AN: HAPPY BIRTHDAY VANYA! I hope Yao gave you a fulfilling present ;))

We drove fast and died young.

Crashing into the gray smoke, I rode into the eternal sunset.

A single golden leaf pirouetted down an invisible spiral of breeze, spinning through the air as it let itself be carried by the force of the wind. It travelled across great distance and blew past his face, landing lightly on the ground. The shiny,vibrant color stood out against the ambers and the bronzes beneath it. It seemed so fragile, he wanted to reach down and pick it up, smoothing out the creases. But something told him it belonged there, the corpse of what was once summer. In the blink of an eye, summer was gone. The world was rapidly shedding off its old garments in replacement for the new, yet here he was, standing in the motor stadium. He had no love for the sport; however it appeared that he kept coming back to the race tracks time after time. He wasn't known to be a persistent person, or at least his determined nature had passed away with his youth, yet he seemed to be unable to move past the painted line.

He came back for him.

Or perhaps it was the other way around.

It made no difference as they both agreed to meet each other for another night. Then another. Well it was rare to find such a competent bedmate, that was their justification. An empty bed became too unbearable to fall asleep in after their bodies were given a glimpse of what it was like to be fulfilled. Not to say they were each other's first; they were far from being that special. The most logical reason for their reluctance to part ways had to be because it was so much easier to stick to what they already knew. They seek warmth not due to the void in their heart, but because of their empty bed.

Back in the audience seat, Yao faced the grand display of speed and human accomplishment with bored eyes. More interested than the first time when he was pushed and squeezed between overly-eager sweaty fans, but nonetheless detached from the spectacle others would pay to see. There was only a single race car prancing over the tracks that day. The car engine roared as it charged vehemently towards the marked goal. Slowing down was not an option, capturing the presence of a beast, with the paws of a lioness, the race car finished its twentieth round around the tracks. Yao was not surprised by its incredible velocity, they said that the racer and his car operated as one when the engine started, he was used to the racer's fast and furious way of expression. Enjoyed it actually…on every night.

Sinking his chin into the high collar of his winter jacket, he breathed out slowly trying to conserve the short-lived heat. According to Ivan he was overdressed these days, however he always replied it was better to be safe than sorry. Clutching a paper bag transcribed with cursive words in his hands, he waited for the racer to end his daily practice.

Ivan stepped out of the car in his tight race suit. High quality leather embraced his every nook and cranny, highlighting the well-defined muscles underneath, and hiding the numerous scars from the expected accidents that came with the fast-paced lifestyle. Confidence scintillated off him as he stood on the pavement, eyes scanning the empty seats until they landed upon a lone figure. He waved to him. Smiling, yet of course the distance between them permitted the Chinese man from seeing the obvious grin on his face.

"Done for the day?" Hands in his pockets, Yao asked. Strolling leisurely towards the man on the race tracks, Yao slowed down his pace and smiled casually as if they were mere acquaintances.

"Yeah…" Ivan replied with equal enthusiasm. "Let's go home."

"It's kind of early isn't it?"

"The sun will be down by the time we get home," he said.

Yao was very aware of the meaning behind his words. They served no purpose to each other except as companions of the night. "Really," he half whispered to himself.

"Da." He heard the question that was never meant to be answered. Immediately realizing he had slipped into his mother tongue, he was just about to explain himself when he saw Yao staring off into the distance. He didn't know what he was looking at, however he didn't want to face whatever that had captured his attention. The possibility of not being able to see what he was seeing was frightening. Silence bounced off between the two of them, although it was comforting to Yao, it crept like poison ivy around Ivan. Abruptly he asked, "Were you watching just now?"

"Watching what?" Yao returned his gaze on Ivan. Maybe it never left.

"Me," he said. It came out a little more awkward than he expected and he winced at his own voice. "I mean, what did you think of the test run?"

Seemingly amused by his discomfort, Yao said, "You were great."

"I could've done better."

"Next time then," Yao muttered wistfully. "I'm sure you will be even better next time."

"Liar," Ivan scoffed. He was glad for the cold weather; for he could blame the redness of his cheeks on the icy wind and not his own childish reaction. "I bet you can't even tell the difference between the velocities," he said with false irritation.

As if he could see right through him, Yao laughed, neither admitting nor denying Ivan's accusation. He walked closer to him until all that was left between them were puffs of cold air. The mouth that emitted laughter just a moment ago now formed into a secretive smile.

"Close your eyes Ivan." His voice low and soft sent chills down Ivan's spine. He could feel the hot vapor from his breath landing on the tip of his lips.

"What are you doing to-"

"Close your eyes," he insisted louder this time.

