then" He started. "We… we can come back next month, run the tests again, try fertility treatments, in vitro fertilization; whatever it takes," He wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders as she let out a shuttering breath and the tears she had been holding back finally started to flow. "We'll get through this," He said, pulling her close as he rubbed soothing patterns into her back. "We always do."

Padme buried her face in his chest and cried freely, feeling totally unworthy of this man's undying love and determination. She knew Anakin well enough to know that he was set on this course and was ready to do absolutely anything to give them the family they want. She can't possibly imagine how hurt he will be when he too comes to realize how impossible it is.

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"We should do something this weekend," Dorme said as she placed the tablet back on the dock. "Go on a little shopping spree, spa day, go to that little tea shop with the tiny sandwiches…" She smiled as she looked over at Padme who was looking through the scans of the trauma patient who came in the other day. "Padme?"

Huh? Oh, yeah… Sorry, I'm busy this weekend," She said, "Maybe some other time." Tucking the tablet under her arm, Padme turned and started to walk away. She knew what Dorme was doing. She was trying to cheer her up, no doubt because Anakin had asked her to. Padme hated when he did that. She wasn't some fragile thing that needs constant attention. She was fine. It had been weeks since she had gone to the fertility center, she was over it.

"If you're busy this week then how about next?" Dorme asked as he followed behind her. "Or the week after that, or the week after that… I don't even know what I'm having for dinner tonight so trust me when I say, I have no plans whatsoever for, at least, the next year."

Padme bit back a curse as she continued to walk. "Don't you have a bedpan to change?" She said through clenched teeth. The sound of Dorme's footsteps stopped and she regretted her words immediately. Padme had never been one to talk like that to nurses. It was rude, unthoughtful, and above all else, insulting. Nurses did so much more than what everyone thought they did. They were responsible for checking fluids, dosages, routine patient care, supplies; She knew without nurses hospitals would fall apart so why did she just say something so ignorant and narrow-minded? And to her best friend no less.

She stopped just a few steps ahead of where Dorme had stopped and turned around. Padme shook her head, "I-I'm sorry, Dorme. I shouldn't have said that."

Her friend gave a shrug, "No, it's fine," She said, though she was clearly not fine, in fact, she looked quite mad, and rightfully so. "You're right, I do have a bedpan to change. I also have to monitor your neuro patient since you have another big brainy surgery to get to."

"Dorme-"

"And you know what, just because you can't have a baby doesn't give you a right to be a bitch to the people who just want to help." Dorme walked quickly past her, ignoring her attempts to apologize.

Padme debated running after her friend, but she couldn't bring her feet to move. With a shake of her head, she decided it was best to give them some time apart. This wasn't the first time she had been thoughtless since the fertility center. And not just to Dorme but practically everyone. Her parents, her friends, even Anakin. Her parents call her almost daily now trying to get her to talk about it. Her friends try to cheer her up with spa days, shopping, bars, and clubs. And her husband tries to get them back to their normal routines before all this happened. She doesn't want to talk about it. She doesn't need cheering up. And she doesn't know how to return to normal when she can't even return her husband's affections, which only makes her feel more wretched.

It's only while working she feels anything close to being like she used to. Working forces her to push all her worries away and allows her to focus solely on the patient. Working means she can ignore her parent's calls. It means she can avoid her friends trying to make plans. It means she isn't thinking about her infertility. Is it smart to avoid the problem? Probably not. But for her, it feels like it is the only thing keeping her sane.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket, pulling her from her thoughts. Padme shakes her head before she looks at the message, taking a moment to clear her head so she can focus on her work. A small smile formed on her face as she turned around and made her way back to the OR level. It was time for her spinal surgery.

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The patient from the ER that had come in not even an hour ago was a confusing individual. The teenager's symptoms were irregular even for a cardio patient and as Ben typed away at the computer to figure it out, Anakin sat at the other end of the desk providing what help he could while he ate a bag of chips for a snack between surgery. Ben's eye twitched as he typed and let out a groan. "Do you have to eat here?" He asked.

Anakin paused, the chip halfway to his mouth before giving a shrug and popping it in his mouth. "I'm hungry," He said simply. "And I got time to help you out."

"Really? Are you sure it's not just because Padme's been off for the past couple weeks?"

He scoffed, "No… maybe?" He said, placing the bag on the desk and dragging his hands through his hair. "What am I supposed to do?" He groaned. "I can't- I don't know what to do to make things better. I'm trying to make things as normal as possible but she doesn't tell me anything anymore, she isn't acting like herself and it's like… it's like she put a wall between us and I can't seem to get over it."

Ben paused in his search and turned to face his friend, "I don't really know what to tell you," He said. "Padme is one of the most down to Earth people I know. But everyone has something that is just… too much to take. I mean, how long has she wanted to have kids? Not just with you, but in general."

He gave a shrug, "I don't know, probably since she was a kid. She used to babysit, did those after school programs looking after the younger kids…"

The older man nodded and stroked his beard thoughtfully, "And her mom wanted her to have kids, and her sister has kids… and she can't."

"She could," Anakin argued, "It wouldn't be easy, but it's possible."

Ben let out a sigh and shook his head, "Anakin, no matter how… determined you are, maybe you need to be more realistic and imagine not being able to have that with her."

He shook his head, "I just want her to be happy."

"I know," He said. "This isn't something you can fix, though. Give her time. Let her figure this out on her own. You're doing the best thing you can for her. You're not forcing her into the conversation and you're giving her stability. That's what she needs and just be there when she needs you. It's for the best." Ben turned back to the computer, resuming his search as Anakin took in his words.

It made sense to him. Anakin knew Ben was right and that he was doing all he could. But he had never been able to do nothing while the people he cared about were hurting. He always had to do something because in his mind there was nothing that couldn't be fixed. He hated the powerlessness he felt. Was it not his job to protect her? To protect her heart? As her husband, he should, and knowing he can't, kills him every time he sees that far off look she gets when she thinks about it and she thinks he doesn't see it. He can't help her. And against every instinct he has, he resolves himself to simply be there for her.