Title: Struggling
Category: X-Files XRA
Author: Singing Violin (Pearl on Ephemeral/Gossamer)
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: The X-Files characters and universe are not mine.
Summary: What happens after the screen goes black in "My Struggle II"?
Archiving: Anywhere, just let me know.
Gradually, Dana grew stronger until she was able to walk around the house and help with light chores—which, at first, her mother objected to, but soon relented as she saw how much it meant to her daughter to be able to contribute to the family in whatever way she could. Dana Scully had never been happy letting others take care of her, even when she was unable to take care of herself. Even as a small child with a skinned knee, she'd been fascinated with the process of cleaning and dressing the wound—just one of many precursors to her eventual pursuit of medicine in a more formal capacity—and after observing her mother doing it once, had attempted the next time to do it herself, eliciting anger and dismay from her parents and older siblings, though she'd always wondered if her mother wasn't secretly proud of her daughter's independence and gumption.
Here, now, Dana at first attempted to ask questions about this new reality: what illness she'd had, how she'd gotten there, how Emily, Margaret, and William had ended up alive and well and with her there. Her questions, however, were easily deflected, with Margaret seeming more annoyed every time—though always, as ever, patient with her skeptical daughter—saying only that the Cancer Man had saved them all and brought them here, and that much of Dana's recent memories were merely an hallucination brought on by her illness. Eventually Dana gave up asking, and set off to find her own answers. Mulder had taught her well: trust no one—not even your own mother—and always keep looking for the Truth. At least, she'd like to believe she was carrying on his legacy, but that might mean admitting he was really gone, and she wasn't ready for that. Not again.
Plus, she was happy here. At least, she was happier than she remembered having been in a very long time. That is, a very long time as she'd experienced it; she was no longer sure of the meaning of time as she existed within it; Einstein's twin paradox held nothing to the conundrum she currently found herself within, and the evasive comments of those around her always found a way not to reveal too much. When she'd asked point-blank what the date was, she'd been told that it didn't matter. No time pieces or calendars were evident anywhere, so she couldn't check for herself.
As soon as she felt she was able, Dana offered to take Emily to the playground, with baby William in tow. As she loaded up the double stroller with water, snacks, and a diaper bag, Margaret offered to accompany them, but Dana insisted she'd be fine alone, that she needed some time to herself with her children, and understanding how much it would mean to her, Margaret reluctantly agreed, but did not attempt to hide the worry in her voice as she consented.
The brightness of the sun was momentarily blinding as Dana walked outside. She put a hand to her forehead to shade her eyes, and as they adjusted, the perfection of the suburban neighborhood was revealed. There wasn't a piece of trash on the ground, an angry neighbor, a noisy dog, or even a badly-parked car anywhere in sight.
Arcadia came to mind. She wondered whether there was a monster lurking here, too, something she would need to fight.
Without Mulder at her side this time.
She desperately hoped not.
"Mommy, why aren't we moving?" came a high-pitched voice, snapping her out of her reverie.
"Sorry, Emily," Dana said, beginning to push the stroller forward. "You'll tell me how to get there, right?"
"Just keep going, Mommy! It's just past the next block!" Emily told her exasperatedly.
Dana couldn't help smiling at the little girl's impatience. Her own childhood was full of similar moments she'd forgotten. A warmth spread within her chest, overwhelming her fears and misgivings.
This felt right. It was everything she'd ever wanted. A second chance at motherhood and family, without aliens or conspiracies or paranormal phenomena snatching everything away.
Almost everything.
What she really wanted was all of this, plus something—someone—that could never coexist with it. Mulder would never be able to tolerate such a plain existence. It was one of the things that eventually drew them apart; they wanted different things out of life, so it made sense for each to pursue their dreams separately. Thinking about their split still made Dana sad, though if this new reality were to be believed, it had all been a bad dream, borne of her own fears and grief, coupled with the mysterious illness that had waylaid her for an indeterminate amount of time.
"Right there, Mommy!" came the little voice once more, concomitant with a small hand poking out of the stroller, pointing ahead and to the right.
Dana pivoted and moved towards the gate, then entered. She parked the stroller next to several others under a large Elm tree, then unbuckled Emily. William was asleep, so she left him be, sat on a bench next to the line of strollers, and watched proudly as her daughter ran off to the structure and began to play.
"Look at me, Mommy!" Emily called as she swung from the monkey bars and climbed up a pole. Intermittently, Dana looked over at the slumbering baby, taking note of the way he sucked his tongue in his sleep.
Suddenly, she heard a scream, and rushed over to see what had happened.
Emily was on the ground, holding her knee and crying.
Dana squatted next to her and gently took hold of her daughter's leg, moving it ever-so-slightly to make sure nothing was broken. When she was satisfied that it was only a scrape, she picked up the girl in her arms, then carried her to the bench and sat her down. By now, Emily's tears had abated, and she watched with wide eyes as her mother retrieved a small first-aid kit from the diaper bag and began cleaning and dressing her wound.
Five minutes later, with a band-aid covering the abrasion, Emily insisted upon returning to play.
Dana sat once again and smiled, feeling for the first time that she was exactly where and when she was supposed to be.
Almost.