Ivan stared at him profoundly. Not quite trusting, yet not in defiance either. Yao held his gaze in a challenging way. And in that bold declaration, in those incomprehensible eyes, and in his inviting smile, Ivan closed his eyes. The world closed its binds as darkness became its only guest. Waiting in anticipation, he expected warmth on his lips, a passionate blow to disrupt his senses, yet his mouth only received disappointment. The sound of paper shuffling journeyed to his ears, and he resisted the temptation to peak. Still he kept his eyes shut, in the hopes of being surprised; it had been a long time since anything unexpected happened to him. What is Yao doing? His confusion was only heightened as something fuzzy writhed around his neck.

"Don't move." Yao's reassuring voice stopped Ivan's struggle against the mysterious entity.

What first felt like an execution rope became less frightening as he eased into the feeling of his neck being embraced. The dark faded into shades of grey and outlines could be seen in the highs and lows of monotonous brilliance. Even though his eyes were still tightly locked, he could imagine the Chinese man's nimble fingers carefully wrapping the fabric around his neck. After finishing his masterpiece, he would admire his glorious feat in quiet silence. There! Ivan could see it now. A gleeful grin would appear on his face.

"Okay, open your eyes now."

With hidden nervousness and uncontained curiosity, Ivan peered through the thin lines of his vision, before opening his eyes directly against the beaming light. Blinking several times to get accustomed to his surrounding, the image of the man standing in front of him emerged like an old Hollywood movie with scenes interrupted by cuts and sudden black screens. Eventually the blinking stopped. And there staring at his contagious smile, Ivan thought it was exactly like how he envisioned it.

"Do you like it?" Yao asked almost eagerly.

Tearing his gaze away from him, Ivan looked down and discovered a white scarf enveloped around him. Meticulously knitted to perfection in expensive wool, it was soft to the touch and guarded proudly against the invading wind.

"I…" Ivan didn't know what to say at the extraordinarily ordinary present.

"A simple yes or no will suffice," Yao said teasingly.

He gulped down his bubbling sentiments. Suddenly placing his hand on Yao's waist, he yanked him against his leather-covered torso. "Is this for our two months anniversary?" he smirked.

"Don't mock me Ivan," he answered playfully. "You know exactly about the nature of our relationship."

"Remind me the terms again?" One of his hands reached lower until it stopped above his buttocks. If he remembered correctly, there should still be teeth marks around this area freshly imprinted from yesterday. "You see Yao, I'm starting to think you may actually have feelings for me," he pronounced each word dipped with spite. However as soon as he saw the unchanged expression on Yao's smiling face, he regretted his words. He knew his answer.

Yao was silent for a long time before an answer tumbled out of his sealed mouth. "I like you enough to sleep with you, but that could be said about many other people." His steady voice quivered faintly, yet it was missed by the Russian man. "As for the scarf…well we wouldn't want you to get sick any time soon, would we?"

"I won't get sick."

"In this weather, with what you're wearing, you will," he assured confidently.

"I won't."

"You will."

"I-"

His words were cut off by Yao's lips brushing against his own. Their breaths became mingled. The kiss was slow and gentle, comforting in the way that words would never be. The whole world fell away, and in that indefinable reality his heart soared faster than he ever experienced before in the seat of his race car. He was heading for an inevitable crash, but he couldn't care less.

Breaking their lips apart, Yao said, "See, your lips were cold."

"I didn't know." He did know they were cold before. Yet they became warm after coming into contact with Yao's dimly lit impulse, but now all they felt was numbness.

"Let's get you out of here before you get sick." Both hands on his cheeks, Yao gazed at Ivan with affection. To any normal onlookers, it would be perceived as affection, love even. But Ivan was used to that smile, knew all the things it meant and all the things it didn't mean. He had the same smile when they first met as strangers; the same smile when he let him fucked him senselessly. Ivan had no doubt that his smile was worth as much as a whore's promise, yet another part of him wanted to believe in his sincerity.

It was not clear which one of them was the fool. Perhaps they both were.

In Ivan's conflicted reflection, he didn't realize that Yao had already snuggled out of his arms. It was only from his footsteps, the sound of his boots stepping on dead leaves, that propelled him to reach out to that figure walking further and further away.

"Wait Yao-" he called out after him. "You…you didn't need to get me this."

"I know," he replied without looking back. His voice was carried over by the wind. "But I wanted to anyway."

He was beyond his reach now. "Why are you doing this…" he said knowing that his murmurs would get lost in the autumn breeze. Why are you doing this to me…

The melancholy of sour reverie was momentarily subdued as Yao stopped in his tracks and yelled back. "Are you still there?!" he shouted in disbelief. "Ivan Braginsky! Stop daydreaming and hurry up. I'm really leaving you if you don't start moving those long legs of yours!"

