Okie Dokie! The third chapter for BTWWS is out! I just wanted to say thanks for sticking with me, even if my updates aren't as constant as they once were. The fourth chapter is literally ALMOST finished, so give that a few days (no more than a week, I promise).
And the new chapter for Haven't Met You Yet will be out in a few days as well, just finishing it up :)
Chapter III - I'm Trying
July 5, 2011...
"Em-Emma?" Regina stutters, her eyes widening almost as if she had seen a ghost.
Emma nods and presses her lips in an awkward, halfhearted smile.
"Hey, Mills." Emma calls her by her college nickname, only to immediately stutter and retract it. "I mean, uhm, Regina."
"What are you doing here?" Regina asks curiously as she looks at Emma who was pretty banged up. Her arm was in a cast and sling, her forehead laceration had been stitched up, and she had bruises painted across her face and body.
"Uhm, I may not remember anything, but my driver's license says I live here..." Emma shrugs, trying to figure out how Regina was feeling. She notices that the brunette looked like hell with tear stained cheeks, and she instantly feels bad for randomly showing up after everything that she heard had happened. "Look, if you don't want me here, I- I understand."
"No, no. It's fine, I'm just... shocked." Regina replies, opening the door wider. "Come in."
Emma nods as she enters the house. She takes in all of the photos hanging on the wall. The entire entry way was lined with extremely sweet pictures of their life together. There was even a photo of Emma proposing. Emma continues soaking in all of the photos before she looks down and notices Regina's visible baby bump from the side. "So, it really is true..."
"Huh?" Regina says as she turns around to see Emma staring at her stomach. "Oh... yeah..."
"You don't sound happy." Emma mentions as they make their way into the living room.
Regina sighs as she sits down on the couch and Emma takes the chair across the coffee table. "It's not that, I just- never mind."
"No, tell me what's on your mind." Emma blurts out as she plays with the sling her arm was in. "I obviously did something wrong in my past, I want to understand. I want to know what happened, and I want to know everything about us."
"Where were you?" Regina asks with pleading eyes. "Like this person you used to be, the one standing in front of me, it disappeared. I'm looking at you now, hearing you say these things and it makes me wonder where the hell you went. Where your mind ended up to justify your behavior these past couple of months... and I'll never get those answers because you can't remember anything. Did I do something wrong? Did I push you away? No one will ever know because you had to be stupid and a jerk, and crash your car. I want to be mad at you so much, but how can I when it won't solve any of our problems? Nothing can make me feel like I haven't lost everything."
"I know it's not going to help much, but I'm sorry, Regina. For whatever I did to you, I'm sorry." Emma treads cautiously. "I may never have the answers you need, and I understand if you don't want me around anymore. I just- I wanted to see if I could help at all. I don't remember a damn thing from our relationship, but you're pregnant with my child and it is my responsibility to care and be helpful to you and them however I can."
"Of course I want you around, Emma. But that's the problem, don't you see? The you that's right in front of me now doesn't love me back. And you could potentially never get back to that point. I can't keep hoping that I'll ever get you back, and being around you now makes my heart break every time I see you."
A stray tear rolls down Regina's cheek and Emma feels absolutely terrible. She doesn't know how to react, especially now that Regina told her being around her hurt. She understood that much. If the roles were reversed and Regina had been the one to lose her memory, Emma only assumes it'd be the same for her.
"I don't remember loving you, Regina. But the me that's here right now likes you. I mean, I've always liked you, but... can I please just try? I fell in love with you once, apparently. Who's to say I can't do that again?"
"And who's to say you can?" Regina immediately retorts, her eyebrow raising. She didn't mean to sound so negative and defensive, but she knew she needed to guard her heart. "I can't just pray that you'll fall in love with me again, or remember everything, our life together. All of it's gone, Emma, and it really fucking hurts."
"I know it does, and I wish I could offer you the answers you want, but I can't. All I can do is be here for you, now." Emma sighs as she looks at the ground. "But I understand if you want me to go... I do. I know you're hurt and I know I'm the cause of all of this. I know we can't pick back up where we left off. But I know that I want to be a part of your life. Even though you told me plenty of times that I was an annoying asshole and that we're not friends. The circumstance may be different, I may not have my old memories of you or of us, but I want to make new ones."
