Title: Struggling
Category: X-Files XRA
Author: Singing Violin (Pearl on Ephemeral/Gossamer)
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: The X-Files characters and universe are not mine.
Summary: What happens after the screen goes black in "My Struggle II"?
Archiving: Anywhere, just let me know.

A small, warm body made a harder-than-anticipated impact when hurling itself into Dana Scully's waiting arms, causing her to audibly grunt.

"Gentle, Emily!" Margaret Scully chided. "Your mother's still recovering."

The young girl spoke without turning around, causing her voice to be muddled in her mother's chest. "Sorry, Grandma."

Dana stroked the girl's back and cuddled her for a moment, relishing the feel of her against her chest. "That's okay, Emily. I'm glad you're here." Then she pulled away, shot a meaningful look at her mother who disappeared through the door, then motioned for the girl to sit down beside her once she'd gotten her attention. "Can we talk?"

At that, Emily looked suddenly worried. "Am I in trouble?"

Dana shook her head. "Of course not, Sweetie. It's just that I'm having a little trouble remembering, and I was hoping you could help me out. Will you do that for me, answer some questions?"

Emily nodded. "I'll try."

Dana smiled at her. "Thank you. And by the way, thank you for bringing me the soup earlier. It really hit the spot. You didn't have to do that."

"That's not a question!" Emily objected. "You're welcome, though. Grandma says that since you took such good care of me when I was sick, I should do the same for you."

Dana gulped, suppressing a sob. "That's sweet, Emily, but you don't owe me anything, okay? I'm your mother...it's my job to take care of you. Just like Grandma took care of me when I was little."

"Someone has to take care of you!" Emily objected. "And Grandma and I are here."

Dana nodded and reached out to stroke the girl's cheek. "I know, and I appreciate that, but I don't want you to miss out on anything. Is there anywhere you'd like to be now, for example?"

Emily looked around guiltily before finally replying. "Well, I wanted to go to the playground. But we couldn't leave you here alone, and you're not strong enough to come with us."

"Oh," Dana replied, a lump once again rising from her chest into her throat. "I promise I'll take you as soon as I can, okay?"

Emily nodded.

Dana took a deep breath before continuing. "You ready for some hard questions?"

Emily nodded again.

"Have I always been your mother?" she asked.

Emily shook her head sadly. "I don't remember my other mother," she admitted. "I was too little. But I remember you came and took care of me after she left. Grandma says she died. But Grandma also says you were always supposed to be my mother."

"What do you mean by that, Emily?" Dana asked carefully, rubbing the girl's arm to encourage her.

"Get-icky or something?" Emily tried.

"Genetically?" Dana offered.

"Yeah," Emily replied, nodding. "Get-in-icky. They took me away from you when I was really small, then you got me back later."

"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't found you?" she asked, heart beginning to increase its pace in anticipation of a disturbing response.

"Sometimes," Emily admitted. "But Grandma says what's important is that someone loves me and takes care of me. And I have both you and Grandma, so I'm very lucky."

Dana nodded. "Would you feel the same way if I'd given you up on purpose? That they didn't take you away, but that I gave you away?"

Emily looked scared for a moment. "You didn't, though, did you? Grandma said you didn't even know I existed until you found me."

Dana smiled at her. "That's true, but I'm just wondering...what if? Do you ever wonder what if?"

Now Emily nodded, seeming to understand. "I guess...it's the same no matter what. As long as someone loves me and takes care of me, it doesn't matter who. Some little girls don't have anyone, so I should be glad for what I have. But I think I'd miss you if it were someone else."

"Even if you didn't remember me?" Dana prodded.

Emily touched a hand to her chest. "I think I've always remembered you here."

Dana couldn't stop the tears running down her cheeks, and wasn't able to reply verbally, so just gathered the girl into her arms again and held her tight.