Once again, Ivan smiled when it was impossible to be seen by the other man. His legs moved subconsciously in the direction of the standing silhouette. Finally reaching him, he grabbed his hand and held it firmly in his own palm. Even though the distance between them never shortened, Ivan was glad for their fingers which slowly became entwined.

They had moved from meeting up at hotels to living under the same roof. For convenience's sake, they said. It was Ivan who first suggested that idea one fine evening when they were engaged in strict business matters on bed. Draped over Yao's naked frame, he asked him to move in with him. Yao asked for his address. And the deal was settled the next day. See, strict business matters.

It was a large apartment in the busy streets of Manhattan bought with his handsome salary of over two million annually. The walls were painted with light grey and decorated with minimalistic décor. Consisting of a single bedroom, living room, kitchen, bathroom, and private terrace overlooking the majestic awe-inducing city life, the apartment lacked signs of comfort and homeliness. It resembled a page straight out of a lifestyle magazine; photoshopped and purposely glossed over, looking perfect on the outside.

"Aghhh Ivan!"

The only room that showed taints of residency was the bedroom. Nightly moans erupted from that corner of the apartment, and sheets were seen making trips to the laundry room almost daily.

Digging his fingers deeply into the Egyptian cotton material, with his face planted into the pillow, Yao resisted the urge to let out another scream. He was addicted to pleasure and welcomed the pain that came with it. However tonight it wasn't only his body that had to endure the torment. Whiteness swarmed his vision, and heavy pounding that came from behind him harmonized with the pounding in his head. Maybe from the lack of lubrication used or the persisting migraines that came with overworking, Yao grimaced silently as his insides were stretched to the extremes. Fire spread through his entire body, and sweat dripped down from every curve wetting the thin sheet beneath. The pain was like a branding iron, marking his skin inch by inch with its burning sensation. He was unable to lose himself tonight. Too aware, with his mind on something bitterly trivial, Yao muffled his shouts into the pillow.

"Aghh Ivan-no…Ivan, I-Aghhh!" Twisting his hands into fists while clutching the bed sheet, Yao's legs trembled from the fervent thrusts. They could easily collapse if not for the pair of arms around his abdomen supporting him. Despite of the pain, he relished in the intimacy. It didn't matter if it was only an illusion; he wanted to feel the other close to him. Needed their bodies coming together to be the evident that he was not alone. He wanted to hold his hand. Yet he couldn't even see his face. Hand desperately searching for flesh to hold on to, it squirmed uselessly over the wrinkled linen. How pathetic. All he could do was writhe, the occasional whimper escaping to echo off the walls along with the Russian man's unapologetic groans.

He tried to get into the rhythm of their long developed partnership, but something prevented him from achieving full ecstasy. Stop thinking too much. Still his mind was haunted by a shadow of a question. Another heated thrust was delivered on him, causing the question to ring like bells filling his consciousness with fear and longing. He had to know. Even if it may break him, he had to ask.

"Ivan…" he moaned hesitantly. "Ivan...I…" He bit down on his lips as his torso was being tightly squeezed. The ravaging behind him never stopped, and he laughed at his degrading position.

Fast cars charged across the finish line. Empty beer bottles lay discarded about the smoke filled house. Phone calls straight to the answer machine. His touch…her scent. Withered sunflowers and broken promises. I love you Yao.

He needed to see Ivan; needed to make sure it was Ivan behind him and not somebody else. Paranoia unfurled like ominous clouds over his thoughts, immobilizing his body in fear. Devoid of feeling, it moved obediently in coordination with the propelling force.

No.

He wanted more than this. However this wanting invited more fear. He didn't have the right to ask him that. He was no one to him. He had sex with him the hour he met him. He didn't mean anything to him except a bed warmer to pass through lonely nights.

But he had to know.

"Ivan…" he tried again. "Ivan do you want to-" His words were muffled by both the pillow and the sound of their bodies crushing together. Heat spanned across his face and he knew he couldn't ask him like this. In this position, copulating like two wild dogs.

"Turn me over," he breathed soundlessly. "I want to see your face…turn me over Ivan." His request was met with no response as that man's movement continued vigorously. "Ivan!" he spoke louder this time with a bit more force. "I don't like this position, turn me over!"

Then just as he thought his words went unheard again, he was flipped on his back. Legs immediately winding around Ivan's pelvis area as their bodies lunged to reconnect, he panted heavily, chest rising up and down with obvious fluctuation. His hair slick with sweat clung distractingly to his face and all over the bed sheet. Yao thought he must have looked ridiculous right now. He never perceived himself as very attractive, and in this situation…well he was glad he was too far to see his own reflection in Ivan's eyes.

He opened his mouth. But no words came out. His lips parted in midway and there they remained frozen. Their eyes were locked in deep fixation. Everything stopped. It was as if a time traveler had decided to discontinue the flow of the universe, and they were accidentally caught in the middle of the phenomenon.