"Emma, I- we..." Regina pauses as Emma lifts her head, puppy dog eyes staring straight at her. She's trying her best not to cave, but the look on Emma's face is making it really damn hard not to. The thing is, Regina still has all of their memories; the good, the bad. And Emma has absolutely nothing. Regina can't possibly know if she can salvage their relationship, but even though Emma only remembers being Regina's irritating, college roommate, the blonde STILL wants to try. And it's absolutely heartbreaking. Because what if Emma doesn't fall back in love with her? What if Emma decides that she's not ready to be a parent? She may say she wants all of that right now, but Regina needs reassurance. Emma still has the mind of her 'just turned' 19 year old self. And the last thing Regina wants is for her to fall back into the cycle she had seemingly done a few months prior.
"Regina?"
"I don't know, Emma. We've lost almost four years of time. I'm having our kid in just a few months... How can you be so positive that all of this will work?" Regina asks with hesitation in her voice.
"I can't be." Emma shrugs her shoulders. "But I'm willing to try."
"And I appreciate that, Emma. I really do. But I don't know if I can handle it. Everything is so uncertain between us now, and we may never get that back. And even if we tried, what's to say you're not ready? Emma, in your mind, you're barely 19 years old. You technically have your whole life ahead of you. What if you don't really want this? I can't let you stay out of obligation because we're having a kid. I already lost you once, I don't think I can dish it out if I lose you again."
"I know, Regina. I know how hard this must be to take in. Trust me, it's hard for me, too. But I want to try. I want us to try and get back to where we started. I just- I can't explain it right now." Emma sighs, looking at the door. "But... I will leave if you want me to. Maybe it's best if you take a few days to think. Or take as long as you'd like. I'll give you the space you need."
"I think that'd be best." Regina agrees. "I'm sorry, Emma, that I can't give you the answer right now..."
"No, don't be. I'm sorry that I can't give you the answers you deserve about what happened with me." Emma presses her lips together in a halfhearted smile. "I'll, uh, I'll leave you alone now."
Regina nods, sniffling as the tears filled her eyes. She watches as Emma sulks towards the door, a gloomy look on her face as she glances back at Regina.
"Can I ask you a question before I go?" Emma says in a small voice.
"Of course."
"The news that you wanted to give me, that I missed... what was it?" Emma asks curiously.
Regina swallows the lump in her throat, her voice weak as she answers. "That we're having a boy."
Emma smiles, sadness filling her eyes as she tries to picture Regina, herself, and their soon-to-be son. She wonders if he'd have blonde hair like herself or dark hair like Regina. She hoped he would look more like Regina, how could she not? Even if they "weren't friends" in Emma's mind, she couldn't deny that the brunette was absolutely breathtaking. Emma had always been attracted to Regina, that much she knew to still be true. And even though Emma can only remember their first five months of being roommates, she can't help but feel like Regina is what's missing from this weird hole she feels in her heart.
The tears are streaming down both of their faces as they share this one, small heartfelt moment. Emma snaps out of her thoughts and stares at Regina one last time.
"I bet he'll be the best kid out there. He'll have you as a mom." Emma replies as she opens the door and closes it behind her. She spots her dad's car in the driveway, sighing loudly as she enters the passenger side.
"How'd it go?" David asks as he backs out of the driveway.
"She says she doesn't want to lose me again because everything is uncertain. Which I completely understand." Emma shrugs, wiping away the tears from her eyes. "I don't know what to do anymore."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Like, I know I lost my memories, but I just- I don't want to give up on something I apparently spent four years building." Emma admits. "There's got to be something I could do."
"You just have to keep being there for her." David pats Emma on the leg. "You'll either get your memories back, or you're going to make new ones. I have no doubt that you'll figure it out."
"That's not all." Emma replies softly. "She told me the news that I was too stupid to show up for."
"What was that?"
"She's having a boy." Emma breathes out. "And the second she said that, I imagined us together with our son."
"And how do you feel about that?" David asks.
"Happy and sad. I can't remember loving her, dad, but something in my heart is telling me that I did. Ever since I woke up, I've felt this like giant gaping hole in my heart. But then I just- I look at her and I feel like I'm home. I know it's in me, the love I once had for her..." Emma stares out the window of the car. "I just wish I knew where I went wrong so I can fix it."
3 Months Ago; March 18, 2011
Emma happily strides into the DOC, smiling widely as she makes her way to the break room. She was in the best of moods and she was not going to let anything bring her down.
She grabs all of her necessities and prepares for the long day ahead of her, when her co-worker Peter comes up to her.
"Swan, how are you?" He asks noticing Emma's good mood.