All of a sudden aware of their feral position, Yao felt exposed and vulnerable. For the first time since they had met, Yao realized how naked he was. Glancing down at his own arousal and where they were connected, he was embarrassed by his behavior. Ivan's gaze at him penetrated through his soul. Even though he knew Ivan had dark blue eyes, in that split second he thought he saw precious amethyst radiating within his orbs.

Almost like an epiphany, but nothing that admirable, he knew that he had failed.

He couldn't ask that question.

The unspoken words crumbled away. Dissolving into ashes until even the memory of them was forgotten. His mouth curved into that familiar smile that Ivan both hated and loved, and he extended his arms out in a way that seemed to say 'come'.

The time traveler returned from his grand adventure and broke through his own spell. The magic was lost.

They collided in an earth-shattering embrace, and the world resumed its mundane course. With his arms wrapped tightly around Ivan's toned back and the racer's scent seeping through every inch of his skin, Yao closed his eyes. He wouldn't mind if he never woke up.

Lights were turned off in the room and the only source of illumination came from the candlelight by the nightstand. The flame flickered fretfully as their voices increased in volume and intensity. With a final gesture of infatuation, the voices stopped. Although the air was impregnated by the fragrance of human essence and was dampened by moisture, the flame became steady in its quivers.

Ivan's head rested on his chest, flaxen locks tickled his neck, and their heat beats pulsed as one single melody. Yao could sense the hot and steady breathing that was absorbed by his pores; they were connected in every physical way, if only their words could reach each other too.

"Yao?" Ivan nuzzled against the warm skin.

"Hmm?"

"What were you going to say?" he asked. "You looked like you wanted to say something right before… well, right before I came." His voice turned into a whisper as he outlined every patches of muscle on Yao's midriff with his finger.

"Oh," Yao answered calmly. "It was nothing."

He could not see the expression on his face, yet he knew exactly how Yao must have looked when he replied. He could imagine that meaningless smile just from his tone. Ivan frowned faintly. He propped himself up with his two hands, and looked down at the Chinese man beneath him.

"You were out of it today," he said. "It wasn't nothing. You wanted to say something… what was it?" he asked again.

Yao tilted his head and smiled enigmatically at him. "Do you really want to know?" he purred.

"Tell me."

Instead of his lips moving first, Yao's hand moved against the force of gravity until it stopped by Ivan's face. Fingers softly caressing the side of his cheek like gentle waves rolling on sand, he spoke.

"Smile at me."

Ivan's brows narrowed in confusion. He scrutinized his unreadable face trying to find the missing clues. Yet he could see nothing.

"Come on Ivan smile at me," he restated his words more pleadingly this time. "I just want to see your smile. How come you never… you never looked happy when you're with me." Both of his palms held his face in silent adoration. Ivan wanted to melt in his touch, yet his mouth remained in a rigid straight line.

They were the complete opposite. The racer always had a frozen smile on his face in front of the public, whether he was facing fans or his strict manager, he seemed to smile indifferently. But that smile soon disappeared whenever he was with Yao. It didn't matter if they were on bed or the racetracks, his eyes beamed with intense concentration never leaving its target. On the other hand, Yao's grin was consistent when they were together. He smiled even during the most unnatural times; it was as if it became his shield. But times when Yao didn't know Ivan was looking, when he was staring off into the distance or on a phone call with people Ivan didn't know, Ivan saw his stoic features, his unsympathetic eyes and emotionless gaze. Despite everything, they were strangers to each other.

"Please smile at me," Yao murmured with a hint of desperation in his tone. "Come on racer boy."

The muscles around his mouth tightened and he attempted to lift the corners of his mouth. But staring at Yao's face, his heart bled knowing he couldn't do it.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled before plunging his head down to bring their lips together once more. Despite of Yao's already swollen lips, he gnawed and sucked on it helplessly. In their oral entanglement, his longing betrayed his emotions. After feeling the numbness around Yao's lips, he began planting kisses on his neck and shoulders.

His dulled senses tinkled at the burning vapor on his neck, then the tender brush of lips. A hand pulled strands of his hair as the kisses became harder, more urgent. Another hand slid around his waist to pull their bodies even closer together. His kisses now landing on his shoulders and hair, Yao chuckled sharply to no one in particular.

Both wondered just how long they could keep this up. How long they could keep this charade before one of them gets bored. Loses the game. Or perhaps maybe… just maybe… this game didn't have to end.

Outside the window, crystals of ice fell in swirling motion covering the city in nothing but snow.

TBC.

AN: Thank you for reading this far :) I really appreciate it!

I'm seriously overwriting this, but I guess at least one of you is happy about it (I'm looking at you BerylCoronet).

Review?