"Amazing, dude." Emma beams. "Like nothing is going to ruin this groove I'm in."
Emma and Peter walk down the hallway to the small conference room for their morning meeting.
"Yeah, someone get laid?" Peter chuckles causing Emma to look at him sheepishly.
"Even better!" Emma exclaims estatically. "Regina's pregnant. We just found out yesterday."
"Oh, I see. How far along is she?"
"4-6 weeks. We're not entirely sure which." Emma shrugs. "It makes sense though."
"Ooh, someone got Valentine's Day sex then." Peter jokes.
"Well, she also got birthday sex which is literally 12 days before. So it could have been either of those. But regardless of that, I'm so stoked on it." Emma smiles.
"You better enjoy life while you can." Peter says, almost bitterly. "You see this place?"
"Yeah, it's a prison? We work here?"
"That's how life is after having a kid. And you're young, Emma. You gotta live a little." Peter exhales. "Otherwise, you'll pretty much feel like all of these inmates, and not a CO."
"Nah, I don't need to go out and party and be free. I'm perfectly content where I am." Emma shakes her head.
"You're like what 22? Fresh out of college, engaged with a kid on the way. You probably haven't had fun. You're settling." Peter rolls his eyes.
"It's not like that at all, okay?" Emma sighs. "I love Regina and I'm happy with our life. I don't want to give that up for anything."
"Don't be such a fun sponge, Swan. Come out with us one night, and you'll understand."
Present Day; July 7, 2011
Regina wakes up feeling nostalgic as all hell. She knew exactly what this day was and what it meant to her, and she feels terrible for not finding any meaning in it at all. Well, how could she?
This was supposed to mark their four year anniversary and Regina's not even sure if they're actually still in a relationship, anymore. She didn't know how it worked when one person forgets their entire relationship with the other. Does that automatically break them up? Or are they still together, but it's just painful by all means?
She had no clue.
She sluggishly gets out of bed, grabbing her phone off of the nightstand before heading downstairs to start the day. As she waits for the tea kettle to whistle, she sits at the kitchen table and unlocks her phone, a few text messages sitting in her inbox. But one in particular that stood out.
Emma: check the front porch.
She raises an eyebrow and slowly gets up. She stares suspiciously at the front door, but cannot see anyone or anything outside. She cautiously opens the door and looks around, but there was nothing. She shrugs, looking down as she closes it to see a small vase with lilies in it.
Her heart stops as she reaches down and picks it up, bringing it into the kitchen. She sets it down on the kitchen table and notices a small piece of paper attached to the bouquet.
Her fingers tremble as they reach out and grab the note, unfolding it until she can see Emma's handwriting.
Regina,
I woke up this morning feeling weird. Like my heart was trying to tell me something that my brain couldn't remember. And it hit me... it's our anniversary, isn't it? Or... what would be? (I may have confirmed with my mom). I don't how this works, but I know one thing and that is that I knew in that moment that I loved you. My mind can't recall anything from the last four years, but our past and you are imprinted in my heart. And even though my memories are gone, I don't want to lose this feeling. I don't know your favorite flower anymore, but I figured you'd like lilies. After all, the lily means 'I dare you to love me'. So I'm hoping you give this, helping me remember or make new memories with you, a chance. We can do this, Regina. We can figure this out. Don't give up on us, yet.
Emma
Regina feels the tears flowing down her cheek as she reads Emma's note over and over again. This was the Emma she fell in love with, the Emma that made her heart swoon. And even though the last thing Emma remembers was before they were dating, she was trying, really trying to make their relationship work. And Regina didn't know what to do. She didn't want to lose Emma, but to start over from scratch would be difficult. Especially when this Emma isn't in love with her, yet.
But Emma had a point a couple of days ago when she dropped by their house. They fell in love once, they could do it again. Regina was just worried about history repeating itself, that they'd only make it so far before Emma completely changes, but never reveals why or what happened to cause it.
She needed advice.
Her hand hovers over her phone on the kitchen table, contemplating if she should call her sister or if she could call Emma's parents for advice when a notification appears on her screen. It was a text message from Emma and Regina takes a deep breath as she reads it. As soon as her eyes skim across the text, her phone drops to the table and her eyes widen in shock.
Emma: What do you think of the name Henry David?
What's going to happen with our favorite couple? Find out soon!
Also, do you guys think it's okay to leave the flashbacks out of italics since I put the date on there? Or would the italics better help indicate that this is indeed a flashback? Let me know what you think.